DATING WITH CONFIDENCE

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Are you tired of overthinking every step of the dating process? Or do you ever wonder if you're truly putting your best self out there, or if you're holding yourself back? But what if the key to attracting the right person isn't about changing who you are or having the perfect profile, but really having confidence and being the most dynamic, authentic version of yourself. And look, if you're ready to make dating feel more fun, if you want to show up more confidently and not feel so stressed, avoidant or in just anxiety about the process, this is an episode for you or for a friend that you know is dating we're talking about today, dating with confidence. Dating doesn't have to be overwhelming or so filled with doubt. It can be exciting and empowering and confidence boosting when you approach it with the right mindset. In this episode, we are going to be breaking down the essentials of dating with confidence. You're listening to the confidence podcast, the go to coaching podcast, oozing with motivation and easy to implement steps that help you to be bold and confident in life. I'm your host. Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized confidence coach, Best Selling Author and founder of the College of confidence, I teach go getters in life, how to master their self talk, turn down the volume of self doubt and get more results in life so that you can be the difference maker and world changer. God created you to be you were made for more, and today's episode will help you tap into it. Let's go. Hey guys, it's Trish Blackwell, welcome to the confidence Podcast, episode 633 this is an episode many people over the years have requested. It's really just some insight on how do you date with confidence, whether you are in high school, in college, young adults, 20s, 30s. First serious relationship. Maybe you are overcoming a heartbreak, a divorce, a separation, and you're ready to start dating again. This is all advice to show up with confidence in a way that doesn't matter what age you're in, what season of life you're in, because here's what I want you to know, when you date with confidence, you will attract the right people. And when you date with confidence, the process of dating becomes a place that's full of abundance and opportunity, where you believe there's a lot of fish in the sea, it's very easy to go scarcity mindset and into lack and thinking there aren't enough people out there who are going to match with me, who like me, who are going to find me attractive, who who are going to find the right interests of me, who share the same faith as me. Y'all. We have 8 billion people in this world. There are more than enough amazing people for you to meet, but you cannot show up as a watered down version of yourself. And anytime that we get stuck in overthinking and overthinking loop, we do show up less than I want you to show up as your best, and I want you to be able to learn how to put yourself out there and embrace every opportunity. I want you to get clear on what you want in a partner and why it matters. I want you to own why you're a catch so you can show up authentically. And then we're gonna talk today about how is it that you can live an exciting life that naturally attracts the right people? If you've always find yourself attracting your own people, it's because you're not living the life that's gonna attract the people that you want to be matched with. And I'm also gonna help you stop overthinking. Stop warning if they're gonna think you're attractive enough, if they're gonna think you're cool enough, because, ah, the best news ever is that everyone has insecurities. And I don't mean that as a good thing. I just mean it as a we're all human, and the person you're gonna meet is not gonna be judging you as harshly or as critically as you have already judged yourself. The hardest part is already done, the fact that you are self critical, that we need to self correct that and be kind. So buckle up. We have a great episode ahead, and I am really excited to be sharing this. This was a listener. I told you, multiply listener requested episode in particular. I'm gonna share what someone wrote to me on Instagram. I'll keep them anonymous. They said this, I've been a listener for over the year, and your content has helped me and encouraged me and given me practical steps to take when I struggle with knowing what to do between where I am and the goals I have. There is a topic I would love to hear you do an episode on, though I definitely understand if it's outside of your wheelhouse, since you're a happily married lady with a family, but I'm in my 30s and still single, and while that doesn't bother me, I am aware that I lack any sort of confidence to be romantic or to flirt. I can talk all day long to guys but very meno a mano about sports and just friendly vibes. I don't know how to project. Interest across without overdoing it or not feeling like I'm being my authentic self, but I also feel like my authentic self has all the romantic

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appeal of

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a wet piece of paper, and while other people might be out there, and I know there are some other single, independent women who are my age who feel the same, that we lack whatever it is to be appealing. So dear listener, first off, guys, I love hearing feedback from you, so reach out to me on Instagram. Come and follow me. I always provide encouraging content there, so that will hold you between episodes here. I'm Trish underscore Blackwell on Instagram. And just a small note, if you're not yet following the show, whether you're listening on a Spotify, watching on Spotify, YouTube, Apple, any other podcast, please hit that follow button. That Follow button tells the algorithm that people like the show. What that does is, when somebody's looking for a new show, this is going to come top of mind. So thank you in advance for paying it forward to somebody else to help them find the show. Also, it encourages me. So if you want to keep me encouraged, keep the reviews coming, keep those follows, hit the Follow button so you don't miss an episode. I know that I may you may look at my feed, or you may know my life and you say you're a happily married lady with kids. I need you to know I didn't get married till I was 30. I felt like I was the worst at dating. I over thought a lot of that because I dealt with so many insecurities. I never believed I was pretty enough, cool enough, smart enough, whatever. Certainly did not believe I knew how to flirt well. And so I want you to know I get it. And so a lot of the work that I did on my own confidence, initially, truly was to help me start dating with more confidence. Prior to that, I would date for popularity. And then when the popular person or the there was a season my 20s, the pro athletes that I dated, they liked me. It made me feel good enough. But I was, I was aligning my worth based on what they thought of me. And so while you might say Trish doesn't sound like you were as awkward as you thought you were agreed, and yet in my brain, I still saw myself as like I can't believe they picked me right. And so really it goes back to your confidence is growing, and your ability to date with confidence really dials into what do you think about yourself, and do you like yourself? And then do you believe that you're a catch? Now, we're not going to be everyone's catch. You don't need every person to be the perfect partner for you, but and we don't. I don't believe in a perfect match. I believe in finding somebody to date with confidence and know who you're looking for and when I was dating, and a lot of I coach, a lot of people in my one on one, coaching practice on dating and having social confidence, and dating confidence, and keeping your standards high and your belief in yourself and your worth and what you bring to relationship high. But to do that, you have to know who you are. You have to know what you want, and you have to know that you matter. These are three of the core pillars of what I teach is confidence. And we go in those pillars in my group coaching program, the College of confidence. If you want to go deeper there, I would love to have you join our community. You can find out more at College of confidence.com however, fundamentally, to know who is the right people. Person to date, I believe that you want to date somebody who will challenge you, who will challenge you to be a better version of yourself. When two people who challenge one another in a positive way come together, we see an amazing couple happen. And so to challenge be challenged intellectually, to be challenged, physically, to be challenged, spiritually and to be challenged emotionally. I believe that creates a really beautiful symbiotic relationship. But all relationships take work. Can we just say that for Hey, if you're in a relationship, this is clearly an episode for dating, but all relationships are actively dating. I am 11 years married, and I'm actively dating my husband. I'm making intention, because I'm committed to having a love that lasts a lifetime, and I'm committed to knowing that this is my relationship with my husband is a top priority in my life. But it's not going to just stay amazing because we love each other, it's going to be love is an act. Love is a choice. Love is a daily choice. And so even those of you who are in relationship, and maybe you're 20 years in to please hear me as you listen to today's episode about through the perspective and the lens of keeping a relationship, a committed, long term relationship, alive and full of vibrancy and life, and that is from dating within the relationship, making time. We are very busy. We have very busy lives and get it. But this is your person. This is the person you've said. This person means more to me, like this is who I want to live my life with. I want to do life with. I want to be. In partnership with, I am teammates with, and that means we prioritize, we date. But let's talk about the basics of dating and fun story. You may not know this. The only reason that I met my husband is because I put myself out there. So I'm going to teach you five things today, five core concepts, and the first one is to put yourself out there. If you put yourself out there, you will come off more confident now you go, but that's not my personality. You have to you have to take action. You have to put yourself in rooms. You have to ask for what you want in life. And if you don't know this little fun fact, the only reason I met my husband is because I asked for blind dates. I was working at a gym at the time, and I was dating all the wrong people, great people, but the wrong people for me. And I finally started saying to everyone, hey, I'm on the market, which felt so embarrassing to say, right? I felt desperate, but I also was desperate for a better future and to meet a person who was more aligned in those ways, spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, that would challenge me, that I enjoyed the same things as that, and that that would push me to want to get more out of life and be a better version of myself. And I just wasn't meeting that person. And so I said, well, listen, I'm surrounded by people. I had lots of clients, I had lots of friends, and I just started saying, Hey, I'm single, but I'm ready to mingle like I'm looking for someone who does and I listed out a little bit of what I was looking for in a partner, which was sometimes very superficial. I want someone athletic, tall, smart, likes to read books and has a good job. That was kind of what I said, and loves God. Do you know anyone? Do you know anyone that loves God or values his faith? Likes to read is also athletic, preferably over six foot, right? That I just started telling people, and I got past the little bit of the embarrassment where people are saying, Are you are you just asking for blind dates? And the answer was yes, and I didn't have time to go on blind dates. I didn't want to go meet with people that I didn't know. And let's be honest, it wasn't really a blind date, because that time was 13 years ago. We could still friends one another on Facebook and see what each other looked like before, but still, technically, it was a blind date. And the only reason I met my husband is because his sister worked for me at the time. And I was like, Hey, do you know what he meet buddy that meets this criteria. And she was like, I mean, my brother, I mean, but he's, like, super nerdy. And I was like, sounds amazing. Like, set us up. I asked for what I wanted, and Brandon and I's first date was, like, seven hours long. We couldn't stop talking. I would not have met him any other way. So you have to put yourself out there. Taking Initiative is a form of self love, and it shows that you're ready to receive love. Now. How do you do it? You can do what I did. You can get more active and more intentional on dating apps, and specifically being strategic about your dating apps. I help clients on this, on how do we create a strategy that's positive for you based on your personality, your time, what you want, but

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approach every interaction that you have with curiosity, rather than fear of rejection. You see, I think, where we we compromise, and we show up in authentic and dating and as awkward is that we're immediately worried that they're going to reject us, whether we're not skinny enough, we're not tall enough, we're not trendy enough, we're not interesting enough we don't look what they thought. We have too many wrinkles. Whatever your brain lies are, whatever that negative Chatter is, I'm here to tell you that is holding you back from being confident and radiant, if you show up confident as you put yourself out there, whether it's at group meetups, whether it's on the apps, whether it's through blind dates, whether it's at your church, you know, singles gathering give yourself permission to be yourself. And you also have to remember that as you put yourself out there, you will be rejected. But rejection is just redirection to something better suited for you. Rejection is often protection. So put yourself out there is number one. Number two, you have to know what you want. Clarity attracts the right kind of relationship and avoids wasting time on mismatches. I wasted a lot of time by compromising and telling myself that it didn't matter if a person I was dating didn't have one of those qualities, like I dated a lot of people that their faith in aligned with mine. And for me, sharing faith was a top priority. I want to go to I wanted to have a husband who would go to church with me, who would raise our family with the same values and the relationship with God that I have. And I compromised, and as a result, I was mismatched in many ways, and I it's to have to when you know what you want, and you know that it's there's someone out there who will match your values. I think we get we give up and we settle because we think there's no one going to be out there, or I've tried it all, or I've met everyone, and we believe the scarcity There are 8 billion people keep meeting more. People. So I want you to create a list of non negotiables, which are values, lifestyle, goals, interests and when you think about your past relationships, I want you to think about what worked and what didn't our past relationships give us insight to what we want for our future relationships, and be honest about your expectations, but once you journal your ideal partner and the qualities that that person has, you can then ask yourself, What qualities do I have and that I bring to a relationship? Which leads us to number three, you have to know why you're a catch. I want you to own why you're a catch. Because when you know that someone is as lucky to be with you as you are to be with them. When it's a great match, you're not going to get caught up in a people pleasing. I hope you liked me. I can continue to earn my love in this relationship. You are the catch because you're a person who's in who is committed to growth, and when you have confidence in your value, it sets the tone for how others treat you. And so how do you get to a place to believe this? Well, a lot of the coaching that you do here on the confidence podcast will help you. Going deeper in the College of confidence will help you as well. And just a little sidebar, we had a couple questions recently about the College of confidence, of people who say, like, I really want to join, but I'm afraid I have to be on camera. I just want to let you know we have so many ways to participate anonymously in the College of confidence that it is absolutely you can show up. You can get coached live by me on video, or you can remain camera off, completely anonymous and submit your questions anonymously as well. You can still get as much out of the program because of the way we designed it, but what you can do to believe that you're a catch is to start listing out your unique strengths, talents, qualities that make you great at what you do, speak, practice speaking about yourself positively. I need you to really be mindful to not do self deprecating humor, not to make fun of yourself, or downgrade or denigrate yourself in any way you are so much more wonderful than I think you think you are, yet we compare ourselves to these things on social media, and then we go into this comparison, and you enter into the dating mindset of like, well, I'm not like her. I want you to be unapologetically yourself. Because when you are when think about the people you know in your life who are unapologetically themselves, who are just totally them, it is attractive. Did you know that authenticity is attractive and confidence? Being confident is one of the most attractive things you can be. You do not need to look perfect. You do not need to have perfect style. You do not need to be the perfect weight. Have the perfect shape, have there is no such thing. It's an invisible finish line that we're all chasing, and nobody actually wants people want true connection. The right person that you are going to date is going to connect with you for who you are, not for what you look like, though, what you look like the icing on the cake. The fourth thing is, in order to meet someone who's gonna have an exciting life with you, you need to be excited about your own life. I think we sabotage dating, or we don't date with confidence, because we think we're boring, or we're waiting for somebody else to bring exciting things into our life. I gotta tell you, when you live a fulfilling life, it will it will attract fulfilling relationships. The right people will be drawn to you. So one of the best things you can do for your dating life and for your confidence is to spend and invest your time in hobbies, in friendship, in personal growth, in going after the life you want, in traveling and doing your art, in being interested in what you're interested in, because you will often meet the perfect person, the group of friends, the perfect relationship when you're doing things that you're interested in, because when people share in life together, there's deep, intimate connection. So don't put your life on hold when you're dating. Be the person you'd want to date. Be fun, be independent, be interested in other people. Pursue your own dreams, and in the pursuit of your dreams, I really believe you'll find the person of your dreams along the way. And then the final thing I have for you So so far we have you've got to put yourself out there. You've got to know what you want. You got to own that you're a catch. You got to live your own exciting life. But let's get to the nitty gritty about the conversations, initiating conversation, whether in person or virtually, but also going in and showing up for a date, whether it's a coffee date, a walking date, a run date, a dinner date, look, don't overthink it. Know that it's okay to feel nervous. You feel nervous when we feel a thought and emotion. We just have to change what it's actually saying. Rather, it's I'm nervous. I want you to say I am excited to learn about this new person. Let's take the pressure off. It doesn't have to be a perfect date. Every person you meet is a. Opportunity to make a new connection with somebody, to walk away. I don't want you to go into a date or conversation as I hope this is the one. Go in and go. I can't wait to get to know a new person, because even if it's not the one, it might connect you to the one, or it might give you insight on what you don't want or what you do want in a relationship but wasn't the perfect fit in that one. And so every person has purpose. As you lead and meet new people, you will know more about what you want, who you are, and it will lead you if you do not give up to the right person, because when you start overthinking it, you start worrying about, what are they going to think about your weight? What are they going to think about your personality? What are they going to think about the place you picked for the day? All that overthinking creates nervous energy. Nervous energy will come off as insecurity. So overthinking is going to magnify your nerves and insecurities. And the bottom of the line, everyone is nervous because it's not easy.

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So stop assuming that

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you have to be perfect or look perfect, and instead, I want you to focus on connection, instead of being impressive. And the way we connect is through curiosity. Ask questions, be interested. When you have an interesting life, they'll ask the questions. If someone's not engaging with you, then they're not interested and you fundamentally, I think one of the biggest things to look for when you're dating is, can you have good conversation? Because communication is the key to relationships community. Good communication is the key to a healthy marriage. And so you want to look for somebody who can communicate well, and yeah, there are going to be some awkward moments. That's normal. And I think it's really important to remember that anyone you're dating is most likely just as nervous as you are, and they're also just the overthinking of I hope that they don't I hope they think I look fit enough. I hope that they think I'm interesting enough. Can we just acknowledge we all hope that we are seen, heard and understood? So if you just go into it with the intention that I'm just gonna connect with a person, I can't wait to meet a new person. When you do that and you just show up as yourself, my only job today is to be me. Today I'm gonna be me. I'm going on a date, and I'm gonna enjoy a new person and get to know their story. And that's it. There's no pressure beyond that. So that is where I wanted to leave you. But I have a couple recommended podcasts that are going to be really, really helpful to go deeper. They are old, throwback. So Episode 403 so that's like, I don't know is that, like four years ago, Episode 403 which, by the way, you you can access that. Trish blackwell.com, forward slash 403 how to be confident in your relationships. That's a very, very good episode. So how to be confident in your relationships? Then we have Episode 480 having relationships with confidence. So this is taking it beyond dating, having relationships with confidence. Then Episode 533, it's called relationship anxiety. How to reduce it. And then I have a couple more recent episodes that are relationship related. Because if you're dating and you want to date with confidence, I want you to have confidence in you being a catch. So Episode 625, how to really love yourself and your life. This will help you really understand that, like walking into any situation where you're meeting new people, that you're a great new person to meet. You have an interesting life. You have the opportunity to love your life. You love yourself, and you're just looking for more people to connect with. And then episode 628, how to know if you're good enough. This will help you with any insecurities that you're feeling as well. So I just wanted you guys to know I am here for you. I am cheering you on. We have some great episodes coming up in the pipelines. In the meantime, please come hang out with me in the College of confidence. You can find out more at Trish Blackwell dot, well, no, not Trish blackwell.com College of confidence.com. Of course you can go check out my website, Trish blackwell.com we're going to close out with just a little bit of a teaser. We had a question that I am covering in the College of confidence this month. In the COC, we are doing habit mastery, because your success in life, you are a reflection of your habits. If you have big goals this year, your goals will come from your tiny habits. And I do not want you to miss out on any of this we are going to talk about. This is a question about, what tips do I have about removing toxic habits, Doom, scrolling, procrastination, binge eating that get in the way of habits that you attended for yourself. So we actually just did a whole workshop on habits that help versus habits that hinder, and how to replace the habits that hinder you, whether it's scrolling, procrastination, eating, drinking, a distraction, delay, by substituting and habit swapping a better habit from a simple way. So that's a. Available immediately that workshop that replay and answer to that question. And if you want to work on habits, you know where to go, come join us in the COC. So our power phrase pyramid, which is our end of the episode, tradition that we have, are three power phrases or affirmations. You can think of power phrases like an affirmation with some caffeine, right? So affirmations with a boost. And it is this, I love meeting new people. Dating is just connection. Our second medium thought is, I am a catch, and I have a lot to offer in relationships. And our third, our top thought is, I am in the process, or you can say this is the process. I am in the process of meeting the love of my life. I am on my way. Hey, you guys are we are on our way. We are doing better than we think we are. Go out there. Have an amazing, beautiful, blessed day. Go be kind, do something good in the world to help others today, be more and be yourself. I'm so proud of you being proactive about investing in how you think and investing in your confidence, it will have a return on your investment. Go out there today. Go be more of who God created you to be. Be you. Be free. Thanks for listening to the confidence podcast and allowing me to be your coach today in your life. If you love the show, please let us know by leaving a review in iTunes. Are you encouraged by what you learned? Share this episode with a friend and let us know that the show is changing your life by saying hi to us on social media and Instagram, Trish underscore, Blackwell or on Facebook. Trish, Blackwell coaching. Ready to take what I teach and really take it to the next level. Join us today in the College of confidence. It's a group coaching program that you can join, risk free and cancel anytime. In the COC, you'll scale your confidence, your courage and the changes you make in your life. It's the coaching, support and community you've been looking for. Go to www.collegeofconfidence.com

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to get started, if you love the podcast,

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you will love the College of confidence even more and see even more transformation in your life. Come and see you for yourself.

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I'm cheering you on, friend. See you soon. You

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