Podcast #575

SEASONAL SADNESS AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

The darkness of the winter season is upon us and if you have ever struggled with winter sadness or holiday anxiety then this episode is for you. I’m going to share 3 simple strategies that I use that have been game-changing, as well as some mental shifts in how you can think about the seasonal sadness and allow emotional space for your heart and soul to feel all of the feelings this season without being burdened or side-railed by them. Get the full show notes at www.trishblackwell.com/575

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re coaching on:

  • Seasonal Sadness, how to know if it’s affecting you (and what to do about it)
  • Deepening your experience of joy in the holiday season 
  • Being present and planning for the next season effectively, without overwhelm

REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

Seasonal Sadness. podcast review

WHAT IS SEASONAL SADNESS

Seasonal sadness, also known as seasonal affective disorder (SAD), is a type of depression that occurs at a specific time of year, typically during the fall and winter months when there is less sunlight. It is characterized by symptoms similar to major depressive disorder, including low energy, irritability, difficulty concentrating, changes in sleep patterns, and feelings of hopelessness.

The exact cause of seasonal affective disorder is not fully understood, but it is believed to be related to changes in exposure to natural light. Reduced sunlight exposure during the fall and winter months may disrupt the body’s internal clock (circadian rhythm) and affect the production of certain neurotransmitters, such as serotonin and melatonin, which play a role in mood regulation and sleep.

Conversely, some people may experience a milder form of seasonal affective disorder during the spring and summer months, often characterized by symptoms such as poor appetite, insomnia, and anxiety.

Treatment for seasonal affective disorder often involves light therapy (phototherapy), where individuals are exposed to a bright light that mimics natural sunlight. Additionally, psychotherapy and medication may be recommended in more severe cases. If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms of seasonal affective disorder, it’s essential to seek professional help for an accurate diagnosis and appropriate treatment.

WHY DAYLIGHT MATTERS

In summary, daylight influences our internal biological processes, including circadian rhythms, hormone production, and neurotransmitter activity, all of which play crucial roles in regulating mood, sleep, and overall well-being.

Daylight has a significant impact on our happiness and well-being due to its influence on various physiological and psychological processes. Here are some key reasons:

  1. Regulation of Circadian Rhythms:
    • Exposure to natural light helps regulate our circadian rhythms, which are internal biological clocks that govern our sleep-wake cycle and other bodily functions.
    • Proper alignment of circadian rhythms with the natural light-dark cycle promotes better sleep quality and overall well-being.
  2. Melatonin Production:
    • Daylight exposure suppresses the production of melatonin, a hormone that promotes sleep. Reduced melatonin levels during the day contribute to increased alertness and wakefulness.
    • Exposure to natural light in the morning helps set a healthy sleep-wake pattern by signaling to the body that it’s time to be awake and alert.
  3. Vitamin D Synthesis:
    • Sunlight is a natural source of vitamin D, which is crucial for bone health, immune function, and overall well-being.
    • Adequate exposure to sunlight helps the body produce vitamin D, and a deficiency in this vitamin has been linked to various health issues, including mood disorders.
  4. Serotonin Production:
    • Exposure to natural light stimulates the production of serotonin, a neurotransmitter associated with mood regulation and a sense of well-being.
    • Increased serotonin levels are linked to improved mood and may help alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety.
  5. Improved Sleep Quality:
    • Exposure to natural light, especially in the morning, helps regulate the production of the sleep hormone melatonin, leading to better sleep quality at night.
    • Better sleep is associated with improved mood, cognitive function, and overall well-being.
  6. Reduced Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):
    • Lack of sunlight exposure, especially during the winter months, can contribute to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a type of depression that occurs at specific times of the year.
    • Light therapy, which involves exposure to bright artificial light that mimics natural sunlight, is a common treatment for SAD.
    • helps regulate the body’s internal clock, leading to better cognitive performance during waking hours
  1. Connection to the Outdoors:
  • Daylight encourages people to spend more time outdoors, engaging in physical activities and connecting with nature. Outdoor activities are known to have positive effects on mental health and well-being

THINGS YOU CAN DO TO HELP: 

Self-Compassion:

Practice self-compassion by writing a supportive message to yourself during challenging moments.

How can you be kinder to yourself and acknowledge the difficulties associated with seasonal changes?

Connection with Nature:

Explore your connection with nature during this season. How does spending time outdoors impact your mood?

Are there specific natural elements that bring you comfort?

Mindful Moments:

Describe a mindful moment where you fully engaged with the sights, sounds, and sensations of the season.

How can you incorporate more mindfulness into your daily routine?

Daily Gratitude:

Write down three things you are thankful for each day, no matter how small.

How does practicing gratitude impact your overall perspective on the season?

Favorite Seasonal Activities:

List three activities that you typically enjoy during this season. How can you incorporate more of these into your routine?

Sunlight and Mood:

Reflect on how sunlight affects your mood. Do you notice a difference in your well-being on sunny versus cloudy days?

How can you maximize exposure to natural light during the darker months?

POWER PHRASES FOR SEASONAL SADNESS

I am resilient, and I can navigate through the challenges of this season with strength and grace.”

My worth is not determined by the seasons. I am valuable and deserving of happiness year-round.”

I choose to focus on the beauty and joy that each season brings, finding moments of gratitude in the midst of challenges.”

The sun may set earlier, but I carry my own inner light. I radiate warmth and positivity, bringing light to my own life.”

I am not alone in my feelings. Many people experience seasonal changes, and it’s okay to seek support when needed.”

I embrace the ebb and flow of life, recognizing that seasons change, and so do my emotions. I am adaptable and resilient.”

My well-being is a priority, and I will take intentional steps to care for myself during this season.”

I am in control of my thoughts, and I choose to focus on the positive aspects of each day, no matter the weather.”

Each day is an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. I am open to finding joy and learning during this season.”

I release any negativity that weighs me down. I am free to create a positive and uplifting environment for myself.”

Repeat these affirmations regularly, especially during moments of difficulty. You can also personalize them to better resonate with your own experiences and feelings. Affirmations are most effective when practiced consistently and with genuine belief in their positive messages.

3 STRATEGIES FOR SEASONAL SADNESS

(1). Create cozy routines.

(2). Intentionally set your mindset. (surround yourself with positivity and know what sloppy habits can hinder you – ie drinking too much, putting off workouts because it’s dark and cold, etc) 

(3). Engage in hobbies more intentionally

ALLOW FOR ALL OF THE FEELS

Perhaps your seasonal sadness is from the changing weather or the changing amount of daylight. 
Or maybe you are carrying some emotional burden and pain, either from past childhood trauma or memories, or from the absence of someone you love.
This year I’m aching for the friends my age who have passed, for my friend’s husband who suddenly passed and for the loss of my furbaby Finnegan. We haven’t had a Christmas in a decade without Finn laying under the Christmas tree.

It’s okay to feel the sadness.

I used to be afraid, and so I distracted myself from the sadness.  I distracted by staying busy, and when I couldn’t do that, I distracted by staying mad at myself. I would overeat or overdrink and then spiral in self-disappointment and sadness and use my emotional energy to beat myself up instead of to feel the sadness or disappointment or fear.

DEEPENING THE JOY OF THE SEASON

Decide what you want the season to represent.

Think ahead of time of your top 5 priorities.

Mine?

-Connecting with extended family

-Savoring the slowness of cold days and bundling up

-Reflection on the year 

-Dream dates and vision setting for the year ahead

-Family quality time and traditions – puzzle, PJs, elf on the shelf, memory ornament

Gratitude as your core attitude.

Unknown Speaker 0:00

The darkness of winter is upon us. And if you've ever struggled with winter sadness, or holiday anxiety, then this episode is for you. Just the other day, I walked out of the house at 5:30pm to take my son to hockey practice, and it was pitch black dark. And I instantly literally said out loud, Oh, I'm so sad. I was in the driveway. And it's like the words poured out of my mouth. And that is why I realized there is a needed episode on seasonal sadness. In this episode, I'm gonna share three simple strategies that I use, that have been game changing, as well as some mental shifts and how you can think about seasonal sadness. As you also allow emotional space for your heart and soul to feel all the feelings of the season. There are so many there's a wide, large spectrum, there's so much to do, there's so much to celebrate, there's so much that you might be grieving. And then there's, depending on where you live in the world, it's colder and darker and the days are shorter. And that really does affect us. So we're gonna talk about how to not be burdened or side railed by these changes, but to stay confident and present. And know what to do with the seasonal sadness if and when you feel it so you can stay confident

Unknown Speaker 1:22

and full of life and be a bright light in the season to others. That's all coming up on this episode of The confidence podcast, you're listening to the confidence podcast, the go to coaching podcast, oozing with motivation, and easy to implement steps that help you to be bold, and confident in life. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized competence coach, best selling author, and founder of the College of confidence. I teach go getters in life, how to master their self talk, turn down the volume of self doubt, and get more results in life. So that you can be the difference maker and world changer. God created you to be you were made. For more. On today's episode, we'll help you tap into it.

Unknown Speaker 2:11

Let's go. Hey, there I am. Trish Blackwell, your confidence coach, and you are listening to the confidence podcast episode 575. As you already heard this, this episode is going to be on seasonal sadness. Well, we're going to talk about seasonal affective disorder, but also just in general sadness there. There is a lot that happens at holidays. And there's a lot of expectation and stretching yourself thin. And perhaps you're grieving the loss of someone or a holiday tradition that can no longer continue. So we're going to talk about just general sadness and how to know if it's affecting you and what to do about it. And then we're also going to give you some tips on how to deepen your experience of joy this holiday season. And we're going to close the episode talking about being present, while also planning for the next season effectively without overwhelm. I'm really excited to be bringing this episode to you because I want you to know I used to struggles just severely with seasonal sadness. It affected me in fact, when I was in, really in the pits of my my eating disorder, and my body dysmorphia, and my compulsive overeating, that is when it really stirred the most. It's what I struggled the most. It's when I would find myself self isolating. And it felt dark. And I would have never said I was sad, I would have never acknowledged that I was battling anxiety and depression, I just felt heavy. Life felt heavy. But it was also supposed to be joyful because there's so much going on.

Unknown Speaker 3:49

And I just wanted to give you a space an opportunity today to just reflect in your own life. So that you recognize that there's no such thing as a bad emotion. And whatever you're feeling to allow it because when it comes to emotions, what we resist will persist. And if you are experiencing seasonal seasonal sadness, there's a lot that we can do in beyond just allowing ourselves to feel it. We have to feel it but process it, accept it and also pursue the other emotions that we want to experience this season on purpose. So my prayer and my hope is that this episode equips you to be confident as you navigate the upcoming very busy next few weeks as we close out the year, and our review of the week before we dive into coaching as from Tori Kirsch she says this this podcast feels like home. I found this podcast just by searching confidence in the search bar Little did I know I'd find my next favorite go to church you do a remarkable job at covering so many different facets of life. Every time I turn on an episode you are speaking something I need to hear I recently felt called to bring God back

Unknown Speaker 5:00

Look into my life, my heart and my business and Trish either you are the perfect messenger to tell me I'm right on track with that. Thank you for the way you show up and share your messages you are changing the world, especially mine, Tori. This makes my heart sing. Thank you so much for taking the time to write a review you guys. It means the world to me, it encourages my soul. And it helps more people decide of all the other podcasts that they could give a listen to, to give this episode, the episode that they're considering a try reviews really do do matter. And they do help. And so thank you for taking the time to do that.

Unknown Speaker 5:37

Let's talk about seasonal sadness. What is it?

Unknown Speaker 5:40

It's known as seasonal affective disorder or sad and it's a type of depression that occurs at a specific time of year typically, during the fall and winter months where there's less sunlight is characterized by symptoms similar to major depressive disorder, including low energy, irritability, difficulty concentrating, changes in your sleep patterns and feelings of hopelessness. I can tell you for me, it feels

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hopeless, I feel this wash of

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sadness and

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disconnect sometimes when I feel it come on me. And the reason I'm trying to describe it for you, is when you feel sadness or any emotion on that note, I want you to ask yourself if you were describing it to somebody who has no idea what it feels like, how would you describe it? How would you describe how it feels in your body? How would you describe the thoughts that it stirs in you or the the shift in your energy, and the more descriptive you can be the better because what it does is it separates you from that emotion. When we separate ourselves from the emotion, the emotion feels less invasive and more as something that can pass through us. It's we become a bystander to our emotions rather than be fully engulfed by and controlled by them. So the better you that you are at describing them, the more separation you can create with them. And now they're just part of something you absorb and observe in your life versus completely internalize.

Unknown Speaker 7:16

The exact cause of of seasonal affective disorder is not fully understood. But it is believed to be related to changes in exposure to natural light, reduced sunlight exposure, you guys it matters, especially this fall in winter and winter months, it interrupts your body's internal circadian rhythms and affects the production of certain neurotransmitters such as serotonin and melatonin, both of which play a huge role in mood regulation and sleep. And as you know, if you are a frequent listener here on the confidence podcast, our sleep and our positive hormone imbalance massively contributes to how we feel overall, if we feel happy and motivated in life, and when you feel a sense of hope, a sense of vision, a sense of motivation, you take more action, when you take more action, you create more results in your life, you get more done, you feel better about yourself, and it circles back to you create confidence through action and you feel good. When those things get interrupted. It makes sense why your your your drive might go down, why the motivation goes down. And some people have more intense versions of this. Some people experience seasonal affective disorder in spring and summer months. And sometimes those symptoms can be poor apt appetite, insomnia, anxiety. And in general, of course, if you're if you're struggling with seasonal affective disorder, I'm always going to recommend that you seek professional help for an accurate diagnosis and appropriate treatment. But I wanted to give you some some some ways to start some ways to say even just call it what it is. I'm feeling sad. It's seasonal sadness.

Unknown Speaker 9:01

And I used to judge myself for it. I thought I need to be better than this. And now when I like particularly in when I was going to hockey practice the other day, and I was like Wolf, I'm so sad. It's so dark outside. It was so refreshing to be able to see myself see my emotions, and say, Huh, yeah, I don't love this about this time of year. And it was just a statement, and it was a freeing statement. And then the reason I realized I we need to do a podcast episode on it is that I now take proactive action, to guard my confidence to guard my joy to find and create beauty so that I don't fall into the pit of sadness for me, it can engulf me. And so there's a couple of things and before we go on just just one side note educational note about about daylight. And again, I don't care if you were the most positive most driven person the amount of data

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You're exposed to does matter. And so to the any measure that you can, especially in winter months, get outside, when the days are shorter, you have to maximize the sunlight that you have get outside, go and take a quick walk, even if it's just a couple minutes, there are some physiological and psychological processes that are dependent on those just that exposure to daylight. And it really impacts your overall well being the regular regulation of your mood and your sleep. You know, it's it's the as we already mentioned, it's melatonin production, which that will actually help you promote sleep when it's time to sleep and alertness when it's time to be awake, vitamin D synthesis as well. Adequate exposure to sunlight helps your body produce vitamin D. and A deficiency is vitamin D in any type has is linked to just various health issues, mood disorders, and sadness, and then serotonin production as well which is gives you that serotonin is that thing that gives you that overall sense of well being like, you know what life is good, I am blessed.

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There's so much that goes into it, of just getting outside. So to the measure, one of the simplest things you do you can do to create joy and confidence and help you combat the seasonal sadness is get outside.

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And so I'm trying to take for me how I personally combat this, and I'm proactive versus reactive. Remember competent people, and you're competent, because you're listening to this competent people are proactive, not reactive. And just starting now, you're going to be proactive about guarding your heart, guarding your energy guarding your emotions, this season of shorter days. And you can do that by simply taking a three minute power walk outside, by bundling up and getting fresh air. You can there's all sorts of things you can do with light, light therapy, and but in general, I wanted to give you some, some some strategies you can do, I've got three core ones that have been really critical to me, we'll close with those, but practicing self compassion about

Unknown Speaker 12:16

about your emotions. I for years, I was stuck in seasonal sadness, because I was just like judgey of it that I shouldn't be sad. Trisha, it's just a light was just a shorter day. Like, I was so dismissive of it. I had to give myself space and compassion to say I'm a human.

Unknown Speaker 12:36

I'm a human being that thrives on sunlight. Okay, so there's less out there. And it's cold when you get yourself out there. Okay?

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How about I be kind to myself, What would being kind to myself look like right now?

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How can I be more mindful? How can I engage in nature more. Another thing that's so pivotal to do is to do daily gratitude, writing down five things that you're thankful for each day, no matter what. Because when you practice gratitude, your overall perspective of the season is going to transform. I also think it's really, really beneficial to write down a list of your favorite seasonal activities that you that and again, you're I live in Virginia. And if you're not familiar with the geography of the United States, it's we are we're in all season state, it is hot in the summer, and it is cold in the winter, like we could have

Unknown Speaker 13:34

a week long of 100 degrees days in the in the summer. And then in the winter, we can have a winter without snow, but be Frigidly cold. And we've had winters where we've gotten like four feet of snow, like it's crazy. Like it's just, we have all seasons. And I do love that about all seasons. But depending on where you live, like maybe your shorter days, but you have warm weather. So what are your favorite seas? What are your favorite things to do? Or you might be like me have shorter days and cold weather? So in that, what is what is that you enjoy the most? And how can you incorporate more of these seasonal activities, even down to routine activities, such as warm coffee, or chai tea latte or being a person who wear scarves and maybe you need to expand your scarf collection? Right? So what brings you joy in small ways that would be seasonal.

Unknown Speaker 14:28

But the three strategies that I really wanted to lean into today, for seasonal sadness are number one, create cozy routines, create cozy routines, meaning

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when it gets dark,

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know your plan for the day, have a nighttime routine for yourself. And so for us that starts at 530 like 530 If Sun's down, it's dark, meaning cozy routines is some I'm making more soups in the winter and we just unroll

Unknown Speaker 15:00

Old her family matching Christmas jammies and I'm wearing those as often as I can I have the joy that I get from seeing my pajamas match my kids is just a little ridiculous. But it's a cozy routine. I'm sitting on the couch, after dinner more with the kids and we're all reading at the same time. Versus stressing about homework or letting the kids watch TV. I'm going you know what we're going to do. We're going to do the routine of lighting candles and sitting in being and putting on really good jazz music for dinner and changing it up and like the routine of cleaning, coziness in your house is up to you.

Unknown Speaker 15:44

And it's incredible, fun way to start saying what would bring me joy here. Another cozy routine that we do in the in the winter for me is lights. I want some Christmas lights in my kitchen I am always looking at how do I reset my Bible by more automat I buy automatic candles and not real candles, but the ones that you can set on timers. And my husband's always fussing at me about why are you ordering more candles? And my answer is it brings me joy makes me feel cozy. For me, it's always having my slippers out and ready. It's having the heater in my office ready and feeling good. It's on my feet almost all the time when I'm coaching. I have it off now because it would be you would be able to hear the sound on the recording. But for me, it's like what is a cozy routine that makes me feel snuggly and good. So strategy number one, create your own cozy strategy number two, you have to intentionally set your mindset, which means decide each and every day afresh. That it's going to be a beautiful day. Decide what your mindset is going to be that day. And you do that by surrounding yourself with positivity listening to a podcast like this every day getting involved in the college or competence and surrounding yourself with proactive positive people who are who are determined

Unknown Speaker 17:06

to make the most of their lives. Putting up positive music making sure you're not watching trash TV that's bringing you down and making you feel cynical, but rather TV that's encouraging you or inspiring you or educating you making sure what you read matters, but set your mind and that means also, not only are you going to be proactive about what kind of positivity and what kind of influence is what you're reading what your habits are, but also you have to be protective, proactive and protective. Protective about what sloppy habits can hinder you.

Unknown Speaker 17:40

Some for me, we used to be when I was

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self isolating because it was cold and sad and I wasn't being protective. Would be oh, you know I'll open that bottle of wine. nothing better to do and all sudden the whole bottle is gone. Right? It's where are you allowing or were in the past have you allowed sloppy habits just because it was dark and you felt sad? That's the downside is not there's no it's not a problem to feel sad. It's what are you doing as a reaction to the sadness? Are you reaching out to old exes that you have no business reaching out to? Are you accidentally over drinking? Are you unintentionally overeating and over snacking? Are you bored? Are you watching the wrong kinds of inputs on on the TV and feeling discouraged and negative? So it or are you putting off your workouts because it's cold and dark in the morning when you're supposed to run and and you're coming up with excuses and listening to your excuses right? So intentionally set your mindset and then number three engage in hobbies more intentionally I think this season. This season where these are shorter is opportunity for you to expand prioritization of your own hobbies make your it's not life's job to be fun, it is your job to make your life fun. And so ask yourself in these winter months, what do I love what would be fun? Is it scrapbooking going through my photos with a cup of hot chocolate and a cookie or a glass of warm mulled wine. Is it getting out and getting involved in a winter sport? Is it making more time and lighting a candle and investing in updating your your art supplies and really going all in on that that passion of yours or playing music? While you have some candles lit like create that for me what was game changing? It was changed my seasonal sadness more than anything is my passion for snowboarding now if you look at my Instagram you you can tell huge snowboarding family like

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I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed with snowboarding and I have raised my kids to be obsessed as well right so this past year

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both kids are doing double black diamonds with me out in Colorado like we are we're their first chair

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or last year, I'm first on the mountain lesson mountain. But what you might not know about me is I didn't know how to snowboard until 10 years ago,

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my husband and I picked it up together as a sport while we were dating, and we were terrible, terrible. I could still remember my very first time I borrowed a board, I felt the whole time I ended up with like a black and blue but the like, and I went, This sport is ridiculous, I don't get it. And I remember thinking, I can't even do a green run, who are these people who do these other things. And I share that. Because before I, before I found a sport that I could see, I could do outside in the winter, winter was really hard for me.

Unknown Speaker 20:43

So in so many, in many, many ways, snowboarding brings me joy, I even when it's dark, I'm like, oh, but it's winter. And pretty soon, there's going to be snow pretty soon I can start planning a trip and, and even though I might be having a hard week, if I know I'm gonna go drive, our closest slope is in Pennsylvania, if I'm going to on Friday, I can I can, I can drive an hour and a half to go get on some slopes and do some nighttime skiing with kids like, okay, like I can, I can ride some seasonal sadness out with joy and anticipation because I've given myself something to look forward to.

Unknown Speaker 21:19

So find a way to prioritize something to look forward to. In the winter, I think it's key and it will change everything. And listen, I I personally recommend snowboarding. And I don't think it's ever too late to learn. But maybe it's playing chess, you know, my husband expressed interest in getting a chess tutor. And I think it's a brilliant idea.

Unknown Speaker 21:43

You have to make time to live, you have to make time to prioritize your work your life ethic as much as you probably prioritize your work ethic. Okay, so one thing I wanted to highlight as well is since we're talking about seasonal sadness, you might not be feeling sad, because of the shorter days or colder weather, or darkness. Perhaps your seasonal sadness

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is from something else. Maybe you're walking through pain, you've lost someone you loved. This year, you're carrying actual extra emotional burden, either maybe from childhood trauma, or memories, or the absence of someone you love.

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Give yourself space to feel that. Please don't push through that just say, Well, I'm supposed to be happy. It's Thanksgiving, it's Christmas. It's all the things

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because it's okay to feel the sadness. Remember, the measure to which you are willing to feel is the measure to which you're going to be able to engage fully in life. One of my favorite concepts is that the more you're willing to feel them, and the more you're willing to fail,

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the more you will be able to achieve. And sadness, even though we don't want to feel it. It's a valid emotion. without sadness. We don't know what your joy is.

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And I can tell you this year I'm making for the people I've lost.

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For my friend who drowned two years ago,

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my next door neighbor who I was close with, who died in 2020.

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For my friend who died a few months ago, who was my age

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for my friend's husband, who passed just a couple months ago, and asleep.

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And honestly,

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for my furbaby Finn, we haven't had a Christmas in a decade without Finnegan laying under the Christmas tree.

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And so if you're carrying some of that sadness that I missed that I was just thinking about Finn today, actually, I miss him playing in the leafs

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give space to feel that, let yourself feel it let yourself be sad, doesn't mean you have to camp out there. But there's a way that we can honor the people. We love the things we miss the things we crave. And also say and I can be sad and joyful. I think there's a lot of duality that can happen in life. It's not an either or it's a both and so you can both you can feel both sad and radiant and joyful and grateful. And he used to be so afraid. I used to be afraid so I I just I was afraid of my feelings. I was transparent with you. I didn't know it at the time. But I was afraid I was so distracted. I distracted myself from the sadness. I distracted myself by staying busy. And when I couldn't do that I distracted myself by staying mad at myself hang with me I would overeat or over drink and then I would spiral and self disappointment. The self created self disappointment and sadness and then I will use my emotional energy to beat myself up instead of feeling sadness, or disappointment or fear or whatever initial negative

Unknown Speaker 25:00

I quote unquote, negative emotion that I was trying to distract myself from. And because it felt safer to just be mad at myself than to feel this open ended sadness, over loss or over disappointment. But what I had to learn was that running for my emotions and creating a self sabotage cycle of negative emotions is not recommended. Or effective. In fact, it just compounds negativity. And it feels like you get caught in a hamster wheel that you can't get out of. But I didn't know that if I allowed myself to feel the sadness that it wouldn't engulf me that it wouldn't swallow me up. See, I ran from it, I ran away from my my negative emotions and then created the the I was comfortable being mad at myself. That was a negative emotion that I felt like I could control for the negative emotions that felt out of my control, the sadness, the disappointment, the missing of somebody, it they felt too big, and I didn't know what I know now. And what I know now is what I want to share with you is emotions will pass. It can feel like they won't, but they will.

Unknown Speaker 26:10

And your willingness to feel is a mark of emotional adulthood emotional maturity. And it gives you access the deeper you're willing to feel the pain the deeper I really am more just expansive the elation and joy you will be able to experience as well. You see, I used to beat myself up for being such a deep feeler. I was like, I'm so intense. Why am I so intense. I'm either like super duper joyful, or really down. And then I realized I had to change the story of the way I was telling myself, my capacity to be enthusiastic and absolutely crazy. Joyful, comes from my also pits of pain and deep emotional struggles and expression that I've had to learn how to walk through as well. The intensity to which I have learned how to feel negative feelings has given me access to an intense range of intensity on the quote unquote positive spectrum of of emotions as well. So I'm going to close out today and with some with just a couple of concepts on

Unknown Speaker 27:19

deepening the joy of the season. And I think you can do it with simple with a simple statement is I want gratitude to be your core attitude. But really, when that just as you go into the season, whatever your season looks like, whatever is coming your way. And you have already made this decision as per the last couple minutes to say I'm going to allow for all of the feels it's okay to feel sad and happy. It's okay to feel

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disappointed, or in pain, and deeply grateful. And at the same time, I'm going to be proactive in deciding what do I want from this season.

Unknown Speaker 28:00

Decide what you want this season to represent. And by this season, it could be the Christmas season, it could be the holiday season, it could be the month of December. It could be the winter season, it's your choice before it went in the context and definition of season. But it just for a moment wants you to decide what you want the season to represent.

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I want you to just take a piece of paper out today, or pull out your phone and jot it in the notes. And think ahead of time think today make a decision today. What are your top five priorities? What are your five priorities for the season and your priorities will give you guidance and a pathway to see that you are creating a beautiful wife in the season that this is what are mine. I'll give you some as an example mine is to connect with extended family.

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That's one I want to savor the slowness of cold days and bundling up.

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I have a whole closet in my basement of all of our snowboarding gear and my Winter Park my Winter Park gorillas and I want to savor the the joy of bundling up because I have to choose for it to be joy because it can be tedious especially with young children. But there's slowness to that I love it. I'm also one of my priorities is reflection on the year on what I learned from 2023 on who I became in 2023. And what I

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just was experienced in 2023. Personally as just as an individual, professionally as a coach and as a leader relationally as a wife and in my parenting as well. And then my fourth my fourth and my fourth priority is to I call them Dream Dream dates and my husband and I have these every year you might have seen me post about them before and you'll certainly see some posts coming up but we January 1 is

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Our favorite date year of the year, we also we do a family date we do my husband, I do it sometimes it's the night before it gives give or take, you know, a 36 hour window, we have a family dream date, and we have a husband wife dream date. It's our vision setting for the year ahead. I love it. It's a top priority for me this season, and we can start thinking about it. And then my, my fifth priority to deepen my joy this season is to really just savor quality family time and my little, my little nuclear family of four. And our traditions, which we we just got to customize puzzle with us as Lego people that's really cute. Our Christmas matching Christmas pajamas, our putting up the tree routine with music and all the things that go with that our elf on the shelf. And then we also one of our favorite things is a memory ornament, we got this, we get these big,

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plastic, Christmas ornament balls. And we have a family date at the table with we tear up little sheets of green and red paper. And we write about 100 sheets of paper. And one at a time for Texas about three hours. We write all of our favorite memories from the year and so on the outside of the ornament rewrite 2023, right or 2022 or whatever might be. And we and once we we all write our things down notice was more challenging, especially when Baker couldn't right now last year, he was able to write a word or two this year, it's going to be even better because he's killing it at his Reese crush my he's my six year old, he's reading and writing so well. And so in our own words, in our own handwriting, we're writing some of our favorite memories, our favorite jokes, our favorite things, the things that we did, and then we stuffed them in, and we read them together. And then we pick one ball from a previous year and we pull the memories out we all we have some sort of sweet at the same time, cocoa, you know, popcorn, something hot chocolate, and we read an ad remember in 2017, let's do that. And we pull those out and we just love it's this amazing, perfect activity for cold, rainy, snowy, dark day.

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And it comes from being proactive. So think ahead. What do you want this season represent? What do you want to experience this season? And you can create an absolutely epic, beautiful, customized season. And also acknowledge that hey, you might be sad sometimes. Okay, what are you doing to proactively protect against the sadness? Are you doing your morning routine? Are you listening to good things? Are you reframing your thoughts? Are you reminding yourself of what you are grateful for? Are you putting on music to set your attitude? Are you eating healthy? Are you moving your body? Are you intentionally seeking out daylight and sunlight? Are you being an encourager to others because all of that adds up. And if you do those core things, you will feel confident. Even if you've got some sadness, the sadness will pass.

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How you show up matters, I hope that you use the season as to start reflecting on last year on everything you've accomplished, what you've grown, how you've grown, what you've learned, and how you can change and what you want to change for 2024. If you haven't heard yet, do more in 2024. The registration is open, you can find out at Trish blackwell.com forward slash made for more if you want to set your goals and set a plan that is different than anything you've ever done for the year ahead. This is for you. It is a two day two part workshop, where we're going to meet for over four hours. And I'm gonna walk you through the exact way that I set a vision a game plan, an action plan, a courage map micro milestones. And as a habit hacks for to help you take massive, massive, courageous, consistent actions so that this next year is the year you do more, you would do more you achieve more you make more you show up more you are going to create a plan where we're going to proactively map out your zones of discomfort, so you can step into them. Now this is a a

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workshop that it's happening December 13 and December 20. They are going to be recorded from 7pm to 9pm. Eastern Standard Time, we have a VIP option that adds on a third day, we have we're already selling spots this will sell out if you know you want to have a roadmap to success. We're going to start by reflecting on that what I like to call back mapping and setting a 10x vision. So we're going to reflect and map backwards from the year that you've lived. Changing what needs to be changed in setting vision and then setting the plan. It is all happening. It's all going to be recorded. So even if you can't attend both days live, you should distil definitely sign up. I'm capping this at 100 people and you can get your spot saved now at Trish blackwell.com forward slash may

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aid for more because you were made for more. You, I really believe have been given gifts and talents. And God would not give you these gifts and talents if he did not believe that you could multiply them. It is our job to do the work of multiplying our job to take the talent to steward it well and multiply it. And we're going to be walking through all of that and do more in 2024. So you don't feel overwhelmed and pressured, but rather inspired and uplifted, to show up and make 2020 for the year that changes everything for you. I'll see you guys next week here on the confidence podcast. And hopefully I'll see your registration come through for do more in 2020. For that link is in the notes for you. Thank you for being a member of our amazing podcast family. I appreciate you. I love you.

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And I'm proud of you. You're doing good work. And little by little big crazy things get done.

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Thanks for listening to the confidence podcast and allowing me to be your coach today in your life. If you love the show, please let us know by leaving a review in iTunes. are you encouraged by what you learned? share this episode with a friend and let us know that the show was changing your life by saying hi to us on social media Instagram, Trish underscore Blackwell are on Facebook Trish Blackwell coaching,

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ready to take what I teach and really take it to the next level. Join us today in the College of confidence. It's my group coaching program that you can join risk free and cancel anytime. And the COC you'll scale your confidence, your courage, and the changes you make in your life is the coaching support and community you've been looking for. Go to www.collegeofconfidence.com to get started. If you love the podcast, you will love the college of confidence even more and see even more transformation in your life. Come and see for yourself.

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I'm cheering you on friend. See you soon

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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