I struggled with a deep sense of malaise for years of my life.
I did everything I could to drive up my self-esteem, but I always came up short.
I got almost perfect grades, but I always felt “behind.” I had lots of friends and cute boyfriends, but I always felt like the odd-ball out.
I struggled with fear about not being able to “keep up” with life, or at least how to keep up the façade that I had it all together.
I was exhausted and going nowhere.
Over time I learned that those internal voices of self-doubt that were giving me such wobbly self-esteem were normal.
The struggle I felt with self-esteem and with my self-confidence wasn’t an indication that I was messed up beyond repair. Quite the contrary.
It meant I was normal.
What I didn’t know then that I know now is that I had the power to change everything about how I felt by changing how I thought.
When I learned how to think better thoughts I was able to start finding freedom from the stress that low self-esteem was causing me.
As I have learned how to think differently, my new way of thinking helps me find peace, confidence and joy in where I am.
If I can do this, you can too.
I am confident of it. I had been convinced that I would struggle with my self-esteem my whole life.
I was wrong.
And I am so glad I was.
You can learn how to do the same by learning how to turn down the volume of self-doubt while you simultaneously turn up the volume of self-belief.
To get a full coaching on how to do this, hop on over and check out episode #325 of The Confidence Podcast.
Now that I have been actively working as a confidence coach for almost a decade, I have dozens of tricks up my sleeve that help accelerate confidence and increase self-esteem.
For more on how to stop caring about what people think, be sure to read my blog post on it.
You’ll learn 3 ways to step into more happiness.
If you’re the type of person who loves quotes, then you’ll love my post that shares the best 30 quotes that will boost your self-esteem.
And if your self-esteem has struggled because of past failures or a broken sense of self-accomplishment, then you absolutely must check out my post how why failure can lead to more happiness and confidence than you think.
In an effort to give you a handful of tools to help you make immediate traction in your self-esteem growth, I have compiled a list of some of my most simple tips to boost self-esteem.
These tips are daily habits.
While you will feel better as soon as you start doing them, you will really reap the depth of the benefits as the habit becomes more and more ingrained in your life.
Self-Esteem Hack #1:
Ground yourself in gratitude.
There is a reason this tip come first.
It is because it is both the most simple in theory and also the quickest to implement to start. You can do this today.
Even if it’s 11:58PM as you read this post.
Gratitude is game-changing.
A life saturated in gratitude is a life that is lived with a confident expectation for what is to come.
And it’s nearly impossible to struggle with low self-esteem or self-worth if you are confident about what you are becoming or what is growing within your life.
In other words, the more grateful you are, the more optimistic you will be about the future, and the more confident you are about what is to come, the more confident and self-assured you will be about yourself.
You can activate a practice of gratitude by simply jotting down ten things that make you feel thankful each day, or by free journaling about what fills you with peace.
There’s no right or wrong way to do gratitude, just do it.
The most powerful shift you can make in your ability to see yourself, and the world, through a lens of confidence is by locking into a mindset of gratitude.
Gratitude is the gateway to seeing goodness all around. It is an intentional type of thinking that will free you from the mindsets of victimhood, scarcity, negativity, jealousy, comparison and cynicism.
There’s no right or wrong way to practice gratitude as long as you practice it every day, in some way.
Some people like to keep in depth gratitude journals and musings, some keep most short-format lists of thanks, some use gratitude apps, some use disposal post-it notes and some just talk out loud to God with their praise … it all works.
Self-Esteem Hack #2:
Win the day before your feet hit the ground.
Wins have a cumulative effect, and so, the sooner you can start winning in your day, the better your overall day will be (and the better you will feel about yourself).
People with powerful self-esteem are those who start their day with intentional thoughts because they even have their feet hit the ground from being in bed.
You can do the same by centering your thoughts when you first wake up. This can be done through gratitude, meditation, affirmations or prayer.
The method you pick is less important than the attitude you pick to start each day of your life with.
The more you do this, the easier it will become.
As Newton said, an object in motion will stay in motion, and so too will your good attitude, as well as your micro wins throughout the day.
And micro wins ultimately combine and turn into a macro win, which will inevitably leave you feeling pretty good.
No matter where you are on your journey – in your first micro win, your hundredth or experiencing some macro effects, you’ll always feel good because you’ll always be winning.
The easiest way to feel more confident is to start living your life with more “wins.”
The fastest way to increase the number of wins in your life is to make sure that you start the day by winning the day.
Win the day by winning before you feet even hit the ground.
Said more bluntly, get your mind right before you even get out of bed and stand up. In doing so, you will start the day with a win.
The more you win, the more you will continue to win.
Self-Esteem Hack #3:
Live in the 1990’s for the first 90 minutes of the day.
The best thing about the 21st century is that we have what we think the answer is to everything at our fingertips.
Coincidentally, the accessibility of all things in the world makes us feel overwhelmed.
It has become normal to feel consumed by comparison, distracted by infinity pools of scrolling and work that bleeds into all hours of our days.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
A healthy self-esteem grows more fruitfully when we live more like we are in the 1990’s than in the 2000-whatevers.
There is something beautiful that happens when you can start your day, for at least the first 90 minutes of it, without connecting to technology.
Self-Esteem Hack #4:
Throw compliments out like confetti.
What you put out into the world is what you will get back.
And throwing out compliments is the ultimate karma formula for someone who wants to give their self-esteem a fundamental boost.
The more you focus on building others up and on being generous with your compliments, the more you will also be flooding your internal landscape with positivity.
In general, the more we think positively about others, the more inclined we will be to think positively about ourselves, and that leads to quite a confidence win-win.
So go ahead, throw compliments out like confetti.
Build others up at every opportunity you get and become a light of encouragement in your world.
You will find that the ultimate gift in giving to others is that you benefit as well.
Self-Esteem Hack #5:
Cut toxic people out of your life.
We become most like the people we surround ourselves with in life.
So, if you want to be happy, positive, successful and growth-oriented, find people who are like that.
Take an assessment of the current people you choose to have in your life, and ask yourself if they challenge you to grow or if they hold you back or bring you down.
If there are toxic people in your life that are co-workers, neighbors or family members, you certainly can’t cut them out of your life completely, but you can set healthy boundaries around your relationships with them.
By remembering that we are not impervious to the influences of others around us, we can grow in self-esteem by ensuring we aren’t allowing people who are negative, critical, or filled with gossip (which causes anxiety and comparison, even if you are just listening) close to us.
The more life-giving, positive people you bring into your life, the more positively your inner-sense of self will grow.
If you aren’t sure where to find a positive community, then you can join an online group coaching community like The College of Confidence or something similar.
Self-Esteem Hack #6:
Guard your beachfront property.
We all want beachfront property, right?
Well, we have it.
Oh, you didn’t realize that you have an ocean view?
I’ve got good news for you … you do. The pristine, highly sought-after property I’m talking about is our focus.
Your mental beachfront property is whatever consumes and occupies the forefront of your mind.
You and only you are the the one who gets to decide what gets your focus, or your beachfront property.
Your focus has a high value. Too often we don’t treat it as such.
The good news is that when you start treating it with the value that it has, you will begin to take better care and intention with it.
Almost immediately, as you protect your thoughts and take back control of your mental property, you will realize that you have had this power all along.
The more you activate your mental power, the more you will see changes in your life happen in ways you never anticipated before.
And listen, it’s nearly impossible to not feel confident and filled with self-esteem when your mind is focused and saturated in positive successes.
Self-Esteem Hack #7:
Cultivate a character of consistency.
Sometimes people feel less confident than they actually are because they focus on the wrong things.
Instead of noticing what they are doing well, they will notice what they are not doing well.
In paying too much attention to mess ups, hiccups and missed goals, they create a self-assessment that they are an inconsistent person.
If someone sees themselves as inconsistent, they will doubt their own ability to follow through in general and start to lose a sense of self-trust.
Consistency doesn’t mean that what you do needs to be done perfectly.
Rather, it means that you will stay the course, no matter the distractions or hiccups that come.
For example, if someone wants to see themselves as a consistent exerciser, and has made a goal to workout four times per week, but only makes it three times in a way, they can still be consistent (and see themselves as consistent) as long as they pick right back up at four times per week the next week.
When you know that you have consistency at the core of your character your confidence is strengthened because you know that you have what it takes to keep going towards a goal, no matter what comes along the way.
Self-Esteem Hack #8:
Move your body to give yourself energy and natural confidence.
The more you move your body, the better you will feel.
If you’re feeling in the dumps, move your body. It will really make the world of a difference.
To your benefit, the more you move your body, the more you will appreciate your body.
With appreciation comes self-respect and gratitude, which ultimately will fuel your feeling of wellness within your skin.
Moving your body doesn’t necessarily mean that it has to be done through a workout.
Without a doubt, consistent exercise is an important part of a healthy life, but it doesn’t have to be a “workout” to be something that can be beneficially boosting to your mental wellness.
Exercise of all types – from something as low-intensity as a leisurely walk to something as high-intensity as Crossfit – can activate a release of happiness-inducing endorphins.
As the endorphins flood your body, the way you feel about yourself shifts and boosts your self-esteem for the day as a result.
Self-Esteem Hack #9:
Make friends with God.
Religion can leave you feeling empty.
But God didn’t create religion, man did.
God wants a relationship with us.
That’s why He sent His son, Jesus Christ, from heaven to earth, to suffer for and save us.
Christ is the bridge that makes us all sons and daughters of the Father in Heaven.
A perfect Father, God delights in His children and He wants a relationship with you. He wants to spend time with you. He loves you.
There is no other thing in this world that will give life to your self-esteem, your worth or your confidence than knowing that God is for you, not against you.
That He loves you, and He is pursuing you.
That He created you and He doesn’t make mistakes. So, go ahead, give yourself permission to explore your relationship with God – He is waiting for you and He will fill you with incomprehensible confidence.
Self-Esteem Hack #10:
Track your champagne moments.
Champagne moments, what I like to call the wins in life, are those things worthy of celebration. Tracking champagne moments builds our confidence and helps us see all of the micro-victories we are having along the way that we might not have otherwise previously seen.
For too many years too long I thought champagne was reserved only for big moments. I was wrong, and I missed out on a lot of life because of it.
The more we give ourselves permission to celebrate the small wins we have, the more wins we will have overall.
Wins have a compound effect.
They build upon one another.
So, the more we celebrate them, the more they will grow in number, and as a result, the more we ourselves will grow in confidence.
Self-Esteem Hack #11:
Be intentional and strategic about your personal growth.
Becoming a better, more confident person doesn’t happen by accident. It also doesn’t happen overnight.
Like getting fit or losing weight, it takes intention, prioritization, time and strategy.
If you really want to grow your inner self-esteem in a way that ultimately helps you step into your calling, your purpose and your ability to contribute in this world, then you have to take your personal growth seriously.
In the same way someone might plan out workouts, time to grocery shop or prep healthy food, someone determined to grow must also set aside time in their life for personal growth on a daily basis.
Prioritizing personal growth and life change means making time to listen to podcasts, creating space to journal daily, reading nonfiction books on growth, seeking out a coach and surrounding oneself with a community of likeminded people who are also committed to growth.
Self-Esteem Hack #12:
Do one thing every day that scares you.
The great Eleanor Roosevelt is responsible for this quote, and, when applied to one’s life, it is truly life changing for your confidence and self-esteem.
This is the ultimate principle of getting comfortable with getting uncomfortable.
By practicing it on a daily basis, it teaches you to see yourself through a lens of courage.
When you see that you are bold and brave, from the little things to the big things, you realize that you truly can do anything you set your mind to.
And we know that, when we believe in ourselves with that much confidence, we really do become unstoppable.
Talk about self-esteem boost, this is the ultimate one to start with.
It doesn’t matter how “big” or “small” the thing that you do that scares you is, it just matters that you do it and that you do something every day.
In doing so you also become more of an action-taker and someone comfortable with uncertainty and failure.
In the world of personal growth, this habit packs a punch.
Self-Esteem Hack #13:
Be the first person to say hello.
“Be generous with your hellos and your hugs.”
That was perhaps the best advice ever given to me.
Ever since I started using it, my social confidence has increased.
Essentially, the more frequently you can train yourself to be the first person to say hello, the higher your social sense of self-esteem and comfort will be.
In saying hello first you are remembering that we all need to feel connected, and that often, we are all waiting for someone to reach out with the olive branch that a hello is.
The reason this offers such a quick boost to our self-esteem is because it forces us out of thoughts that are merely self-focused.
It shifts our focus from self to others and widens our understanding of our small role in the giant tapestry of humanity.
There is power in remembering that we are wired for connection with others, and that authentic relationships – ones that are both deep and ones that are superficial – all start and grow with the power of hellos and hugs.
Self-Esteem Hack #14:
Remember, no one is thinking about you as much as you think they are.
This is a hard hit for the ego, but a great boost for one’s self-confidence.
And it’s true.
No one is thinking about you – judging you, criticizing you, or being impressed by you – nearly as much as you think they are.
In fact, mostly, people are thinking about themselves, and they are worried about what you are thinking about them.
It’s quite a crazy loop, and the only way out is to give yourself permission to stop worrying about what people think.
Stepping out of caring too much about what people think is simple in theory, but challenging to implement.
Don’t worry friend, I’ve got you covered.
I put together a podcast episode on this exactly topic with strategy you can put into practice right away. Click here to listen to the free podcast on how to stop caring about what people think about you.
Self-Esteem Hack #15:
Have a bedtime for yourself and be proud of your sleep hygiene.
Lack of sleep is one of the most toxic things to our health, and to our stress levels.
It is challenging to maintain a high level of happiness and positive self-esteem if you are mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted.
Moreover, sleep deprivation and exhaustion are triggers for negative self-care and self-sabotaging behavior that wreck havoc on self-confidence.
By simply getting to bed at a consistent and reasonable time you aren’t just giving yourself the gift of sleep, you are giving yourself an edge on healthier lifestyle habits, decisions and follow-through.
Good sleep hygiene gives you a natural edge on confidence.
Self-Esteem Hack #16:
Embrace your inner nerd.
Being all in on your inner nerd has two huge benefits.
The first is that it gives you permission to be yourself. Not the you that you think the world wants you to be.
You get to be the you that you really are.
You get to explore what you actually love, and nerd out on things that aren’t “cool,” and well, to put it simply, be free from caring about what other people think about you. (Click here to hear a full podcast episode on the topic and implement this freedom in your life even more.)
The second benefit of nerding out is that by celebrating your inner nerd you are celebrating “learning” as a core value in your life.
And, as long as learning is a priority, you will always see yourself engaged in the world around you.
The more you learn, the more growth and ability to be present you will experience, both of which are two elements that give the self-esteem a major boost.
Self-Esteem Hack #17:
Journal daily and make life an adventure.
Journaling isn’t just for 7-year-old little girls anymore.
The highest achievers in the world journal daily.
People who put pen to paper consistently also report a higher level of self-awareness and happiness.
You can do the math on this pretty quickly and realize that increased awareness and happiness create a river of confidence pretty hard to jam up.
There’s no right or wrong way to journal, the essential thing is to do it every day.
You can follow journaling prompts (of which I provide on a monthly basis to my members of The College of Confidence), you can keep lists, you can write out things you are grateful for or even just do a brain dump.
The key is consistency and to simply allow yourself free time to think, feel and analyze whatever words flow from you.
The above self-esteem tips can all be simplified down into the three primary elements that make up confidence, called The Confidence Formula. The Confidence Formula is slowing down, simplifying and strategizing.
Summing It Up:
Better self-esteem doesn’t happen accidentally. It is the result of intention and effort. And it is available to everyone – no matter your age, your past, your circumstances, or your challenges.
We step into a more confident version of ourselves when we decide to make inner growth and thought grow a priority.
Making confidence the focus on your intention is the first step towards transformation.
Once you decide that you are not stuck where you are, and that you are not bound to being shackled to the shadows of self-doubt in the way you used to be, then your journey to self-confidence will take off. Saying “no more” to self-doubt is the first step towards the sunshine of self-esteem.
Use the 17 self-esteem hacks shared here to guide you in the practical application of self-esteem growth. These hacks work. You may not see an immediate result, but, with repetition, and over time, the results will be undeniable.
The final, and perhaps most helpful hack for self-esteem is to learn how to master and implement The Confidence Formula in your life. Learn what The Confidence Formula is, how to use it, and how to apply it to start immediately increasing the amount of confidence you feel. Grab yourself seat in our free masterclass, How to Have More Confidence and start learning the power of The Confidence Formula in your life today.