Podcast #720

WHY CERTAIN PEOPLE MAKE YOU FEEL LESS CONFIDENT

Why Certain People Make You Feel Less Confident | Description

You can feel confident, capable and completely like yourself… until that person walks into the room.

Suddenly you’re second-guessing what you say, comparing yourself, trying to impress them, overexplaining, shrinking, or wondering what they think of you.

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re talking about why certain people seem to have the power to make you feel less confident — and why the problem isn’t actually them.

You’ll learn:

• Why your confidence changes around certain personalities
• How we unconsciously put people on pedestals
• The connection between intimidation, comparison and approval
• Why someone else’s confidence can make you question your own
• How to stop mentally ranking yourself beneath other people
• What to do when you desperately want someone to like, approve of or respect you

You don’t need to become more impressive.

You need to stop deciding that they are.

Certain people don’t actually make you less confident. They activate a belief you already have about yourself.

The confidence shift happens because you unconsciously assign that person more value, authority, status, or credibility than you assign yourself.

The goal isn’t to convince yourself you’re better than them.

The goal is to stop believing you’re beneath them.

THE PERSON WHO CHANGES YOUR PERSONALITY

Open the teaching by making this incredibly relatable.
We all have people around whom we’re just… different.

You might be perfectly confident until:

• The really fit woman walks into the gym.
• You’re around someone significantly wealthier than you.
• You meet someone further ahead in your career.
• You’re around the mom who seems to have everything together.
• You’re with someone you desperately want to like you.
• You’re talking to someone you find extremely attractive.
• You’re around an authority figure.
• You walk into a room where everyone seems more educated, connected, stylish, successful, athletic, etc.

And suddenly you’re not just being anymore.
You’re watching yourself be.
That’s the first sign.

You’re thinking:
Was that stupid?
Am I talking too much?
Does she think I’m annoying?
Should I mention what I do?
I hope they know I’m successful too.
I wish I hadn’t worn this.
Why did I say that?

Teaching point:
The problem isn’t that you’ve suddenly become less interesting, attractive, successful or worthy.

Your attention has changed.

Normal state:
Me → experiencing the interaction.

Intimidated state:
Me → watching me → imagining them judging me.

You’re essentially trying to experience yourself through someone else’s eyes.
And that is exhausting.

Self-consciousness is what happens when you stop experiencing yourself and start monitoring yourself.

YOUR BRAIN IS CONSTANTLY RANKING PEOPLE

Humans naturally notice differences.
She’s prettier.
He’s richer.
She’s further ahead.
He’s funnier.
She’s more socially comfortable.
They have a bigger following.
Their kids seem more accomplished.
Their house is nicer.
They’re younger.
They’re more experienced.
Noticing differences isn’t the problem.

The problem is what happens next.
Your brain takes:
“She’s better than me at this.”
and quietly turns it into:
“She’s better than me.”

Huge distinction.
Someone can be:
more successful than you,
better at skiing than you,
wealthier than you,
more conventionally attractive,
more educated,
more socially connected,
and none of those facts establish a hierarchy of human value.

Great example:
Imagine walking into a room with an Olympic snowboarder.
You don’t have to lie to yourself and say:
I’m just as good at snowboarding.
You’re not.

They objectively possess a skill you don’t possess.
Confidence isn’t denying reality.

Confidence says:
“They’re better than me at this, and I don’t need that to mean they’re better than me.”
That’s a much stronger position than pretending everyone is equally good at everything.

THE PEDESTAL PROBLEM

We create invisible pedestals.
And nobody climbs onto them.
We put them there.

Sometimes without realizing it.
You might put someone on a pedestal because of:
beauty, money, confidence, fame, intelligence, social status, athleticism, success, charisma, authority, popularity, parenting, marriage, career, or simply because they seem to possess something you desperately want.
Then something fascinating happens.

The higher you place them, the smaller you experience yourself.
Picture it physically.
If I’m standing beside you, I look straight ahead.
If I’ve put you on a pedestal, I’m looking up at you.
And psychologically, I’ve positioned myself below you.
Now I’m no longer asking:
“Who is this person?”
I’m asking:
“How do I measure up to this person?”
That’s where confidence collapses.

You cannot feel equal to someone you’ve mentally positioned above you.

ASK: WHAT DOES THIS PERSON REPRESENT TO ME?

This is where the episode can get much deeper than just “stop comparing yourself.”
Sometimes the person isn’t actually the issue.
They’re a symbol.
Ask your listener to think about someone who intimidates them.
Then:
“What does this person represent to you?”

Maybe she represents:
The body you wish you had.
The marriage you want.
The business success you’re chasing.
The social ease you’ve always wanted.
The money you don’t have yet.
The confidence you wish came naturally.
The motherhood you think you should be doing better.
The career status you haven’t reached.
The lifestyle you secretly want.
And suddenly it makes sense why this particular person affects you.

New offer – $27 for 30-Days of Coaching with Me

If you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while, I want to challenge you to do something different.

Give me 30 days.

You’ve heard me coach you through your earbuds. You’ve had the aha moments. You’ve probably taken screenshots, written things down, maybe even thought, “Okay Trish, I really needed that today.”

But there’s a big difference between listening to coaching and actually being coached.
So I created a special offer just for you, my podcast listeners.

For just $27, you can spend your first 30 days inside the College of Confidence with me.
You’ll get my live weekly coaching workshops, the full COC training library, our private podcast—and now, every week, you’ll also get Part 2 of this podcast episode plus a workbook to help you actually apply what you just learned.

This isn’t about consuming more content. It’s about actually changing how you think, how you show up, and what you believe is possible for you.

So, give me 30 days.
Go to trishblackwell.com/COC and come let me actually coach you.
Your first month is just $27, and I cannot wait to see you inside.

www.trishblackwell.com/listener