Podcast #583


Ever felt like you don’t fit in? Or like you’re just different from other people and you’re constantly wondering what “they” think of you? Or maybe you have big dreams, and have been teased for it … or you’re worried that your success will make other people feel bad. Perhaps you haven’t go after what you really want, or allowed yourself to be yourself because you’re afraid of what “they” will think, say or gossip about being your back. You know you shouldn’t care what “they” think but you know you’re holding back in life, or from being your full self, because goshdarnit, you just want people to like you.

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re coaching on…

  • The difference between a power phrase and an affirmation, and how to use both
  • Tapping into the right words to stop caring so much what people think
  • The top payoffs that make this work worth doing

CONFLICT MONTH – College of Confidence

We start in February, click to be part of the experience:


February COC Workshops on Conflict:

Handling Rejection Workshop

Dealing with Unmotivated and Difficult People Workshop

Money Habits for Breakthrough Workshop

Being Disliked and Misunderstood Workshop

Decision Conflict and Indecisiveness Workshop

Inner Belief Conflict Workshop 

 Stop Caring What People Think.


One is repeated and generalized.

One is specific, memorized, and repeated until ingrained. 


I trust in my own judgment and choices; I am the authority in my life.

I value my opinion of myself more than I value the thoughts or opinions of others about me. 

I am not responsible for the thoughts and opinions of others; I am responsible for my own happiness.

I have the courage to be disliked because I like myself and I know I am loved. 

I am proud of who I am becoming, and I don’t need external validation.

My self-worth is not contingent on the approval of others; I am enough.

I am radically obsessed with living my own life to the fullest. 

I release the need to control what others think; I only control my reactions and responses.

I trust that being authentic attracts the right people into my life.

I release the need to compare myself to others; my journey is unique and worthwhile.


No more wasted emotions about where you fit in

No more worrying about what something thinks of you

Renewed relationship with yourself – you like you and that’s enough

Open freedom to pursue whatever inspires you – without having to explain it or justify it

Impact – the more free you are yourself, the more you will free others to be the same

Less anxiety, less stress, less unknown

Unlimited potential

Freedom from overthinking 


The waitlist is now open!


Speaker 1 0:00

Have you ever felt like you don't fit in, or like you're just different from other people, and you're constantly wondering what they think of you, or maybe you've had big dreams, or you've been teased for it, or you're worried that you're successful, make other people feel bad. Or perhaps you just haven't really ever gone after what you want or allowed yourself, to even be yourself because you're afraid of what clinical day might think, say, or gossip about behind your back, you're not sure if you fit in and so you just tiptoe along and you know, you shouldn't care what they think. But you're holding back in life anyways, or from being your full self or from speaking your mind or sharing your faith or your political opinion because you don't want to offend anyone and Gosh, darn it, you just want people to like you. If you want to stop caring what people think, then this episode is for you. You're listening to the confidence podcast, the go to coaching podcast, oozing with motivation, and easy to implement steps that help you to be bold, and confident in life. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized confidence coach, best selling author, and founder of the College of confidence. I teach go getters in life, how to master their self talk, turn down the volume of self doubt, and get more results in life. So that you can be the difference maker and world changer. God created you to be you were made for more. And today's episode will help you tap into it. Let's go. Hey, guys, you are listening to the confidence podcast. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell. Welcome to the show. This is episode 583. If you're new, welcome to the family. You're in the pod fam. Now. Oh, it's a privilege to be a voice of encouragement in your life of the millions of shows you can listen to you chose this. And I think that's for a reason. And I promise you, I'm going to honor your time we're going to dive right in the coaching just two or three quick things before we do. Today, we're talking about power statements. I'm going to talk about the difference between power statements and affirmations and how to use them both. I'm going to give you 10 Power statements to stop caring what people think. And I'm going to talk a little bit more about the payoffs that make this work worth doing. Or it's gonna talk about like, how much work is it like, we all talk about mindset and making these changes? Like what does it look like? So before we dive in two quick things, one thing guys, I've said no, I actually said No, I said no to money this year, as a noted sponsors. In exchange, I need your help. If you've listened to the show more than two episodes, my ask of you is that you write a review, I need your help for growth and just to sustain the cost required to run this free resource, this free show for you. So if you haven't, I would be tremendously grateful for any review that you leave. Second thing I want to honor our review. Well, this is Brittany Flettner. She said, Hey, Trish, I'm an active listener to your podcast. It's amazing. She reached out on Instagram. I'm Trish underscore Blackwell on IG. And if you're a Facebook fan, I'm also still like Facebook. So I'm Trish Blackwell coaching over there. Brittany says I listened to it every morning to help put my head in a good headspace. Each episode is so helpful. I learned so much and become a better person with each listen. Ah, feel good already. Thank you for all that you do. There is no other podcasts out there that has changed my life for the better like yours has. Thank you. And then she said, Hey, I listen on castbox I'm not sure how to leave the review on iTunes heads up. If you're listening on a podcast app other than Apple or iTunes, feel free to leave a review there. But it also does help in the Apple algorithms. If you can get to iTunes, you typically can do that. If you just go into your typical Google search box, type in the name of my show the confidence podcast plus iTunes. And you might be able to you should be able to list leave a review from your desktop, or another way, grab a friend's phone, your best friend's phone or your best co workers phone and go hey, I see you have an Apple phone. Do you mind if I just leave a review for the show that I like? Thanks. And that's super simple. I've done that for people before. I'm really excited to tell you guys one more thing. We in the month of February. In my coaching program, the College of competence. We're doing something that is seems contrary. We're not doing love month. We're not going to talk about expanding our love. Although that's all good. The whole month we are dedicating to conflict. That's right. It's almost like anti love and I did this on purpose because one I realized there's a lot of workshops that we need to do some deep dive coaching on conflict and that's going to include handling rejection, dealing with unmotivated and difficult people. So we have these are the actual workshop titles guys handling rejection workshop, dealing with unmotivated and difficult people The money habits for breakthrough, being disliked and misunderstood workshop decision, conflict and indecisive pneus workshop and inner belief conflict workshop which is really that, you know, that weird place where you like I'm on fire for life. And then the next day you're like, nothing matters. You feel like your brain is vacillating back and forth between believing in yourself and feeling like what's the point, that workshop is going to answer all of that. And so if you're not yet in the college competence, or you've never given us a try, come to college confidence.com, we have a 14 day money back guarantee there is literally nothing else like this on the internet, especially at the price that it's at, I was committed to making the most affordable life coaching resource out there. And that is exactly what we have achieved. And we are, we want to invite you to come try to come and join us College of confidence.com. Now let's coach let's coach. What's the difference between an affirmation and a power phrase? Affirmation is, these are these are, by the way, not dictionary definitions. These are Trish. Trish Blackwell definitions, an affirmation is a statement. And it's affirming something powerful, I believe in the power of affirmations in my coaching, and in my own personal coaching time, I distinguish between affirmations and power phrases. And in the sense of that I use a lot of affirmations, I write one every day at the end of my journaling. If you've ever followed any of my journaling programs, or gotten one of my journals off of Amazon, or ever even been in the COC for a little bit of time, you know that my my morning journaling process, my two minute journaling process includes five gratitudes, a negative thought that then gets reframed. And then an affirmation. And the affirmation is essentially the blanket statement that summarizes in a more positive way. Whatever it is that your brain needs to be refocused on, we are forming our focus, it's standing firm in something and when you focus your brain, you see more of it. That is why when you it's when you see the you're shopping for something, and all sudden you go I've never seen these before. And now all I see that. So maybe you're looking for a new pair of Hunter boots. And you notice you don't know anybody that has Hunter boots, but then all of a sudden, you've been on the hunter boot website, and you've picked out a couple things. And now the next time you go to the mall or you were at school or you're at work all sudden you see five people wearing Hunter boots, it's the same as when you're driving a car and looking for a new car, all of a sudden you go oh my gosh, everybody has this car, it's called the reticular activating system in our brain and our brain gets focused on one thing, and then it starts to scan for that, in all the areas of your life. This is a beautiful automated thing that your brain does cognitively. And an affirmation is a way to firm up what you want your focus to be. It's a beautiful redirect, I think of it as a generalized. I am affirming this in my spirit, I'm proclaiming it. I sometimes call my affirmations, an affirmation, a declaration or a proclamation. And so where to focus my mind. What I like to think about when I think about a power phrase is it's a little bit of a shorter sentence. It's a little bit more specific, and memorized and repeated until it's ingrained. Now, on the surface on paper, you might go these are the same thing. And in fact, your wording of that might be the same thing. But I believe in a paraphrase becomes powerful by writing it down. A more pulled back version is like to explain the differences is the difference. It would be the difference between reading a Bible verse and memorizing a Bible verse. I think we've all read affirmations and we can't that's good. Oh, yeah, I'm on board. Thumbs up. I like that post. Oh, sure. I'll click that. I'll save that on that carousel on Instagram, I'm gonna come back and say, the thing is, is you go yes, you are in agreement, you're affirming and agreeing with it. And most of us do that. But a power phrase is memorizing it. A power phrase is saying today, I'm going to surround myself with this. And that's like, and for those who come from a faith background or church background, there are probably a lot of Bible verses that once somebody starts reading it, you're like, Oh, right. Oh, yeah, I've heard this before. Whereas the Bible verses that maybe you memorize in Sunday school, or maybe you've since memorized, if you say alright, Proverbs three, five, trust and Lord with all your heart like it is memorized. It is a powerful and me because I've, I've etched it into my heart, right? It has become automated. And that's the difference. And so, what I have my clients do, what I have my students in the college confidence do is to identify what's a power phrase, like when you're struggling with an area that you want to dial in on? How do you make it more powerful? What is that you want to believe? What is it that you need to believe? And once you write your power phrase,

Speaker 1 9:49

I want you to write it on your journal. I want you to write it in an email to yourself. I want it to write it on a post it I want you to text it to yourself. I want you to repeat repeat Repeat, repeat. Now I've done this a lot. I use power phrases a lot. When it comes to body competence. If you don't know my story, I struggled for a long time with eating disorders and body image and a lot of self induced pressure. And every now and then old thoughts and again, because let's be honest, I've trained myself negatively for 15 years. So even though I've been healthy, and have a really positive, powerful mindset for the last 15 years does not mean that I that old thoughts don't still come in. So why go to power phrases were an affirmation is, my body's beautiful, that doesn't resonate with me. But for me a power phrases I have a body that is, for I'm friends with my body, my body works for me, that for me resonates more, or I'm more beautiful in my body now than I ever have been, or my body ages beautifully. And I am grateful for the gift that God has given me. That is, you can see how it's a little bit more personalized. And depending upon what my mind what drama or negative thought my mind is saying. I write my power phrase, almost like a friend. Like if I was mentoring myself, I say, Hey, babe, still, let me tell you don't believe realize that your aging is going to make your body less beautiful, you can just decide that I'm aging beautifully. And my body is my friend. And my body works for me, not against me, or I love making good decisions to honor my body. I have a beautiful, beautiful vehicle for life. And I celebrate it today in all of its imperfections, and glory. That's a power phrase. And you write it like a message yourself. No, those are longer power phrases. I diverge though, let me get to the point of telling you the differences here. I believe one of the key ways to stop caring what people think, is to use your words. And it's not your words to others. It's your words to yourself because the reality is when we care about people think we cower in life we we watch from the sidelines, we overthink we stay in decisiveness. We worry if we fit in we we spread ourselves to where emotionally intellectually exhausting yourselves. And as a result, you don't actually have the capacity to tap into your full potential. And so the the journey of being free from fear of judgment, the journey of being free from caring what people think one of the pivotal things we can do, one of the tools we can do is to use our words to use our words powerfully. And so I have a couple that I wrote down if you want to go if you're driving on the treadmill, don't try to write these down. If you're able to take notes, certainly take notes, but I have these all in my show notes, which you can get the full show notes on my website at Trish blackwell.com Ford slash 583. And here they are I'm going to read, I'm gonna read all 10 for you. And I'll read each one twice and slowly. And you'll see that these are themed around giving yourself permission not to care. Also, we need to understand the reason we care what people think and is that we're wired to we are wired for community. And if you haven't yet listened to last week's episode 582 silencing the critics overcoming the fear of judgment, I go a little deeper into that. So we're just gonna allow ourselves to have our human humanists of over give caring, but we don't want to over care, it's when caring what people think limits you. It's when caring what people think, makes you worried about what they're judging of your the car you drive, or the amount of money you have, or the way your family values operate, or family rules or the way your body looks or your style or what you say or if you're going to talk openly about your faith or not or your political thoughts, or the way you approach nutrition like giving yourself permission to be different. One of the key phrase and you know, this is a bonus, I give myself permission to be myself, I give myself permission to be different. And before I even say these other things I need to add I always try to add this when we talk about not caring what people think is that as long as you like you. It's okay if other people don't. And we're going to do in two weeks, we're going to have a whole episode on wanting people to like you. And I think that's a natural thing. But the first person I want you to like you is you. How do you do that by spending time with yourself. We just did a whole workshop on relationships and the College of competence. It's available on instant replay when you become a member. But the the core of that teaching was your relationship with yourself how to have a good relationship with yourself how to like yourself. And for some of us that's going to come easier than others simply because you might not have even thought about it before the relationship you have with yourself with liking yourself with enjoying yourself with learning, what is there to enjoy about you. So let me get to these phrases here. One, I value my opinion of myself more than I value others opinions of me. I value my opinion of myself more than I value others opinions of me, too. I trust in my own judgments and choices. I'm the authority in my life. I trust my own choices. I am the authority my life. Three, I am not responsible for the thoughts and opinions of others. I am responsible for my own happiness. I am not responsible for the thoughts and opinions of others. I am responsible for my own happiness. I have the courage to be disliked. Because I like myself. And I know I'm loved. I have the courage to be disliked. Because I like myself and I know I am loved. I really like this one, I'm proud of who I'm becoming. And I don't need external validation. I want a side note there. You don't need external validation once you learn how to give yourself your own validation. Now, it's okay if you I don't need external validation. I like external validation, I can like it, but I don't have to need it, I can learn how to give myself that right. And we have a huge week, I'm going to make sure I find the episode for you of self the art of Self validation. It is in a recent episode that we've done, it might not be that recent. But I have a whole podcast episode on that if you scroll back, the art of Self validation is a really, really game changing episode, I'm going to be doing a workshop coming up on how to self validate. So stay in the loop for that. But that you it's okay to not need external validation, because you can give it to yourself. My self worth is not contingent on the approval of others. I am enough. My self worth is not contingent on the approval of others. I am not. I am radically obsessed with living my own life to the fullest. I am radically obsessed with living my own life to my fullest to the fullest. You know, one of the things I'm gonna pivot there for just a moment, because I live my life differently. Because I became an online entrepreneur before it really was a thing because I decided to parent my kids differently because we travel more than average person because I go all in on the sports and the things that I love. I've always been different. I've always judged myself for that. And I've always kind of like, downplay it. Oh, you know, just doing that. And like, because I was always worried what are these people thinking? And then my life changed when I just said, I get to be obsessed with the life that I've been designing? Like if if, if life is this precious thing and time is so limited, and I want to take my life and squeeze it to the fullest capacity, everything God has given me. I want to use it to the fullest. Why am I going to hold back because it's different? Why am I going to worry what anyone thinks. And so just give yourself permission. It's okay for me to design my own life would be really beautiful, beautiful, beautiful way to a power phrase or I follow the path that God is directing me on as another beautiful power phrase. Okay, I released the need to control what other people think. I only control my reactions and responses. You guys, we spend so much time trying to control what people think based on how we style our hair, how we do what we say what we don't say in some of that social protocol, that's fine. But we can release the need the desire, it's okay for people to have an opinion about me. It's okay that they their opinion might be wrong sometimes. I trust that being authentic attracts the right people into my life. I think sometimes we care too much what people think. And they're often people that we don't actually care about, we get so worried about, about looking a certain way being cool doing this looking impressive being and yet you go all for who? And then when you ask yourself, Do I actually even care about their opinion, most more often than not, we don't. And then finally I released the need to compare myself to others. You might even say I like to say, I've outgrown, comparing myself. I've outgrown, comparing myself, my journey is unique and worthwhile. Our journey is unique and beautiful. I give myself freedom to not care. I have to remind myself this often I have permission to not care what they think sometimes I walk away from a situation go off that I have no idea what that person thinks of me and I use a power phrase and go Trish, it's okay. You don't have to care what everyone thinks.

Speaker 1 19:00

That might be the word of encouragement you need to say to yourself today. I had a lot of this when I was when I was pursuing languages and and if you don't know my story, I been obsessed with words since I was a kid and then went into languages as in, in academics. And everyone was like, what are you gonna do with language as well, I had no way to say, Well, I'm actually going to help rewire the thoughts that people have in the brain with this before the life coaching industry really was even a thing. I'm going to help people rewire their thoughts with good word choice. But I just knew I was passionate. And so I had to give myself permission on I had a lot of friends. Everyone said you should go you should go to medical school, you should go to law school. And I went no, I think I'll hang out with words. And I gave myself permission for people to think that I was less ambitious. Even though I was massively ambitious. I was ambitious and following my passions. I also you know, one of the pivotal things I want you to just reflect for a moment of where have you allowed yourself permission to not let someone not care what people think And when I was out of school and I have this very, very low, intense education and from, you know, very elite, private schools, and then I worked at a gym. And I worked as a lot of my co workers were still in high school. And I remember thinking people, my friends who were in law school at the time in doing these big impressive Jobs said, Oh, do you want me to help me pay for lunch? Okay? Oh, you still working at the gym? What they didn't know was I was making $100,000 working at the gym because I was great at sales. And I was working with high level clients in my personal training, and I was changing their minds as I was changing their body and I was the, the the best paid trainer in the entire company. But I had to let go of letting go of the thought of like, they're gonna think that I have a lesser job, I was passionate, I was in love of my life. And that was when that's when my life changed when I started to saying it's okay, if people don't understand my career choice. It's okay that they don't that they don't know how incredibly successful I am right here as a 24 year old. It's okay, I give them permission to feel like, maybe they should buy me lunch, right? These are close friends. And I was like, hey, you know what, by the way, I'm actually doing great at the gym. But my point is, is ask yourself where you're caring too much what somebody you might think and often somebody in our past that we have very little relationship with still? Who is that? And practice now going I give a give myself permission to let go of caring? Now, how do you use these power phrases? How do you customize these for yourself? It's by journaling. If you aren't yet journaling, write everyday start journaling. It's massively life changing. And you can journal is when I already told you my process. It's five gratitudes. And then writing, I like to ask myself, what's bothering you Trish, what's bothering you today? Or sometimes I self reflect and say, Is there Do I have anxiety today? What is if I could put the thought into one word? What is that? Or is there anything? I'm overthinking? Is there anything negative in my mind, I should write down and just to get it out? And then the key thing is to write an answer back to reframe it, to talk back to that thought. And after you talk back to the thought, then you're going to know, what's the power phrase I need for today. Let me give you an example. Maybe you're you're putting pressure on yourself about your weight loss. And you're worried that other people are gonna think that you're not making enough progress. And you're worried and you reframe it, and you and you go, you know what you're tracking my food, I'm getting more steps, I've been more committed to this goal than I have in the past year. So what's the power freeze you need? You right back that, that I actually I'm doing great. And the power phrase might be everything is working. And I am on my way, another power phrase might be the weight loss is happening. And I'm proud of myself. So we simplify the reframe with the power phrase. And I wanted to talk briefly before we close out today that the payoff of doing this type of work that payoff of getting curious about the words that you use and the power of words and, and the power of the light that you can put into your own life with the use of specific words. It sounds like it's really time consuming. It's, it's it's not, it's two to three minutes at a time throughout the day. And the payoff, the result of it is that you have no more wasted emotions about where you fit in. When you do this type of work. There's no more worrying about what somebody thinks about you. Or when you start to worry, you're able to catch it and go, Oh, you know what, I've outgrown that. It's okay, if that person doesn't like me, I like me. Plus, they probably do like me, they're probably not even thinking about me, you're able to do very quickly redirect your thoughts. And what's beautiful is this creates a renewed relationship with yourself. You like you and that's enough. And when you like you, you're going to show up as your your quirky, vibrant, real, authentic us, I promise you people are going to like that. You're going to more open freedom to pursue whatever inspires you without having to justify it or explain it, you can also have more impact. Because the more free you are, the more you will have you will free others to be the same. The results of reframing your thoughts the result of of, of using power phrases to stop caring what people think and to to redirect and reaffirm your mind is you will have less anxiety, less stress less unknown, less overthinking. And you'll really start to go oh my gosh, when I stop worrying what people think anything's possible. Right? Like people are under earning because they're worried they don't want to be too successful. Maybe you want to take a break from your career and go travel the world for a year maybe you want to switch careers completely and you're you're not because you're you're thinking what are people going to say I went to school for this I can't switch now but But what if you could What if you had permission and what if even if they said something it was just one thing? So what what if it didn't hold you back? Then what would be possible? I hope that this is has sparked your thoughts challenged your brain. Gotten yet Excited to journal if you don't know yet actually, if you want to increase your journaling, improve your journaling, I do have a new resource. It's called inner radiance 1000 Journal prompts to spark confidence and joy. And so if you want to follow the two minute method that I mentioned, it's like I said, very easy five gratitudes, what's the negative thought reframe it, and then write a power phrase. But if you want more in depth guided journaling, that's why I created this 1000 Journal prompts. It's like eight bucks on Amazon, go and check it out. You can I'll put the there's a pretty link called, which is Trish blackwell.com forward slash inner radiance. But I'll also put the link here in the show notes for you. So as always, you can you can access that at Trish blackwell.com forward slash our episode number, which is 583. My final announcement before we close out, and if you didn't notice, if you're not yet subscribed, and following the show, please do follow because we're doing a series of letting go purging negative thoughts, purging negative influences, purging these this one of approval, and we're gonna talk a little bit more about self validation in the next couple of a couple episodes. So make sure you're with me every Tuesday. Share this with any friends, coworkers, peers, a girl group, a girl gang, your mom, press forward to anybody you think this type of coaching would inspire. And the final thing before we close out, I want to let you know. Cool, the waitlist is now open. For my second cohort training of my confidence coaching certification. I am pulling back the curtain of how I've learned to sell over $2 million of coaching how I've designed a life where I can work anywhere how I am in changing people's lives through confidence coaching and if you ever want to be a life coach, if you've been wondering how to become a confidence coach, if you want to be trained by me spend six months with me be able to have the legal right to teach my my my my, my content, my my strategies, all of my tools. It is all happening in our certification program. You can find out more we have a payment plan you can find out more at confidence coaching certification.com, our next cohort we are planning to start in March. It does. It's a six month program there's a there's it's it is the I believe the most comprehensive program to prepare you with a coaching skills that you need the competence in your coaching skills, the confidence to market to niche to scale your business to have vision and to stay in a place of belief that you have a story you have an impact that you can share that will change the lives of others. And then you can design your own life at the same time based on a coaching business of your dreams. So if you are a coach if you've ever wanted to be a coach, or you just want to have a deeper mastery of the coaching tools that I teach, get on the waitlist be and we're gonna be offering on the waitlist some q&a sessions before you commit and some some next steps. And that's all happening at competence coaching certification.com. Guys, thank you for being with me today. I'll see you next Tuesday or sooner in the college have confidence go out there today. Go

Speaker 1 28:09

be more who God created you to be. Be you. Be free. Thanks for listening to the confidence podcast and allowing me to be your coach today in your life. If you love the show, please let us know by leaving a review in iTunes. are you encouraged by what you learned? share this episode with a friend and let us know that the show is changing your life by saying hi to us on social media Instagram Trish_Blackwell are on Facebook Trish Blackwell coaching, ready to take what I teach and really take it to the next level. Join us today in the College of confidence. It's my group coaching program that you can join risk free and cancel anytime. And the COC you'll scale your confidence, your courage, and the changes you make in your life is the coaching support and community you've been looking for. Go to www.collegeofconfidence.com to get started. If you love the podcast, you will love the College of confidence even more and see even more transformation in your life. Come and see for yourself. I'm cheering you on friend. See you soon

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Get started with thought work

Master a Highly Effective Journaling Habit

Download my custom created journal, The Toxic Thought Freedom Journal, and get 7-days of free coaching with me on how to journal with power and effectiveness.

Yes! I Need That