Podcast #590

THE “WHAT IF” VOICE AND HOW TO TALK BACK TO FEAR

Do you ever have find your brain getting stuck in a self-talk loop of “what ifs?”  What if it doesn’t work out? What if you don’t really lose the weight? What if you don’t really have what it takes? When you learn these 3 proven strategies to talk back to your “What If’s” so you aren’t held back any longer.

There’s a fear narrative that chokes out the confidence of so many people without them even realizing it’s happening. It speaks to you in statements that start with “What if…” and if left unanswered and unmanaged, can wreck havoc on your mindset and your confidence. In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re unknotting the messy mental chaos caused by “what if” thinking. You’ll learn how to talk back to your “What if’s” so you have more peace and more confidence and so you stop being held back by them from the life you are meant to live. 

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re chatting about: 

  • How “What if” is showing up in your thoughts, and how it’s holding you back
  • What to say back to “What Ifs” 
  • 3 proven methods to quiet the “What If” voice in your mind

THE WHAT IF FEAR VOICE

What if I’m not good enough?

What if I make a fool of myself?

What if this doesn’t work out?

What if I don’t have enough talent?

What if I look stupid?

What if I’m not really funny?

What if I don’t make enough money?

What if no one wants me?

What if I really am just average?

What if I can’t figure this out?

What if no one will love me?

What if no one finds me attractive?

What if I never lose the weight?

What if no one reads my book?

What if my effort is completely wasted?

What if I can’t handle it?

What if _____ happens?

What if I am not smart enough?

What if my friends don’t like me when I am really myself?

What is no one likes my stuff?

WHAT IF AUDIT

Do a 10-minute deep dive into your mind.

What is your brain secretly saying to you that’s causing you fear or that’s compromising your sense of self-worth and worthiness? 

Answer every what-if with an even if.

EVEN IF…

This is how we talk back to our brains.

Kindness paves the path and reassurance.

We need to proclaim – and walk in faith – that it will be okay. And that if it’s not okay, that there will be people/resources/next steps to help it be okay.

WHAT IF I AM?

Reword each one positively.

MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT FEAR

We don’t need to be fearless.

We just need to be brave. 

And to believe that we are brave.

You are brave even when you don’t feel like it, like doing it, or if you feel like your stomach is churning and flipping upside down.

OTHER EPISODES YOU’LL ENJOY:

How to Be More Self-Assured, episode #589

Silencing the Critics: Overcoming the Fear of Judgement, Episode#582

The Fear of Disappointment and How to Move Past It, Episode #438

ANNOUNCEMENTS

3-Month 1:1 Program for High-Achieving Women who Want More:

-Mastering Your Future Self

-Rewiring Your Inner Self-Talk

-Creating Next Level Opportunities

-Increasing Your Income by 30%

-Increasing Your Free Time by 30%

ABUNDANT AND ACCELERATED

$4997

Get access at 
www.trishblackwell.com/abundant

Speaker 1 0:00

Do you ever find your brain getting stuck in a self talk loop? Of what ifs? What if it doesn't work out? What if you don't really lose the weight? What if you don't really have what it takes? What if your business doesn't grow? What if you don't get it into your dream school? What if he cheats on you? What if? What if? What if this is a fear narrative that chokes out the confidence of so many people without them even realizing it's happening? It speaks to you and statements that start with what if and, if left and answered and unmanaged can wreak havoc on your mindset and your confidence. In this episode of The confidence podcast, we're on knotting the messy mental chaos that's caused by what if thinking that gets left unanswered, you will learn exactly how to talk back to your what ifs so that you have more peace and more competence, which in turn is going to help you stop being held back from what ifs from the life that you are meant to live. There's always going to be a what if you got to know how to talk back to it. And this, this episode is going to do the trick. Let's go. You're listening to the confidence podcast the go to coaching podcast, oozing with motivation, and easy to implement steps that help you to be bold and confident in life. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized confidence coach, Best Selling Author and founder of the College of confidence. I teach go getters in life, how to master their self talk, turn down the volume of self doubt, and get more results in life. So that you can be the difference maker and world changer. God created you to be you were made for more. And today's episode will help you tap into it. Let's go. Hey, guys, it's Trish Blackwell and you're listening to the confidence podcast. I am really excited about today's topic of the what if voice were to coaching on fear and the what ifs that roll and rumble through your mind that you're often maybe not even aware of that, you know, subconsciously they're happening. You find yourself struggling in indecision, or being afraid to give something a go. But you're not sure how to move forward. And you probably haven't even told other people that you're struggling with these types of thoughts. That's why I love this podcast, I want to be the person that you know is always going to tell you the truth about what's normal. And what's not. I'm going to be transparent about the types of thoughts that I think because that's part of learning how to improve our intelligence in this area of our life. I really believe that your confidence is strengthened by the increasing of what I call your n q, your narrative intelligence, which is the ability to have a better conversation with yourself. So first and foremost, I just want you to know if you are inundated with mental what ifs. Welcome to the club. Welcome to being human. And the good news is I struggled for so many years in the secret what ifs that I had to create a solution for myself, which is what I'm going to offer to you today. Some of the techniques I use in my own life, but also the techniques I use in the life of my clients. But before we dive in, I want to give a shout out to a listener who reached out to me on Instagram. And if you're not hanging with me on Instagram, I'm Trish underscore Blackwell. And she said this, she said I've been listening to your podcast for four years. And your themes resonate with where I am in life. This past week is no exception. I was an art teacher and I was in disbelief about how draining a particular group of students were because of the constant negativity. And I just listened to your most recent episode about negativity. And that led the class into a reflection about why they need to yell negative remarks or sigh loudly, loudly, and encourage them to be curious and compassionate. And I was astounded by how many toxic mentalities are plaguing these kids from perfectionism to compare and despair to I can't do hard things and fear of failure or self doubt really the Hey, I'm not an artist, therefore I shouldn't try. And I just want I want a dear friend, I am just so proud of you taking the concept here and not just using them in your own life, but in the lives of those who you are influencing and teaching and inspiring. But I wanted to create this episode based on this suggestion of how do we talk back to the Why should I try? What if I embarrass myself What if I really don't have talent? What if no one actually likes me? What if though it's plaguing have, what if, what if, what if and what you highlight here and I wanted to bring this to attention to everyone to have a general conversation here as a community that the more that we tolerate and allow negativity, whether it's an outburst whether it's in the rolling of your eyes, which is contempt, whether it's in just focusing on gossip and negativity and all the things that are going wrong in this world. If you are living in an atmosphere of negativity, the voice of what if is going to be very, very strong and very, very persuasive in your life. Because what if is always going to be the loudest? The What if voice is an anxiety based voice? That's catastrophic. It's expecting the worst. Now in my coaching, I teach people that like, we want to catastrophize to fast forward our minds to say, Okay, if that were to happen, could I handle it? Would I be okay? Because ultimately, you simply want to know, am I going to be okay? And so the fear voice hides itself and what ifs, we get stuck in indecision. Because we want to, quote unquote, make the group good decision make the right decision. The really, you're just stuck in fear. You're not stuck in decisiveness. You're stuck in fear. And so what is the word of fear? What are some of the voices? What if I'm not good enough? What if I make a fool of myself? What if they're not telling me the truth? What if this doesn't work out? What if I don't have enough talent? What if I look stupid? If I'm not really funny? What if they don't really like me? What if I don't make enough money? What if no one wants me? What if I really am just average? What if I can't figure this out? What if no one will love me? What if no one finds me attractive? What if I never lose the weight? What if no one reads my book? What if my effort is completely wasted? What if I can't handle it? What if blink happens? What if I'm not smart enough? What if my friends don't like me when I'm really myself? What if no one likes my stuff. And these were just examples of how it pans out. And every single one of these I have thought before. It is not wrong to think something it's we get in trouble when we camp out at the thought just because you think a thought does not mean you need to camp out there. It doesn't mean you need to stay there. Remember, a belief is a thought that you've repeated over and over, which means it's a thought that you you hear and you go, oh, there's something there. And I want you to imagine that you've set up your campsite, you spend time there, by the way, I'm not a huge fan of camping. But I have camped enough to know it takes effort, you got to set up your tent, you gotta get your stuff ready, like you are making effort to camp out at that spot and where you camp out. Once you're at a thought and you spend time with a thought your brain starts looking for evidence to prove that that thought is true. And so when you identify the what if I need you to be really mentally on guard, you are responsible for parenting your own thoughts you are responsible for managing. And I want you to consider yourself the gatekeeper of your thoughts. Your brain is this prime real estate. And I want you to imagine there's this, this red carpet rolled out. And it's the most exclusive most amazing place to be to stop letting trash and stop letting every if you have you have you are the bouncer at this exclusive club? Are you allowing trash thoughts in? Or are you escorting them out? And when you hear a what if we have to ask ourselves this question? What am I actually afraid of here? And I encourage you to take that thought and read it at the top of your journal. And truly give yourself three to five minutes. undivided attention to answer that. You might even find this a good helpful exercise in making a decision about where to go for the weekend. And I just did this actually I was in the middle of deciding should I go to snowshoe this weekend with my son for the spinal snowboarding competition. And I'm looking at the weather and I'm looking at these different things and I'm thinking it's gonna be worth it. It's a four hour drive. If I'm going is it worth leaving my husband and my daughter My puppy? Is a snow going to be really good. What if it's not good? What if we make all the effort they canceled the competition? What if we get rained on all day? And we're miserable? What if What if What if and I at the end of the day, I wrote down? What am I really afraid of? And when I answered that

Speaker 1 9:14

it was interesting. I'm just afraid that it's I will waste the weekend. I'm afraid that the money that I spend for this experience will be a waste. I once identified my fear and I'm giving you a real life just to date example because it's more tangible. This we're going to take this concept and the structure of how to talk back to the what if it goes in everything this is going to go in your biggest wildest, the most scariest what ifs and in your relational what ifs, but follow the example here. Once identified, gosh, I'm really going back and forth. So I had to get curious what am I saying to myself? What if it's not really fun? What if it's not worth the effort? What if we waste our money? And then I guess I suggested you right? What am I actually afraid of what if is always a fear, it's, it's like, we've put a costume on fear. And so when you look at that costume, I want you to say, What am I actually afraid of here. And as I said, I'm afraid that the weekend will be a waste. And that will go waste of money. And then once you identify your fear, that's where you get your power back what you don't acknowledge, you cannot adjust. And once I acknowledged, well, I'm afraid that it will be a waste, that I adjusted my perspective and my narrative, and said, me spending one on one time with my six year old is never a waste. I then continued the story and reminded myself that me spending time with my favorite Shredder, well, both my kids are my favorite shredders on the snow, which is like my happy place, whether it's rain, shine, snow, ice, I am happy in a mountain on the snow on my snowboard. No matter how good or bad it is, there's no such thing as a waste. It could be the worst snow it could rain the whole time. And it will not be a waste. Because quality one on one time having an adventure with my son is never a waste. And so I was able to talk back to that fear. And once I talk back to the fear the would have disappeared. And when you're doing this process, have compassion on yourself have compassion on your brain, the what your brain is doing, your brain is wired to protect itself. Your brain is wired to look for danger. So the what if is like, Oh, we're doing something different. I think goes on high alert to make sure like okay, are we safe? Are we being exposed? Is everything going? Is this going to be worth it? So we want to first off say Hey, Brian, thanks. Thanks for being on high alert. Thanks for pulling the mental fire alarm. But I'm okay. I'm gonna move forward. I like adventure. Whatever it might be whatever that what if, what if I'm not? If I look stupid? What if I'm not really funny? Hey, brain. We're going a little extreme here. But actually, I think I'm more capable than I thought. So you we can talk directly back to that. What if another method that I wanted to offer to you? So that's method number one, method number two with this? What if fear voice? Like what if I don't really have talent? Let's go with that art example. What if I, what if I try something? And I'm embarrassed because I have such little talent? I sometimes feel like that I can barely draw stick figures. Guys. I certainly can't sing. Like there's certain areas where my own lack of experience makes my What if voice What if people make fun of me because I'm so terrible. And this is where we entered this other method. We're going to replace every What if with an even if? What if people laugh at my stick figures will stay with this example. Even if I get laughed at. I'm still proud of myself putting myself out there. Because the what if is so focused on the vulnerability and the embarrassment and what could go wrong? What we want to do to give the brain confidence to get the brain reassurance that to walk in self assuredness, like we were talking about on last week's episode how to be more self assured. Episode 589 is we want to say hey, you know what, Brian, thank you for being super concerned and be on high alert. We're all good here. I've surveyed the scene, we're going to be okay. But even if that what if happens? We'll still be okay. Because fundamentally, you can proclaim and talk back to fear that no matter what happens, you will be okay. Because that's what we're afraid of. We're afraid something's not going to be okay. We're afraid we won't be okay. And one of the simplest things you can do to slice right through that fear is to say, I am brave, I will be okay. There's always a pivot. There's always a way to make this a good story. So what if I can't figure this out? Like even if it feels like I can't figure this out yet? I know that I'm determined. And I have resources, and I'm going to figure it out. What if this, what if I don't get this done on time? Even if I don't get it done on the time I would prefer? I am committed to following through and I'm gonna get it done. What if no one finds me attractive? Even if the person I want to find me attractive doesn't find me attractive? I'm going to remind myself that there are 7 billion people in this world and there is somebody for me and I am attractive. If you see how we do it, like I'm just going through this list again. And we're going catastrophic. And we want to self assure we want to comfort the fear, the deepest, darkest fear of like, I'm not going to be okay. People are going to make fun of me. And we want to give space to go. Yeah, even if that did happen. Hey, babe, you're still going to be okay. What if I don't get in my dream school? Even if you go Don't get into your dream school, the school that you do get into can become your dream school with the right attitude and that you're going to choose to trust that it is where God wants you to be. Especially this is especially helpful when you're a person of faith and you can incorporate that into it. What if, what if this doesn't work out, even if this doesn't work out, I trust that God's gonna give me the strength, the resources, and the courage to reenter it to encourage myself when I'm discouraged. So I want to remind you that, that you might be discouraged. But it's a moment it's an emotion and you can encourage put courage back into yourself. You do not have to be fearless, fearless is a I believe, an unrealistic goal. I don't want you to be fearless. I want you to be brave. So what if I completely embarrass myself? Even if I do, no one's actually thinking of me. And I will be proud of myself that I showed up in the world that I was brave. And so the decision here to talk back to the fear voice is not that the what ifs aren't going to come? Look, I've been doing this work for over a decade. And my brain I clearly shared an example of how I'm What if thing all the time, I just correct it. I just parent it. I just talk back. I do this in my personal life deciding what I'm doing with our free time or extra money. Do it in my business. What if this thing I'm trying doesn't work out? Well, hey, even if it doesn't, you're going to be proud of the way you showed up. Because there will be something you learned there will be people you encouraged, your effort is worth it. We want to go back and remind ourselves that every time you're brave, it's worth it. Every time you show up and you say today I'm going to be brave. It's worth it. And the by substituting every What if and finishing the conversation with an even if and I would encourage you to write this down pen and paper. What if this happens, we want to write down exactly what we're afraid to. Even if that happens, we want to reassure ourselves, I will then still be okay or God will God will protect me. God will turn it for good. So we want to write this as the format. What if blank happens? Or what if blank? Question mark, even if blank and you acknowledge even if that were to happen? And then we answer it, I will still be. Okay. So the EVEN IF formula is how we talk back to our brains, it gives us a narration of kindness and kindness paving the path and we're in self reassurance and honestly, we I believe we are we need to proclaim in faith and walk in faith that it will be okay. And that if it's not okay that there will be people and resources and next steps to help it be okay. This is not Oh, it's all good. This is saying hey, you know what? If that doesn't go the way I am wanting in the what if the what I'm afraid of actually happens? I still believe it's going to work for my good. I still believe that even if I don't know the next step, I'll have people or resources or path to the next step. So the third method that I wanted to offer you today with this what if voice is sometimes you can say but what if I am? We can reword each one positively. What if this doesn't work out? Sometimes you can shut the fear and your brain down by simply saying but what if it does?

Unknown Speaker 18:35

What if no one reads my book? What if? What if lots of people do when they love it?

Speaker 1 18:43

What if I'm not smart enough? What if you actually are and every day you're learning more and more? So that one is such a simple reframe. But my gosh, it's powerful. What if I am worthy? What if I truly am a masterpiece? What if I am? Who God says I am? What if I'm? What if I'm on my way? What if I'm good at making decisions? What if this is a good this is a good use of my time. And there's some myths, these misconceptions about fears that we need to be fearless we just we just need to, to to push through. It's not about pushing through. You don't need to be fearless you just need to be brave. But to do you need to be brave. You've got to believe that you are brave at the core of who you are. That you are a brave person I've coached with so many people say that's great, but yours I'm not brave. Just I want to hide in the corner. I don't want to be seen I don't want to be exposed. I want you to remind you that you have within you the seeds of bravery. And you can be brave even when you don't feel like it or like doing it or you feel like your stomach is turning and flipping and turning upside down. Being brave doesn't always feel good. You heard that quote that says all we need is three seconds of courage to be brave and you can So you can talk yourself through fear and into action by saying, This is me being brave. This is me being brave. And it's an amazing thing. When you start acknowledging that you are being brave, you start seeing and self identifying as a person who is brave, what will happen. It's pretty incredible. And so what I want you to do my homework for you, is to do a 10 minute deep dive into your mind, I want you to do a what if audit in your in your life, and I want you to really just get curious, so put a timer on your phone, and then pull up a sheet of paper out or a journal. And I want you to ask yourself, what are the what ifs? That are running around? In my mind? What am I allowing to stay in this? What if I'm dressing it up? I'm dressing fear up. And calling it indecision? I'm creating my own anxiety by not identifying these, what is your brain secretly saying to you that's causing you fear? Or that's compromising your sense of self worth, and worthiness? And do what I call a brain dump. Just let every thought that comes to mind flow? And then we're going to answer every What if with an even if it's a really, really great exercise and, and when the more you practice this, the more powerful it will be. I want you to know this you are you are brave. Fear is a liar. You are capable of so much more. And that what is the what is standing between you and the life of your dreams. The impact that you know you're called to make the things is, is the desire to walk through the what ifs, the what if your your brain is trying to protect you. But you don't need the protection. You're good. You can pivot you're not alone. You're destined for this, you are growing, you are capable of this, you are on your way to creating co creating with God and incredible adventure in your life. And you're not going to you can decide today and proclaim that you will not be held back by fear you will not be held back by what ifs. And sometimes it's still going to feel icky, you'll still have a little bit of butterflies in your stomach about it. What if I embarrass myself? What if I'm making the wrong decision? And I want you to go back and say no, there's no such thing. I've got this, I am brave. We've got to talk back to our brains. The more you practice this, the more fluid you will be in your narrative intelligence, your narrative inner language. And that is where your confidence is really, really will skyrocket because the roots of your confidence are going deep because you know how to talk to yourself. Competence is an internal language. And the methods that I gave you here to start being aware of the what ifs, they are a powerful way to improve your linguistic fluency of confidence. Now, before we go today, I want to if you're new to that I got I got so into what we were talking about, I forgot to welcome if you're new listener, I'm so happy you're here. We show up every Tuesday here on the confidence podcast, we want you to come back, hit subscribe. And if this was a encouraging episode, share it with someone you love. Press that forward button text somebody, it is the way we're reaching more people, the more you guys, share it on socials, write a review or share with your friends. It will help us reach more people. If you find any value in the type of coaching that you get here and these actionable based strategies, please let me know and please share it with somebody else, pay it forward. And then if you are Jasmine out on this topic, there are three other episodes I wanted to recommend that I think you'll really enjoy that will deepen your courage and your fear and your self assuredness. And the first one is episode 438 The fear of disappointment and how to move past it right we're often stuck in a what if because we don't want to be disappointed or we don't want to make the wrong choice where you don't want to be exposed. So that's a really great Episode Episode 438. And if you're new and you don't know this, I keep all of my episodes on my website. And so an easy way an easy hack to get to any particular episode that I mentioned is to type in my name Trish blackwell.com and then forward slash the episode number so you can get fear of disappointment and how to move past it at Trish blackwell.com forward slash 438. The other two episodes are silencing the critics overcoming the fear of judgment and that's episode 582. And then, of course last week's episode how to be more self assured, Episode 589. Very briefly, I want to remind you, if you have seen your life change because of listening to this show, your life will accelerate when you join my membership. The College of competence the College of competence is the most powerful audible, the most effective the most comprehensive online coaching experience, I believe on the internet, it is month to month, cancel at any time and comes with a 14 day money back guarantee, I, I want you to go deeper, I want you to take this work to the next level. And I know that you're thinking I don't have time for this, do you know that we actually take all of our audio, all of our workshops, we strip the audio, we the videos are all available on our online campus, you get access to 50 plus courses, 200 plus workshops, hundreds and hundreds. And it's just so much amazing life changing content. And I say that not to overwhelm you. Because we have roadmaps on how to use it. We strip the audio and make it private podcast so you can listen and be coached deeper on the go. We have journal prompts, and Mindset Monday Mindset every every every single week. And honestly, I truly believe 20 minutes a week in the college confidence will take everything you're learning here, and 10 exit 10x The results in your life. So it comes with a 14 day money back guarantee. If you don't find that the COC is the right fit for you or you're just not in love with it. No risk, we refund your money right away. So go to college, your confidence.com to get started. And then if you have ever thought my gosh, what would I? How fast could I get results. If I worked one on one with Trish if you feel like I get you in a way that other people haven't before, I want to let you know I have a one on one program, I have five spots remaining for a for high achieving women who want more, you want to master your inner self talk, you want to rewire your brain, you want to increase your income by at least 30%. And you want to increase your free time by at least 30%. I'm calling this program abundant and accelerated. And as I said spots are limited because this is a one on one with me. It's the only time I've offered a three month opportunity to work with me. Typically in the past, it's been six to 12 months at a time, but I'm looking for people who want to accelerate their results and do it in a short time frame so you can get info on that and put an application at Trish blackwell.com forward slash abundance. Go out there today. Go be more who God created you to be. Be you. Be free. Thanks for listening to the confidence podcast and allowing me to be your coach today in your life. If you love the show, please let us know by leaving a review in iTunes or encouraged by what you learned. share this episode with a friend and let us know that the show is changing your life by saying hi to us on social media Instagram, Trish_Blackwell are on Facebook Trish Blackwell coaching, ready to take what I teach and really take it to the next level. Join us today in the College of confidence. It's my group coaching program that you can join risk free and cancel anytime. And the COC you'll scale your confidence, your courage and the changes you make in your life. It's the coaching support and community you've been looking for. Go to www.collegeofconfidence.com to get started. If you love the podcast, you will love the College of confidence even more and see even more transformation in your life. Come and see for yourself. I'm cheering you on friend. See you soon

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