Podcast #603


You asked, we answered! This episode of The Confidence Podcast is a special listener-submitted podcast. You’ll hear the following questions answered (and more):

  • What do you do when people don’t like your growth or success?
  • How to not let others make you feel bad?
  • How to handle situations where you feel left out? 
  • How to stay motivated when you don’t see results? 
  • What if I’m not good enough to make it at the next level?
  • Why do I feel so much anxiety and insecurity when auditioning for something?


The 3|3|3 Method


Straighten Your Crown


Speaker 1 0:00

If you love a good q&a session, this episode of confidence podcast is for you. What we did is we went to Instagram, we asked, what is on your hearts? What is the dying question about confidence that you always wish you could just ask me just get my quick answer a very specific these are not just like generalized coaching concepts. These are real questions about your real life. And I answered them in depth today. I can't wait for you to dive into today's episode. Because I've guarantee if you've, if you don't have the question on your heart, you've probably thought the question before. So let's buckle up, we're gonna dive into a really unique listener q&a session. Here on the confidence podcast. You're listening to the confidence podcast, the go to coaching podcast, oozing with motivation, and easy to implement steps that help you to be bold, and confident in life. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized competence coach, best selling author, and founder of the College of confidence. I teach go getters in life, how to master their self talk, turn down the volume of self doubt, and get more results in life. So that you can be the difference maker and world changer. God created you to be you were made for more. Today's episode will help you tap into it. Let's go. Guys, I'm super stoked to dive in. If you're new to the confidence podcast, I just want to welcome you we are so happy you're here you picked a good episode. And if you are an OG and a loyal listener, thank you for making me part of your week. Thank you for sharing the show with friends. Thank you for your reviews. And thank you for submitting questions. So I know how to better serve you. So before we dive in one super, super, super duper quick announcement, I want to remind you, if you haven't yet looked at the confidence fix. It's a one time offer that I'm making. It's open until June 15. If you know you want to create massive change in your life and you want coaching, and you want lifetime access to the College of confidence, this is a really unique offer I've packaged up, go check it out at the outlets, Trish blackwell.com forward slash the fix, I'll put that in the show notes. That is an offer only available through June 15. You get lifetime access to my coaching, and then one full year of one on one guidance and support from me All for one price. So check that out. It expires June 15. If you are looking for a true turnaround in your life, this is a great place to start. Alright, let's dive into our questions. Okay, so this first question is about how to deal with people who don't like your growth or don't like your success? Or who tease you or who make you feel bad as you uplevel your life? Let's listen to the question. How

Speaker 2 2:56

should we deal with people who feel uncomfortable seeing you grow? They make comments like, I'd rather drink another beer, eat a cookie and buy a bigger size when you are not pushing your goals on them. But for some reason, just your presence and evidence of your growth puts them in an uncomfortable spot.

Speaker 1 3:14

Okay, and so that question was from Jennifer and girl I want to tell you are in good company. So listen, when we elevate ourselves, others who are drifting will make comments they will we can perceive it as them trying to sabotage us them not supporting us them not understanding us then pulling us back down and it is true the some of that is happening but it's their own insecurities. Where they'll offhandedly say, doesn't matter that much to me. And when you're getting that kind of pushback, I want you to pat yourself on the back, you're doing the thing, you are creating change in your life to an extent that people notice. So I know it's hard to hear I got made fun of so much when I was creating change in my life. My friends tease me, people come into me. They said I was being too too disciplined, I could chill out. And here's what I want you to tell yourself, I want you to do what I told myself. I I was made for more. I will not apologize to people who are not thinking bigger. I will love them. I will hang with them if I have friends that don't support me or who are trying to pull me down or who are watering down and and shrugging off like it's not a big deal. But I'm learning something about the type of people I want to hang out with. It's time to I have and it's hard because it's sometimes these are people who we love tremendously. So it's not that they don't need to be in your life but maybe there is an outgrowing of them or there's a shift in the relationship that happens. And so with what if somebody is uncomfortable with me growing, I've outgrown them. And I would say the same for you. So I think this is a new measurement from through which you can say I only hang out with people who are comfortable with The Real Me and the real me is the version of me that craves growth that's going bigger that's doing more that wants more from like that, that says, hey, I'm not settling anymore. I'm not drifting anymore. I want to be the absolute best. I want to create an absolutely epic life. I've had so many people say like, why do you want to do so much? My question back is Why do you not want to, and so, but really, it's only a mind game, this is you versus you, you making a decision to say, It's okay that they don't understand me. It's okay that they don't get me now. It feels lonely. This is a season of transition. And it can feel very isolating. But I want to assure you, with a 1000s of listeners, we have 10s of 1000s of listeners we have across the world, you're in good company, you're not the only one feeling not. So we just have to find the right people. This is why actually one of the reasons I created the College of confidence because I firsthand know how isolating and discouraging it can be to be one of the few people that you know who's very, very proactively and intentionally living your life. But I hope the takeaway here is, this is a great sign, this is a sign that you've done so much internal change that it's showing on the outside, when someone comments on your discipline or your consistency, I need you on the inside to be like doing a dance. That is the mark of you showing up when it's hard. And so if they're uncomfortable, that's their problem. You are uncomfortable with settling in like you were uncomfortable not doing the changes you want it. And so you have to go, I am going to live in a way that I am creating the life of my dreams. It's okay if other people are uncomfortable with it, because it has nothing to do with me. And more a stirring in their own minds of what they're not doing. And so for the for the people who are ready you being the level of discipline that you are and growing, you have no idea by your consistency and your example and your commitment to your vision, who you will be inspiring, because let them be uncomfortable at first and they're still watching. And if you keep going, they're going to be people go hmm, if she can do it, I can do it. Maybe Maybe she wasn't just on like, you know, a 90 day kick, oh, this is sticking. Because when you stick to it, the right people will stick with you, the other ones will fall off, and then they'll settle. But they're not your responsibility. You and You alone are your responsibility. So I hope that helps. And your success can't make anyone else feel bad. That is all in their mind and their thoughts. You are responsible for the level of success and joy and happiness you have in your life. So go all in, go all out and be unapologetic about your pursuit of growth. For me, I had to learn to do that that was really a multi year process to go. It's okay that people don't get me. I'm not going to apologize for my growth. I'm not going to apologize for my commitment to success and excellence and it might my enthusiasm and my my discipline and my desire to be an optimistic and relentlessly positive person. I never, once I gave myself permission to go there are going to be people who don't get that and I release them. It was so liberating. So I hope that that helps you. Alrighty guys, the next question is from Jude. Let's go ahead and dive into the audio.

Speaker 3 8:30

I love your podcast, it's changed me a lot for the better. As someone who has been living with impostor syndrome, and low self esteem, from growing up with a narcissistic mother, and enabling father, your podcast has helped me grow in confidence. A topic I'd love would be about how to handle situations where you feel left out, for example, when visiting your husband's tight knit family, or hanging out either group of siblings, and you're the odd one out, how do you fit in? Thank

Speaker 1 9:05

you. Dude, I love this question. And I love that the podcast has been a healing restorative resource for you and in understanding your family dynamics. And you know, when we do that work on our childhood and our upbringing, I want to encourage you guys, one, go deep into with working with a therapist to understanding that process that background, what you want to take from your upbringing and your childhood and what you want to leave. Not everything that got passed down to us needs to be kept or inherited. So we can disinherit some things. But we can also look at the way we were raised and ask ourselves Where did I see love? And where does was my was my parents unable to love me or not capable or didn't have the capacity at that time? So that we can walk in a place of acceptance and you sound like you've done that work? But so I'm going to speak to the question about a person living with them. Oster syndrome. And then let's, let's acknowledge that that is part of a narrative that you learned growing up. And so we're gonna still be on what? rewiring that right up, that's a weed in your garden of your mind. And we've got some deep roots, the deep roots are from the experiences of your life. And so when you don't feel like you fit in, or you have the message of not being good enough, which is often what is conveyed through what we experience, when we are struggling with impostor syndrome, thoughts, that, of course, is going to express itself socially when you're around a really healthy, tight knit, upbeat, fun family, which is what it sounds like your in laws are. And so or if you're with a group of siblings, and you feel like you're maybe the third wheel or your group of friends, and you're the fifth wheel, and are the odd man out, here's what I want you to say to yourself, I belong, they invited me, I am included here. And one of the things I would have you do, and anyone else who is struggling with feeling like the odd man out or feeling like you're part of a group, you still don't quite fit in, I want to encourage you that I actually think most people don't feel like they totally fit in. This is a like a human experience that not a lot of us talk about. But in my decades of coaching the message and the the fear is coming up over and over. And this is even with very socially adept, very socially successful incompetent people. And so it is up to us to give ourselves the message that you want to carry. This is where parenting your brain comes in. This is where we get to be the parent to our own brain, and be the parent that you didn't have maybe, to say, Hey, babe, you belong here. Hey, babe, you're great at making friends. One of the things I tell my children is they get on the school bus or they go to, especially when they're going into a context that's new, a new sports team, a new friend, group, a party where they only know one person, I say, you're great at making friends. You're so kind, you're so fun, you're such a great listener, you're so engaging, you're gonna be fine, you're gonna meet so many great people. And even if you don't meet your best friend, just enjoy connecting people. I'm sure there'll be some funny people, I'm sure some interesting stories will come of this. And those are the objectives I give to my kids. And they come back and we're able to talk about it. So it's not every social situation isn't about fitting it. But really walking with the self concept and the identity of believing you have value. Believing that you are contributor and you add value in every circle you go to that doesn't mean you're on your center, center stage and entertaining, you can add value by being a listener by being the person who's laughing, but you being the person who's inquisitive, or asking questions, or is just another person there, there is still value to that. So going into social situations where you feel like you don't fit in, that is 100% a narrative and a fear that your body, your mind is that we are allowing the mind to perpetuate. And so when we are doing thought management, we want to take that thought and say this thought doesn't belong here. And so if you're going to be parenting your brain, every time you think I don't belong, or I'm not good enough, or I don't fit in here, or they're so close, I'm on the outside, I need you to call yourself out and go We don't say that. In the same way I would parent my kids. And if they came and started saying some nasty things at home, I go, I'm sorry. We don't say that here. I knew that my husband grew up in a household where he had his mouth washed out with soap, right? Like, that was what was done like that. You don't have to get to that level of but like we want to take that parenting of your brain to say, we just don't talk like that here. Of course you fit it, of course you belong. Now, maybe they have known each other longer, we have to give context to deep intimate relationships come as a result of shared experiences. So when you say and you see a group other siblings or or friends and and you go gosh, like I wish I was I wish they liked me as much as they like each other. Honestly, it's just time sometimes it's time sometimes it's a shared experience and and that just takes time. And so rather than fear, like you're on the outside or tell yourself you are on the inside, tell yourself you belong tell practice knowing that you wherever you go, you belong. Okay, our next question is submitted from our listener. Rachel, let's take a listen to the audio clip.

Speaker 4 14:25

How do you stay motivated when you don't have any physical evidence yet that your work is paying off? Rachel?

Speaker 1 14:32

Great question. And I am excited to dive in my question for you guys. Are you enjoying these q&a? S? Do you want to have more of them? Do you like the AI voices that I'm using to take the questions and make them come alive a little bit more? I just do want to let you know these are real listeners submitted questions. These are real questions. And I if you like this type of format, we will continue to add these in as we go. So to answer your question, Rachel do you stay motivated because you choose to be motivated. This is something we coach on so often in the college competence of how do you stay motivated. When you don't get the result when the result seems delayed when it feels like the resistance is extra hard. You stay motivated by training your belief every day, by setting your mind on what you choose to believe as possible. This is why I really, really emphasize the art and the skill of journaling. Journaling is your opportunity to daily sit down, and sedate and say to yourself today, I will believe this today, I am taking a tiny step forward towards this bigger goal. Today is one day closer to the success that I am creating. So it could be business success, it could be weight loss success, it could be dating success, we have to know that every time I move forward, every effort I make matters. That's where I think for me, the breakthrough of staying motivated is to know this, I don't have to feel motivated to be motivated. I just have to decide to act in a motivated way I have to take action. So I don't want to wait for my feeling I decide that I'm a motivated person, and therefore I take action. So to stay motivated, when you don't have the evidence you become a massive action taker, but also someone who is massively intentional with their thinking. And to believe that your efforts have a compound effect that little by little big things get done. You see, we often lose our motivation, which is normal. There's a there's a belief dip, a motivation dip, but then most people stop. And so you might have been right on the brink of the physical evidence of the result of the client who says yes, of the skill moving of the next date after 25 Awful dates. You have to believe that your effort matters. And so one of my favorite affirmations is that my efforts have a compound effect, there is no such thing as a wasted effort. Today, I'm moving the needle forward. My work always pays off. My work always pays off. And I know I will get where I want to go because I do not quit I've got no quit say that over yourself. And so you can say it's cool. If I don't feel motivated, I don't need to stay motivated, I will keep motivated, I will keep showing up because I don't quit. I've got no quit in me. Because when you adopt that determination, when you clothe yourself in the determination, when you decide each day that I don't need to see the results to believe in the results, I will keep going until I get the results, you will get the breakthrough period. This is why I love athletics as it's also a hell of a business it grows your faith grows your belief. But I cannot tell you how many hours of workouts in and practices that we did towards a goal. That was like nine months away. And you had to believe that that two hour practice with your head underwater killing yourself, like your heart rate super high your lactic acid pumping through your veins, that that pain was gonna get you a result nine months from then at that championship meet for that 32nd race. And so I think the same thing you have to know, and truly remind yourself, it's your job to remind yourself that the effort that you were making will pay off. That could be your mantra, the effort I'm making will pay off for as long as I don't stop. And the final thing I would say Rachel and anyone else who resonates with her question is that we stay motivated by tracking our wins. This is why the 333 method is so critical. If you don't yet know how to do the 333 method, go to Trish blackwell.com Ford slash 333 method. It's a free download free video training, I'll make sure the link is in the show notes here for you. But to really start becoming somebody who tracks your wins. And what that's going to do is going to train your brain on what is going well versus unseeing, what is not because chances are there are a lot of results that you are getting. But you're just not seeing them because they're not big enough or they're not what you want. And sometimes when we focus too far ahead, we miss what's in front of us that is progress. So we have to celebrate every micro milestone. Or let's dive into a question from Laura.

Speaker 2 19:12

I know that I have real reasons to believe that I'm capable of achieving my dream and that I play good enough. I'm on my way to be an orchestra musician. But even though I still have self doubts and insecurities when an audition approaches or an orchestra rehearsals, why is that? And what can I do to finally believe it and have this confidence? How can I see my strengths just as the others see them in me?

Speaker 1 19:38

Okay, Laura, I love this question. I love it for so many reasons. One, we can see the strengths that others see in us by writing them down. It's our job to remind ourselves of who we are. We are all I mean as a human I especially my love language is affirmation. I'm wired to crave feedback affirmation from Some others did remind me of who I am. But it's not their responsibility. What I've realized, in my path of growth, and in my own emotional maturity, is that it's my job to remind myself of who I am. Now I do that in many ways I do it through journaling, I do it by spending time in God's word and seeing who God says that I am. I do it by affirmations and proclaiming to myself and reminding myself of who I am. But one of the core things I did when I started this growth journey about 12 years ago, was to really list out who other people said I am with the mentors and to my friends in my life, and the leaders in my life saw in me, I wrote down what they saw in me, just to have a full list of it. Now, you're probably thinking, yeah, yeah, no, I mean, like, I know, more or less what they say, take 10 minutes and write down every compliment people have ever given you write down what others have seen in you. And then visit that list, put it up, remind yourself, this is who I am. These are the strings that I have, start taking ownership of those strengths, and you will feel like you're walking in them even more. Now to pivot to the other part of the question, Why does it feel even more intensified when it feels important, when there's a interview when there's an audition when it matters, honestly, that's why confidence counts when you train your confidence. So you're in the right place. We're training our mindset, when you teach yourself and your mind how to do one thing that is how you will show up all the time, there's an issue of self trust, it's trusting that the time you've spent into hours of practice of whatever instrument you play, that your that your fingers that your that your body knows what to do, your brain knows the music, your brain knows your body knows how to respond, you have created a relationship with that instrument. If you're an athlete, pivot that to with your sport with your body that you have, you have done the 1000s of repetitions so that it's automatic. Right when you first learned to drive a car, it's like scary, you're like oh my gosh, like everything you're thinking there's a million things I need to I need my blinker I need my my great my brakes, my I learned how to drive a stick shift, which is a little bit unusual here in the US, there was so much to think about. I don't think about my driving now. I mean, I'm aware of the road, I'm mindful. But I don't think about the movements because they've been repeated so many 1000s of times, it's automatic, you have to trust when you are committed to anything of excellence, whether it's playing an instrument, performing, acting, competing, speaking in public on stage, you trust that the time you've put in behind the scenes when no one sees that's the payoff, you're you've already done the work, the reward is happening. And so we practice that you tell yourself, hey, I have nothing to prove here. The work is already done. And I would encourage you and anyone in this situation to say I trust you to yourself, you're saying that I've got this, I trust you. There is no pressure here. Because the minute you start putting pressure on yourself, we create anxiety, when we create anxiety, we go into a place of fear. And that takes us out of a place of faith, which is what confidence really is it's faith that you've got it faith in your in your skills in faith in the work that you've put in. And so we actually have, we just did a workshop in the college competence on how to do well under pressure, weather and interviewing and meeting new people and trying new things. And trying out for new things. We have a lot of resources actually in the COC on this exact topic because it is so common and and is so raw and real, how to show up when it counts the most, and how to trust yourself. And once you realize that you are way more prepared than you think you are. And that there's no pressure that that whatever happens that you can recover. I think sometimes we put pressure on ourselves in an audition and an interview in a performance in a competition. Because we think if this doesn't go well, it means something bigger about me than we think it does. And so we're so afraid of failure, we're so afraid of disappointment, that that's the deep drive and fear that's making us so so crippled in our anxiety. So I want I want to remind you that you have the capacity to feel any feeling. And that feeling is just a vibration your body no pass through you. And if you can tell yourself I can I can feel any feeling. I can handle anything that comes. I believe I'm well prepared. I believe there's a spot in this orchestra for me. And if it's not the now it will be in the future. If it's a no now it's a yes later because why? Because I don't give up. It goes back to what we were answering in the previous question. So you can come back to your your resilience, that one gatekeeper is not going to keep you from moving forward on your dreams. And the reality is that no matter it makes no difference where you came from, it makes no difference. How many times you've you've had to try out or try something. None of that matters as long as you know where you want to go. If you know where you want to go, and you're unwilling to give up, there's no pressure. Really, it's just, hey, they don't know who they're they don't know, they don't know who I am. I'm a girl who doesn't give up. Okay, our next question is from Taylor. Here's the

Speaker 5 25:21

question. Hi, Trish, thank you for your inspiring podcast. My question is, how can one have the confidence to let go and trust that what you've done is enough, without constantly overthinking and trying to control in other words, confidence and faith that God truly is in control for our good? Taylor,

Speaker 1 25:39

this is such a great question, especially the timing to piggyback off of some of the other questions that have been submitted, here's how you know, to let go and trust is that you know that there is nothing good in life without walking in faith. And now, this false perception that we have control over all the things is what really keeps us stuck and stagnant. You have to decide, do I want to be a person who lives with faith? Or do I want to be a person who lives in fear? I think it's, it's a divided highway, and you've got to decide which highway you want to ride. Because the one that puts me in the overthinking and the trying to control that's the one where I'm like afraid I'm gonna mess up afraid I'm not going to be good enough. The messaging behind my what my desire when I'm, when I'm indecisive, or I'm overwhelmed or of overthinking and when I'm engaging in the really the 1.0 version of my brain that's, that's a little watered down and kind of believes but doesn't have firm belief and kind of like is committed but sometimes quits on herself. That's the old version of me, right? That's why I'm so passionate about all that we coach on here. And on the competence podcast, that that version to me, when I really break it apart and peel the onion layers back, it's fear. She's afraid she's not enough. She's afraid she's not worthy. She's afraid that God's not actually good. And because you give faith question in here, for me, the fundamental shift for your your answer was how do you have confidence that God is truly in control for our good? I think that's soul searching. I think that if you're affirming coming from the Christian Christian faith, it's spending time in God's word. I think that is you diving in and trying to really understand who is this God that I serve? What I did that about 10 years ago, for me, my takeaway was, I got it so good. He is swimming and goodness, he is abundant, and above in goodness, and he loves me. And you know, if you've not read my most recent book, straighten your crown, it is about my my journey to answer this question. I'll link to straighten your crown in the shownotes. If you guys haven't picked it up, it's easy to pick up on Amazon, to truly believe that not only is God for me, he's not against me, he is for me, he has good for me, he's directing me, he's, he's growing me. He's pruning me, and he has a plan for me. But I have to submit to that, I'm gonna have to say like, I am here, I'm gonna go put all my effort. And if you're, again, if you're not coming from a place of faith, guys skip the question is, like we already said this, I think last week, if you and I share a faith or even if we have a parallel, some overlap of faith, and you like the faith that I bring in, I'm glad you're here. If you have, if this is like it to you can skip ahead. Like, I'm not going to come back, I'm not always going to be talking about faith, but I'm never going to exclude it because to me, it is so critical in us truly having confidence. But I'm going to answer this from that perspective of, I had to really understand what I believe is that I, I serve a God who multiplies. I serve a God who does impossible things. Now, I also feel a deep intimate relationship with God, because I spend time with him. And the more time you spend with him, the more you trust Him, the more time you spend with him, the more you'll I really feel it gets revealed. And so when you're walking in with purpose, and you're serving, if you are taking what you have given you say this is my best, I will do my best with what I've been given, I'm going to be brave, I'm going to be bold, I'm going to use these, these things I've been given to do good in the world, the experiences and the lessons I've learned to give back to the world to give back to others. And maybe I can only see 100 people, but I believe that that God can help me reach 1000 people that we have to, I believe that you can take that and go, I'm never going to be able to do enough. But with God he can take my not enough and make it more than enough. I hope that hope that helps. Because we're gonna dive in and do one more question I actually have a lot more questions. We're going to make this a two part series. Next week we're going to add in how did you write when others are doing wrong? How to trust that your what you're doing is good enough how to keep positive self talk when others around you are being massively negative. We're gonna talk about money and faith and what's the overlap. Boris is gonna talk about what to do if you're feeling behind. But this question was submitted by Michelle and let's talk about this next question as our final question for today's episode.

Speaker 6 30:06

Can we talk about being okay with your body as it ages? I mean, wrinkles, sagging cellulite, all the things? What are your thoughts on aging? And what do you do with the fear that everything is going downhill? Okay,

Speaker 1 30:21

guys, we live in a culture that celebrates youth. And there's something beautiful about that. But you can also choose to look back at history, and so many cultures who revere the age, who see and celebrate the wisdom in the older generations. And you get to choose which narrative for your life you want to believe. This came up recently at a at a dinner party that I was at, and my girlfriends are in their mid 40s. And I, you know, just recently turned 40. Now, I thought I was 40. They were like, No girl, you're 41. Remember, you cheat. You just had a birthday. So you know, that's happening. And so I of course, I'm also plagued with some of these, these onset of thoughts about oh, my gosh, what's going to happen? Am I going downhill? My 40s? What about my metabolism and my sagging skin and this and that, and here's what I've decided. I've just started to focus on what I want to feed. And I want to feed the narrative, that my life is only getting better and better. I want to feed the thought and strengthen the thought that I'm getting more and more beautiful with every decade Now, fast forward 2020 years from now, the beauty might not be a youthful beauty, but I believe it will be more beautiful than I am now. Because of a deeper sense of myself. I will have an innate sense of style even more now than I do now. I will have joy wrinkles, more than now. I will also have Botox, which I also do now. I'm not saying we don't work on ourselves. And if there's certain things that you want to use in youth, and is that a word, be more youthful. There are what a privilege we have to live in a world where we have access to tools, and that you have control over some things. I think there's this narrative especially because we are in a diet culture, we're in a culture that is telling us that we are not enough that we should buy this next thing that we need this pill that we need this anti aging cream that if we just buy this one $100 cream, we will look better, feel better, have more sex and be more loved. Its marketing. But the reality is, let's look at Sciences. Yes, our metabolism does sell a slowdown, yes, our skin does lose some of elasticity. But there's the there are things we can do about it. There are there are things we can eat there, there are supplements we can take. And there's exercise and sleep that we can do, did you know that you can actually improve your metabolism, which will help you in aging and there's some anti aging superfoods that will help slow down some of the byproducts of aging. If you so there's, with metabolism, its strength training, and sleep and movement and a healthy diet. And so to buy into the narrative that oh my gosh, it's all going down hill is such a victim defeated narrative and it will keep you stuck. But more than anything else, it's going to keep you in fear. It's going to keep you in fear, and it's gonna keep you in comparison. And you're just start looking at people who are 10 years younger than you and going, Oh, I wish I was hurt. And the minute you start wishing you were someone else you are wishing your life away. And so I invite you to say like, let's just decide my life is getting better and better. Aging is glorious. I am delighted to have the privileged age, I will and I want you to decide today to not denigrate yourself to not put down yourself to not say Oh, I got this cellulite like like, I wish I was my my skin was firmer. Here's what I know. And I think the last three four years have really shook me to the core. I have lost too many friends who are my age, who in the past five years have died. And I from what I've heard from people my age and people older than me that that there's a point where you start realizing what a privilege it is to have the day you have today. And what a tragedy it is to wish it away because you don't look as young as you used to. And so I want to challenge you to redefine you what you think is beautiful. Redefine your relationship with aging. Get really curious about asking yourself what do I have control over and am I taking action on that? And you have control over your sleep, your metabolism your diet but you don't have control over is your age but there is such a thing as your biological age and your chronological age there are there's research being done about how you the way you live does affect this is why there are 70 year olds who look like they're 50 and there are 30 year ought to look like they're 50. You get to decide how you age or how you don't. And everything you do, even if you're 20 years old listening to this, what the decisions you make today about your relationship with food, your relationship with alcohol, the thoughts that you're thinking about yourself and building a positive mindset are going to impact how well you age. And so decide as well, what's also in your control are the thoughts that you think it's your perspective on aging. And I want you to look forward to aging when I turned 41. This past May, I actually did a big journaling session, and I shared my journal prompts my birthday journal prompts with my students in the College of competence. It's one of my favorite things every year to do very, very in depth journaling about the lot the past year, and about what I want the year ahead to be. But one of the questions I asked myself this year was what am I most excited about? As a 41 year old? Next question, what am I even more excited about? For when I turn 82 I wanted to forecast and future cast and visualize myself as a vibrant, thriving 82 year old. And I actually just coincidentally spent a bunch of time with some, some ladies in their, in their 80s, at our beach house in New Jersey, which was my great grandfather, my grandfather's beach house, which got passed down. We live next door to my aunt's my great aunt. She's 86. And she's a widowed woman living independently. It's pretty extraordinary. And across the street is Gail, her friend, my grandfather's friend, someone I've known since I was 10, or five, I'm probably probably since I was five, who's also 86. And down the street from her Sally, who lives just a couple houses in from the ocean. And she's also at six, all three women living independently, it's pretty extraordinary. A few of them have some caretakers. But I look at that. And I look at what a privilege it is that these women get to stay in their homes. What privilege it is that they can walk up and down the street and look at the sun setting on the bay, or walk on the boardwalk and see the ocean. And the decisions I make now are going to affect what I look like when I'm that age and what I'm able to do. And to be honest, I look at all three women, and they've got wrinkles. And they are short, certainly not the beauty and the glory of what they were when they were 20. But I gotta tell you, beautiful, they're beautiful. My my daughter especially loves to visit them. She goes to their houses knocks on their door, and talks about books. One used to be a librarian, another they talk about family history. They're beautiful. And Sara, I want to challenge you also to expand your definition of beauty. And to also challenge what you decide you want to look like in the future and what characteristics of beauty, inner beauty most matter to you. Because beauty of all ages is beauty. But the women who are judging themselves, then belittling themselves and feeling not enough that you'll you'll carry that as well. You'll hide yourself. You have nothing to prove you're good enough, you are enough, you can decide that aging is a glorious, beautiful process. And you're in for it. And I invite you to because that's that's what I'm deciding. And yes, every now and then my brain goes wild. And it's like oh, I can't believe like I get these like waves of like, my gosh, I'm in my 40s and then I'm like okay, and talk back to her your brain. Ask it why is that a problem? Fundamentally, the more you learn to talk back to your brain, the more you question your thoughts, the quality of your life is really dependent on the quality of questions you're willing to ask yourself and wrestle with. Guys. I will see you next week on the podcast. I hope you've enjoyed this q&a session again next week, we have more questions coming, how to keep positive self talk when other people are like really negative money and faith. What's the overlap? Is it okay to desire success, but also want to serve God? We're going to be talking about what to do if you're feeling behind. And also, what's the difference between pride and confidence. If you're not yet following the show, or subscribe to the show, please make sure you hit that button on whatever app of choice that you listen to. If there was an a question in here, particularly that resonated or you know a friend walking through something similar press forward, share this episode with a friend, as always reached out to me on Instagram. If you have a question you want me to add into next week's episode? Let me know I'm Trish underscore Blackwell on Insta. And because it's as always just an absolute privilege to be a voice of encouragement, truth and vision in your life. You are extraordinary. You are powerful. You have incredible purpose in this world. Please don't forget that it's time to rise up. Time to rise. Go there today. Go be more of who God created you to be Be you.

Speaker 1 40:02

Be free. Thanks for listening to the confidence podcast and allowing me to be your coach today in your life. If you love the show, please let us know by leaving a review in iTunes. are you encouraged by what you learned? share this episode with a friend and let us know that the show is changing your life by saying hi to us on social media Instagram, Trish underscore Blackwell are on Facebook Trish Blackwell coaching, ready to take what I teach and really take it to the next level. Join us today in the College of competence. It's my group coaching program that you can join risk free and cancel anytime. In the COC you'll scale your confidence, your courage, and the changes you make in your life is the coaching support and community you've been looking for. Go to www.college ofconfidence.com to get started. If you love the podcast, you will love the College of confidence even more and see even more transformation in your life. Come and see for yourself. I'm cheering you on friend. See you soon

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