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Are you tired of working hard, I'm not seeing fast enough results like really hard, I can just see the needle is not moving forward fast enough, you might be unknowingly making yourself a victim to an undercurrent of excuses that you don't even realize you're making, but that are holding you back. In this episode, we're gonna learn how to identify if you're falling into the excuse trap, and more importantly, how to start dominating your inner self talk and your follow through so that your effort starts multiplying itself instead of falling flat. Or maybe you know, you're making excuses, but life is busy and hectic. And you just don't know how to break the excuse cycle. This episode is for you and will give you a simple shift that will give you a great breakthrough. To be a person who is no longer held back by excuses. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell competent coach and your number one cheerleader. In today's episode, we're gonna give you some massively simple takeaways

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that you can implement right away today. Start changing the way that you show up in life. So the micro excuses no longer hold you back in massive ways. Get excited because no matter where you stand whether you're aware of your excuses or not, this episode is going to help you. Let's dive in. You're listening to the confidence podcast, then go to coaching podcast, oozing with motivation, and easy to implement steps that help you to be bold, and confident in life. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized confidence coach, best selling author, and founder of the College of Confidence. I teach go getters in life, how to master their self talk, turn down the volume of self doubt, and get more results in life. So that you can be the difference maker and world changer. God created you to be you were made for more. And today's episode will help you tap into it.

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Let's go. Hey, guys, it's Trish Blackwell and you're listening to the confidence podcast. You're listening to Episode 571. Today we're talking about excuses. And the ones that are holding you back. And the ones that are sneaky and subconscious, and that you don't even realize are there because they feel like real justifications. You might you might not be consciously or intentionally making excuses. But the chances are, you're probably holding yourself back with some of these common and sneaky excuses. If you want to stop tiptoeing in life and stop playing smaller than your potential, then it's time to identify and put a stop to the excuses whether they're subconscious or conscious, you're aware or you're not aware, it's time to kick them to the curb because they're holding you back. And they're keeping you stuck. And here's where I really want to emphasize. They're not just keeping you stuck. They're keeping you from your destiny.

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I really believe you are here. With Purpose. You have a purpose, and potential that serves others there's good work in this world to be done.

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And you're needed. But if we play small and have excuses and settle for average, we don't even come close to scratching the surface of who we're really intended to be or the impact that we really have the potential to make. In today's episode, we're going to explore the excuse mentality in depth, our excuse culture and how it leads to Microsoft quitting. But more importantly, I want you to walk away from today's episode, knowing how to become someone who makes excuses a thing of their past. We're gonna talk about sneaky excuses that you might not realize that you're making that are keeping you stuck. How to Overcome your common and default excuses so you can stop micro quitting on yourself. And the secret there is a secret. I'm going to give it to you today. At the end of today's episode on how to become a person who doesn't make excuses, period, a person of radical, radical responsibility, radical action, but who just simply says, I'm doing this because I said I'm going to do it.

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I'm so excited, you guys, this episode's going to knock your socks off. So if you are new, we want to welcome you thanks for coming and giving this podcast to try. We are a community of high achieving big dreaming people worldwide who know they're made for more who know that when you have confidence and you have clarity about the path that you are creating, and that what you were designing in your life, what your future holds, then you have the courage to step into your God given calling to make a difference in this world, to be light to be loved, and to be a difference maker.

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But it all starts with confidence. It all starts with knowing how to think on

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Purpose, how to think with confidence, show up with confidence and walk through life with confidence, which does not mean that you're not going to have insecure thoughts or fearful thoughts. It means you take action. Anyways.

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We're gonna dive into the review of the week, I just want to thank Don Don wrote The nicest thing she said positive Dawn, amazing content. So very grateful Trish, this is the first review I've ever written. In parentheses in my life, Don, I'm already I'm already moved. I just want to say that after listening to this podcast, being a member of the College of confidence, and being coached by you, I am a new person. I'm happier and more competent. I'm truly enjoying life more 53 I truly wish I'd found such a podcast when I was in my 20s Thank you for your vulnerability, truthfulness, gracefulness, encouragement, caring heart and positivity, please, no, you make a wonderful difference. I am forever grateful. I am forever grateful for words of encouragement like this, you guys know my love language is words of affirmation. And it means so much to me. When I hear that, I can see that this podcast matters, I see that the show matters I, I see the download numbers. But when I hear your stories, it moves my heart even more. So please connect with me on Instagram, let me know how the show has changed your life. You can find me at Trish underscore Blackwell. Or even better, leaving a review helps more people find the show and just helps more people be encouraged. So we thank you in advance for those of you who will take just a minute to do that this week. And before we dive into our actual coaching, I have a bonus little coaching thought it's been stirring in my mind. And it's a journaling prompt that I'm going to use myself, I've been talking about it with a couple of my one on one clients. And it's really about the story you tell yourself, I imagine that we're going to have a whole episode coming down the pipeline here on the story you tell yourself but I have three questions. And I want you to write these down. And I want you to do some open, open journaling. Because the way you tell the narrative of your life really determines what your life becomes, and what you see of your past how you show up in your present and what you can create in your future.

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And it all comes through your own brain, your own inner narrative, we are the ones that are narrating the story of our lives. And it's interesting. So so often we don't slow down and even see that. So here are the three questions. By the way, if you're driving, if you're doing something where your hair hands can't be free, perhaps you're on the treadmill. These are written down for you in the shownotes you can always find my show notes on my website, Trish blackwell.com, forward slash 571. Here are the three questions. What what is the story? You want to tell yourself about your past? And

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number two, what is the story? You want to tell yourself about the present tense?

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Number three, what is the story you want to tell yourself about the future? Now interestingly enough, we got to look back and say, What is the story I've been telling myself about the past? What is the story I've been telling myself about the present? What is the story I've been telling myself about the future?

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And now let's let's reframe that and make it present tense. What story do I want to tell myself about my past? What story do I want to tell myself about my present? And what story? Do I want to tell myself right now about my future.

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One final announcement. So that was some bonus coaching. We have something really exciting happening in my membership program, which is my group coaching, life coaching program called College of confidence. And it's the month of November starting tomorrow. We're calling it no excuses November. So here I'm gonna keep it simple. If this episode resonates, and you're ready to stop making excuses in your life, you absolutely have to get in on the coaching this month in the COC go get started at culture confidence.com are dedicating the entire month to no excuses and different categories of our life. What we're going to cover here on today's episode is just the start to go deep and really get coached on it and apply it to your life. Come to the COC. So college competence.com. Let's talk about excuses. Let's talk about the ones that are holding you back. And I want to start with this your potential is exceedingly above what you can imagine. But there are two problems that hold you back from it.

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And the first problem is lack of vision. And the second problem is excuses. We're going to dedicate the episode to problem number two because lack of vision is is covered a little bit in last week's episode, How To start your big dream, how to believe in it, how to follow through on it. And honestly imagination giving your brain the freedom to imagine is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself in your life. Because what you can envision you can do even more. We want to keep stretching our brain there's this concept that is in the coaching world of I want I want you to 10 Extra like not just to extra life. As Benjamin Hardy says to axing a goal is incremental change. It's going from crawling to crawl

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Rolling faster. Well, I'm not interested in you crawling faster, I'm interested in you running, walking. But in order to get a crawler, to get to walking, we have to even say what I believe is possible. This is my current mode of transportation, I crawl I call from point A to point B, right? As a young child,

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and to look and go, Oh, but a crawler starts to learn to walk by looking and have a vision of well, these other humans are walking, that's interesting. Well, if they can do it, I can do it. But a child who is crawling won't push themselves to learn to walk until they acknowledge me, I want to be like them. So vision is so huge to get you because in the process of going from crawling to walking, you're gonna fall a lot.

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And if you fall and you get discouraged, that's a really good excuse to not keep going, why makes

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excuses that well, I've tried it, it's just not working. And what we would say to a young child, if we could have a full conversation at that level, at that age would be get up again, of course, you haven't reached there yet, you have to fall some more, you have to keep going, you have to get down, get back up. And keep and success is the willingness to get back up until you get to where you want to go. But we're going to talk about excuses. I'm going to assume here today that you have a vision for your life that's bigger than it currently is. But it's the excuses that are holding you back. Now maybe your vision is about weight loss. Maybe it's about making income, growing your business, perhaps it's about it's a vision of a relational vision about what your family legacy or your marriage could be as a vision to write a book. It's a vision to be to do something great with your life. What is that vision? And really, more than that, now, in today's coaching, why aren't you acting? Just boldly and daily on it? So many of us have the vision and when you take little baby steps. And we say we're working on it all the time. And we're really not if we're honest with ourself.

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Because true change starts when we start being truthful. We say things like Well, I've tried it all. Is that true?

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I'm working really, really hard at this thing is is that true? Sometimes that's true. But we want to get curious and really ask ourselves how true are my excuses?

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And what am I saying to myself that I'm I'm not noticing that I'm saying

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Don Weidler says this excuses of the nails used to build a house of failure. Benjamin Franklin says He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.

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Jordan Belfort said this the only thing standing between you and your goal is the story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it. And that's why I started with today going What is the story you're telling yourself, about yourself about your present about your potential. don't inform your future and what is possible based on your past your past is a past you. It's not who you still are. You wouldn't have more tools, more information, more skills, more experience, more knowledge, more wisdom, more courage, more bravery, more confidence, now in your present than you ever did in your past. So we don't want to inform our future based on our past and what didn't work, but based on who we are now, how we think now, the emotional courage with which we show up with now. And our willingness to dream big and act big with our lives. Now. The story you tell yourself about yourself, it's got to change. Once you tell yourself a story of victory, tell yourself a story of of capability of influence that that you have purpose that you are the one for the job for the goal for the for the book for that for that vision, because why not you?

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Your excuses are just the lies your fear have sold you. That is a quote from Robin Sharma.

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And I love this quote from Teddy Roosevelt.

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The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything. Often our excuses are protection, we we say well, I'm not ready yet we we want to hold back or I don't really know what to do yet. And so we were afraid of so afraid of making a mistake because we didn't realize we somehow have forgotten that mistakes are actually opportunities that they are necessary. A mistake of failure or a setback is a set up that our opportunities are paved. The paving paving stones of the pathway to success are from mistake to mistake but we're so afraid of making a mistake because we don't want to be judged. We don't want to be embarrassed. We don't want to be disappointed in ourselves that we never do anything.

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And then we look at everyone else's life and we go well, that's not fair. I wish I had the the skills that they had. I wish I had the money that they had i wish i i had the job that they had or I wish I had the body

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that they had the only difference between that version that you want to be and the you that you are now is just that's a person who has stopped making excuses

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and who does the work daily to believe that anything is possible

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Stephen Graham said this excuses are the tools with a with which persons with no purpose in view build for themselves great monuments have nothing.

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It's excuses are what allow us to talk big talk, but not walk the walk. So what do excuses do? They limit us, they hold us back. And honestly, there's two things I wanted to highlight. They make life harder, they create a state of constant micro quitting.

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They make life they make the goal seem further away than it needs to be the the create a cycle of procrastination. They create self judgment. They create perfectionism, they create comparison. And imagine this just for a moment. Imagine the story you want to tell yourself about the future you is just a person who stops making excuses. What would change.

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But as I say that you think on that, I

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want you I want you to pause for a minute and give credit and highlight some of the sneaky excuses that I think come in, that are blocking you may not even realize are happening.

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And it's statements like I don't feel like it.

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I don't know how I don't have enough time.

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I don't know if I can. I'm not sure if I'm pretty enough. I'm not sure if I'm smart enough. I don't know how to, to speak in public well enough to be influential. I'm not a good enough writer to write a good book. They're better than me.

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I don't have enough time. I don't feel like it.

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I have a motivation problem. Or maybe an sneaky excuses the story you've been telling yourself about your past. I'd never really follow through I struggle with motivation. I think big but don't take action. If any of that's true, that's fine, but make that the past. You know, it's time to start speaking about yourself in a different way as a person who was outgrown those things. You tried that strategy, you realize that didn't get you the results in life you want and now you prescribe to a new strategy.

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Some other sneaky and undetected excuses are over committing. It's interesting. Some of the highest achievers that I work with have the biggest goals and they also over commit to all the things and what you're doing is you're setting up goals protection to say I'm thinking big, but I'm so busy. I can't really follow through at that next level.

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Are you over committing

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another sneaky excuses, perfectionism.

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You're so hard on yourself that you either don't start or you over learn. You start buffering with over preparation so that everything looks good, it's all set up and you want it all be you want to be ready, you want to be set and then you want to go in and said you need to get ready, go and then get yourself set as you go. As my mentor Todd Durkin said it's ready. Instead of ready a fire it's ready fire aim, like we take massive action have a bias for action and then you can course correct the direction of action. Perfectionism will leave you in regret, it will leave you behind, and it will leave you only partially scratching the surface of your potential. And I said before your brain says but I can't help it. I'm a perfectionist. I used to say that too. I have gone into recovery from perfectionism. I claim recovery from it. Because I realized it was just a tool that I used at a time in my life that I thought served me well. And I've outgrown it, it doesn't doesn't serve me. It protected me from actually having to put my heart out there. It protected me from being vulnerable from from failure, and protected me from success. I don't want to be protected from success anymore. I want to go for success. I want to create a life of massive impact. Another sneaky undetected excuse is exhaustion,

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sleep deprivation and so some of these excuses are valid. You might be exhausted, emotionally exhausted, physically exhausted, mentally exhausted. And then we can say that's an excuse. But here's where I want you to take radical responsibility. There are probably if we were truly honest with ourselves, there are probably some things that you can do right now to change the level of exhaustion in your life.

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And that comes down to are you sleeping well. And if you're not sleeping, well what are you doing that is within your control that you can't sleep well so you might not be sleeping well because

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you're struggling with insomnia at night but have you sought a specialist? Are you doing journaling before bed? Do you have a very very structured, you know, no screen time before bed. Are you doing

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All the things you can do to promote good sleep. Now the same thing, if you have a young child, a baby who's not sleeping through the night,

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or you have a crazy work schedule if you're an ER doctor, ER nurse or somebody on a on a night shift or a split shift, okay, that's great. But those are the circumstances those are facts, how do we within the control of what we have, promote good sleep. The number one thing I think most people procrastinate on in their lives is sleep. And it's the most dangerous thing to procrastinate.

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Because it leaves you exhausted. And it's very hard to be motivated, to be driven to have follow through to be super confident when you are just bone tired, tired.

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And it's a free thing to fix. It's a simple thing to fix.

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And it will change sleep can change your life. Another excuses on being unprepared or being stretched thin, or being not ready.

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And the the main way to overcome your excuses is to change the story. You're telling yourself, stop telling yourself, you're the person you used to be start saying I'm a person who doesn't make excuses, no longer what am I going to let this be what defines my life, I will rise up, I am going to do what I said I'm going to do whether or not it's convenient, we have to embrace that, to do the things that you have the potential to do to make more money to have the body of your dreams to have the amazing relationships you want to get a promotion to, to make a million dollars in your business is to be financially independent, to retire early.

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It's hard.

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And it's also not hard because it's just doing the little things over and over with extraordinary consistency. And being okay, that sometimes things are hard.

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Because we micro quit, we get hard and we start to microcredit. So take action anyway. When I think sometimes when we there's an excuse, we can look at that excuse in the face and say and I will still take action. This is a reason not an excuse. And I will be all the more proud of myself to take action through the excuse. And what we're gonna do is we're gonna start changing the story we tell ourselves by saying I'm an overcomer I'm a doer

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I kick excuses in the teeth, I just do it anyway.

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And I'm consistent I do extraordinary small things, very ordinary small things with extraordinary consistency that is my commitment that is what will get me results that is what I will not vary from and the other part of it is to raise your personal standards. I want you to think about your personal standards like the floor on which you are raising up we raise ourselves up by raising our floor and also our filter. Remember that what you focus on your brain will start to filter for and you are you may not realize it but you already do have certain standards in your life. It's very simple example I like to think about I love water I have always been a person who will I love being in the water but I love drinking I love drinking water I super hydrate. However, I have a standard for how I drink my water. And before you think I'm all like

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super super super like ridiculous. I don't even need it to be bald or water I prefer it to be filtered but I'm okay with some tap water at what my standard is is the temperature. I needed to be super cold like not just cold, not cold, cold, super cold. I have a standard of super cold water is so much so I have these 20 ounce or 30 ounce vos glass bottles. I also have a standard of drinking out of glasses. I don't like to drink out of a can like a can of club soda or a can of soda or a bottle of water I want to drink other glass that is a personal preference standard I enjoy it more of a personal standard of eating my food on a plate because having come over an eating disorder for decades, I used to eat very quickly out of the bag sitting down in a hunting standard of making my plate look beautiful is a standard that I have for myself. I've raised my standard and the same goes with the super cold water. So we have these bottles. We have a special shelf in our fridge where I have eight of them lined up because at any given time somebody from my family pulls one walks around the house a child puts it down my husband brings one to his office and they leave these and then I go to their fridge and there is no cold super cold water for me and I freak out which is why we have eight so that if any of my family members take these waters walk around don't return them don't fill them back up don't keep them super cold. I will always have a standard of cold water. I love having super cold water. I have a standard for the ice cubes. We like we have an opal ice machine it it there is a connection there right if I like super cold water. I also like ice. And so there's a personal standard and I have a standard of how I keep that machine running.

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that I have it up. Because it's when it's something you care about, you have standards, you have preferences. So think about what brands you will will spend more money on because it's just a standard for you. Or about your food and your nutrition choices. It's just a standard. So you already have standards. Now we want to ask ourselves in our life, where am I not? Where can I raise the standards? What are my currents, personal standards? What are the standards I have for my personal habits? My morning routine, my nighttime routine. And then also where have I not set standards for myself?

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Because you haven't set standards for yourself, you, you're going to fall victim to whatever comes your way. This is why when I work with people on dating confidence, one of the standards I sat on is what they want in a in a relationship and how their standard of communication and respect and what partnership actually looks like. Because when you know that you have standards, or you've seen people relationally in good relationships have standards. When someone speaks disrespectfully to you or they don't communicate, or that they start to minimize or gaslight you go, Whoa, this is not, I don't get treated like that. Because you know what your standard is for how YouTube you deserve to be treated as a human in relationship, you have set those, and so you won't tolerate anything else. And so where is it, but if you don't know that you get to have standards, you just go, oh, I guess this is the person. Like I said, this is just how life is. And then you allow mistreatment or you don't know that this is below a standard that you're worthy of. And so a question for you today is, what are your current standards? And we're also where have you not set standards? And then also where in your life? Or is there an area that you really care about something that matters to you, but you've gotten sloppy? So you've set a standard, but you're like, yeah, and you're just sloppy?

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And another question to help you oh really flesh some of these out those concepts, outers, where are you living other people's lives instead of your own? You see, we get distracted and we make excuses for our own lives because we are so focused on everybody else's life that we stop living our own. We're comparing we're distracted, we're procrastinating were people pleasing all the things, live your own life, live your own life, design your future, show up big and start raising the standards of expectation that you have for yourself, and in how you can show up in this this life. And in your in in the world. I'm not saying be perfect standards of perfection at all. It's standards of progression Standards of Learning a standards of habit, a standard of a mindset, my standard for my mindset is next level, but I have to take action to be able to set my mind right every day. It's my standards that I have to get up at a specific time to do my morning routine so that my brains right for the day.

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And it's worth it standards raise the floor. They raise what's possible. Now what's the secret? I promised you a secret? A secret to becoming a person who doesn't make excuses? Well, secret number one is clearly coming join us in November in the college competence secret number two to becoming a person who doesn't make excuses

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is to stop is to stop doing it. Stop making them stop allowing you to catch every micro excuse that you make. That's the secret. It's not the big excuses. I think that trip us up it's the micro ones. So the secret to being a person who doesn't make excuses is to learn and practice stopping to make them Somebody asked me the other day, why do I work so hard at my in my workouts? Why do I work out I work out so I can practice not making excuses. I work out and I push myself on runs. And sometimes on distance or something. That's a challenge simply so I can practice fighting the battle in my mind that goes on of all the reasons to stop. And so if you want to be a person who doesn't make excuses, be really damn proud of yourself. Every time you stop making one every time you catch your brain going, Oh, or I could take the easy way and you go, ah, micro excuse micro justification. Anytime you start saying oh, I'll just do this tomorrow because I don't feel like it. But you but you catch it and you do it especially because you said I want to do it tomorrow when you become a person who takes action. On micro excuses. You are becoming a person who is practicing. Not making excuses. It's just like anything you have to practice it to be good at it. We have to be aware of it. Now how do we increase our awareness by getting curious? So I want you to get curious about the following. Where have you accepted excuses where have you just said Oh, it's just as this how it is just how I am?

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What do you really want and how can you make your vision bigger?

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What are your sloppy micro excuses that are sneaking into your life?

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Another excuse pattern we didn't mention

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I'm going to mention here in this reflection question, Are you blaming anyone? Are you being a voluntary victim instead of an overcomer in your life? Are you saying but I didn't have the right parents? I didn't have the right education, the right upbringing, the right this the right that I've struggled, I had an excuse for a long time of well, I'm still struggling with, with my body image and my relationship with food. Well, how could I do any more, I was a voluntary victim to my own struggle, and their own story. And it's not that I was blaming anybody but I had an excuse of why I couldn't think bigger is because I was still struggling.

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And it's interesting because it's really just the story I'm telling myself right?

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If you ask yourself,

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are my excuses keeping me stuck? Are my excuses and am I am I willing to part with my excuses, because in many ways, excuses are like little comfort blankets that we hold on to because they, they keep us what we think of our is emotionally safe, but they also keep us from the life that we actually want to live.

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And so I want you to get really obsessed this week, about seeing how many times you can practice taking action, and catching a micro excuse. Because when you start taking action, in spite of the micro excuse that is telling you to just not do it. That's when you are actually practicing becoming someone who does not make excuses.

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If you are jamming out on this concept, and you're really want to go deeper, I want you to come join us for the month of November in the College of confidence. Let me tell you some of the upcoming excuse based workshops we are going to be doing. Starting off, we're going to start the month with identifying your excuse patterns, we just touched the surface here, we're gonna go deeper, doing a whole hour long workshop, identifying your excuse patterns, then we're going to do an excuse free living workshop. Then we're going to do a workshop on circumstantial excuses. We have a whole workshop on average excuses. We have a whole workshop. I'm very much excited about this one on money excuses. I have a workshop on perfectionistic and perfectionism excuses. And then we're also doing a workshop on sneaky and undetected excuses. We are going to be weeding the garden of your of your mind and getting these excuse weeds out in every way. And it's going to be deep and so so good. So come join us absolutely risk free. If it's not absolutely amazing for you just let me know we refund your money. So that simple. We are that confident that this is your next step for growth. Go to college incompetence.com To get started. And it's interesting. I have not done a lot of episodes on excuses. I went back in my podcast archives, and I have some like I'm talking throwbacks for you guys. And this will be cool because if you have never heard any of my throwback throwback episodes, you're gonna see how much hopefully I've grown as a coach and as a teacher and as a as a person. So first throwback episode for you is episode 35. That's right. That's over 500 episodes ago. So like 10 years ago, Episode 35 of the competence podcast, which you can find on my website, just go to go there is no excuses, be you. That's a whole episode dedicated to being yourself without an excuse, like stop making excuses for not being yourself. And then we're going back even further. Episode number five.

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Eliminating excuses. So if you're ready to start first step, listen to those episodes second step or swap these steps I don't care. Come join us for no excuses. November guys go out there today. Go be more of who God created you to be.

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Take action. When that excuse come to your mind, practice be proud of it as well.

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It matters it it matters and you are becoming a world changer. And difference maker.

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I'll see you in the college confidence and next week here on the confidence podcast.

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Thanks for listening to the confidence podcast and allowing me to be your coach today in your life. If you love the show, please let us know by leaving a review in iTunes are encouraged by what you learned. share this episode with a friend and let us know that this show is changing your life by saying hi to us on social media Instagram, Trish underscore Blackwell are on Facebook Trish Blackwell coaching,

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ready to take what I teach and really take it to the next level. Join us today in the College of confidence. It's my group coaching program that you can join risk free and cancel anytime. In the COC you'll scale your competence, your courage and the changes you make in your life. It's the coaching support and community you've been looking for. Go to www.collegeofconfidence.com

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Calm to get started. If you love the podcast, you will love the College of confidence even more, and see even more transformation in your life. Come and see for yourself.

Unknown Speaker 35:14

I'm cheering you on friend. See you soon

Transcribed by https://otter.ai