Podcast #602

BEING OKAY WITH MAKING MISTAKES

If you are the type of person to beat yourself up, this episode is for you. Does your mind play and replay a mistake or fumble you make when you do? Maybe this is something you said, something you did, or something you didn’t do. You know the past is past, and that you can’t change it, but something deep inside of you hopes that if you blame and shame yourself enough then you’ll finally “do better’. 

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast we’re going to talk about what to say to yourself when you make mistakes, and more importantly what not to say to yourself. In this episode you’ll learn why mistakes are a good thing and a necessary thing in your growth journey. 

You don’t have to beat yourself up as much as you do.

This episode will give you the tools you need to be okay with making mistakes, and more importantly, how to grow and accelerate from the mistakes you do make.

WHAT NOT TO SAY  TO YOURSELF:

I can’t get my life together.

I’m so embarrassed of myself.

I’m a mess. 

I keep messing things up.

I have to get it together. 

I’m so (socially awkward, lazy, inconsistent, pathetic, dumb) 

WHAT TO SAY TO YOURSELF:

Nothing has gone wrong here.

What can I learn here?

What is the thought that launched me to react / into that behavior?

WHY MISTAKES ARE GOOD (AND NECESSARY)

They expose something we need.

-An area for growth

-A lesson we need to learn

-Maturity we need developing

-Strongholds we need to release

-Emotions we need to learn to process

-Life skills we can develop

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Get 12-months of unparalleled support from Trish with The Confidence Fix – a program only available through June 15th. 

Find out more at www.trishblackwell.com/thefix

Speaker 1 0:00

Are you hard on yourself? Are you the type of person to beat yourself up or feel really bad when you make a mistake? If that's you, this episode is for you. If your mind plays and replays a mistake or a fumble, or maybe goes into that narrative of I should have done something different. I wish I had done something different. And it might be something you wish you had done differently last night or last year or 10 years ago. Maybe it's something you said, or something you did or something you didn't do. And you know the past is past and that you can't change it. But something deep inside of you hopes that if you blame and shame yourself enough, then you'll finally quote unquote, do better. In this episode of the confidence podcast, we're going to talk about what to say to yourself what to say to yourself when you make mistakes, and more importantly, what not to say to yourself, and in this episode, you're going to learn why mistakes are a good thing and a necessary thing in your growth journey. Buckle up we have a great episode ahead. Let's dive in. You're listening to the confidence podcast, the go to coaching podcast, oozing with motivation, and easy to implement steps that help you to be bold, and competent in life. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized confidence coach, best selling author, and founder of the College of confidence. I teach go getters in life, how to master their self talk, turn down the volume of self doubt, and get more results in life. So that you can be the difference maker and world changer. God created you to be you were made for more. And today's episode will help you tap into it. Let's go. Hey, guys, it's Trish Blackwell, you're listening to the confidence podcast. This is episode 602. And I am so delighted that you're here. If you're new listener, welcome. If you are an old listener and you have been with us for the last 600 episodes, or maybe the last 100 I am privileged to be a voice of encouragement who's consistent in your life every Tuesday, thank you for making this show. One of the podcast shows that you listen to that you share. I'm gonna continue showing up for you this week. We're talking about being okay with making mistakes. That's right being okay with making mistakes. I am someone and I think I've told this in previous episodes, probably like 400 episodes ago, I was the queen of beating myself up and you know, I justified it. I said, Well, I this is just my personality. I'm really hard on myself, I'm just really tough on myself. I'm like super nice to everyone else. Don't worry, I'm not I don't criticize you just, oh, it's just me. And because that was my narrative. It kept playing over and over and over, keeping me stuck in this. Honestly, I didn't identify as being a perfectionist, but a perfectionistic pursuit of my life. And I thought if I just did better than I could finally be happier. I kept saying, like, I was trying to white knuckle it through life, so to speak. And so we're gonna go into some things today in today's coaching on how to be okay, not just okay, but to see your humanity in the mistakes that you do make. But more than that, to give thanks and have gratitude for the mistakes that you make. Because they are the stepping stones, the next step of growth, they are the stepping stones to break through. We have to make mistakes in order to know where we need growth where we need wisdom where we need to dig in where we have some improvement to make where we need to strengthen ourselves. And so I want to hopefully flip your your relationship with mistakes or failure on its head today. Before we do that, I do want to read our review of the week. It is a actually a four star review. And I'm reading it for a reason one because a review is a review. I'm so happy. And this person Yana said this. I first started listening to this podcast back in 2020. Needless to say the content was life changing and has helped me through difficult times was self discovery. I definitely got a hold of my competence and changed my mindset for the better. Thanks to Trish girl, I'm proud of you. The reason I'm leaving four stars is because the episodes just aren't what they used to be, which is okay. They've been repetitive lately, and a majority of the episode is spent on either sponsored content or Church's own ads. I'd recommend listening to episodes that are around 400 or earlier. So because I want always appreciate feedback. I love a good review. This is a great review. Thank you. I'm not looking for perfection. I'm looking to show up to serve you. I do have a couple things that I wanted to bring up about this. I'm so grateful one. Thanks for the shout out about the quality of the episodes around 400. So if you're new to the show, go check out the four hundreds go check out the four hundreds go check out the five hundreds, too. I do want to mention that yeah, of course this I spend quite a few hours cost me about $1,000 per month reduced this free podcast for you. Mate sometimes upwards of $2,000 and so it is the labor For of love, it is an act of service. And so I have said no and turned down actually 1000s of dollars of advertising money from other companies to keep the listening experience pretty pure, pretty clean, pretty direct. But that does mean that I am going to have mentioned of my other services for those who want to go deeper. So I do want to explain why I do ad in my own ad content. But why have said no to other advertisers. And I thank you guys for being understanding that this requires money and effort and time, and tech and all the things for me to provide this free every week for you. So thank you for your patience and understanding on that. The other thing is, this is my ask of you. If there are topics I have not covered, or you feel like I'm mentioning too, I'm going deep on too many topics too often. And you want some more on a different kind of subject of confidence. I'm all ears, I'm here to serve you. So the best way to give me your listener feedback is just to send me a message on Instagram, and say, Hey, Trish, like I would love to hear more topics on this or could you do an episode on this? What I'd have been doing is looking at the data, the data of which episodes and which topics are most often downloaded that have the largest listens. And when they have a larger Listen, download number than another topic. I say to myself, my audience likes this topic, I would need to produce more and go deeper and approach different angles on that topic. I'm not married to that strategy guys. I am, I am committed to serving you. So please know I really, really sincerely mean it. I want to hear from you. I want to know what episode you want me to do some new content around. I am your coach. I'm here. Let me know how I can best serve you. So girl, thank you awesome review in so many ways. So I thank you for that guys. It means the world when you leave me your honest feedback. So Please share the show with friends. Take the time take two minutes to leave a review. It doesn't have to be a five star review. We're here talking about being okay, not being perfect. today. I'm good with that I want to grow, I want to grow and you can have a desire to grow and still be a little disappointed that you can't please everyone. Okay, it's okay to have a both and in your heart and in your emotions. I think sometimes we think we have to navigate life. Feeling happy, only happy. And life is more complicated that we have such an interesting, complex human experience. So allow yourself to feel both encouraged and discouraged at times. But as long as the you get to choose the emotion that you want to be louder. And then you get to believe the narrative that you want to believe. And so choose the narrative that's going to best serve you to continue to show up powerfully dynamically and passionately for the life that you are living. Okay. In this episode, when we're talking about how to be okay, making mistakes, we're gonna talk about what not to say to yourself, we're going to talk about what to say to yourself instead. And we're going to talk about why mistakes are actually a good thing. Let's start with what not to say. Please don't say that you're a mess. I used to say that I suppose I'm a hot mess. And I bought into that narrative. And as a result, my internal life became quite chaotic. I was late for things I was forgetting to respond to emails or we were late for kids activities. And, you know, no, you are not a hot mess. You are not a mess. Also don't say I can't get my life together. Or I'm just trying to get it together. Our words create our reality. And as Craig Groeschel said our lives move in the direction of our strongest thoughts. Even if your strongest thought is I'm just trying to get it together. I'm just trying to get my life together or I can't seem to get my life together. That thought is going to keep you circling in one spot. How do I know this? One, I've coached so many people on this end, too. I lived it. I lived it. I stayed in this narrative where I kept saying to myself, I just gotta get my life together. I'm just so embarrassed that I'm still stuck with this. I don't know maybe bad habit or in this at this weight or at this whatever mile stone or measuring mark that you have for yourself. Your description and the way you talk about it matters. Also, don't say, I have to get it together. You're gonna if you already have it together. Like we say these things because they're so colloquial, like, even down to like I'm running. I'm running like a chicken with his head cut off. That's not cute. Like, let's say let's let's use language, in describing ourselves. That conveys to us the 2.0 version that we want to be the woman or the man walking in this world with who's powerful, who was authoritative, who has their life together, who's living a dream life. You know, I noticed this. And I think it's not just me. I know it's happened with my clients. But I think we're afraid to be happy Think we're free to say I'm having a great day. How was your day?

Speaker 1 10:02

It was good. But like, was it just that? Or was it actually a really good day, but you're almost afraid to say, it was a really great day. I've had a really great day. And I was getting curious about this. Why is it that we hold back a little bit? So let's say your boyfriend or your or your spouse comes home, and they say, Hey, how was your workday? And honestly, you had a great day. But you're like, that was good. Like, why don't we water it down? Why are we afraid to be enthusiastic, and ambulant about our lives. And this came to heart because my son, who is it six, has this best friend, one of his best friends. And this kid, every time I see this kid, I just want you to imagine, this is not my kid I'm talking about this is this is my son's friend, I want you to imagine one of the most, I don't know, the biggest smiles you've ever seen on a child. This kid when I see him, his eyes light up. It's almost like his eyes are dancing with joy. And his smile is huge. And he's so enthusiastic about life. We were at swim practice yesterday, and there's a rainbow came out and he was like, yelled out to my son. Thank God. Can you believe it? They're just so happy, just delightful. And he's just truly enthusiastic about life. And I really believe we each of us have that inside of us. And, and permission to simply say like, it's a really what a really great day. This is what these kids say to each other yet, when my spouse comes home sometimes, and I've had a great day, sometimes I watered down. And I asked myself, I got really deep and said, Why am I doing that? I'm a little embarrassed to tell you. But I wanted a little bit of sympathy. Because I worked hard that day. You see, we're afraid to say I have great like it's been a great was a great day, as if that discounts that great day required efforts. It's like sometimes I watered down to Brandon, because I want him to be like, oh, man, that was a hard day. No, it was great and hard. It can it just like we were saying it doesn't it's not either, or it's both. And I had a great day, and a challenging day. But man, it was a great day. Give yourself permission to lean into that positivity to that full emotion. And and I share that because I realized I was I you can either when you're describing yourself and you're describing your life and you're describing your progress, or you're describing a day. That's great. But yeah, okay, so there were a couple of mistakes. And I want to ask you, when you look at the mistakes that in your day, whether it's a you forgot an appointment, I almost forgot my daughter's allergy shot appointment this morning, or you forgot to put out the trash or you send an email to the wrong person and it was really professionally embarrassing. Ask yourself, is this going to define my day? It's up to you to decide, is this going to define my day? Or am I going to define my day, by the final narrative I choose to think I'm going to define my day. And it was a great day with some challenges. It was a great day, I am growing I am on my way, with some things I still need to work on that is that just because you have some mistakes or some growth areas, that does not mean that you're not actually actively living your dream life right now you are on your way you are, your life is together, your link does not have to be perfect for your life to be together. Your finances don't have to be you don't have to have be at Step Six of Dave Ramsey's baby steps in order to be financially on the ball. You might be paying off your first $1,000 of debt. You're on the ball, you got your life together, start talking to yourself about who you are becoming instead of who you're afraid you're going to become. Joyce Meyer, one of my favorite quotes from her is you can be pitiful, or you can be powerful, but you cannot be both. And I want to suggest to you that when we water ourselves down in the way we talk about ourselves in the way we talk about our days and the way we talk and narrate the lives that we are living when we water it down because we want the we want to make it feel like we want justification that we are working hard or that it was a good day but still hard. We want that credit. We want credit and validation. That's a bit of like I'm calling it to myself not to you. That for me is walking in pity self pity, and I don't want to be pitiful I don't want to live a pitiful life I want to live a powerful life I want to be a powerful version of myself and I have lived way too many of my life years of my life as a pitiful version of myself that I have stepped in to saying this is a daily choice you can be pitiful or you can be powerful but you cannot be both and it is based on the thought you're going to think about the story you're gonna tell yourself that thing that you are doing. And so we also don't want you don't want you to say is I'm so socially awkward or I'm so lazy or I'm so inconsistent. I'm so pathetic I'm so dumb I'm so overweight, I'm so whatever fill in the blank. That is your declaring any pity over yourself, you're declaring a label that is going to hold you in place and it is not who you are. So what I want you to say instead is who you are, who you believe you can be, who you've decided to become, I am powerful. I have an amazing powerful brain, I am a world changer and difference maker. I may not be where I want to be, but I am on my way. Start speaking about who you are, and who are you are becoming not who you are afraid that you might be. Another thing, a couple of things I really like to say when I've made a mistake is, hey, nothing's gone wrong here. Nothing's gone wrong here. Because the other part of my brain the 1.1 point, oh, part of my brain is yelling at me and screaming and go, No, it everything is going wrong. This is embarrassing. You can't This can't be happening like this. It does simply calm the brain down and say nothing's gone wrong here. The mistake, I made a mistake. Now I'm going to sidestep, readjust the sails and move my ship forward, when we make a mistake, rather than it being something that's absolutely devastating or defining. Instead, I want you to consider that a mistake that you make in it like inadvertently or intentionally, or just by making a mistake of a decision or trusting the wrong person or you made a financial mistake. It is what it is. It's just the wind that has changed. And you still have this beautiful, incredible sailboat. And you're simply going to adjust the wind of your sails, the direction of your sails to catch the wind, not the wind has changed to change the course and pivot. There's something really beautiful when you say nothing has gone wrong here. And I want you to follow that up with another question. Nothing's gone wrong here.

Unknown Speaker 16:55

There's something for me to learn. And that what we say to that is what can I learn here?

Speaker 1 17:03

And when it comes to mistake, the other thing to start being curious about is what is the thought that launched me to make the mistake, what is the thought that drove the action or into that behavior. So for me, and I'm going to be very transparent with you guys. If you're new to the show, you might not know this, but I struggled for so many years over a decade with with with my body image and eating disorders and and disordered eating patterns. And that involves a lot of emotional eating at night and buff what I call buffering. And that buffering would, would lead me to start, I would I would feel anxious at night. And I didn't know how to feel my feelings at that point. And so that anxiety launched me into going okay, maybe I need a snack, I deserve a snack. And the snack would turn into a second snack and then I would feel guilty. And so the anxiety turned into temporary comfort and the temporary convert into guilt and shame. And then that turned into anger. And then I would punish myself the next day with like a super long workout was a really, really toxic cycle that I felt stuck in. And so when I keep saying I kept saying I'm going to do better, I'm not going to make that mistake and I'm not going to over eat tonight or over drink or whatever that overage that I was doing and and the thought that was it wasn't. It wasn't a lack of discipline that was keeping me in that cycle. It was that I wasn't being curious about what is the thought that's creating all these emotions that I'm trying to run from, or even I needed to ask myself what if I didn't run away from these emotions? What if I didn't run away from these emotions? And I'm gonna I'm gonna share with you a formula that I absolutely love. I teach this in the college confidence I teach this to my coaching students. And it's guilt, gratitude growth, we take our guilt and turn it into gratitude and the gratitude into growth this is what got me out of that cycle of beating myself up over the mistake over eating the guilt I got curious about my guilt I said gosh, I feel guilty why? What's causing that guilt, the guilt I'm grateful that this this guilt then I felt yucky. I felt that I felt like I needed to do better. And rather than feel shame and dive into shame I took it I stepped from guilt man, I feel bad. I feel bad that that mistake happened whether you know maybe I feel guilty I miss my daughter's appointment, I felt guilty that I over ate or did broke a promise what insert your thing, your mistake and go okay, I'm grateful for this motion because it's a little red flag. It's an indicator to me that I have opportunity here. And so, instead of diving into shame, and the sinking pit of shame, I'm going to choose gratitudes I'm going to step from guilt to gratitude and gratitude and be grateful that I have awareness here of a cycle that's happening. I'm grateful that I can tap into my curiosity to get really curious about what's going on what can be different. I'm really grateful that I can start getting a break through and ask myself, what are the thoughts that I was thinking that that before I made those those mistakes? Or what are the thoughts? I'm thinking now? Post mistake, why am I beating myself up? Is this effective? Is this going to help? What if I could just be grateful for the ability to neutralize how I'm feeling and ask myself? How do I move forward? What can I do differently next time? What is good about this mistake? What is necessary about this mistake? What can I give thanks for about this mistake. And so mistakes are good, and they are necessary. And here's why they are necessary. Mistakes are the stepping stones of our personal curriculum for life. When you look at a mistake, as a learning opportunity, as you look at as mistake as the ability to get better, I'm gonna go down to even I remember playing Sonic the Hedgehog, like, do you remember when it well, I'm aging myself here. But when Sega came out, I was a kid and my brother and I love Sonic. And now, I really don't let my kids play video games, but my dad has Sonic at his house. And so my kids love going and I, you know, there's some vicarious joy that I get from watching them play the childhood video game that I love the most. And I remember about what I remember about Sonic was that to, to get good as you had to get bad first, the only way to get great is to start off by being bad. And so you practice and then you make a mistake, and you don't jump your your, your character high enough and, and it falls and dies. And you start over. And it's very easy to look at it through the lens of a video game. But that really does mirror back like Okay, so in order to get better, and you've got to learn how to how to double tap that, that console, how to jump high, how to time it. It's no different in our own lives, it's very easy to look at a child who is learning a new, new sport. And so my son has recently gotten very into ice hockey, and lacrosse. And so watching him make mistakes. When it counts, it's really hard as a mom to watch, because I can see his devastation like through through the helmet even. But that's how he's gonna get better. You make a mistake in a game. And you realize that there's a turnover or you lost an opportunity or you missed the shot, or it got taken from you. And there's a lesson that needs to be learned about oh, now I know, I have to look out for the guy that's coming from my peripheral vision. And you know, he's six, he didn't have that awareness before it, I would tell him, I'm sure he was taught in practice from his coaches, until you make the mistake yourself, especially when it's something that matters to you. It doesn't resonate. We don't it doesn't hold to us. And so I want you know that I am not saying celebrate mistakes, I tell you to celebrate failures, failure, we go from failure to failure to failure to success. But a mistake, I want to acknowledge that often we think a mistake is something was that was within our control. A mistake is something that we knew to do better that we we said I knew better. I should have done better. I think sometimes we we don't allow ourselves to be okay with it. I don't necessarily mean you need to celebrate it. I want you to be neutral about it. I want you to say well, there's more opportunity here for me. I keep making the same mistake or I made a mistake I wasn't anticipating let me get curious. What does that mean about me? What is the opportunity here? Because mistakes are good because they expose something we need, whether it's an area for growth, a lesson, we need to learn maturity, we need developing perspective we need expanding strongholds that we need to release emotions that we need to learn to process are even life skills that we can develop. I have a couple stories I know have told you before, where I would beat myself up, I was so self critical. I had so much attachment to not making mistakes, especially the mistakes I know better about there was this one particular time when my finances were really tight. I was you know, coming up if you've listened to Episode 444 of the of the podcast, that's my full story you'll hear about like what my rock bottom was. So coming out of rock bottom. I had really, really really, really worked hard, rebuilt my life bought myself a house as a single woman and I was so proud about my car but my house rebuilt felt dynamic was like I'm doing this and I was on a really really tight budget. I was working 60 hours a week, making sure I could cover my mortgage get ahead try to start investing being really an independent woman. And then I rolled through a stop sign simply And nothing tragic happened because like it was, I want to say it was like 9pm on a backcountry road. And there was a stop sign. Then I went down to probably two miles an hour, I realized there was countryside, no one's around. And I gently turned right, which is, was safe, but not legal. Because it was not right. Because there was a stop sign that told me to stop. And I didn't stop to a full stop, I stopped to a slow, almost like a one mile an hour stop. And as I'm sure you can guess there was a officer who was hanging out at the gas station corner that I had not seen with his lights off, who then gave me a ticket and I deserved the ticket because I did not stop at the stop sign. I had the hardest time letting go of that. I had a really hard time forgiving myself for that. Because I felt like it was so stupid. I felt like I could have done better. I knew better. I could have done better. What a silly mistake a mistake with up I don't even remember the fine. It might have just been $75 or $150. But, you know, that was it was a lot of money to me. And it was it was stupid money, right? It's when you pay for something that you shouldn't have to because you made a simple mistake. I repeated myself over and over and I punished myself. And at the time, I was just starting to date my husband, Brandon. And he was like, Listen, this is an opportunity. This is this is okay. You're human like it's okay. But I had grown up in a household where mistakes were not really allowed like that, that I saw a lot of conflict about a ticket that you might get in shame about not having a perfect driving record score. None of it really matters when I pulled back the lens. And with the help of my husband, my now husband, it's so interesting to have had to walk through that and learn to let go. And so the mistake is good. I'll

Speaker 1 27:02

tell you what I don't do this is that was 13 years ago, 12 years ago, you know, who doesn't ever roll through a stop sign? I don't care if the road is empty. I don't care if I'm driving in the desert, I stop. Because it was a lesson I learned. The bigger lesson for me was learning how to give myself compassion, learning how to give myself grace, learning how to not punish myself for a simple mistake that yes, absolutely. I needed to take full responsibility for but that I didn't need to beat myself up over. And so here's why. I want to invite you into if you struggle with that, like me on something small and it could be something small. But it might be something bigger. I had the same kind of thematic struggle with the mistake of dating the wrong people. How did I think that that person could be good for me or wouldn't hurt me or wouldn't be abusive towards me? What was I thinking I keep making this mistake, I don't make a choice. I had this narrative that kept perpetuating again, this is why we started today's podcast with here's what not to say to yourself. And the reason I know what not to say is because I kept saying it to myself and I kept being stuck and stagnant in life. And I want better for you. And so I want you to look at a mistake, whether it's the person you're dating. I don't know mutual fund that you've invested $100,000 In a marketing strategy you tried with your business? A moment you were driving too fast on the highway that you got stopped an easy question you missed. On a really important exam. A job field that you went into that you want to switch out of I have helped a lot of and coached a lot of doctors and lawyers who feel like they wanted to switch entire careers but felt like they'd made a mistake and they were so invested into their education that couldn't switch and here's what I want you to know you have control of your life, you can do anything. You get to set the rules you get to design your future. Just because you've started on a path doesn't mean you have to stay with it. And what might be a mistake for you might not be for someone else. But to be okay with saying I made a mistake. I think I'm called here instead of here. And so one of the things we practice with the low hanging fruit with the little mistakes with the I forgot to send my best friend a text on her birthday. And to acknowledge it we take here's here's why need to be really clear about take ownership of your mistakes, do not blame do not say Oh, well that cop should have been out here. Or I'm just so like we don't make Don't make excuses, claim, take ownership and then say all right. What did I learn here? So if I keep missing, my friends birthdays, but I want to be the type of friend that remembers birthdays. I want to be a friend who's thoughtful. I keep feeling like I'm failing. The mistake here is that I haven't created a system to better remember birthdays other than hopefully see pop up on my Facebook, right? So you have to look at and say, I see I see this mistake, I see the control I have in it. I take ownership for my mistake, which often is just us being sloppy. It's us, when we let our guard down. It's us living a life by default instead of living with intention. And but the important thing is to say thank you mistake. Now what am I going to do about it? What am I going to do differently? Some of the necessary things I've learned from some of my mistakes, I've got to I've listed it out a few for you. Late fees have taught me to pay my bills on time, missed opportunities have taught me to pay attention to deadlines. Foot in the mouth moments have taught me to pay attention to my words. And to learn more about personality dynamics and the art of conversation. Business flounders or we could call them failures have taught me to create better systems within my business. Weight gain or stomach pain have taught me to manage my emotions at night not binge eat. hangovers are bad sleep, have taught me that I don't like to drink wine at night. I love wine, but wine at night. I don't sleep well, I value the mistake is that I am. There's always there's always a consequence to a mistake. And I don't think that the consequence is bad. I think it's good to have consequences. It was good that I had that fine. Because it made me change my behavior. It's good. When I don't sleep well, because of maybe a glass of wine at 10 o'clock. It's so funny for me, like, I've realized I can have a glass of wine at 7pm or 5pm. But 9pm or after it affects my sleep. And this is gonna be completely different for you. And it's really neither here nor there. But I wanted to offer to you to continue to explore your knowing you know yourself know what patterns work for you versus it's not you versus someone else, you know, know what works best in your life. And so, when I don't sleep, the consequence of feeling exhausted the next day or foggy minded the next day needs to be felt and I want to give thanks and have gratitude for the consequence because the consequence reminds me that the pain of not changing is more than the pain of changing bad relationships or bad choices and men have taught me what I didn't want to demand. And 100% My most painful relationship which again, if you've if you've not listened to Episode 444 You can you can access it at Trish blackwell.com forward slash 444. But that taught me like what when I almost married the wrong man who was abusive who I thought was who told me that I was a nobody who stripped me of all identity. And I thought that was love. I thought that's all I could deserve. I thought who laughed at me and said who are you to write a book? No one's gonna read that. And for so long, the mistake of being with the wrong person I beat myself up over but I had to acknowledge Wow, okay, so one let's give myself compassion. I was young, too. I was insecure. I didn't know what I know. Now. It's why I'm so passionate about giving you guys these tools. And then three I needed to make a mistake in order know what I don't want in my life long relationship. And that way when I met my husband, I went whoa, now that I know what I don't want and I see that you're nothing of that I will I know what I want poor grades and I never really got poor grades. I'm talking for me. Like an A minus I was like what but still for me, I was like I can do better. So when I when I was sloppy and or I or an essay where a professor was like Trish, you definitely rush this I'm gonna give you like something fine, but you're called they called me to a higher standard because the mistake was cutting corners. And they taught me an improved my study skills and my my time prioritization. So I want to offer to you today neutrality. I want to invite you to say I made a mistake, I take ownership of my mistakes, whether it's a mistake and something you said to someone you love. The mistake of forgetting a someone's important milestone. The mistake of choosing the wrong career, the mistake of running through a stoplight or a stop sign and you know, by the grace of God, no one no one's hurt something it or just accepting and going, Gosh, this is really it's really hard. I was in the wrong or I can do better. And let that be a neutral statement. So I used to say that and be like, Oh, I could do better. I need to do better than that. It gets very dramatic and you feel shame filled and then it feels huskily and pressured. I'm not into that. Okay, it's not going to take Because anywhere, acknowledge, take ownership. Ask yourself, what is there for me to learn here, because that's, that's gold. That's where we can say, Ah, well, I'm going to learn from this mistake, what a great opportunity, I'm thankful. I'm thankful and there might be some pain in the consequences of the mistake, but that's still, that's still going to go in invest and have a compound result of healing or growth, or acceleration. And an area of life that matters to you. I can remember when I was swimming in a highly competitive level, right, when I would make a mistake in a race, especially the races that mattered the most. And in swimming, if you're not familiar, this the maybe I made a mistake in my pacing, or I made a mistake in my in a flipped turn and, and in the timing or in my breakout or something that I was doing within that. And there's so in any sport and any sort of pursuit of anything at a high level, it's so down to tiny, tiny, the precise details. And when you get out touched or you lose, or it doesn't go as well as you plant, that is where your next best breakthrough is going to come from. So the mistakes, show us where the next focus needs to be, what a gift, we have our whole life curriculum built in and guided by the mistakes and it's, it's like the self correcting directional GPS for growth. So I hope you are encouraged by just one with the permission I'm giving you today to not beat yourself up. To acknowledge we all make mistakes, doesn't justify it doesn't we're not Oh, y'all make mistakes. It's all good. I'm not saying that. I'm saying let's acknowledge, yeah, I shouldn't roll through a stop sign. That's a bummer. Yeah, good lesson. I'm going to do I'm gonna, how am I going to make sure that doesn't happen again? What how can I be better in this area?

Speaker 1 36:55

What am I going to do differently? Who don't want to be that's different? And how can I allow myself to be human and show myself grace, the same grace that God gives me reflected back to myself forgive myself? Because here's the thing when we hold on to mistakes, and we beat ourselves up, we are actively in an act of unforgiveness towards ourselves. And for those of you coming from a faith background, who are you to think that you can't you like that to withhold forgiveness from yourself? When the god the universe has forgiven you. Like it there's, there's there's some audacity there, and that was really humbling for me to consider. But when you when you say to yourself, I see this mistake, I accept it, I take ownership of it. And gosh, that stinks. You are actively releasing and forgiving yourself and that gives you the permission to be free to go step into the next area of growth and to be able to ask yourself those curiosity questions of what is there for me to learn here? Because I hope that this episode encouraged you. As I said, if there are episodes or topics I haven't yet covered, please reach out to me on Instagram. I'm Trish underscore Blackwell. Come follow me over there. Come say hi. And then on Facebook, I still I still hang out on Facebook. It's Trish Blackwell coaching. And at the time of this recording, if you're listening live if you heard about the competence fix, and you're interested in making the next 12 months of your life at absolute turnaround and breakthrough in your confidence. This is an offer for someone who is self motivated but want some personalized coaching support. Then check it out at Trish blackwell.com forward slash the fix. This is a limited time opportunity where I'm I'm offering you lifetime support and 12 months of intimate support and accountability. I've never offered this before. I don't know if I will again. And it's available through June 15. So if you've been thinking about knowing like I'm ready for the next level, I'm ready for the breakthrough. I don't know where to start. This might be the thing for you. It's a one stop shop for all things confidence for years to come. For one low price so check it out Trish blackwell.com forward slash the fix. As go out there today. Go be more of who God created you to be if you find this episode or this podcast in general, uplifting encouraged if I've ever made an impact in your life, Please share the show with a friend. And that's what I asked of you today. Alright, go out there. Go. Be you. Be free. Thanks for listening to the confidence podcast and allowing me to be your coach today in your life. If you love the show, please let us know by leaving a review in iTunes or encouraged by what you learned. share this episode with a friend and let us know that the show is changing your life by saying hi to us on social media Instagram Trish_Blackwell are on Facebook Trish Blackwell coaching, ready to take what I teach and really take it to the next level. Join us today in the College of confidence. It's a group coaching program that you can join risk free and cancel anytime. In the COC you'll scale your confidence your career And, and the changes you make in your life. It's the coaching support and community you've been looking for. Go to www.collegeofconfidence.com to get started. If you love the podcast, you will love the College of confidence even more and see even more transformation in your life. Come and see for yourself. I'm cheering you on friend. See you soon

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