Podcast #582

SILENCING THE CRITICS: OVERCOMING THE FEAR OF JUDGMENT

Are you held back by the fear of others? Do you find yourself caring too much what people think, or watching critical hot messes piles up on social media threads, and as a by-standard feel burdened by the critical nature of the world we live in?  Maybe your critics aren’t “those other people” out there; maybe the critics you worry about are closer to home … either your own voice or that of friends and family. You “know” that what they think doesn’t matter and shouldn’t hold you back, but yet, you still aren’t going all out on the life you want to live, or all in on the different you want to make. This episode is for you if you want to start speaking up more boldly, to take action more intentionally and to free yourself from over-caring what “they” might think.

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re coaching on:

  • 5 immediate things you can do to stop worrying about the critics in your life
  • The secret power thought that will help you overcome your fear of judgment
  • An approach to take this year to stop caring and being held back by what people think

REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

Silencing the Critics: Overcoming the Fear of Judgment

Silencing the Critics: Overcoming the Fear of Judgment

FEAR OF JUDGMENT

Understanding the Fear of Judgment

Exploring the psychology behind the fear of judgment

Discussing the evolutionary aspects of judgment and its role in human behavior

Sharing common triggers that ignite the fear of judgment

The Impact of Fear of Judgment on Personal Growth

Discussing how the fear of judgment can hinder personal development and goals

Examining the link between fear of judgment and self-esteem

Sharing real-life examples or case studies illustrating the consequences of succumbing to this fear

Silencing the Critics: Overcoming the Fear of Judgment

5 STEPS TO REDUCE THE CRITICS

  1. Identify them.
  2. Neutralize their power of influence over you.
  3. Talk back to them and counterbalance them. 
  4. Ignore and understand them. 
  5. Judge less and tap into curiosity and compassion more

We must challenge our thoughts, and our negative assumptions.

The story you are narrating is only one of many possible stories. 

We must also be honest about the judgement we put out into the world.

What we extend gets directed back to us. 

SECRET POWER THOUGHT TO OVERCOME FEAR OF JUDGEMENT

I was uniquely created for such a time as this, and with such personality, passions and purpose as I have. I have full permission to be 100% myself, for doing so is an expression of gratitude to the God who created me. 

I have the courage to be myself, to follow my beliefs, to use my voice and to believe I can make a difference in this world. I am bold and brave, willing to live life to the fullest. 

AN APPROACH TO STOP CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK

Know what it’s keeping you from.

Know how little people are thinking about you. 

Know what unleashes when you let go.

Know how to create inner peace (manage your anxiety)

Anxiety Reduction Power Phrases:

I am whole and loved and who I need to be.

I have all that I need.

I am making a difference today with my life and my efforts.

I belong and I connect well with others.

There is no pressure here, I can handle whatever comes.

I trust myself and my ability to pivot and react. 

Note: letting go takes practice, and intentional story narration.

Get instant access to one of our recent workshops, RELEASING YOUR PAST, when you join the College of Confidence.

Silencing the Critics: Overcoming the Fear of Judgment

1:1 INVITE

I have one open client spot for private coaching.

Go to www.trishblackwell.com/coaching to learn more about the results my 1:1 clients get and to fill out an application to have a free virtual coffee with me to explore if investing in 1:1 coaching is for you. 

OTHER EPISODES YOU’LL LIKE:

Morning Anxiety vs. Evening Anxiety, Episode #564 

Unknown Speaker 0:00

Are you held back? By the fear of others?

Speaker 1 0:03

Do you find yourself caring too much what people think? Or maybe you watch those critical hot messes pile up on social media threads. And as a bystandard, you feel burdened, just by watching the critical nature of the world that we live in. Maybe your critics aren't, quote, unquote, those other people out there, maybe the critics you worry about are closer to home, either your own voice, or that of friends and family, you know, that what they think doesn't matter and shouldn't hold you back.

Unknown Speaker 0:39

But yet,

Speaker 1 0:40

you still aren't going all out on the life you want to live or all in on the difference you want to make. Hey, this episode is for you. If you want to start speaking up more boldly, to take action more intentionally, and to free yourself from over caring what they might think. In this episode of The confidence podcast, we are talking about silencing the critics how to overcome the fear of judgments. Let's dive in. You're listening to the confidence podcast, the go to coaching podcast, oozing with motivation, and easy to implement steps that help you to be bold, and confident in life. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized confidence coach, best selling author, and founder of the College of confidence. I teach go getters in life, how to master their self talk, turn down the volume of self doubt, and get more results in life. So that you can be the difference maker and world changer. God created you to be you were made for more. And today's episode will help you tap into it. Let's go. Hey, there, it's Trish Blackwell, and you're listening to the confidence podcast episode 582. In this episode, we're gonna be coaching on five immediate things you can do right now, to stop worrying about the critics in your life. I'm gonna give you the secret power thought that will help you overcome your fear of judgment. And I'm going to give you a approached to take this year to stop caring and being held back by what people think. If you're new to the show. I'm just so happy. You're part of today's episode. Welcome to the podcast family. Thank you for giving us a try. And if you are a returning listener, if you have been listening to every episode the past 11 years, I love you. I'm so happy you're here. Thank you for sharing the show. Thank you for writing reviews. You guys, thank you for growing the confidence of the world around us. Because the key is when you aren't confident, you're able to take more action in life, you have more courage, you have more voice, you show up differently, you are a difference maker and world changer. Confidence is so critical. And I'm just proud of you for being here to be somebody who says I'm going to deepen my roots here. And it's interesting that the more successful you are, the more you really need confidence to scale to the next level. So I'm so happy you're here. We are going to dive in. I do want to read a review of the week. Thank you so much guys. Every review that you write matters. It makes the world of a difference in a podcast algorithm, and it helps us reach more people. So thank you so much for taking the time to do that. Today's review of the week is Rohan Marley. They said this turning things around last year, I experienced my first panic attack ever. Prior to this, I would have never classified myself as an anxious person, a perfectionist and people pleaser Yes, but cool and calm and collected always. Since then, I feel like I'm a completely different person. I experience anxiety daily, where it affects my work and relationships. It's been a year of trying everything in anything to feel like the person I was before. Last year I also listened to my very first podcast, the confidence podcast and it could not have been better timing. I've always strayed away from compliments and encouragement because it always made me feel awkward. But Trish really has a way with it. Her words have helped me through the darkest of times. I've started a daily routine of listening to the show in the morning when I wake up to kickstart my day with some positivity she gives me the courage to fight off my overwhelming thoughts every morning it gives me hope that I can change things around for myself and I can be the happy carefree girl I once was. I want to pause there the review continues I'm gonna I'm gonna answer that the the front of the line girl that belief right there is life changing. I want you to keep believing that the change is happening. And once you one of the one of the core things I teach in confidence one of our pillars of confidence is the ability to believe that your future is better than your past. The ability to believe that that the best is yet to come and you are right there I'm so Part of you, you're at that building the foundation of that pillar. By the way, if you don't know the pillars of confidence, I'll just briefly share them here. It's one to know who you are second pillar, know what you want. third pillar know that you matter. fourth pillar, know how to think. And fifth pillar is the one we were just referencing, know that your future rocks know that your your future is better than your past and has the capacity to be. If you want to know how to grow in those pillars, you're in the right place. To take it even further. We just published a new journal book on Amazon, I'm not making money off this, I make like $1 per purchase, it's really just more of a resource for you. And it's called inner radiance 1000 Journal prompts just spark joy and confidence in your life it is. We also have the Kindle version for 590 nights of go to Trish blackwell.com forward slash inner radiance that will take you directly to Amazon, but it's going to give you 1000 Journal prompts to scale your confidence. Now, why do I mention that in correlation to the pillars of confidence? Well, I have actually designed those 1000 Journal prompts into five sections. So there are 200 Journal prompts to help you with each pillar. So if you for example, if you want to know, you're really working on the pillar of confidence to know that you matter. I've got 200 Journal prompts that will help you unearth and uncover a lot of that and to believe it, if you want to work on how to think I got 200 Journal prompts for that. So check it out. I'll also include the link in the show notes. But the review continues. So let me just answer this question that was posed. If I can request the show topic I would love to hear more about of your insight about anxiety, and panic attacks. I work in the restaurant industry. And almost every weekend without fail, I started to get panicky because I'm worried about work and getting too busy and overwhelmed. Even though I've been doing it for eight years, and I'm very good at my job. I've never experienced this before. Thanks again for your insight. I can't wait to hear more of what you have to say. So first, let me tell you other episodes, one of the episodes that came to mind that you'll appreciate on if any, if you're struggling with anxiety is episode 564. It's an episode on Morning anxiety versus evening anxiety. I also have episode 565 optional drama, knowing which thoughts to believe and which ones to ignore. If you go to Trish blackwell.com forward slash podcasts, we actually have a little search box that you can type in a keyword so we can type that you can type in the word overwhelm and find every episode I've done on overwhelm or anxiety. But that said, When I get an ask for specific doc topic I show up. So don't you worry that will be coming more specific about panic attacks, about how to have confidence when you're feeling overwhelming pressure and how to trust yourself. Because that's really what I think you highlighted there, you said, I'm good at my job. And yet I have anxiety about my job. And so I would really encourage you to dive deep into really practicing the art of Self validation. Learning how to self affirm and self validate will be one of the most powerful things you can start to do to help quell some of that anxiety that you're experiencing on this on this on this daily basis with work. So that is and if you go into our archives, we do have some episodes specifically on self validation, and affirmation. So I hope that is helpful, but I will definitely customize an episode to come.

Unknown Speaker 8:30

Let's coach y'all. I've

Speaker 1 8:32

already started coaching, you've heard it let's let's become official, let's talk about fear of judgment. First and foremost, we've got to understand where is the fear of judgment coming from and and it it's, it can be social anxiety, it also can be a fear of negative evaluation, but has its roots in the psychology that we are we have a survival mechanism. In our ancestral environments, being part of a social group was crucial for protection and resources. And I really, I really believe that God wired us for community. So rejection from a group can mean a higher risk of danger, or if we go in to our history, decreased access to essential resources. And so we want to be kind to ourselves, rather than critical and judgmental of I shouldn't care what people think and I shouldn't have this fear of judgment. It is part of your human wiring to desire to belong. But we just over attached to it we want to we want to honor some of our wiring but also not be limited by over attachment to it. There's additionally we we have this susceptibility to judgment in our culture now. Because of technology technology is such a gift but it is massively dangerous if you aren't moderating its effect on your psychology because we are looking at it videos that are curated and spent hours spent on and we watch people on Tik Tok or on Instagram or on YouTube and everything looks great. And it looks like somebody who's never even, they never practice the dance. They're just perfect at dancing, they always look good, the lighting is amazing, their life is amazing. And then you feel awful in rejection of yourself. And then you judge yourself for judging them and feeling bad. Or perhaps you see something. And then you see the whole hot mess train wreck that happens in comments of people being unkind and people being keyboard warriors, where they troll and they say negative things about other people because they're unhappy with their own life. You don't have to be it doesn't matter what platform you are on. There is massive negativity and judgment, because it's easy. You can hide behind a screen, you can hide in your in amenity, you can hide behind the keyboard and say whatever you want to say. And so people are careless with their words. And so we need to honor the fact that there's there are a lot of psychological underpinnings of the fear of judgment. And so to know that that's happening, is also okay. And so I wanted to give you a couple things to to normalize this, but really, I want to give you the five steps to reduce critics, and I and I'm gonna, I'm gonna read through them, and then I'm going to coach you on them because I want to just normalize first and foremost, normalize the fear of judgment. But we get to decide does it have power in your life or not? So our five steps to reduce the critics are number one, identify them. Number two, neutralize the power their influence over you. Number three, talk back to them and counterbalance them. Number four, ignore and understand them. Number five, Judge less and tap into compute compassion and curiosity more. So what do I mean by that? Let me walk you through the steps. Number one, identify what critics you're most concerned about? It sounds obvious, you might want to say everyone, but I really want you to go Who are the two or three people most worried about? Whose opinion do I value? Who am I worried about? Who's Who's? Who do I have fear of judgment from? Is it the cool group? Is it high school friends that still follow? Follow me and connect it to me on Facebook? Is it my co parents, people who are in my parenting circle is it my my supervisor, my boss, my co workers, my teachers, my family was just identifying who you are intimidated by or concerned by. And we're not judging ourselves, we're not saying law shouldn't care, that's not helpful. We're gonna identify them first, top three, now we're going to neutralize their power of influence over you. And I think it's really important that you just challenge the power you've given them. It's okay for somebody to have an opinion about you. It's okay for them to judge you.

Unknown Speaker 13:05

It's okay for

Speaker 1 13:06

them to be wrong about you. I'm not advocating for judgment. But if we're going to look at human behavior, and know that humans are critical, humans are especially unhappy, unhappy, self critical, humans, often are massively critical, and judgmental of others. So if we know that this is a thing that is happening, and we know that we will, we could worry about it and try to control what we cannot control, which is the thoughts of other people. Which is why we often just retreat into our caves and not do anything with our lives. We you can go that route, or you can neutralize their power of influence of you by just saying, accepting what you can't control. I cannot control

Speaker 2 13:43

anyone's opinion of me. Period.

Speaker 1 13:48

I can try. I mean, that's why we people, please, right. That's why we're perfectionist, right? That's why we we overcome it, we want to be impressive. And we want to look a certain way we want to influence people's opinions of us. And to a certain extent you can, but fundamentally, you really can't. The only person who can is that person. It's their thoughts about you. And so we want to pull back and go, they don't have influence over me, because I cannot change what they're thinking or what they're not by my behavior by my words. There's nothing I can do. However, just as Eleanor Roosevelt said, that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. So you do not have to give consent to feel inferior or limited or under the power of influence of their judgement. Now, you might go Trish, I need my boss to like me because I need the promotion. Maybe, but maybe not. I want you to question if that's true. Because if you are performing with absolute excellence, I want I choose to believe that you can advocate for yourself and be promoted even if the person above you doesn't like you. There are waste around someone's opinion. And the other thing that I think is a really powerful act of confidence is to say, It's okay, if you're wrong about me. Sometimes we we don't take a massive action on our lives because we're afraid of judgment. We don't want somebody to think that. Who was who was she to do that? Or what are they thinking, or that's ridiculous or you start, you start changing the status quo, you start living differently. And then you're afraid of what someone may or may not say, what if they're wrong about you? What if they, they misinterpret what you're doing? I just want you to answer that in your own brain with so what

Speaker 2 15:34

it'd be like somebody saying to me, Trish, you are super, super selfish.

Speaker 1 15:44

And I would say, but I'm not. So I'm sorry that you think that? As a human there are certainly that is an area of my life I'm proactively working on and that's, that's in my relationship with God, right?

Speaker 2 15:58

But it's just not true. Or even better, Trisha, like your pink hair. I have blonde hair. Thank you. And

Speaker 1 16:07

I'm not I don't need to correct you. And I don't need to prove when you say I don't like your pink hair, and you go, Okay, I don't have pink hair. You just go hey, thanks. Okay, so you're clearly wrong about me and you have, that's fine. I don't need to change your opinion. I need to just continue to show up in my life. Number three, talk back to them and counterbalance them. I don't mean directly. Although, by the way, if somebody is being critical, yes. Hey, and simply just having giving yourself permission to advocate for yourself. And just even simply saying, hey, that tone that you're using feels quite critical to me. I appreciate the feedback. And it's I know you're trying to be constructive. But in the future, I'll receive it better if it said

Unknown Speaker 16:48

this way, this way or this way.

Speaker 1 16:53

Right advocate for yourself, or if it's somebody that is making fun of you, or puts a comment on your social media that's, that's negative, or judging or makes fun of your religion or your faith or this, have the courage to go, Hey, I I'm going to counter what you said thank you for your comment. However,

Unknown Speaker 17:14

this is

Speaker 1 17:16

this, this to me is truth or this to me, like just counterbalance them, give yourself permission to talk back or simply say, Hey,

Unknown Speaker 17:24

you don't need to be unkind.

Speaker 1 17:28

Often, I think people are critical because they don't know another way to be. Another thing you can do is to ignore and understand them. I've had a couple of critics in my life, who did not realize that they were being critical. And it took the coaching work that I do in my life for me to realize they're not being critical on purpose. The way I feel hypercritical criticized and, and and picked apart is actually how they treat everyone. I thought it was amazing. And once I got once I was aware of that. And I was

Unknown Speaker 18:02

encouraged by that. I then realized

Speaker 1 18:08

if that's how they treat everyone, I wonder what their thoughts are towards themself. And perhaps this is the only way they know how to be it's the only thought process they've been taught. If it's not about me, and it's about them, then I can be free from it. So I can ignore it. And that sounds super critical. I know you don't mean it that way. I'm not justifying it. I'm not accepting it. I'm just, I'm not

Unknown Speaker 18:29

affected by it.

Speaker 1 18:32

There's someone close in my life who says critical things to me. And I love this person deeply. And they're just they struggle at the core with negativity and criticism. Doesn't change how I love them. But it does change. When I used to be massively massively offended by something. They said to me. I'm like, no, there you are doing that again. That's cute. Like, I just It's cute. I don't overthink it. I don't get concerned by it. I don't consider changing what I'm wearing, how I look what I said, I just go, oh, man, I'm just glad I'm not in your brain. My brain is such a happier place to be. And the fifth step is to judge less and tap in to curiosity. Look, we know this. This is this is a biblical principle. This is a principle of humanity. What you put out is what you get back. Judging you will be judged. And interestingly enough, we often feel super judged. And we're afraid of criticism and we're afraid of judgment from others because we are so judgmental and critical ourselves. And so I think a beautiful way to change this in your own life is to start getting curious and compassionate about how you can stop being so critical. Maybe you're critical of others maybe not people close to you maybe people different from you different religion, different political standing, a different country, different culture. A different someone who follows different hobbies different somebody's nutritional differences. It's ease See to criticize, because you we elevate ourselves through criticism, we, we feel better about ourselves when we judge someone else. And if you want to feel less judged, one of the best ways to start is to stop judging.

Unknown Speaker 20:12

And man, we're human. So

Speaker 1 20:13

this is work. This is work. This is daily daily work. But I think we get into it by being knowing now we don't judge ourselves and double down the negativity, when we are judging or judging. We get curious, I wonder why I was so judgmental there. I wonder why my brain went to criticism. This is where we're going to use compassion at compassion, I guess I combined curiosity and compassion right there. Curiosity and compassion combined, give us access to confidence. They give us access to courage. And so we can tap into curiosity and compassion, to help us reduce how much we judge others. And we've got to challenge our thoughts, we've got to challenge our negative assumptions. Because the story that you're narrating is only one of many possible stories. And we've got to be, we've got to be honest about the amount of judgment we are putting out into the world. And you're not even maybe you're, you're super, super mindful that and just keep it all to yourself. And that's good, except it still is your brain hearing the judgment over and over and over. And what we extend gets directed back to us. If you don't know my story, I struggled with a body image issue and body dysmorphia. And an eating disorder. I would I was given the range of for 10 to 15 years of my life, it was massively limiting. And I thought it was gonna be what to find me my whole life. I struggled with self criticism, massively are so so so so hyper critical of myself and my body and my performance and my achievements. And honestly, one of the breakthroughs of my healing, was learning to be curious and compassionate towards myself about why do I judge?

Speaker 2 21:55

So critically, where can I stop comparing

Speaker 1 21:58

myself? How do I stop all the judgment, when I started to neutralize the amount of judgment that became was on default mode in my mind, I started having healing from some of the pressure of judgment that I was putting on myself. We had this submission in the College of confidence from one of our members, and I wanted to just share it quickly. She said this in our forum, I'm wondering how you deal with personal criticism, I'm starting to feel some confidence thanks to the college confidence and my professional life. And suddenly, someone in my personal life wipes it away with comments that bring back all of the self doubt. Now the reason I wanted to share that question is because I think it's it's it goes, we've we've got to go in and ask ourselves, What am I making it mean? What am I making what they're saying mean? And then we got to challenge ourselves to come up with other versions of what it could mean instead. So if this person has been successful, and they see a shift in their confidence, we're and then someone in their personal life says something that they would typically say they've not changed, but you have, you're making it mean that your growth hasn't happened. And instead,

Unknown Speaker 23:08

we could just make it mean? Well,

Speaker 1 23:11

they still haven't changed, I'm not offended, I'm so glad I'm changing. So if you feel insulted from someone who makes an offhanded comment about you, you might be making it mean that no one appreciates your growth, or sees how hard you're working on it. But it could also mean that they've been so focused, or inconsiderate, or they just don't even realize how their tone came off. Or it can mean they haven't done a lot of the inner reflection on themselves, and how they communicate and thus, when they communicate poorly or with critical or offhanded statements. It might not mean anything at all about you, but rather reflection of how stressed they are at the moment. I think it's interesting to go to be if you are being affected by critics, by critical voice by people who are making judgments by by people who are laughing at you by people who are family members who go Oh, you're doing that now. And it's it's said lovingly, but man, it can. It can sigh realists, I would challenge you. To change the story. Ask yourself, What are you making it mean? And what do you want to make it mean? Instead, I have found so much freedom by changing the story. So when I used to get massively offended or feel like someone was being negative or self limiting, or was laughing at me or anything that I was thinking critically or at that, that I wasn't enough I would make it I would make originally I'd like wow, maybe they're right. And now I make it mean oh, they're just really unhappy.

Unknown Speaker 24:37

really negative.

Speaker 1 24:41

The amazing the difference a couple words in your brain can make let's talk about the secret powers. That's if you're not if you're new to me, I like to call affirmations power thoughts because I think they're better than affirmations. A power thought is just like it's this new thought that you're going to break through limiting mindset with at the blast thought, and I wanted to give you a secret power thought to overcome fear of judgment I have, I have two for you. So you can pick which one you you want. I was uniquely created for such a time as this, it was such a personality, passions and purpose. As I have I have full permission to be 100% myself, for doing so is an expression of gratitude to the God who created me, I'll read that again. I was uniquely created for such a time as this, with my personality, my passions, and my purpose, I have full permission to be 100% myself, for doing so is an expression of gratitude to the God who created me. And the second one I wrote for you guys, is this, I have the courage to be myself, to follow my beliefs, to use my voice and to believe I can make a difference in this world. I am bold, and brave, willing to live life to the fullest.

Unknown Speaker 26:01

I'll read that one again,

Speaker 1 26:02

I have I have the courage to be myself, to follow my beliefs to use my voice and to believe I can make a difference in this world. I am bold and brave, willing to live life to the fullest. So what is an approach to caring what people think? What is it? How do we how do we how do we stop caring what people think, so that we can drop the fear of judgment and stop being held back by it, we are an acknowledged people are gonna have opinions. But everyone has an opinion doesn't mean it's right. But it doesn't mean it even matters. One thing to remember is that average person has between 60 and 80,000 thoughts per day, if you pick up any general written nonfiction book, or a novel, typically a novel or book has 80,000 words in it 60 to 80,000. So I think that's an interesting comparison is a good visual to go. In my brain, I have that many thoughts not. And those are words, imagine thoughts. So right now I have a thought. For my daughter's birthday party, my as I'm recording, I have multiple thoughts happening, I see that there was a car that just drove by my window, I know that it's raining, I know that I'm following my outline, I'm hoping in my heart that this is resonating, that what I'm trying to transmit to empower you is coming through, I also have the thought that I need to text back, this lady who has an A Palca farm, because I'm planning a goat pajama party for my daughter's ninth birthday. And I have to coordinate it in the same in a different time that we're getting this puppy. And I'm also thinking that I need to put together the party invites. And I'm thinking about when I'm going to take a walk with my husband today. That's a lot of thoughts. And so in those thoughts, just in the minute I just shared with you. Imagine how many other hours the day I'm having lots of thoughts, multiple thoughts at one time sometimes. And where I have to have an opinion or a thought about someone about an article I read about a tragedy about someone's outfit about a workout routine about a product of random thought of any type that I have an opinion about. It's as equal takes a bit as equal space as the scroll that just ran through my yard. Oh, it's most world today. Oh, I read an interesting article today. Oh, I read this awful thing about how this this person was doing this and like equal thought space. And so in this if you take one thought, so you're we're so afraid of one thought, we're so afraid somebody's gonna think we're done. We're so afraid. We're gonna embarrass ourselves. And someone's gonna say I can't believe they did that. We're so afraid of judgment that somebody's going to go Why is she wearing tight clothes? Oh, she should lose them. We're afraid of a thought. We're afraid of one random person in the world of billions. Who might have one thought? One random thought maybe the thought is thought twice. Maybe they gossip about you. Maybe they say to somebody else, let's get let's give some space to say Mike, they might have three thoughts about you. And of the three thoughts of their 60 to 80,000 thoughts that day, I'm gonna I'm gonna give it a lot high likelihood that they won't even remember the thoughts. I don't know about you, for those of you who are married. I think things all the time during the day where I go, I need to tell Brandon this. And by the way, my husband is not very good at texting. So the ideal would be that I would communicate via text and go hey, and he would answer back. He's not so good at that. So I make notes all day to remember the important things that I need to talk to him about. So we're booking flights to Vancouver for a ski trip. And you guys it's been seven days that I've been like, Oh right, I gotta remember do that. This is a ski vacation that I'm excited about.

Unknown Speaker 29:49

I can't wait for

Speaker 1 29:51

and yeah, it's a thought it's an important thought to me. It's a thought that gets lost. So the thought that gets lost about what's important to me, gets lost and goes day to day. And I'm like, Oh, I gotta sit down with Brandon, we got to look at the flight bubble, if that keeps getting rolled over, and it's of high importance to me, do you think I remember any opinion thoughts or random thoughts about other people?

Unknown Speaker 30:11

Probably not.

Speaker 1 30:12

I hope this gives somebody freedom today. And one of the most beautiful things that was ever said to me is that no one really cares. And it sounds so sad, it sounds so negative, but it's freeing, they do care people care about you. So I'm gonna say this, I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth, as I say this. People care about you, and they don't care about you. Now, this is good, you are deeply loved, you do belong, there is a place for you in the world, you have community you matter. That's one of the core pillars of confidence. And at the same time, people are thinking about themselves so much, and their lives and all the things that they they're managing in their 60 to 80,000 thoughts per day, that they're not thinking about you as much as you think that they are. And if they do think about you, and they have three to five, three to five sentences, maybe three to five thoughts, maybe they gossip about you for two minutes, I'm there 24 hours that day, it gets lost in the ocean of thought that they had that day. So it really doesn't even matter. My question for you is how much of your life have you held back? Because you're afraid of the quote unquote, critics who aren't even thinking about you, if they are thinking about you? It's one of 60,000 thoughts that gets washed up and they complete completely forget about it. So here's how we're going to stop caring. What people think you're going to know what it's keeping you from, you've got to know what you're being held back by what, what over caring and fear of judgment is keeping you from? Is it the business that you want to start? Is it the book that you're ready to publish? But you won't? Is it sharing an encouraging Bible verse on Instagram? Because you're afraid people are going to say something negative about your your faith? What is it keeping you from isn't living the life of your dreams? Because you don't want people to think that your life's too good, and you want to feel bad that you're being successful? Like, what is it actually keeping you from? What are the potential thoughts that other people might have about you, holding you back from what is it robbing?

Unknown Speaker 32:13

from you in life?

Speaker 1 32:16

And then the other thing, so know what is keeping you from No, you've got to really know and remember, and remind yourself, guys, you have to remind yourself, how little people are actually thinking about you. And I don't mean it, again, not in a negative sense, in a freeing sense. And this should be like open the gates and go live your life.

Unknown Speaker 32:36

People will be inspired, less

Speaker 1 32:38

critical, and more inspired than you think. I also think it's important that you know what unleashes when you let it go, what you when you let go. And you say it's okay that people have might have a thought about me, it's okay, that they might not like me, I have the courage to be disliked, I have the courage for somebody to disagree with me, I have the courage to know that I have opinions. And I have faith. And I have these thoughts. And I have this personality. And I have this these interests and these passion. And that is what was designed by the God who created the world. There's nothing wrong with me. I belong, and I don't have to be liked by everyone. What would happen when you let that go. And then you've got to know how to create inner peace, which is managing your anxiety when I wanted to give you some anxiety, power phrases that will reduce some of the overthinking, especially when it comes to social anxiety or caring, professional anxiety, caring about people thinking wanting to be accepted and wanting people to be impressed by you and wanting to know that you're sufficient. And this was some quickly down for you. Here they are. And by the way that you can get some of these what I wrote down these power phrases are in the show notes, which are always kept at my website. The full show notes are at Trish blackwell.com forward slash 582. So any episode, you can just put my website.com my name, easy to remember, slash the episode number. So here are the anxiety reduction power phrases.

Unknown Speaker 34:10

I am whole and loved and who I need to be. I have all that I need. I love this. Honestly, since 23rd Psalm, I lack nothing. I have all that I need.

Speaker 1 34:25

If you're a person of faith, I would add to that my God provides. I am in the security of his hand. I am making a difference today with my life and my efforts you can insert my life and my kindness, my life and my action.

Speaker 2 34:48

I belong and I connect well with others. There is no pressure here. I can handle whatever comes I trust myself, and my ability to pivot and react.

Speaker 1 35:08

I want to remind you that, that this process of, of believing the power of phrases comes through repetition. Remember this a thought a belief is simply a thought that you repeat it enough that it becomes true. And so letting go and letting go what people think and silencing the critics and allow yourself to be to live the brave version of your life, to be bold, to look back at your life and be proud of the way you showed up. And the difference you made, requires that you overcome this fear of judgment. And there's an ending requires that you have intentional story narration, which really is the how do you? How do you tell the story of what is happening, or what someone might be thinking very much of some of the examples I gave you of changing the way you tell the story. It's everything. And in fact, we just did an entire workshop on this in the College of confidence called releasing your past, which is changing the story you tell yourself about yourself, and changing the story you tell yourself about what is possible for you. You can get instant access to that plus all of our workshops, everything we have in the College of confidence for the past, gosh, we are now almost seven years running, go to college or confidence.com. To find out more, we honor 100% a 14 day money back guarantee if you are not absolutely Wow, that the the content and the coaching and the application and the strategy and the workbooks and the workshops and the courses and the community that are available in the College of confidence. Don't run circles around the podcast. If you are not wowed by the experience, just let my team and I know. And we immediately refund your money. It's that simple 100% Money Back Guarantee just let us know in the first 14 days. So I did want to read a listener of the week, Angela healing she is in the COC she said it's been an almost two years that I've been here. I've only made it to a handful of live calls and workshops, I still get a ton out of the COC with doing lessons on my own, listening to the replays and posting here in the forum for encouragement and reframes. It's so cool to get to learn from others and encourage each other. You don't need to be able to make all the live coaching to get something out of here. I'm so happy to be a member. Final thing I want to add today. I have one open client spot for private coaching in 2024 At this point, so if you know that you're committed, I only coach people who are ready and that understand that investing in themselves is the best investment they can make. If you want to read some of my my my testimonials my review some of the results I get with my coaching my private coaching clients find out at Trish blackwell.com forward slash coaching to learn about the results that some of my one on one clients get, which typically our absolute life change, we go career advancement, we double our incomes, we do big things. So if you are interested in making 20/24 a year that you next level all the results in your life. Go to Trish blackwell.com Ford slash coaching to fill out an application and then once your application is in you and I will schedule a free just like to call it a virtual coffee with me to explore if investing in one on one coaching is the right next step for you. I can't wait to see you guys the next couple weeks we're going to be doing a lot of Gosh, I'm trying to do three to four episodes on judgment, criticism, anxiety, all of the things that we just need to go we have a plan for the year to stop caring what people think to be absolutely free. So if you're not yet subscribed to the show, subscribe to the show hit that follow button share this episode with a friend if it was encouraging to you and let me know on Instagram you can find me at Trish underscore Blackwell. I also still hang out on Facebook. I think it's because I'm 40 Look, I embrace it. I like it. I love Facebook, Trish Blackwell coaching over there. So go out there today go be more of who God created you to be.

Unknown Speaker 39:03

Be you.

Speaker 1 39:06

Be free. Thanks for listening to the confidence podcast and allowing me to be your coach today in your life. If you love the show, please let us know by leaving a review in iTunes are encouraged by what you learned. share this episode with a friend and let us know that the show is changing your life by saying hi to us on social media Instagram, Trish_Blackwell are on Facebook Trish Blackwell coaching, ready to take what I teach and really take it to the next level. Join us today in the College of confidence. It's my group coaching program that you can join risk free and cancel anytime. In the COC you'll scale your confidence, your courage, and the changes you make in your life. It's the coaching support and community you've been looking for. Go to www.collegeofconfidence.com to get started. If you love the podcast, you will love the call Have your confidence even more and see even more transformation in your life come and see for yourself I'm cheering you on friend See you soon

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