Podcast #589


If you’re someone who likes reassurance, or who needs the affirmation of others, then it’s time to work on your skill of self-assuredness. Self-assuredness, like any other facet of confidence, is a skill that anyone can strengthen and improve. When you learn how to practice the skill of self-assuredness – and more importantly, what to say to yourself to prime your mind to be self-assured – you can confidently walk into any unknown or uncertain situation with confidence. This episode will give you the tools and exact thoughts to think to deepen this skill and to create unshakeable self-assuredness.

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, you’re gonna learn about:

  • How to become more self-assured
  • What to say to yourself to increase your self-assurance
  • Why practicing speaking up for yourself increases your self-assurance. 


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Self-assuredness doesn’t mean always knowing that you’ve got it.

It’s the ability to talk yourself through it

Self-assurance refers to a sense of confidence, belief, and certainty in one’s abilities, qualities, and decisions. It involves having a strong belief in oneself, one’s judgments, and the capacity to handle various situations effectively. Self-assurance is characterized by a calm and composed demeanor, as well as a firm belief in one’s own worth and capabilities, irrespective of external circumstances or opinions. It is often associated with inner strength, resilience, and a positive self-image, which enable individuals to navigate challenges and pursue their goals with conviction and determination.

Self-assuredness is an action, not state of being

Overall, the pursuit of self-assuredness often involves a combination of self-reflection, skill-building, and adopting empowering beliefs and behaviors.


-an act of building someone up

-reassure yourself

Self-assuredness doesn’t mean always knowing that you’ve got it.

It’s the ability to talk yourself through it

What tension is a sign of …

-pressured success

-self-assuredness is leaning into success with relaxed, confident energy

Self-assuredness is being willing to strike out and still show up with confidence. 

It’s belief in the process and in your inevitable success.

You can accept criticisms and things not going right, and believe that they will work out.


I’ve got this.

I can figure anything out.

Little by little, big things get done.

I am capable and coachable.

I can handle whatever comes my way.

I’ll be ready when I need to be – I shine brightest when it’s most needed.

Today I’m becoming better.

I have a winning mindset and I am creating a winning life.

I have all that I need right now. 


Self-advocacy is the act of speaking up for oneself, expressing one’s needs, desires, opinions, and rights in a respectful and assertive manner. It involves actively asserting one’s interests, preferences, and concerns in various situations, such as in personal relationships, educational settings, workplaces, and within communities.

Every time you self-advocate, you increase your self-respect.

Think about how easy it is to advocate for your children, or best friend. 

What if you treated yourself similarly?

You’ve got to know the following:

-That you have value

-That your opinions and preferences matter

-That you’re worth standing up for

-That you want wants

Practice advocating for yourself 

-Ask for what you want

-Speak up

-Give your preferences

-Tell yourself this is you being self-assured – moving forward while neutralizing what someone might think of you


#585: Self-Talk and Self-Validation: How to Be Nicer to Yourself

#576: Putting Yourself Out There and Taking Risks with Confidence


How to Become More Self-Assured and Better at Self-Advocacy.review of the week.

Speaker 1 0:00

If you're someone who likes reassurance, or who needs the affirmation of others, then it's time to work on your skill of self assured Ness. Self assuredness, like any other facet of competence is a skill that anyone can strengthen and improve. When you learn how to practice the skill of self assuredness, and more importantly, what to say to yourself to prime your mind, to be self assured, you can confidently walk into any unknown or uncertain situation with total confidence. This episode is going to give you the tools and the exact thoughts to think to deepen the skill and create unshakable self assuredness for you for yourself in your life. Listen, self assuredness doesn't always mean knowing that you've got it or you know how to navigate it. It's the ability to talk yourself through it. So in today's episode, we're gonna be covering how to become more self assured how to speak self, assuredness into yourself. And then we're also going to pause for a minute and do a little bit of coaching on self advocacy because when you are self assured you will become a better advocate for yourself on the things that you want to speak up for, and stand up for in the life that you've been given. Welcome to the confidence podcast. Let's dive in. You're listening to the confidence podcast, the go to coaching podcast, oozing with motivation, and easy to implement steps that help you to be bold and confident in life. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized confidence coach, best selling author, and founder of the College of confidence I teach go getters in life, how to master their self talk, turn down the volume of self doubt, and get more results in life. So that you can be the difference maker and world changer. God created you to be you were made for more. And today's episode will help you tap into it. Let's go. Let's dive in. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell. Welcome to the competence podcast. I'm your confidence coach, you can count on this podcast to be consistent and encouraging in your life. We drop new episodes every Tuesday. If you're new to the show, we are so happy we're here. I tried to jam pack as much high value, highly applicable coaching content into each and every episode. So you can actually take the knowledge that you're hearing and not just agree and think oh yeah, that's really interesting. But apply it to your life in a meaningful way. If you're a returning listener, and you're part of the confidence podcast, fam. I'm happier here. Glad to spend more time with you. A couple quick announcements. Before we dive into self assuredness and self advocacy. This episode is going to be so helpful for any of you who want to live a champion life who want to have a winning mindset and build a self encourage yourself along the way to stay in a place of just peaceful assuredness. This is the type of competence that is not frantic. It is not external. It is not measured by how things go or don't. It doesn't matter if you make the sale or you don't if you get the raise or you don't if the vibe pounds changes on a scale or doesn't, you are self assured that you are where you need to be and you're still on your way that you are releasing the timeline of when you'd like things to happen. And you walk in certainty that you have all that you need. You're more than capable you are more than enough and that things are happening. And before we dive into some of that content, and how to advocate for yourself, which guys, when you start learning to self advocate, the things that you've been waiting for people to offer to you. You're no longer waiting for it because you're advocating for yourself. It's so simple and so profound. Just before we go into the coaching, if you are not yet in the College of competence, this is a month that you're gonna want to get into the entire month of March 2024 that we are recording this live. We are talking about creating luck in your life, how to create more luck and attract more great things happening in your life. This is not your typical woowoo attraction and manifestation. coaching perspective I'm a woman of faith and my coach this and these concepts of believing that you can create your own luck in your life and expecting favor and blessings and abundance as you walk in humility. That is the perspective we are coaching from you will not find this in any other coaching corner. And so even if you have been thinking about the college or competence, not sure if you have time or not this is a month you do not want to miss out on go to college or competence.com. To get started. We have workshops on how to create your luck how to believe that you are more blessed than than you feel how to expect live in expectation live in confident expectation of the good things to come. And we're doing some coaching this month also on believing in the weight loss so that you're working towards, and believing in the income and the money and the financial freedom that you are working towards as well, because when you believe it's going to happen, it happens more quickly, more naturally. And that's what we're coaching on this month. So again, get started college or competence.com. It is a risk free 14 day money back guarantee. If it is not exactly a great fit for you just let us know. No questions, no problems. If that if you aren't sure where to start, that's where you start. The other thing I want to announce, I am releasing a new program. It's for March only. It's a three month program for high achieving women who want more. I'm calling this abundant and accelerated. You can find out more at Trish blackwell.com forward slash abundant This is for you if you have wanted coaching, but you don't need six months of coaching you don't need a year of coaching. You want intense fast results. You want to master your future self you want to rewire your inner self talk, you are ready to create next level opportunities in your life. You want to increase your income by 30% and you want to increase your free time by 30%. That is for you. If you're looking to just go next level, it is a short three month program one on one with me no fluff, no group coaching, no extra things. You and me customized personalized, intense and accelerated results. You can find out more at Trish blackwell.com forward slash abundant if you're interested book a call with me and we'll see if it's the right fit. i Let's go into the coaching let's talk about self assuredness self assuredness refers to a sense of competence, belief and certainty in one's abilities, qualities and decisions. It involves having a strong belief in yourself and your judgments and in the capacity to handle various situations effectively. Self assuredness is characterized by a calm and composed demeanor, as well as a firm belief in your own worth and capabilities. Irrespective this is the this is the gold of external circumstances or opinions. It's often associated with inner strength, resilience and a positive self image which enables an individuals to navigate challenges and pursue their goals with conviction and determination.

Speaker 1 7:10

We often talk about this as we talk about how to stay at a place of belief when things aren't going well externally when a door closes when you experience a failure when you were looking for a win, and self assuredness is one of the key components to that equation. It's I was coaching with a client on this this is actually why I decided this is a great topic for us to go and put an expand and explore on the podcast is that self assuredness, I really believe is an action, not a state of being now this came up because this client that I just want to feel more self assured, consistently. And if you think about the word assurance when I reassure a friend, when I reassure you when I reassure my children when I reassure my new puppy Sherlock which if you're not following him, his Instagram is Sherlock dot, the dot Irish dot Terrier, Sherlock, the Irish terrier. It's full of cuteness, if you like dogs, check it out. But when I you know, he's this little puppy. And when we go for walks, there are so many noises, trash cans, and collars and other dogs. And, and he is he's a very just, temperate me, just a very temperate persona. So he's very chill very middle energy. And he's very timid when he's hearing all of these sounds. And so I reassure him, for me to reassure it is an action there is an act of building him up and saying, you're fine, we're fine. And so we know we recognize this think about the last time someone reassured you or you felt reassured, there was an action that took place. And so I want to propose to you today that it being self assured is not a state of being is not a steady state. I wish it was, I wish all emotions were, I wish Joy was a state of being it is a state of being. If we think deep and spiritually, but the emotion of joy, the emotion of happiness, but we want an emotion and we so often want to cling to it, we just want to be happy, but happy. won't feel happy unless you also have sadness. So we need all of these emotions and emotions are vibrations that go through our body and they are fleeting they are temporary. And so because they come in waves and they go in waves, it means that our self assuredness it is not a problem or an issue. If your self assuredness, comes and goes in waves. Self assuredness is a result of an action of consistent self reassurance. Not a I wake up, I feel good with myself in the world and I'm gonna rock it today. This is why winning, winning mindsets take work this is why champions write their their visions down. This is why the best athletes, the best leaders, the best influencers, the best politicians, the the best world changers, the most significant difference makers in this world, they are committed to a daily habit of writing down their vision of who they are. And of committing to having a winning mindset. You will not create a winning life unless you have a winning mindset. But we don't create a winning mindset because things are going well for us. We do it by reassuring ourselves of who we are, who we have the capacity to be, who God made us to be and our call in this world to do great things. And so self assuredness is an action, it is a daily repetition, to say today I will reassure myself that I am on my way today, I will use my brain to find to remind myself that God gave me these this personality, these particular leanings and personality traits and giftings and that I have what I have in hand, and I have all that I need at the moment to get to the next step forward, we are going to reassure ourselves and rebuild ourselves up. And so if you do this on a daily basis, you will walk around with self assuredness that attracts people to you, that attracts opportunities to you. But more than that, that creates peace in your life. Self assuredness is the certainty in peacefulness. It's not rushed or frantic. And I think there's a there's one of the signs if you are not feeling this is if you feel tense, if you feel a sense of pressured success. And I think that self assuredness is leaning into success with a relaxed and confident energy. It's being competent as it's being as confident in the things that didn't work for you. As the things that did. I recently heard a really fabulous interview with Alex Rodriguez, Rodriguez, also known as a rod in the baseball world, and Grant Cardone, and Grant Cardone was singing his praises about you know, his all time stats all in the history of baseball, he has the fourth, fourth most homeruns in the history of baseball. That's a pretty extraordinary fact. And what Alex brought up, and he is this, he said, Grant, it's not the the fourth most homeruns that I'm most proud of, it's that I had the fifth most all time in the history of baseball strikeouts. I'm proud that I have that I'm the fifth worst in the world, like I the fifth most in the history of this high level sport that is wildly love worldwide. I'm the fifth worst. But I'm also the fourth best at this other thing, because I am that I was willing to go all out and go all in and I didn't let that shake my confidence. I am also the fourth best in the world. At one of the most, I think Shiny, shiny stats of all baseball is a homerun you can't have one without the other. But a self assured person looks at the failure and says okay, look at me go. That's part of the process. And so self assuredness doesn't always mean that you've got it. But it does mean that you've got a very healthy, solid internal self dialog, to talk yourself through it. It's the ability to talk yourself through it. I also think it's the going with a rod continued metaphor there. It's the willingness to strike out and still show up with confidence. Its belief in the process and in your in inevitable success. That's what we're going to be coaching on in the college your confidence this month, this belief in your inevitable success, success is coming because I'm a person who is cultivating a winning confident mindset every day. And I'm going to show up until I get the results that I'm working towards and believing for it. And when you have a sense of self assuredness, you can accept criticisms, and you can accept the things that aren't going right. And the people who don't understand you the misunderstandings and the the crossing of the wires are the results that don't go the way you want. And you can still say it's still working. I'm still on my way. I'm the fifth worst at that at that. And I'm also the fourth best, how do those things go together? Because when you're self assured that the result does not define who you are or the potential you have within you, then you can do crazy things, then you can do incredible things. I mean, I you guys I don't know if you know how I do how I do my podcast, but I take notes and I just follow some bullet points and talk as I'm inspired. And I as I'm saying this, I'm inspiring myself. I am reminding myself that my level of potential truly is only limited by my willingness to reassure myself that I am a child of God. The goodness and the love that I pour out in the world matters. I will sell I want to have a discipline of self assuredness of reassuring re encouraging re igniting my fire and my vision and my purpose because it is very easy in our world to get cynical is very easy to look at social media and, and different media outlets and feel what's the point? There's too many people help. There's too many people already helping you feel so small in this vast world that we are in and but you weren't here for such a time as this you're planted where you are for a reason. And when you create and cultivate a habit of self assuredness, you get out of that overwhelm, and you stay in a place where you're winning, where you are a leader, where you're you are a world changer and a difference maker. So as promised, I was going to give you guys what do you say to yourself? How do you start reassuring yourself how to create self assuredness. And I just wrote the first ones that came to mind here for me go to our shownotes you can find the show notes for today's episode at Trish blackwell.com forward slash 589. But I would encourage you to go and write by hand, copy, paste them from my website, steal these for me, write them by hand, but really the work that gets done is writing by hand, writing out your power phrases. I call these affirmations I call them power phrases. I call them proclamations because you are proclaiming and I was just coaching with somebody who we've done one on one work for an extensive amount of time and she was this feeling down. I said, Listen, let's just review your habits real quick. Are you journaling? Sometimes, okay, that's a problem. And then I said, Are you writing a daily affirmation about how you're showing up as a winner and a leader in your work? And she goes, No, I'm like that is that's the only thing we need to fix right now. You fix that you change that one minute habit. Every day, write down proclaim the type of mindset you're gonna walk in, proclaim who you are going to be that day in this world. That is the affirmation or proclamation or declaration, right? You're declaring to yourself who you will be that day.

Speaker 1 16:51

That's powerful. You don't need other people to tell you you needed. You need pen, a post it or journal and one minute and you're going to start writing out these declarations of who you are. That is how we reassure ourselves that is how we create self assuredness. So here, they can be long, they can be short way I teach in my coaching, and in the College of confidence and with my private clients, we teach like I teach you how to really customize it based on your emotions, your circumstances, but you can also keep it super simple. But the more you practice this more, you're going to know what you need to say to yourself to reassure yourself to create that self assuredness that Unshakable Confidence. You're a few, I've got this. So you can write these. And by the way, when you write them down, it's easier to remember them throughout the day, to remind yourself as you're going, I've got this I can figure anything out. Little by Little Big Things get done. I'm on my way. I am capable and coachable. And when you're coachable means I even if you're coaching yourself, and you're like, I'm gonna get curious here what needs to change versus just shutting down and saying, oh, that didn't work. Someone who's coachable is open to feedback, they are open to pivoting and trying new actions. They're open to doing drills and repeating things 1000 times to become excellent at it. I can handle whatever comes my way. I'll be ready when I need to be I shine brightest when it's most needed. Today, I'm becoming better. I have a winning mindset, and I'm creating a winning life. And then finally, I have all that I need right now. So those are all in the show notes, I would encourage you to write those out by hand. They are powerful. Let's talk for a moment about self advocacy. Self Advocacy is the act of speaking up for yourself expressing your needs, your desires, your opinions, and in an assertive manner, not in a demanding I'm going to complain manner, but really knowing who you are, knowing what your interests are your preferences, and what you want in in a day. And in a circumstance and every time you self advocate, you increase your self respect. And think about how easy it is for apt to advocate for your children or your best friend or someone you love. or what have you and treat yourself that way. Too often we go out It's okay. It's just me. So when you disrespect yourself and you dismiss yourself, it's hard to also walk in self assuredness. No, today's podcast truly is about self assuredness. But I did want to take just a few minutes here to talk about self advocacy because if you want to work on self assuredness, I would challenge you to also ask yourself, Where do I need to advocate for myself more? Do I need to ask for more help from my spouse? Do I need to ask for more time for my professor? Do I need to curry advocate for myself in my schedule and create just some free time. But in order to advocate Well, you've got to learn how to practice speaking up for yourself. You've got to in order to speak up for yourself you have to know what you want. So you have to know that you have value, you have to know that your opinions and your preferences matter. You have to know that you're worth standing up for. And you have to know what you what that version of you wants. And some of the ways we practice advocating for ourselves is to ask for what you want, because it's always going to be no unless you ask, speaking up raising your hand, expressing your preferences. And as you do this as you practice, tell yourself that this is you This is you taking action on being self assured. This is how a self assured at person acts by moving forward while neutralizing what someone may or may not think about you because what they think about you is none of your business and a self assured person. Absolutely. 100% knows that. Remember, self assuredness increases the more you increase your ability to talk to yourself to reassure yourself to speak words of proclamation, affirmation and declaration over yourself and your day. I truly am the poster child of somebody of being somebody who truly was craving and desperate for reassurance. And I learned along the way, in my athletic career and, and in my friendships to just directly ask, Hey, I need this. And by the way, it's okay especially for in close relationships to say, I really need to hear you say this, do you mind assuring me by no means am I saying to be self assured doesn't mean you need other humans, we all need and honestly, the more generous you are in assuring and reaffirming and encouraging others, the more skilled you will be at being able to kind of boomerang that that skill set and that dialogue back to yourself. So but I was the queen of being somebody who needed the external validation the external reassurance, and the more you practice self assurance, the less dependent you are on other people's opinions, and it's this incredibly freeing, freeing experience where you don't feel as tense you don't feel as on edge. And that's because that's the Why do the work I do because I've lived this out and I've experienced it in life is just better when you're more confident. And so remember, there's no there's no finish line of competence, be patient with yourself. That's why I have programs that go all the time. Because every level of your life, every level to get to the next level requires a new level of competence. But there's also a level of competence at any level of your life, to say I need the competence and the belief and the faith to know that I can rest here I can enjoy this here, this is not necessarily going to disappear. This fear of the other shoe going to drop is that is that is insecure thinking modality that we want to also address so it gives you more peace and joy where you are. And also the ability to think even bigger about your life and your impact. Now if you're jamming out on today's episode, there's two other episodes I want to recommend to you that you scroll back and shoot listen to them today. Really listen to this, here's what you're going to do if this resonated if you're if our power phrases spoke to you want to write them down number two, share this with a friend, press that forward button, make sure you're subscribing to the show, but press the forward button and text it to a friend and say, Hey, I'm working on this in my life. And I know that you're driven, and I see you as a winner in life too. You might really enjoy this. And then three, check out these other episodes. This is episode set 576. So about three or four months ago, I did an episode called putting yourself out there and taking risks with competence. It's a great episode. And then episode 585 is called self talk and self validation. How to Be nicer to yourself because obviously, everything we talked about today is contingent on your ability to have a high level of self talk. So check out episode 576 and episode 585. We're going to close with our review of the week because reviews make my heart sing you talk about reassuring other people. If you want to encourage me or if you ever just want to say thank you for the show. Writing your review is one of the best ways to do it. This incredible review came from Alyssa she said this showing me a new way of life five stars. Hey, Trish. I'm Alyssa. And I'm an avid lover of your podcast. And with each episode, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude that I found your podcast at this point in my life. I'm 21 But I've been in a mindset that thrives off insecurity and chronic comparison. I always wished I could be confident become a competent and happy person and your words and ideas have made me realize that I am more capable than I ever imagined. Especially the idea that happiness is a choice was an aha moment moment for me. You have been such an incredible influence influence in my life. And ever since I found your podcast, I've been noticing that I'm taking the steps to create a beautiful life for myself. Thank you for being you and preaching that it's a beautiful thing to love who you are. I hope that one day I can meet you Alyssa Alyssa I hope one day I can meet you and I'm so overjoyed specially being a mother to a daughter right knowing that my daughter is going to be that age and knowing that a 21 i i I had no idea I didn't know any of this and I am i You have such such an advantage learning everything you're learning now and I'm so privileged to be a mentor in your life I'm sending you all the love and I cannot wait to hear updates of how even more beautiful your life becomes as you continue to grow as you continue to put these these tools into practice so they elicit thank you for the time for sharing the feedback writing the review and getting the love guys have an amazing week. I'll see you on Instagram. I'm Trish_Blackwell over there. And hopefully I'll see you in the College of confidence. Go out there today could be more of who God created you to be. Be you. Be free. Thanks for listening to the confidence podcast and allowing me to be your coach today in your life. If you love the show, please let us know by leaving a review in iTunes are encouraged by what you learned. share this episode with a friend and let us know that this show is changing your life by saying hi to us on social media Instagram Trish_Blackwell are on Facebook Trish Blackwell coaching, ready to take what I teach and really take it to the next level. Join us today in the College of confidence. It's my group coaching program that you can join risk free and cancel anytime. And the COC you'll scale your confidence, your courage, and the changes you make in your life. It's the coaching support and community you've been looking for. Go to www.collegeofconfidence.com to get started. If you love the podcast, you will love the College of confidence even more and see even more transformation in your life. Come and see for yourself. I'm cheering you on friend. See you soon

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