The greatest enemy I encounter on a daily basis is myself. My mind is quick to self-critize and slow to self-forgive; this thought pattern was the fuel for my drive as an adolescent trying to climb the academic and athletic success ladder. But judgement, even self-judgement, is a dangerous weapon and not one to be played around with. In my story it is what carried my eating disorder, keeping it alive for ten years. You can’t fake a non-judgmental attitude, you have to eliminate the judgments completely.
I’m reading The Tools by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels right now and its insights into the human psyche have me up late and up early just to read more. Stutz and Michels have some powerful words about judgement:
[Being grateful] stops you from being judgmental about others. When we judge others, we kid ourselves that what we think privately has no effect on those around us. The truth is that judgments, especially repeated harsh judgement, send an energy into the world that alienates others. You can’t fake a non-judgmental attitude; you actually have to eliminate the judgments themselves.
I wish I had known this truth years ago for it would have saved me from incredible heartache and self-hatred. If you think that your judgment of yourself (or of others) is a private matter, you are wrong. Your mind and your body live and thrive off of the thoughts that you think, so your thoughts matter. Repeated hard judgment towards yourself compounds only into disaster and a dark hole. If there is something about you that you currently would like to change, there is a way: be curious. Be curious about yourself, about your patterns, about your passions and about how to stick to goals that will work together into making you the best version of you possible.