Podcast #549

 

SELF-KINDNESS FOR THE SELF-CRITICAL PERSON

In this episode, we’re discussing the important topic of self-kindness, specifically for those who tend to be self-critical. It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of negative self-talk and self-blame, but learning to treat ourselves with kindness and compassion is key to building a healthy self-image and improving our mental well-being. We’ll explore practical strategies for cultivating self-kindness, including mindfulness, reframing negative thoughts, and practicing self-care. Whether you struggle with low self-esteem, imposter syndrome, or just the occasional bout of self-criticism, join us as we explore the transformative power of self-kindness and learn to treat ourselves with the love and respect we deserve.

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re covering:

  • How to drop the self-critical pressure you are putting on yourself
  • Becoming someone who practices self-kindness, even if you don’t have tons of time
  • Obstacles to effective self-kindness practice
  • Integrating self-kindness into daily life in micro (and doable) ways

ANNOUNCEMENT:

Happy 43rd birthday to my handsome husband, Brandon Synan! 

REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

QUOTES ON SELF-KINDNESS

“Self-care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” – Eleanor Brown

“Self-compassion is the ultimate act of self-care.” – Kristin Neff

“Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship to myself.” – Nathaniel Branden

“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” – Christopher Germer

HOW TO DROP THE SELF-CRITICAL WEIGHT

It’s pressure-focused, lack-based and creates low-grade anxiety and unworthiness.

We think we are motivating ourselves, but we are not. It’s not an effective way to self-motivate.

Identify your main self-critical thoughts.

Write them down.

Respond to them.

Practice your new responses daily.

Applaud yourself when you catch a self-critical thought.

Give yourself a gold-star when you think a new natural self-kind thought

PRACTICING SELF-KINDNESS (EVEN IF YOU’RE BUSY)

This is for you if you think you’re too busy, or that self-kindness is just fluff. 

Practicing self-kindness is crucial to maintaining mental and emotional well-being. Here are some ways to practice self-kindness:

  1. Speak to yourself with compassion: Instead of criticizing yourself for your mistakes, try talking to yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a close friend. Speak to yourself as you would to someone you love.
  2. Take care of your body: Nourish your body with healthy food, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. Pay attention to your body’s needs and prioritize self-care.
  3. Do things you enjoy: Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether that’s reading a book, taking a long bath, or spending time outdoors. Allow yourself to take a break from your busy schedule and recharge your batteries.
  4. Set realistic goals: Instead of setting impossibly high standards for yourself, set achievable goals and celebrate your progress along the way. Remember that perfection is unattainable, and progress is the key to success.
  5. Practice mindfulness: Take time to slow down and be present in the moment. This can be as simple as taking a few deep breaths or practicing meditation. Mindfulness can help reduce stress and increase self-awareness.

Remember, practicing self-kindness is a daily practice. By treating yourself with compassion and prioritizing your well-being, you can improve your mental and emotional health and live a happier, more fulfilling life.

If you’re someone who is super busy, finding time for self-kindness may feel like a challenge. However, even small acts of self-kindness can make a big difference in your overall well-being. Here are some ways to practice self-kindness when you’re short on time:

Take a break: Even if you can only spare a few minutes, take a break from your work and do something that makes you feel good. This could be listening to your favorite song, taking a quick walk outside, or simply closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths.

Prioritize self-care: Make sure you’re taking care of your basic needs, such as getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, and eating healthy foods. These small acts of self-care can go a long way in promoting physical and mental well-being.

Set boundaries: It’s okay to say no to requests that don’t align with your priorities or values. Setting boundaries can help reduce stress and prevent burnout.

Practice gratitude: Take a few minutes each day to reflect on the things you’re grateful for. This can help shift your focus from stress and overwhelm to positivity and appreciation.

Seek support: Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family, or a mental health professional for support. Talking to someone can help you gain perspective, reduce stress, and prioritize self-kindness.

OBSTACLES TO EFFECTIVE SELF-KINDNESS PRACTICE

Busyness

People-Pleasing

Unmanaged negative emotions

Martyr Mindset

Poor time management / time prioritization 

INTEGRATING SELF-KINDNESS INTO DAILY LIFE IN MICRO WAYS

Moments of Margin

Pockets of Happiness

Grounding Work

2-Minute Journaling

Nappacuino 

Phone-Free Walk

Focusing On One Task

Encouraging Self-Talk

Working in a Clean Space

Outsourcing Something

Asking for Help

Picking Up Take Out

Meal Prepping for the Week on a Sunday

Champagne Moments / The 3/3/3 Method

Having fun on purpose

Laughing

Having an Achievable To-Do List

Creating Accountability 

Turning the TV Off at Night

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

My husband – he listened to “confidence for kids” 

EPISODES ON SELF-CRITICISM: 

#510: Silencing the Self-Critical Voice

#501: Feeling Better About Yourself When You’re Being Self-Critical

#366: How to Stop Being So Self-Critical

#525: How to Be Nice to Yourself Instead of Hard On Yourself

#492: How to Accept Compliments and Receive Criticism

#483: Self-Validation – The Art of Not Needing Other People to Tell You “Good Job”

#486: Being Hard On Yourself Doesn’t Work 

0:01

You're listening to the confidence podcast, your favorite coaching podcast oozing with motivation, inspiration, and confidence to help you boldly take action on your dreams. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized Confidence Coach, Best Selling Author and founder of the College of Confidence, the most encouraging place on the internet. I teach go getters in life, how to take your thoughts captive, how to step out of the shadows of self doubt, and how to courageously step into their purpose. With competence. It's time to pump our competence muscles and train our thoughts, y'all. Let's get started. Hey, guys, it's Trish Blackwell, and you're listening to the competence podcast. This is episode 549. Next week, we have a cool number 550. But I like this number to 549 I'm so happy you are here listening to the show. If you're hard on yourself, if you're a high achiever, if you're a recovering perfectionist, if you're super driven, if you're type A, this episode is for you. Okay, y'all our greatest strengths as doers as achievers as people who are driven to make a difference in this world as their strength and then the challenge is the self critical voice that comes behind and swoops behind us saying we're not doing enough. We're not being enough. We're not where we're supposed to be the constant self criticism that we have learned to modify and accommodate as if it is encouraging us as if it is keeping the fire under us, y'all. You're wired in such a driven way that you don't need to self create and add more fire to the fire. It's in your blood, your drive and your desire for excellence is in how God wired you. You don't have to be so self critical to motivate yourself. But I want to share with you today how self kindness can transform your ability to achieve, it will help you tap into more success with more ease than you ever believed possible. We call it easy success in my coaching practice. And it's ready for you now. So in this episode, we're gonna be talking about the important topic of self kindness and not in a fluffy way. But for those of you who attend to be super driven and self critical, because it's all too easy to fall into the trap of negative self talk and self blame. But when you learn to treat yourself with kindness and compassion, you unlock you, well, you unlock the door to building healthy self image, and a healthy mental well being and more effective follow through. So I'm gonna give you everything you need to know, to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You're talking, you're listening to the Queen of self pressure, and I just want you to be done with it. I have to still I spent so many years pressuring myself bullying myself, really white knuckling it to achieve my goals that I didn't think there would be another way. And if I can find another way, if I can change then you can too. So in this episode, we're going to talk about how to drop the self critical pressure that you're putting on yourself and I so even though I've made massive leaps and bounds of growth in this area, I still need to remind myself Hey, Trish, there's no pressure here. Hey, Trish, we we've outgrown, putting pressure on ourselves. That's a power thought that's been very, very helpful in life giving to me, I simply remind myself that that's the old me hate the old you, the one that was miserable. The one that always felt insecure, even though the world that she was confident the one that was most struggling with massive amounts of anxiety that was crippling in her life. Remember her? Yeah, she did the pressure thing. You don't want to be like her. She didn't hurt her methods were not effective. They were quasi effective. But there's a better way. And so please note, no matter how much personal growth you've made, how many years you've been listening to my show, or perhaps getting coached with me in the College of competence. It's normal for your brain to revert to old patterns. That is the neurological wiring of the neural pathways. And just old thinking, we just called old thinking and new thinking and every now and then you're going to go into that default old thinking. And you're just going to kindly remind yourself, Oh, those are the wrong tracks. We're going over to these tracks. And remind yourself that putting pressure on yourself doesn't work. Or, as I like to say, sometimes I just say to myself, I've outgrown this, I don't do this anymore. I'm going to coach you today on how to become someone who practices self kindness, even if you don't have tons of time. You may not realize this, that being kind to yourself, and having a practice of self kindness is something you have to do. It's not just, Oh, I'm just gonna learn to be kinder to myself. In the same way people who practice yoga, have to show up for you They need to show up with their mat, they need to allocate the time they need to incorporate it and prioritize it into their day. You practice yoga, you practice of kindness, but I'm going to give you some tips today on how to practice it, even if you are the busiest person in the world. And I hope you're not claiming that title. But I think in our brains, we often go well, that will work for me because I, you know, I've got this and this and this and, and you probably do, but I want to, I want to start challenging you to stop taking so much pride and busyness. I say this to myself, guys. Often what I'm saying to you is something I've worked on just a couple years ago, or even couple months ago, myself, and we're gonna talk about some of the obstacles that we are presented with, that are obstacles to effective self kindness, practice. And then I'm going to talk to you and coach you on how to integrate self kindness into your daily life in micro and very doable ways. We just have one announcement the week we've been in one announcement and a super quick review of the week. The announcement is happy 43rd birthday to my handsome husband, Brandon Simon. Brandon Happy Birthday. And it the day this is released is his birthday. I'm not sure how we're celebrating but it's gonna be a great celebration that I do know. Hey, our review of the week is from Lizzie P to Elizabeth says this. Thanks. You're amazing. Everything I needed to hear today. Thanks so much. Well, what I love about this, Elizabeth is that you listened to an episode and then immediately wrote a review. Thank you. I just, I mean, honestly, reviews help us reach more people. So thank you from the bottom my heart and double bonus. They encouraged me, y'all, they encouraged me. So if you've been encouraged by this show, please encourage me back. It means the world to me. And as a reminder, you when you join the college confidence now you will get access to all of everything we've done in stop caring month, it's an epic month that we just had. And we're about to launch extraordinary life month that all starts all of June, we are working on how to be an extraordinary version of yourself and how to be and create the creator of an extraordinary life so you can make an extraordinary impact and experience an extraordinary story with your life. So hey, if you're new to the show, welcome. I'm so happy you're here. My name is Trish. I specialize in helping women who put too much pressure on themselves learn how to stop self sabotaging, stop overthinking, stop comparing stop wallowing and self doubt or impostor syndrome and start thriving, start trusting themselves start choosing and creating their life on purpose and removing the glass ceilings that they've self imposed. So when you listen to the show, you're going to learn the tools for how to lose confidence, create unwavering belief in your wildest dreams, have more fun, and more joy and achieve things with more ease because that's what confidence does for you. And create an impact on the world that you were created to make. So hey, if all of that resonates with you, you're in the right place. Let's dive into the coaching on self kindness. A couple quotes to warm the brain up I believe in warmup like, I believe in warm ups I wear my body up every morning, I I stretch, I do abs in the morning, I warm up before exercise, I warm up my brain by journaling everyday so that I'm always showing up as a coach and a person and a human being and a mom and a wife with the right mindset. And so we're gonna warm up here with quotes, quotes on self kindness, Eleanor Brown said this. self care is not selfish. You cannot serve the world from an empty vessel. Kristin Neff says this self compassion is the ultimate act of self care. You've heard me talk often about how self compassion is the antidote to self criticism. And when we when we are fighting against that self critical voice, so we have to lean in and tap into it. By first activating self compassion, having compassion on ourselves for thinking this way for thinking that being mean or being so self critical, that it's effective, or even having compassion on the version of ourselves that learned self criticism that was passed down from a teacher or a harsh parent or just to a family dialogue that was had that we can put once we have compassion that we can get curious about. Is this helping me or not? Once you tap into curiosity, that's where you can create change.

9:29

So self compassion is the ultimate act of self care. And I want to remind you that self compassion activates self curiosity, self curiosity activates self creation and change. Nathaniel Branden said this self acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with to myself self acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship to myself years ago. Before I did Before I experienced and discovered coaching, and a lot of mindset work that now fills my life. I wasn't an adversarial relationship with myself, I was against myself. It was me against myself. And in many ways, that was a lesson I learned as an athlete, hey, it's just you against you. You know, you're your own enemy, be your own best. Like just out, beat yourself out, run yourself out, swim yourself. And that was all it's all fine, except I took it too far. I felt like my body was against me I was I constantly felt like I was fighting myself. I was I was I was not a friend to myself. I was sometimes a friend, but sometimes a frenemy, and sometimes an enemy. And I really believe self self acceptance is this belief and this decision to be friends with yourself. Whereas Nathaniel Braden says this, I refuse to be in an adversarial relationship to myself. Christopher groomer says this self compassion, simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would get and give to others. It is giving the same kindness to yourself that you would give to someone else. Think about how you would treat a friend, how you treat your children, how you treat your siblings. How would you? What kind of kindness would you give to them? So when that voice is coming up, you've got to ask yourself, how how do I be? How do I give this same kindness to myself that I would give to someone else? Now often we go well, I know better. Okay. So today. Well, I've been working on this a long time. But I want you to get curious to hear but what are all the reasons you still are justifying being mean to yourself? It often starts with phrases like I should know better. I've been working on this long enough. There's this impatience with ourselves. There's this expectation for us to be robotic in our answers in our ability to adapt to a new thing. You guys be kind. I gotta tell you having children has really changed the conversation for me here. Because I see my children and I see them and all their flaws. And I see them and all their beauty and their perfection. And I see them sometimes when I'm like, Oh my gosh, come on, y'all. We know this and have to be really kind and compassionate. I gotta tell you just yesterday, I took the kids we went to soccer practice. And then I took them to open skate at the ice skating rink. And lo and behold, it was a day where and they both have taken less. They're, you know, very full in lessons. My my son takes hockey lessons and my daughter it takes figure and my son still because he's five, he's still wearing a hockey well, and he's playing hockey hockey helmet. Well, of course, Mom of the Year Award, I've forgot the helmet, his helmet. And so I said to them, the one thing I said Hey, guys, and usually I'm ice skating with them. But this time I was actually working on some work and with my laptop and I said alright guys, and I was right there on the side of the rink, bundled up right? All my gear because it's cold. I guess guys don't touch each other. Please don't knock each other down. Baker doesn't have a helmet on. We're not. And then then I see them dragging each other. They are all over each other on the ice. They're giggling they're being best friends. It's fabulous five and eight year old getting along beautifully swimmingly together until they didn't until I said hey guys. Oh, you guys are being a little bit too rough on the ice. I see something's gonna happen. Well lo and behold Hera here five minutes later Ellie was doing something bigger jumped on her with his ice skates they're skidding along because again for context they are good skaters. Well wouldn't you know the day I don't bring a helmet they been each other's heads they big so how I did did not see it happen just heard the screams and the tears and then bigger you know successfully skating themselves across back to me and in tears saying that he bumped his head with Ellie on this ice now I said to him how is it that two children's Gading separately should not playing not touching each other would fall at the same time and bumped their heads against each other? That's so interesting. Because everything in me as a mom want to make you know better. Me guys I said don't touch each other. Great. Don't knock each other down. Just skate. And of course I did say to some context Hey, this is why so we don't we're not didn't get not to pull on your sister that you were just here to skate. We were playing hockey. We're not being rough. Of course you guys hit each other's heads because you were being goofy. But I didn't he didn't say oh you should have known better I can't believe it listen to me and I'm not getting a hug you as you cry and rub your head I had the compassion and kindness to go Hey babe, that stinks. I know it hurts right? You take a break. Come here sit on my lap and the whole do because me and the other thing and the context when I have hurt myself and I quote unquote know better or I didn't lose into a rule or I didn't do what I was told, and then would beat myself up and go, I should have known better and I gotta be better listener. And I like guys, it just doesn't work. We've got to start talking to ourselves the way we would talk to a really innocent child who wasn't, he heard my instructions, but he didn't know why sometimes we don't know the why. And we need to experience the discouragement the thing that we need to get instead of being self critical, we have these opportunities to express self compassion, because sometimes we need to fall down. Sometimes we need to bump our head in order to know why we wear a helmet, why we we don't goof around doing a thing or two, or why it's so important to see discipline in a daily habit, right? We sometimes need to quote unquote, fall off the rear rails or fall off the wagon. I don't believe in that concept, but bear with me for the analogy, in order to go oh, oh, that's why it's so important for me to stay consistent with my morning habit, I'm not gonna beat myself up and call myself a dummy and be so critical of myself, that I wasn't consistent on a simple habit. Instead, I'm gonna go Oh, okay. Of course, that makes sense. This is why I'm going to stay more consistent. That makes sense, I'm going to be kind, it's okay. I'm, like, we self encourage we self soothe. If you can do it for other people, you can do it for yourself. So this is how we're going to drop the self critical weight. It's pressure focused. It's lack based self criticism is very, very scarcity and lack based, and it creates low grade anxiety and unworthiness. And I just want you to imagine this, this, this big, heavy ball, a medicine ball, if you go to the gym, and you have a gym that has a lot of really great functional equipment, you will be familiar with medicine balls, or heavy balls, our gym has a 40 pound heavy ball, a 30 pound, a 40 pound, 60 pound and a 70 pound heavy ball, I want you to imagine 70 pounds, I can barely pick it up when I'm holding it as a ball, 70 pounds, you're walking around, you're carrying it in your bicep in your arms, hugging it, it's really hard to move through life like that. It's a weight, that's your self criticism that you're holding on to because you're like, well, it's just how I'm wired. I want to be really tough on myself. Because if I'm tough on myself, then I'm going to achieve more excellence, I want to ask you, if I asked you to run with a 70 pound weight, How fast would you be? We've got to start detaching from this belief that us being tough and being self critical and having quote unquote, high standards for ourselves as a justification for our internal self criticism, and our disappoint with ourselves as if it's that's what's helping us run fast. It's not helping you run fast, it's holding you back. You're walking instead of running because you're self criticism. So it's time to drop the drop the weight, I want you to literally drop the weight. Because you think you're motivating yourself. But you're not it's just not an effective way to self motivate. So what do you do? How do you drop this wait, you can visualize it. And then I really want you are going to do is I want you to identify and I've got these steps written out for you. So you can go find them in the show notes, which are you can find those at Trish blackwell.com Ford slash 549, which would identify your main self critical thoughts or thoughts, maybe come up with three to five, what are the main self critical thoughts and it might be about your stomach, it might be about how you show up online. It might be about if you're popular or not, or your sense of humor or your personality or your ability to focus, but write them down in simple sentences that my five year old or eight year old would understand. We need to take the fluff, take the fancy words out it make it very, very easy, simple language. So right identify them, write them down. And here's the thing respond to them. You got to answer them back. I want you to respond to them the way to Baker no part of you wants to be like unbelieving at the ice rink. I want to be like go i y'all don't do so like and at first I did. Not a perfect parent first. I was like, This is why I said this. And then I was like compassion. They're really there. Because you know when you're a parent, or maybe you don't know, for those who aren't parents, but step into the analogy. There'll be times when you go yell, this is why I said it. Because you think they're pretend crying or they're just irritated. And then you go oh, we actually got hurt. Okay. Hey, clear, changes everything. So even if part of us like, Yeah, but the thoughts true. Yeah, but I don't like my stomach. Yeah, but I am. I do have ADHD, and it's negatively impacting me. That's cool that you agree with that. I don't need you to completely disagree. But I need you to respond with compassion, and just go, this isn't going to hold you back. It's okay.

19:26

Just because you have a diagnosis doesn't mean you have a limit just means we have to be more intentional about how we approach things. We need a different strategy than some other people need. That's all right. You want to respond in a compassionate, loving, kind way. And then I need you to practice your new responses daily. And why I say daily is because typically the main self critical thoughts that you'll have or ones that you have every day, whether it's about something you see in the mirror, or about something you feel about yourself, or something about your doubt about the future and I need you to practice and when I say practice New thoughts. That means write them down, say them out loud, text them to yourself, remind yourself practice, you've got to rebuild new neural pathways in your brain for new thoughts. And then here's the next step that I think a lot of people miss. I want you to applaud yourself, when you catch a self critical thought. Literally, pat yourself on the back, applaud yourself, give yourself that metaphorical gold star. But when you catch a self critical thought, when you catch it means I used it when I was practicing this as a new habit of mine, I would almost catch the thought in the air and then and then release it and then give it a response. And then I was like, Look at me, I just, I was just nice to myself. And again, having children helped me. When my kids are young, especially, you know, five and under, when I'm teaching them how I want them to show up in the world as humans, humans who are kind humans who are loving humans who are representative of, of, of Jesus, right, of somebody who just loves without condition, generously, so generously loving. When Baker, I see him do something exceedingly kind, or seeing a patient with some who's been unkind or I see him, Be friends with a kid that's being left out and invite him to play. I praise him. Hey, bake, that's how, that's how that was kind. That's how that's how we as a family show up in the world. I love how you just acted. I love your heart, I built him up, I applaud him when he is being self kind. When he has been kind to others, I acknowledge it, I celebrate it, I applaud it. I speak to it about something in his character, and it secures something in his character. And we can do the same for ourselves. Give yourself that gold star when you think in a natural, a new natural self kind thought. So if you if you go about I've had a couple of you guys reach out and go I'm actually being kind to myself and I and it's coming more naturally and I hear your voice Trish and that's your voice but my voice too. And I'm proud of myself. And I just want you to like look at me, my brain is changing. My brain is changing. My thought life is changing. I am changing I am and transformation is a beautiful thing. Look at me go gold star. Let's go right. And before I forget if there are if, if self critical voice is something you really do want to work on, I have a couple of episodes I want to I want to refer you to before we continue in our coaching. And that is I don't have a list right here. Oh wait, do I have to list for you? Oh yeah, I got a bunch of episodes for you listen to so. Episode 510 silencing the self self critical voice episode 501 feeling better about yourself when you're being self critical? Episode 366 So we're gonna go throwback that's a couple years ago. How to stop being so self critical. Episode 525 How to Be nice to yourself instead of hard on yourself. Episode 492 How to accept compliments and receive criticism, Episode 483 self validation the art of not needing other people to tell you good job, and episode 486. being hard on yourself doesn't work. I'll read that list to you again, but might be easiest. Just go to the show notes for today's episode Trish blackwell.com/ 549. And as far as how to practice self kindness, even if you're busy, and this is for you if you think you're too busy. Or if you think that self kindness is just fluff. It is crucial. It's a daily practice. And it may feel like a challenge but a small acts of kindness can make a big difference in your overall well being. You can do that by taking a break even if it's only a spare a few minutes, taking a break from your work, and doing something that makes you feel good whether that's putting on a favorite song, taking a quick walk outside, simply closing your eyes and taking a few breaths. Prioritizing self care, making sure that you take care of your basic needs or getting enough sleep. drink enough water eating healthy foods. It's these small acts of self care go a long way in promoting physical and mental well being setting boundaries. It's okay to say no to requests that don't align with your priorities, your values. And setting boundaries can help reduce stress and prevent burnout. practicing gratitude taking a few minutes each day to reflect on things and write down the things that you're grateful for it truly for me is the number one habit that has shifted my focus from stress and overwhelm, to positivity and appreciation. I've even heard people of taking 10 minutes of gratitude midway through the day going saying I'm going to take a 10 minute window to just tell the people in my life that I'm thankful for them. Whether that's writing reviews, sending a thoughtful text message calling your mom like the act of press practice of engaging other people in your life in gratitude. It's game changing, you know, self kindness to was is even the practice of talking back to the scarcity mindset. This scarcity mindset about time, the scarcity mindset about money. And its kind, there's your right now by listening to a show like this, you're practicing self kindness, you're seeking support. And that's the next one I wanted to offer to you to seek support, to talk to someone to get a coach to reduce stress to, to seek a mental health professional, to engage and connect with family and friends and stop trying to do everything on your own trying to be an island. No one needs an island, no one is an island. We're just deceiving ourselves and making life harder than it needs to be. You don't need to make it as hard as it needs to be. That was my biggest takeaway. As I've shifted from being self critical to being self condom kind in my life, I have been able to achieve more than now than I ever have before. In less time, and with more ease. And it's mind blowing. But that shows me I have first I had personal evidence of just how much harder self criticism made my life. Everything was harder. Everything was was anxiety based. So what are some of the obstacles to effective self kindness? Well, for me and for the in the coaching practice that I've seen over the last 10 years, people being too busy busyness, people pleasing, unmanaged, negative emotions, martyr mindset being like, well, I have to work harder. And I just, you know, or even I've messed up so much in my life, I need to be really tough on myself. Now. There's this martyrdom to it just because it's just unnecessary. poor time management, or time prioritization also, are obstacles to effective self kindness practice. So let me give you some ways that I implement self kindness in microwaves because this is not microwaves, like the microwave sounds very similar. I know, micro ways, small, microscopic ways that you can integrate self kindness, because the more you integrate self kindness, and margin in your life, the less space there's for criticism. So moments of margin pockets, which is honestly just saying, How can I give myself five to 10 extra minutes a few times through the day? Pockets of happiness. This is a thing that I teach in the, in the coaching in my coaching practice of just asking yourself if I want to have more beauty in my day, how can I create a little pocket of happiness? What's a little five minute moment five minute happiness habit? Taking a walk, putting on a song dancing, using a Thera gun or or doing some stretching, doing some yoga poses. Doing grounding work is self kind. Sitting with your let letting yourself walk barefoot in the grass is an act of connecting and itself kind it's slow. Honestly, getting curious about how can I live my life at the pace that creates a beautiful life. I have to tell you, one of the most kind things that I ever did for myself was decide to stop rushing, and I'm still working on it. years, years later, I'm still working on it, I have a lot of work to do, but to give myself permission to not rush

28:30

and give myself permission to not prove myself to believe that just being myself was enough. Other ways that I integrate self kindness into my daily life in these small ways are two minute journaling, which you can I'll link my journals that I sell on Amazon their two minute process journals, they are game changing. It's what I do every morning is it allows you to prepare and warm up your brain for the day in two minutes. Game Changing that way you don't ever have to say I don't have time to journal you do you have two minutes. I also like to implement a Napa Chino I do this maybe once a week, twice a week or once every other week. But when I when I don't get my full eight hours of sleep at night, I make sure I prioritize enough and I what I do is I take a I make a little espresso, and I drink the espresso and I put a timer on my phone and I drink espresso and then I lay down for 20 minutes and by the time I met my 20 Min nap is done. The espresso has kicked in, I wake up I have got this power nap and this power espresso, and it's beautiful. And then if I that 20 minute window by resetting and recharging myself, I am full battery life for the rest of the day. Because that was if I hadn't I'd be dragging or at 25% of my capacity. So it's self kind to know it's okay to recharge it's okay to take a small break. I also have one of the kindest things I do to myself that really counters that self critical mind is I take a phone free walk every day I walk my dog leave my phone. It's 10 minutes 15 At the most, and it's life changing, I just think I just look at the trees, I think about picking up his poop and avoiding the dog, the backyards where he pulls because there's a dog there and he wants to try to bark at the dog and the fence like, that's it, I just just just engage in the simplicity of a walk and it's so beautiful. It's also really kind of focus on one task. Instead of stretching yourself. Don't multitask. Other self kindness that you can, you can start practicing and improving are just the art of encouraging self talk, learning how to be kind yourself how to have encouraging self talk, how to give yourself a pep pep talk. It's also game changing to work in a clean space, a clean, organized, beautiful space. And that could be just a corner of your home you might be maybe you're renting a room from somebody and their house is a mess. That doesn't mean your space has to be or your corner you have a small space and it's all cluttered. Okay great, make a corner get a beautiful pillow make something beautiful, have a clean space, have a place to retreat and feel rejuvenated by and it doesn't have to be expensive, it can be very simple. Also outsourcing something, whether you're outsourcing your laundry, outsourcing your cleaning, outsourcing a 10, a $10, task outsourcing carpooling and to get to sports outs, connecting with others and outsourcing. And that that leads to another thing that's really an act of self kindness is asking for help. Picking up takeout can be self kind. But also on the flip side meal prepping for the entire week on a Sunday can be an act of self kindness that you're setting yourself up for the whole week. She's giving having champagne moments is what we call them the college comments. In fact, we have a monthly thread where you can actively participate in tell me your small wins, big ones, small ones, all the things we call everything, a champagne moment. It's an act of self kindness to learn and to have a space where you say I'm proud of myself, Hey, I did this, I'm really proud of myself. Having fun on purpose is self kind, just going, Hey, I'm going to have fun, let's go rollerskating I want to write like, just have more fun, get outside, right laugh more laughing is self kind. Also, you know, it's really an act of self kindness, having an achievable to do list. It's also really self kind to turn the TV off at night, when you say you're going to having a set time that you always turn off screens, so that you honor your nighttime routine, you get the right amount of sleep that you need, and that you want to create the life that you want. And also creating accountability, which means getting a coach getting a community is an act of self kindness and whatever that looks like for you just have some accountability. I urge you it's it changes everything. And I gotta tell you, I as I said earlier, I am the least likely of all to be somebody who is who is becoming more proficient in the act of self kindness in the process of self kindness and self compassion. And that and I want to encourage you and I've been disciplined and working at it for years, and the whole atmosphere of my brain is changing. And then my life as a result has changed. It's worthy work, it's worth the effort. You're not too far gone. You're not too tough on yourself to make this change. You're not too old, you're not too young. You're not too busy. You can do this, and it starts now it starts with saying I'm going to drop the self critical Wait, it doesn't help me. I'm going to start becoming massively massively self compassionate. And I'm activate that compassionate turn it to curiosity, because from there, I can create change. But in doing that, I'm gonna set up accountability. I'm gonna get some coaching I'm gonna get into a community I'm going to start practicing these little micro habits of self kindness like a like a like happiness habit. Two minute journaling phone free time, turning the TV off on time asking for help. Celebrating myself, practicing some encouraging self talk, having clutter free space, all the things it will add up my friends. You guys are gonna love the listener the episode because well, it's it's a throwback to how we started with our announcement, or my listener. The episode is my husband and you own why? Because he's never gonna listen to this. No, no, I'm not kidding you. Well, I am kidding. And I'm not kidding. Because he is my number one supporter. But he doesn't listen to podcast and the other day, he came home and he's like, Oh, I listened to the best podcast today. And I was like, oh, yeah, what was it about? He was like, What was yours? And I was like, What are you talking about? You don't you don't listen to my show. He goes, I do sometimes. And apparently he will send it to oh gosh, the episode I did way back on how to give your kids confidence. And he's like, I agree. And I like with everything you're saying and like, oh, you should because we're living it. Anyways, I was tickled and slightly embarrassed. And also, I mean, here I am 10 years into doing this work. And I was like, Oh, why don't you remember what I Did you like it? And I just wanted to share that because with the work that you do in the world, sometimes we overthink it. And sometimes we are worried about what the people closest to us think. And really what they think is they think we're incredible. And they think that they are proud to be with us. I'm proud of the work we're putting out in the world. And it doesn't mean they need to listen all the time. And sometimes the will and sometimes they won't send and you know what, I love my husband for all that he represents and all that He teaches me and so he's not only the he's the listener of the episode, because it made me smile. And it's also because he's the birthday boy today and I'm just delighted to have him in my life. God is so good and man if you don't know the story of how God brought him into my life, listen to episode 444 that gives you my full story of of abuse and assault and near death experiences and oh my gosh, and almost marrying the wrong man and just the way God that God orchestrated me meeting my husband at the perfect time when we both were at the perfect moments in our life to be ready for one another is a story that gives me faith and I hope that it gives you faith and hope wherever you are in your journey as well. So shout out to him is shout out to that episode. And guys, I'm gonna reference all those other episodes on on self criticism in the show notes so if you are interested in those you can find them but briefly on the run through the that's episode 510 silencing the self critical voice episode 501 feeling better about yourself when you're being self critical? Episode 366 How to stop being so self critical episode 525 How to Be nice to yourself instead of hard on yourself. Episode 492 How to accept compliments and receive criticism, Episode 483 self validation that's going to help you with that self encouraging voice and episode 486 being hard on yourself doesn't work and it doesn't my friends it doesn't. Hey, hey, Episode 550 is going to be amazing. Make sure you're subscribed make sure you share the show come say hi to me on Instagram or Facebook on Instagram Trish_Blackwell Facebook it's Trish Blackwell Coaching. Next week we're talking about how to get more done and accelerate your success rate. It's gonna be for all those you want to get more from life. You're gonna love the episode. In the meantime, go out there go be more of who God created you to be. Be you. Be free. If you loved today's episode of The confidence podcast, I invite you to check out the College of Confidence at www.collegeofconfidence.com. the COC is where your next step is. In the COC we cultivate confidence create courage and spark change. It takes everything we do here on the podcast to the next level and our members get crazy life changing results. I'm so confident that you will find that the COC is the most encouraging place on the internet and that it will so wildly exceed your expectations that it comes with a money back guarantee hate joining is completely risk free you owe it to your future self to take your growth to the next level by coaching with me in the COC. Join me today at www.collegeofconfidence.com

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