My face reveals my secrets; and while I don’t always love how utterly transparent I am, I am thankful for this forced vulnerability. You see, my tumultuous relationship with food is as evident as a label for those who know the truth. When I look back at pictures of myself, I know at first glance exactly where I was in my relationship with food at that given time. A puffy face with shame-filled eyes signify binge seasons of my life, whereas a fuller face and thin body label my episodes of compulsive exercise. More than anything though, the smile always gives everything away. It saddens me actually, to look back at most of my high school and college pictures and to see my half-smile. It’s a half-smile that no one knew was any different than it should have been, but in my heart, my then sad heart, it was my mask from the world that I battled within.
I no longer dwell in the darkness that I once knew because I now understand that I am, and always will be, in a relationship with food. In fact, we all are whether or not we realize it; and, as with any relationship, it takes daily effort to build an optimal relationship. Make positive choices…the seemingly temporary decisions that you make on a day-to-day basis effect your long-term relationship with food in very, very significant ways.