HOW TO HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF

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If you've ever said any of the following statements, this episode is for you.

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I just wish I had the confidence to do that. I've lost my confidence. There's no way I could do something like that. I don't know how to have more confidence in myself.

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I've never been confident. I'm not confident enough to I second guess everything I do. I'm just an overthinker my self esteem has taken a hit. I'll feel more confident after I just need that more confidence in myself. Or I wish I had competence in myself. In this episode of The confidence podcast, we're going to talk about how to reawaken the competence inside of you how to train the competence muscle, even if it's atrophied, or you feel like you've never had it, and what mistakes you might be unknowingly making that are chipping away at your confidence instead of strengthening it. Welcome to the confidence podcast. Let's dive in. You're listening to the confidence podcast the go to coaching podcast, oozing with motivation, and easy to implement steps that help you to be bold and confident in life. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized competence coach, best selling author, and founder of the College of Confidence. I teach go getters in life, how to master their self talk, turn down the volume of self doubt, and get more results in life. So that you can be the difference maker and world changer. God created you to be you were made for more. And today's episode, we'll help you tap into it. Let's go. Hey, guys, I'm Trish Blackwell. If you're new to the show, welcome. We just crossed our 11 year birthday milestone last week. And last week's episode was the nominal. If you haven't yet listened, we've had tons of feedback on it, you're gonna want to, after you listen to this episode, go back to last week, it's on how to take action and do hard things because those two things will dramatically increase your confidence. In today's coaching, we're going to talk about how to reawaken this confidence inside of you. And so this week, I'm going to teach you what just the fundamentals of how to have more confidence, what you can do to feel more confident right now. And then also, we're going to highlight the mistakes that most people make when it comes to confidence. Do stay tuned to the end for a new coaching opportunity that we're doing in the month of December. I've never offered it like this before, it's only going to be available for 100 people. And this is going to be for you if you are high achieving. If you want more out of 2024 Then you got out of 2023 and you desire a mapped out plan and strategy for success so that you can have confidence as you navigate each step, and hurdle of 2024. So we're gonna cover that at the end. Really quick. Our review of the week is actually a review of the COC from Sanjay. She said this, it's been one year since joining the COC I have grown exponentially. A year ago, I would have never pictured myself creating content on social media. I value my time and my relationships now, I've learned that I can't just be happy because happiness is a result of something happening to you that is temporary. instead. I lean forward to find the joy by finding the joy. I'm practicing gratitude every day. I am the most consistent in my small business than I ever have been. And I feel the best I have ever felt in my adult life. Thank you. COC fam Thank you, Sanjay for the work you're doing and your your commitment. And for you showing up in the world. If you guys want results like that go get started at College of confidence.com. Alright, let's talk about how to have more confidence. And with anything, you have to establish a baseline. If you're new to the show, or you don't know my full story, I spent 10 years in the personal training industry. And so with an athletic background, a division one collegiate athlete turned a personal trainer. I have a baseline of understanding my my whole life has been fitness. And when I would meet with a new client who wasn't exposed to fitness as a kid or wasn't self identifying as an athlete in their time of growing up or adolescence or adulthood. One of the first things when someone said hey, I want to lose weight. Hey, I want to create change. We have to start with the honest baseline all growth starts first with the truth. And so I would meet with clients. And they would say, Well, you know, I want to be in better shape. But that doesn't mean anything that's not honest. What does better shape mean to you? Or they would say, I just want to lose some weight or about 50 pounds. And then turns out, we did some measurements, we would dive into the story of their, their bodies journey and their does true desire. And we'd established the actual baseline that they wanted to lose maybe 75 pounds. So first and foremost, you have to be honest about where you're starting. And we would do an assessment in the gym of like, where's your strength that? How long can you hold a plank hold, we needed to get some baseline measurements so that we knew where to go. And I say this because I really believe just like the gym, that confidence is a muscle. And I believe you have it. And you don't just lose muscle. Like, I don't lose my bicep muscle, it's always going to be part of my body. Unless, of course, I have an amputated arm. But stick with me, because so many people say I've just lost my confidence, or I've just never had any confidence. But hold up. That's like somebody who maybe doesn't have very defined muscle mass say, Well, I've never had biceps. Let's get really honest. But what we're saying here, maybe you've not had really defined biceps, but you have biceps, they are there. You just haven't trained them. And so I can say now I have pretty defined lean toned biceps, because I work my biceps I lift multiple times a week, I workout every day. But if I stopped doing that, and my definition of arms went down, I wouldn't say what I lost my biceps, I would just say, Well, my muscles have atrophied. Right, if you look at maybe imagine a scrawny kid, and you'd like, wouldn't be great if you had some abs. Well, that kid has ABS, they're just not defined, they're just not strengthened, they haven't been worked. And I would, especially with my weight loss clients, they would, we would just they would laugh, we would laugh together about the six pack that they have underneath the layers of fat layers or fat or just, it's just a body part, it's just body that is extra. So we reduce that part that's extra, and it starts to go away. And the abs are there you didn't, you'd never you might say because colloquially we say this, oh, I've never really had abs, because we're confusing the definition. And we it's very normal to say oh, and that person has got ABS this person doesn't. And so please don't lose your baseline unknowingly, I have always had this it is a muscle, it will not disappear. If I would like it to be stronger. If I'd like it to be more visible, I need to do the work. I need to be in the gym. And so continuing with the example of my own body, I love the definition of my arms, I love the definition of my abs, I'm happier in my body at age 40 than I ever was my whole life I am I feel more fit. Now as a 40 year old that I was as a full scholarship division one athlete who was active exercising four to five hours a day. Now, if for some reason I stopped exercising completely, my body would change. But because I like exercising, it's good for my physical health, my mental health, my emotional health. And I like the way my body looks as a result of the commitment to going to the gym and going for runs. I get the result that I want. But if I were to stop, my body would change. And I wouldn't say oh, no, I don't, I'm gone. I would say it's time to do work. Right? You don't just get fit and never have to continue getting fit. You don't get a six pack abs and never go to the gym again. You continue to work the confidence. You continue to work the abs, the biceps, all of it is muscle. And this is why the confidence journey never ends. It's a journey, not a destination. Because every level of achievement that you you reach and your confidence gets you to quote unquote, level up, you then have new new pressures, new challenges, new ways in which you have to show up with confidence and courage. And so the journey never stops. And that's a beautiful thing, because we don't have to be discouraged by it. Because we know well physically speaking, we still always have to maintain the muscles of our body if we want to be physically healthy. And so one, where are you starting to stop telling yourself that you've never had confidence or that you've lost it? You haven't lost it. We just haven't trained it. We haven't been aware of it. You haven't been in the gym. I want you to get a vision of what confidence means to you. And then I want you to commit to doing confidence work. We're going to talk about what is that in just a moment, but get a vision of what the most competent version of you does. How does He or she interact in the world? How does she engage in the world? What do you do? How do you exist? How do you interact in, in meetings in office? What kind of neighbor? Are you? Are you more extroverted than you currently are now? Are you maybe more introverted? Because you're not trying to be a people pleaser? And be someone you're not? What does it look like? What does confidence mean to you? What is the vision of that?

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And go back to where do you feel like not having enough confidence is holding you back? And so what's this confidence work that I talked about? Honestly, it's creating time to think it's creating time, ask yourself questions, it's creating time to be quiet. It's creating time to get to know yourself. But it's also being in a position where you start saying, I'm going to take what Trish talks about in the podcast, and I'm going to put it into action in my life, I'm going to apply the work. What I teach in the College of competence is that the work of confidence work starts with the five pillars of confidence, and we have courses and workshops and all of these, but first, you have to first pillar to build this foundation of competence is to know who you are. And then you have to know what you want, then you have to know that you matter. And then you have to know how to think. And then you have to know that your future rocks, you have to have a strong belief that the future can be better than the present or the past. And that that your effort that you're putting in now is going to multiply in that that this concept that you are future rocks is this really truly a concept that you have a growth mindset. You are not a fixed person, you are a growing person that you are developing and strengthening my biceps are not fixed at exactly what they look like they are growing because I work them I was curling 30 pound dumbbells. Yesterday, I'm real proud of that. And but I didn't start at that even as a personal trainer, I wasn't curling those as an arbitrary number were arbitrary exercise. But I like how my biceps look, I'm gonna keep working. Here's what's cool. When you start really liking a result that you're getting, it's easier to keep doing that thing. I like how confidence feels. I like the life, the internal life, I love the external life I've created as a result of the work that I share with you here on the podcast. But I also more than anything like the internal experience of my life, the benefit of committing to saying I'm going to be a confident and courageous person. And because I like the results, I'm willing to continue to do the habits and the work that create those results and some of those things for courage art, to really do the Eleanor Roosevelt really ascribe to doing one thing every day that scares me to push myself to be willing to be a novice to be willing to step out to be willing to go into the discomfort zone. But then for the habits of competence, and we teach this in the college confidence is the work for me is gratitude. affirmations, journaling, celebration, and prioritization. It's learning how to journaling is really going to represent time for self reflection. Making time to think about what you think about gratitude is a commitment to a positive and an end and praiseworthy attitude, an attitude of thankfulness. If there's one thing you change in all your things, grounding yourself in gratitude will change your life. It will change your perspective and when your perspective changes, your life changes. And affirmations are or I often call them power phrases is the ability to start speaking words over your life words are powerful they are, they are the most powerful thing in this world. There are more people who have been who have had their their, their their competence and their potential killed because of words, then we can even count don't discount the power of your words to either cut someone down or build them up we think about the wounds of your past are often offhanded hurtful things that people have said to you and you know those things aren't true yet you still struggle with them. Because words can kill words can destroy but they can also create and build and so to do the confidence work is to learn how to use your words rather than then the against yourself because I was stuck in that loop for a long time to use them for yourself, to use them to speak over yourself of who you are, who God created you to be who you have the potential to be who you're declaring yourself to be who you're going to show yourself up and show up as words are everything they are so powerful to me they are their core of confidence are your words. And so the more you practice daily written affirmation the power phrases the things that I teach here And even more in depth in the college or competence, when you learn to have words that are life giving and self affirming, and how to do that consistently, and you commit to that as a habit, your confidence will change. And the habit of celebration is the habit, we call it in the College of confidence, we call it champagne moments, it's the ability to slow down and say, Look at me go look at me, when you see we're so accustomed to finding flaws and seeing where we're not measuring up. We're so self critical, we're so driven to point out where we're not doing well. And instead, we're not acknowledging where we are. And so to become a person who can see that you're making progress to celebrate the micro steps, as if they truly matter. Because they do, you will find that you will stay in a place of momentum, you will stay committed, it's easy to stay dedicated, it's the discipline goes out the window doesn't mean you don't need to be disciplined, you're encouraged, you see progress, you see a pat on the back, you're giving yourself your own gold stars, and you will keep going. And it is when you keep going and you stay consistent, that you get the results that you want in life. And when you get results, guilt, it's really easy to feel confident. And then prioritization, this is the ability to know how to use your time. Well. If you know how to use your time, well. You can do anything. And I think so often we get overwhelmed we we wreck our own confidence, we chip away at it because we spread ourselves too thin because we over commit, we we don't know what the what a difference between a priority versus a preference. And we get lost in the shuffle. And we feel exhausted. Not enough and always behind. But when you learn what matters and how to prioritize what matters versus what doesn't. You learn to stop trying to do it all. And you start really working on strengthening your strengths and getting help with your weaknesses. You will see that confidence muscle grow, you will see yourself create margin in your life, you will see life feel different. It's just beautiful. And if you're like well, Trish, how do I do that? Go back, we've got tons of episodes here and on the competence podcast on priorities prioritization, if you go to my website, there's a little search button on the podcast page. So you can search by topic. But then, of course, if you want to go deep and get accelerated results, we have workshops upon workshop upon workshop on time management and prioritization over priorities and action taking in the College of competence. So I invite you to, to check that out. I think most notably, confidence work is the willingness to think about what you think about. And that sounds so simple. But it's not just listening to a podcast like this, it's listening to a podcast like this and then walking, letting yourself have an hour of silence where you're not interrupted or driving home and not listening to the radio instead thinking about what you thought about that day or what you learned, and being intentional about your gratitude. For me, my deepest, most significant work is the of confidence is the 10 minutes of journaling that I do at the beginning of the day. And the 10 minutes of reading and journaling. I do at the end of the day, 20 minutes a day, has changed my entire life. And transformed my confidence. If you don't know my confidence story, just very briefly, I was a super competent kid, and then a super high achieving put a lot of athletic pressure on myself. And when my athletic dreams of the Olympics were cracked. I thought I was a massive disappointment. I thought I had disappointed God. I thought I disappointed the world. I thought that the one thing that I was talented that I wasted. I mess it up. I messed it up by putting too much pressure on myself by not trusting myself by not having enough competence. And so on the outside, I was super competent on the inside. I was anxious and overthinking and over trying all the time. And I lived in a world where I was constantly beating myself up constantly stuck on the hamster self criticism, and not enoughness. And so that I spent two, two decades of my life pretending to be confident even though I wasn't. And it resulted in deep anxiety disorder abusive relationships that I chose to enter and an eating disorder. And so when you hear me talk about confidence, please no, it wasn't just something I always had. And going back to our original example, I had it. I grew up in a family that promoted confidence that worked with competence. My mom and my my dad were very verbal about building us up my mom in particular. And so she helped me worked my confidence muscle, and then my confidence muscle atrophied for about 20 years. And then I started training it again. You see, you could say, well, I was competence, that kid and I lost my confidence. And now I'm confident again, that doesn't make that doesn't make sense. I didn't lose it. It was there just atrophied. It was weak.

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And so I started working it and then I was like, Wait, this feels familiar. Wait, this muscle is starting to be visible, wait a second, the same thing can be for you. So before you go, nice, nice Trish. Nice, cool, easy for you. You've never struggled with confidence. The entire reason I started this podcast was because of my deep, deep, long secret of journey with insecurity with a lack of confidence. Because it was I was an unusual case of everybody thought I had it all together, everyone thought I was super competent on the inside. I felt this conflict. And I felt pressure and I said there's got to be a better way. So I wanted to start talking about confidence because at that time, 11 years ago, there were not a lot of people talking about it. And so make sure not to do these things. Alright, so what that's just I need you to know I'm not talking from like a soapbox saying I've never struggled. The whole point of me teaching you how to have confidence is because I know the struggle. I know how far away it can feel. I know how how, how hard it can be I know if you have never listened to my full story is episode 444 I know what it feels to be absolutely empty rock bottom, and to not know if you even matter let alone be confident. So here are some things that we might be you might be doing that are chipping away and tarnishing your confidence that are there are patterns that tarnish confidence chip away at it, destroy it, or just allow it space to atrophy. And so it's it's your without realizing it. Sometimes some resignation is actually active destruction of your confidence. What is that? Scrolling, endless scrolling on social media being a spectator to other people's lives carelessly, comparing yourself to others and, and thinking oh, they're prettier, skinnier, richer, they must be happier, they must have a better life, they must be better than me. Comparing yourself and putting yourself down, not trusting other people's opinion over your own will destroy your competence, waiting for someone else to affirm you. And to build you up instead of learning how to do that for yourself. Not actively reframing a thought, or an intrusive thought or honestly not even knowing what you're thinking. Just know you think a lot knowing that you are overwhelmed, not not making time, even just five minutes a day to think about what you think about not journaling, not doing the confidence habits, journaling, celebrating prioritizing affirmations, gratitude. But also little things like not going to bed on time procrastinating your sleep. And why was that? Why would that chip away at your competence because it chips chips away at your physical health and your emotional health. And so when you wake up exhausted, you're already starting behind. But it's not about a morning routine. Everybody thinks I just got to get better in the morning. It's usually a reflection of your nighttime routine. So often we put off sleep, we procrastinate on sleeps, the very thing we need the most to be well rested, it is a lot easier to to curate confidence to feel good about yourself, to deepen your sense of self, your self esteem, your self worth your willingness to be brave all the things if you feel if you feel rested. Life is harder when you're tired. I know this from being a mom, I know this from being somebody who used to procrastinate sleep and had a really, really bad nighttime habits. I'd wake up exhausted. And I accepted that as my life and you do not have to do that. Other things that people do that chip away or taking pictures over and over and over and over until you get the perfect one. And just sometimes guys, bad pictures. We all take them. But we are in a world where everybody's got this curated, beautiful feed and we think well they they don't take five takes they don't take 20 takes they just take one perfect take. It takes 1000s of takes hundreds of times to get a great picture. Sometimes a bad picture is just a bad picture or bad lighting or it's a bad angle. But the more you you go oh, let's do it again. Let's do it again. Oh, like you're getting in your own head and saying I still don't look right I still don't look right. And then your your brain starts telling you this whole story. I used to struggle with that. I just think is this what I really look like Am I an embarrassment to people why is nobody telling you the truth. And another thing that we do that I want you to start start really calling yourself out on is stop believing that lies that someone broken or toxic said to you about you. And sometimes this is work that gets done in therapy. Sometimes this is work that gets done in coaching. But you really have to say, am I holding on to untruths that somebody who was hurt has said, Remember, hurt people hurt people. It's not about you. And I think also, people start waiting for confidence when I, when I lose 20 pounds. It's this arrival fallacy that once I arrive at this quote, unquote, destination of being a little bit skinnier, looking a little bit better, having a little bit more money, then I'll have competence in myself, or of having enough experience to this company, then I'll you don't stop waiting for confidence that's like, my abs can start looking better after the holidays. And I'll just wait till then no, they're not they're gonna look worse because you're eating all the deserts. When we have to be honest with ourselves, stop waiting for competence. Competence is not coming. You have to do the work for it. It's there, you've not lost it. It's not unavailable to you. But you got to do the work. And I think that we need to also stop permitting self and done indulgent passes on, I can't help it. I can't help it. I'm just hard on myself. I can't help it. I'm just super self critical. I can't help it. I just struggle with perfectionism. I stayed in that prison for way too many years. I was confident, but it was quasi confident. Because I kept saying, Well, I'm just a perfectionist, you know, type a, oh, I just beat myself up. I always have the answer. The second, the unsaid part of that sentence is this resignation that you always will. You don't have to let that be the the end of your sentence. You're justifying an internal bully. A bully is a bully is a bully. So stop feeling like you need to feel confident also to be confident, you can help it and you can choose competence. And sometimes we simply say what we say concrete the competence I was made for this. It's okay, that I'm scared. I have the confidence and the courage to step forward anyway. And when you take the action, we can skip the emotion as I teach in the tea cycle thoughts, emotions, actions, you can skip the emotion. And then you can take action because of a bit of a power thought. And after you take action. Sometimes we loop back and the emotion ends up catching up. You don't need to feel confident to be confident. You can you can you can sometimes it's wonderful when we do Gosh, it is easier, but it's not necessary. So speaking of power phrases for competence, I wanted to close out today's episode with some power phrases for confidence. Here are just a few they are in the show notes which you can access at Trish blackwell.com forward slash 573 I am becoming confident this is me working my confidence muscle. I am working my confidence muscles intentionally. I have permission to be confident. I give myself authority to trust myself. I am brave and bold and and I am going after the life of my dreams. I am where I am. And I am on my way to where I want to be. I have what it takes. I am rising up. If you enjoyed this coaching conversation, I've got two other episodes I think you'll love one is episode 446 How to find yourself and your confidence that's 446 and then Episode 546, confidence, immersion and faking it till you make it. Now I promised you guys if you stayed to the end of episode I have a coaching opportunity. It's a two part coaching experience happening in December. We're locking the dates down. Currently it's the 13th of December and the 20th 7pm to 9pm eastern standard time I want to give an opportunity for those of you who work to be able to do this in the evening. The sessions will be recorded. It's going to be four hours. So a two part two day workshops, a two hours each of workshopping and coaching and vision setting. And we're calling it made for more in 2024. You can find out more at Trish blackwell.com forward slash made for more regular cost of this if done privately would be $3,500. Your cost to participate in this is a paid program. It's $297 $297 can give you access to an app so salutely dialed in plan for the entire year of 2024. The reason we're doing it in two parts is going to be coaching. And we'll be planning and that gives you we're going to do where you have a week to implement and do the work. And then a live coaching, where I'm going to give you feedback. And we're going to talk about the thoughts that you need to think. So you stay confident, and you stay consistent in implementing the plan the entire year. So you don't just burn in turn, get real excited for three months and then teeter out my goal is that if you are going to be one of the 100 people who participate, we are capping this at 100. So it's first come first serve. If you're going to be one of those 100 people, you're going to be in the top 1% of people who set goals because you're going to be the person with a plan, who follows the plan, who has the who knows what to think, and how to act and how to say to themselves when they get discouraged. And to set micro milestones along the way, it is going to be incredible. So we have we're gonna talk about a game plan, and a vision, a micro a schedule for your micro goals and the micro milestones. We're gonna talk about some massive action, habit hacks, and the power thoughts that you need specifically for your goals. Really excited you can find out more at Trish blackwell.com forward slash made for more.

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I'll see you guys there. Can't wait to see who signs up. And who gets into that 100 I'll see you guys next week. It's been an amazing week. I hope you have an amazing week. If this episode resonated send it to a friend send it to your sister to your mom, share the love. Thank you for being here. Thank you for letting me be a voice of encouragement in your life. Now go out there to today go be more of who God created you to be.

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Be you. Be free. Thanks for listening to the confidence podcast and allowing me to be your coach today in your life.

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If you love the show, please let us know by leaving a review in iTunes are encouraged by what you learned. share this episode with a friend and let us know that the show is changing your life by saying hi to us on social media Instagram Trish underscore Blackwell are on Facebook Trish Blackwell coaching, ready to take what I teach and really take it to the next level. Join us today in the College of confidence. It's my group coaching program that you can join risk free and cancel anytime. And the COC you'll scale your competence, your courage and the changes you make in your life. It's the coaching support and community you've been looking for. Go to www.collegeofconfidence.com to get started. If you love the podcast, you will love the College of confidence even more and see even more transformation in your life. Come and see for yourself. I'm cheering you on friend. See you soon

Transcribed by https://otter.ai