SELF-TALK THAT CHANGED MY LIFE
It’s time to master the transformative power of self-talk and sharing strategies for shifting your self-talk to change your life. The way we talk to ourselves can have a profound impact on our mindset, emotions, and behavior. Negative self-talk can lead to feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, and even depression, while positive self-talk can boost our confidence, resilience, and overall well-being. We’ll explore practical techniques for changing your self-talk, including mindfulness, visualization, and cognitive restructuring. These are the shifts in self-talk that changed my life, and can change yours. Get the full show notes at www.trishblackwell.com/547
In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re covering:
- How shifting your self-talk can change your entire life
- Self-talk shifts that have changed mine
- How to practice powerful self-talk consistently
REVIEW OF THE WEEK:
STOP CARING MONTH
EXTRAORDINARY LIFE MONTH
Both are happening at www.collegeofconfidence.com
BUT EVEN BETTER.
It wouldn’t be a birthday without giving gifts, right?
This one’s for you (even though it’s my birthday).
If you’ve never tried the COC out before, come and see what all the fuss is about … for FREE.
For the next 5 days you can get 14 days for absolutely FREE.
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My 40th birthday gift to myself is to spend a month in Paris.
I decided to do this on my 30th birthday.
On my 30th birthday I had been 5 years into thought -work, and into reigniting / recommitting my life to the Lord.
I turned 30, then traveled to Bora Bora to marry Brandon.
We had a fairytale wedding.
I remember walking on the overwater bungalow walkways and setting plans with Brandon that every big birthday – 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100 – we would do an epic travel adventure. One that was meaningful.
And here I am, 10 years later, packing on my birthday for a month in Paris. We leave in just over two weeks. Paris is where I fell in love with life, when I was first there for a month when I was 20. It was where I had my first sip of wine, ever. It was where, years later, Brandon proposed to me.
I started intentional thought work at age 25.
My world exploded.
This shifted me from fixed to growth mindset.
20 Year Old Me Thoughts:
I need to figure this out.
I hope this works.
I gotta get better at ….
I need to look impressive.
I can’t fail or handle getting beat.
I am worried that I might not be good enough.
I think I can have a pretty good life.
There are different ways to think and live than I have seen.
Maybe I can have a more beautiful life.
It’s possible to love your body and love food.
I need to write a book.
It’s not too late to dream.
40 Year Old Me Thoughts:
I have purpose and am walking in it.
I love growing and new insight to growth capacity I can lean into.
I want my life to make an impression in others.
I am creating an extraordinary life in every way.
I am proud of every failure and setback because it represents my grit and resilience.
The language you speak to yourself reflects the standard of the vision you have for your future.
For those of faith, your internal commitment to self-talk reflects your faith in the vision of the life you believe God has called you to live – and the extent to which you want to steward well that which He entrusted to you.
What 20 Year Old Me Didn’t Know:
-That I was beautiful
-That my mind was so powerful
-That God was going to use my passion for words to change my life and direct my career
-That I wasn’t a wash up
-That God’s timing truly is perfect
-That France would be so formative
-That emotions don’t have to be feared
-That I had an under-feeling problem
-That I could be myself or who that even was
What 40 Year Old Me Knows:
-That curiosity and compassion can transform your life
-That one sentence can bring absolute healing
-That God’s unfailing love is absolutely trustworthy
-That failures are formative and represent my grit
-That I can master my mindset
-That my thoughts create my results
-That I am victorious in all that I do – because it starts with a decision
-That I have all that I need
-That my future is greater than my past
-That I am loved
-That I am beautiful
-That I don’t need to compare or compete with anyone else
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Some Shifts in Self-Talk that Changed Everything:
Instead of seeing problems, see possibilities.
Instead of dreaming with weakness, dream with decision and declare what you will do.
What language do you want to speak?
The Language of an Overcomer
The Language of a Winner
The Language of a Leader
Practice first with yourself – fix your mind on this language, get obsessed with it, and master it.
Remind yourself that you are different – and so follow through on your habits in ways that are different.
If you want to make changes in your life but you haven’t yet done them – you’re deluding yourself – you don’t actually want the change yet — you’re just thinking about it. When you decide you actually want something – you start being willing to do whatever it takes.
Friends, it’s time to shift from thinking about to actually wanting and committing, and then from wanting and committing to being willing to do what is required of you for the change you want. This is how we change our lives.
The more you play with words, the more powerful your words become.
I have a powerful mind.
I have a disciplined mind.
I am living and writing an extraordinary story with my life.
I am linguistically brave.
I take massive ownership of my thoughts.
Everything that has lead me here was part of what I needed. I have all that I need right now to move forward with confidence to where I want to go.
LISTENER OF THE WEEK
You're listening to the confidence podcast, your favorite coaching podcast oozing with motivation, inspiration, and confidence to help you boldly take action on your dreams. On your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized Confidence Coach, Best Selling Author and founder of the College of Confidence, the most encouraging place on the internet. I teach go getters in life, how to take your thoughts captive, how to step out of the shadows of self doubt, and how to courageously step into their purpose. With competence. It's time to pump our competence muscles, and train our thoughts, y'all. Let's get started. Hey, guys, it's Trish Blackwell. And you're listening to the confidence podcast. This is episode 547. We're talking today about self talk that can change your life because I'm giving you the inside look to the self talk that changed my life. Tomorrow is my birthday. Tomorrow is my big four, zero. And I gotta tell you, I am happier, more vibrant, more alive, more fulfilled, just more me now than I ever have been before, but it's not by accident. It's by intention. It's through the work I've done and the last 18 years of personal growth of coaching of really, truly self talk stalking, starting with my self talk. And if you know my story, I want to remind you that I wasn't always a powerful self talker. In fact, I was a pretty, pretty powerful negative self talker. I had a lot of positive self talk a lot of positive belief. And then I derailed myself with discouragement, I thought that the timing was wrong in my life. I thought I wasted my opportunities in life. And I got down on myself I got down on my future I got down about what life could be. And I lost hope there was a season in my life where I lost hope completely. And if you are anywhere at all numb today or discouraged or feeling like it's too late, or you're too small or you're not capable, I need you to be stirred today, I want this episode to stir the potential within you because the way we talk to ourselves can have can be the game changing this decision and deciding factor over the life you're gonna have our thoughts, create our emotions, our emotions, create our actions, and the actions we take in the world. Create the results we want with our life we create through thought. And so the thoughts that you're thinking about things, yeah, those are important. But the thoughts you think about yourself, the thoughts in the talk that you have with yourself. That's the stuff that trance forms. That's the power. The way you talk to yourself changes your life. Because negative self talk can lead to feelings of anxiety, self doubt, depression, but positive self talk boosts your confidence, your resilience, your overall well being. And I'm going to share with you how to improve your self talk today. My gift to you my birthday. Well, I do actually hang tight. I've got a great birthday gift for you. You're gonna hear about it in just a moment. But my other birthday gift perhaps the more meaningful one is that whatever your current state of self talk is, doesn't have to change does it doesn't have to stay whatever the thoughts are that you've thought about yourself that they're not, they don't have to be the permanent ones. You can change how you talk anytime. You can change how you talk any time and it will change your life. Let's go to our review of the week. This is on B D wall. 23. Wow, just wow Trish I'm finally writing review. I've shared your posts and comments and numerous times on Instagram but that's not enough. I had to come tell you and all your listeners how important you are to me. I started listening to you in December of 2022. After deciding to give self help, self care podcasts another try. I have to admit it I wasn't ready to receive the advice I was being being given. I thought I had it all figured out. The title of the podcast, the calming sound of your voice and real life experiences that you share have continuously given me life. In such a short time I'm already a different person. Sometimes I will listen to your podcast and immediately replay just to make sure I heard every word because your words are truly valuable. I've shared your podcasts with my clients and they are coming into training sessions literally repeating what they've heard you say thank you for being you continue being you. I wish you all the success in the world. And I look forward to continue to grow with your podcasts in my life my friend Oh, oh, those words gave me power. Those courts gave me so much. So much joy. Thank you for taking the time to write that review. And I'm so glad that you are listening to the show putting that into application and showing it with the clients in you have in your life. And that the boot those words are boomeranging back to you, you guys if there's anything that gives a testament to the power of words, this is it. I can still attribute my life changing that I describe that numbness in my life that little bit of defeat, I guess sort of a resignation. I had the state of resignation to believe I guess this is it. I guess this is a big as big as I can dream. And I remember going to a conference where I heard my mentor Todd Durkin speak, and I was in the back of the room and I never heard him say you can be a world changer. Has one sentence that I then mentored by him and invested in coaching with him and and had my life changed by him. But that one sentence changed me. One sentence can change your life, one sentence can stir your soul. And please don't ever shortchange the value of your words to others. The gift of being an encourager in the world around you is massively needed. Discouragement is endemic level, depression, anxiety, sweeping the world, we have what almost 8 billion people in this world, it's a lot of hurting people. A lot of hurting people that need a very alive, very confident, very courageous, very brave view, it is your time to rise. And this is not just I'm not saying this because I'm about to change decades, I'm about to turn 40 I'm saying this because I need you to wake up, I need you to start I need you to be brave, I need you to be the fullest version of you know, a watered down plate, save I guess I'll I'll cut my goals in half, just the big you. Your dreams are there for a reason. It's time to pursue them, it's time to go after them, it's time to take them seriously. And so would on that note, I want to just before we dive into coaching today, I want to pivot just and remind you that stop caring month is still happening in the College of competence. We have some extraordinary live workshops happening and next month, we the entire month is being dedicated to creating an extraordinary life. Both are happening at culture competence.com. But even better than all that it wouldn't be a birthday without getting gifts, right? Well, this is a gift for you. Even though it's my birthday, I don't need anything, I have more than what I need. It's where we get to that point where you're like I don't I don't want anything. I just want you to experience coaching. Coaching, so dramatically changed my life, I just want you to dip your toe in the water. So if you've never tried the college or common itself before, I want you to come and see what all the fuss is about. And here's the gift part for free. Starting today, until May 21, you can get the next 14 days of coaching with me for Absolutely $0 That's free. This is only if you've never gonna miss a try before you go to Trish blackwell.com/fortieth That's four zero th 40th. To get started, this does expire. So my birthday is tomorrow, May 17, the best day of the year. And then on the 21st this expires, you got five days. But actually if you count today, if you're listening live, when this gets released, you get a bonus day to get yourself in these 14 days. And there's you know, to register just a little side note I want only I want you to to actually do it, I don't want you to sign up and then forget about it. That's why we have you when you register you will have to enter a credit card you will not repeat being charged a penny. But if you I want you to get engaged, I want you to login because I need if you only want the 14 free days, that's totally fine. That's what I'm here for. That's why I'm giving it to you. But if you only want 14 free days and you don't want to get charged on day 15 Do you have to go in and cancel but that's why I'm having you do it because I want you to log in I want you to come and use the content we have over six years of wealth of content and tools and workshops and, and and workbooks for you. And it's not like we just throw you in there. My team and I customize your experience. We personalize your experience we support you tell me what your goal is. I'm going to tell you exactly what to watch where to start. I'm going to make sure you're on the next live with me. This is actual real coaching. And it's free. There are no strings attached. Go to Trish blackwell.com Ford slash 40 F four zero th to get started. And speaking of turning 40 I think 20 years ago I would have thought Oh no 40 I am delighted and humbled and grateful to be 40. So much so that if this is how I feel at 40 I seriously can't wait till I turn 60. Now you might be saying what are you giving yourself for your birthday? Party my birthday present
is I'm giving myself the gift of being in Paris for a month. So I decided to do this 10 years ago on my 30th birthday. And on my 30th birthday. I had been about five have yours into thought work and then to really learning how to reignite and recommit my life, I recommended my life to the Lord, I really leaned into coaching and the power of my thoughts and, and rewiring my brain and showing up as the fullest, most vibrant version that it could be and exploring what my calling wasn't. And so back then, so when I turned 30, I remember thinking, well, if I'm going to do ever because I made a decision, I made a decision that I wasn't sure how to follow through on but I said, I know there's power and decision. And there's power in doing. And when I decide and I do, I can make magical things happen. And it started that I said, Okay, for my 33rd going big. And at the time I was dating and engaged about route to Brandon. And I said, Look, I'm throwing this out here, but I think we need to do this big. I'm turning 30 And we're getting married. Let's just do big things every decade like this, like really big, epic thing. It's not just like, Oh, we're gonna go to a really cool city for a week, you know, and I was with my family and I get to do some very cool things. Last year, we went to Rome for a week and Crete for a week and Vail for a week. I mean, Disney for we cool. I mean, like, I mean more of like, like, oh, they went were kind of thing. So Brandon, the minute Brandon said, Sure. I was like this is this is my perfect partner. God is so good. So instead of a traditional wedding, Brandon, I got married in Bora Bora. And it was a couple days after his birthday and after my birthday, so we kind of lumped this like my 30th at our weddings all in the same lump. That means our 10th anniversary and my 40th birthday is a lump 10 years from now I'll be turning 50 But it will be about to have our 20th anniversary. It's a lot of celebration at one time and we truly had a fairytale wedding. I remember walking over the overwater bungalow walkways, and this was pre wedding and post wedding like I remember being in my wedding dress and all my like, you know, white bikini and doing all this fun stuff with him but dreaming and walking in a place I never thought I would set feet my foot police like Bora Bora and then setting plans with Brandon that every big birthday My 40s My 50s My 60s My 70s 80s 90s That my 100 that we would do an epic travel adventure and one that was meaningful to us. And here I am 10 years later, literally right now over the next now we don't leave for about two weeks but literally right now packing on my birthday for a month in Paris with my family and children because I spent the last 10 years working my business so that it's location independent. I'm not just one I love what I do I would do this for free. I am doing but literally what you're not is free. Do what I do for free. So I'm going to be continuing you will not miss a podcast episode my cultural competence is are going to get more support while I'm abroad than they even get when I'm at home. Okay, so we leave in just a few weeks and honestly the why Paris why that? Why is that meaningful to me right now because Paris is why I fell in love with my life. You might have heard on last week's episode competence immersion, were about my friend Melissa and I when I was 20 It was my first time in Paris and Paris is where I fell in love with my life and my potential. It was there for I was at first there for a month when I was 20. It was where there were I had my first sip of wine ever because yes, I was that girl, I am a I am a rule follower. I was not legal to drink in the United States. And therefore I did not drink. But when I went to France, and I was under 21. Well, there I was over the drinking age to there and my first sip of wine ever. It was there. Actually, years later, where Brandon proposed to me, he proposed to me in Paris in the shelter under Luke's and book, which is one of my favorite places there. And so when I started this intentional thought work and thinking about what I think about in self talk and learning how to talk to myself better about five years before Brandon, age 25, my world exploded. It shifted me from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. And so that is why I'm coming back. I'm pinching myself. And I wanted to share all this this this kind of dialogue of the this cool travel not because like Good for her. I want to remind you that I came from very blue collar very, very much not knowing very much going I don't know how to make money. I don't know how to do business. But I knew I had dreams. I knew I had decisions and I knew what I was want to stretch out and travel the world and explore that I got grow from doing that and that I could become a person who did that and that I could I heard about location independence and I thought okay, well why not me? And so I started just deciding on visions, and then doing the work with resent relentless resilience and continuing to grow. I was doubling down on being willing to fail, being willing to push being willing to keep renewing my belief and what I wanted to create with my life. I just wanted to give you that context to go here I am 10 years later Were 10 years ago, I was walking on board overwater bungalow saying, hey, when I turned 40, which felt like it was like, it felt like 100 years away, I literally remember like, 40 When I turned 40, let's do something cool. And here I am doing something that's cool for me. Your words have power, your decisions about what you want for the future have power. If you keep saying No, I, for real, decided that I'm going to do it. If you'd asked me 10 years ago, how are you going to work that out? How are you going to? How are you gonna have a job that pays you to do that? How are you gonna be able to take your kids with you? Like, guess what, like, it didn't matter. I didn't need to know that you don't need to know the how you seem to start deciding what is it that WAMP in my life? What do I want to create with my life? What do I want to do with my life. And it all starts with the initial thoughts. And that's why we're spending this episode My Birthday episode to talk about self talk, because self talk can and will change your life. So it's really important that I start this concept though, telling you that I was not aware of the concept of self talk, I thought that just the way I thought was the way I thought Now, that said I was a highly competitive athlete. And so we had, I had a baseline understanding that what you say about yourself when you compete, or what you say to yourself matters, but I only thought it was kind of want to, like practice during a meet when in competition. But it's not just when it quote unquote matters, that you really need to master it. We master it for when it matters by practicing it on a consistent daily basis over and over and over. So thoughts that I had were just my default thoughts. And honestly, because I had a lot of competition, anxiety, and I was getting distracted. And I had a lot of coaches saying Trish, you're wasting your potential please stop overthinking, I had the support of division one athletics. And what they said was, we just need you to figure out how to think better while you compete. And I just didn't get the resources. And so I thought, wow, if the professionals can't even help me, if I'm out training the way I'm competing, and I'm putting pressure on myself, and they're just saying to stop putting pressure on myself, and I can't talk myself out of it, then I must be really bad at thinking that was my takeaway. And I thought to myself, well, I guess I'll just try to be a positive person. And so that's where I wanted to start this narrative. There is a difference between being a powerful thinker and a positive thinker. I want to invite you to be both. But I don't want you to limit yourself with positivity. I thought the best I can be as positive. But positive was sort of this loose optimism that wasn't really certain powerful thinking is saying 10 years before you're going to do something that you're going to do it. You're not sure how, but you're going to make it happen. That's a powerful thinker. That's a competent thinker. That's powerful. And competence. I'll talk with the baseline of positive self talk. So 20 year old me thoughts, thoughts that I thought as a 20 year old, when I thought about my goals, or my life or my journey, or the things I was struggling with at the time, which was really trying to understand myself know what I wanted in life trying to be comfortable with my skin I physically was really, really fit but had a lot of mindset, drama and body dysmorphia about it I was I was I'd be really really fit and disciplined. And then I'd self sabotage and beat myself up, I was in a really unhealthy cycle. And even when it was getting better, I still didn't trust myself. So thoughts that I had the self talk that was pretty cyclical for me was, I need to figure this out, or I need it's it was anything that started with I need to figure this out, I need to do better, I need to be better. I need to know my next Steps. I need to quickly learn this and master it I need that to that is a first trigger of a little red flag of probably not the most powerful self talk. Also, I hope this works. I hope this works. I hope this guy treats me right. I hope that this is a good path to take a lot of uncertainty and self questioning in that I need and I hope I also use self talk that started like this. I gotta get better at I gotta do better doing it. I gotta
I just gotta should do you feel the striving and the internal pressure? I was thinking I was self motivating. Okay, I hope this works. I gotta figure this out. I can to get it. But you see the real self talk that was happening was this was this underlying current of you're not really doing enough. You should be doing better self critical thought wrapped in a slightly prettier bow. I also thought to myself I need to look impressive. I need to look impressive. I need to impress people, I need to stand out, I gotta look the part I can't, I can't let myself be vulnerable, or I can't fail or handle getting beat or other people being better than me or ahead of me. I also, I also had this thought of what if this doesn't work, or I'm worried that I might not be good enough? Like, what if I'm not good enough. And if you're ever, if you're in that place of self thought, I just want to invite you to switch and go decide today that you can just decide that you are good enough. I also as a 20 year old thought to myself, I think I can have a pretty good life. Okay, now, let's shift now, when I moved when I first went to France, for the first time, when I was 20, on a study abroad program, it changed my life, as I've already mentioned. And then when I went back for you, if you don't know this part of my story, after I graduated college, and all of my friends, were going to grad school, or med school, or law school, I got a job in France. And if you've read my book, insecurity, detox, you'll, you'll have read the chapter where one of the pivotal turning points in my life was, I got hired by the French government to teach English and the public French school system. And that was it. I just knew what time I was going to there were, I had a job, and you would take the job was going to start, I had a contact person for said job, but that was it. And my job was to buy myself a plane ticket, come to France with all my belongings move there, I had to get a visa, of course, and find a place to live. And this was pre Well, cellphones were just emerging. And this was still in the land of like, you had access to the internet, he had to go to internet cafes to pay for, you know, 15 minutes at a time. And so I remember, a turning point in my life was showing up in France, not knowing anyone being at a train station at this new town value in southwest France and going well, here I go, I guess my first thing, what I knew I needed to figure out was, okay, I need to go find a cell phone store. And then I need to find a place to sleep tonight. And then I need to figure out how to contact this person who I'm working for next, starting next week. And then right like, that was it I started there. And that, you know, the fact that my mom allowed me that opportunity is so amazing. I think if we had known how unknown a lot of it was, maybe she wouldn't have but she, I just love that. And her and my parents supporting that adventurous spirit in me. And that second time in France post, postgraduate living there, made me just really changed me. It's what I wrote my first book about, and what my big takeaway after a year of teaching, there was one, wow, I need to write a book. To my other thought that changed my life was I'm not going to always struggle with food. And also just the idea, I remember passing days sitting at cafes, watching people and going, Wow, this. They live different, they carry themselves differently. They're such, I realized then that I wasn't going to struggle my whole life that I didn't have to be in battle with my body and battle with myself, that I, I just thought I had this aha moment where I said to myself, it's going to be possible for me to love myself, then, Bill, I didn't believe how or with it yet, but I knew it was possible. So even if you're self taught doesn't feel powerful. We can grid bridge the gap between positive self talk and powerful self talk by saying it's possible that I'm going to love my body and love food. It's possible that or even I'm on my way to writing a book. Not I want to one day I will but I'm on my way to writing a book. I also that would awaken me in there was the belief in this this self talk that it's not too late to dream. There are different ways to think and live that I have seen. My other big Pivotal, life changing thought was maybe I can have a more beautiful life. While it was in France is one of the phrases that that captivated me, it's what I have actually got it custom I got custom painted onto my my triathlon carbon fiber bike, and I also got it tattooed on me is one of the joy of living, the joy of living that I got invited into a different perspective. And it changed my thought about what my future would be. Because remember my 20s early before France, it was like I guess I can have an okay life. Once I was in France, I said to myself, I will have a beautiful life. And so maybe that's your takeaway from today's episode. You have the ability to say with confidence that you're creating a beautiful life, that your future is bigger than your past. Now let's fast forward 10 years let's fast forward 15 years and then layer on great mentors have been great coaching and some really brave things I've done in my life and with in my business and in my own healing and my own therapy work. And now the thoughts the self talk thoughts that are changing my life now, our thoughts, you will see a big difference between the 30 year old me and the 20 year old me. Here, my current just a couple that I wrote out, I have purpose, and I'm walking in it. Another one I love growing, and new and all the new insight to growth and my growth capacity that I can lean into. And instead of I need to look Impressive, impressive. I just want my life to make an impression. I also like this one, I'm creating an extraordinary life in every way. I am proud of every failure and setback because it represents my grit and resilience. I am on my way I am walking representation of joy and love. I am capable of anything I fixed my mind on I am friends with myself, I am my own cheerleader, I am bold. I am linguistically brave. I have a disciplined mind, I am a powerful thinker. Big difference I am creating an epic life. I am a world changer. And difference maker, my friends, the language you speak to yourself, the things you say about yourself. The I Am statements are the ideas about what your future are. The language you speak yourself in your self talk reflects the standard of the vision you have for your future. And for those of you of faith coming from a faith background, your internal commitment to self talk reflects your faith in the vision of the life that you believe God has called you to live. And the extent to which you stored well that which he entrusted to you. This isn't just fluff and I want to go manifest and do these amazing things. Because this is deeper spiritual true faith walking it out and living out your God given purpose stuff. And you have the power to change the language. Now, your self talk creates the path that you will walk on. And the path can be smooth, or it can be rocky. And I will just propose to you and invite you into the concept that the more you say, in Lauren, you master the language of better self talk of a of a more positive and powerful and faith filled, bold internal language, the smoother that path will be and how do you get anything smooth? Well, from repetition from from, from repeating it over and over and over and over. And back in the Akasha was probably five years ago, I picked up figure skating just for fun because my kids were in in skate classes. And I have always wanted to know how to do some cool things on the ice. And, you know, you're in here my language for tutorials and things like that, right. And so I got intermediately advanced with some private instruction. And what was really interesting to me about the sport of figure skating or ice skating in general is that you can start and you can be taught a simple basic skill of what blade edges where the blade edge needs to go and what direction and what kind of quarter turn that you're doing in order to do a pretty cool
move. And you can practice it and understand the mechanics of it but it to be very, very clunky. I mean, clunky, ugly. Like you're kind of like like you feel like you're like a Clydesdale horse out on the ice, not this smooth, beautiful figure skater that you're supposed to be. But when I would be given and taught a new skill from my coach, and then I would go back and for an hour repeat it and I what I am really good is about is being coachable. I've always been very coachable and coachable as an athlete and coachable as a as a human. And I love being coached. And I would receive that and when I'm when a coach says Please do this for 1000 repetitions I say Yes, ma'am. Right? I just know that that's what it takes. And so I would go and just do an hour the same thing. Low boring, but a little beautiful, a little meditative, and and transformative and somebody would go from clunky to smooth with enough repetition and then before you know it, you master a skill and this is why people when they because I was willing to do the work of repeating I've had since had people say to me when I'm at the skate rink with my kids. It's not like everybody says this every now and then. Every now and then there's a throwaway comment of, Oh, you must have been a figure skater growing up? And the answer is no, I picked up the sport when I was 35. But as a 35 year old, I was willing to spend an hour doing one thing over and over and over. And that advanced me a little bit more than the average, potentially 35 year old, right. And my point is, it's the same thing. This is how we become that's how we smooth the path the more you practice, more positive self talk, the more you knew you expect of yourself and you require of yourself and take ownership of your self talk and, and, and disallow sloppy thinking. Which means doing reframes, doing your journaling, having a coach, the smoother your path to the life of your dreams will be and the life of your dreams. Yeah, maybe it looks like it's a month in Paris, maybe it's traveling the world with your family, maybe it's being absolutely debt free. Maybe it's starting your own charity, or maybe nothing circumstantially changes, you just feel better, happier, more joyful, more connected to the people in your life and your life that you experienced change. No circumstances is just epically better. Because when you change your thoughts, everything about your life will change, even if the the actual factual circumstances of your life don't change. Now, what 20 year old me didn't know, I didn't know that I was beautiful. I didn't know that my mind was so powerful. I didn't know that God was going to use my passion for words to change my life and direct my career, or serve others or that my words would speak to people in a way that they've not heard said things said before that I have a particular gifting for phrasing and an emphasis that helps you settle something into your soul that needed to shift. I didn't know that I didn't know it at 20. I thought it was a wash up. I didn't know that God's I knew Yeah, God's timing is perfect. But I didn't believe it, I didn't know that God's timing truly is perfect. I didn't know that France would be so formative or that my failures would be so formative. I didn't know that, that emotions didn't have to be feared. I didn't actually know that I that I didn't have an eating problem or self image or an anxiety problem, I had an under feeling problem. And that I also didn't know I could be myself or even who that self was. Now what I know as a 40 year old 40 year old me knows is that curiosity and compassion can transform your life. I know that I now know that one sentence can bring absolute healing. I also now know that God's unfailing love is absolutely trustworthy, that I know that failures are formative and they represent my grit. I know that I can master my mindset. And yes, there will be seasons ahead of me that will challenge me on that. But I know for a fact that I am well able to fix my thoughts. I also now know that my thoughts create my results, I know that I can be victorious and all that I do, because it starts with the decision that I am at Victor, I know that I already have all that I need. And I will never want, I shall not want that I am that we can live out the 23rd Psalm, I now know that my future is greater than my past that the best is yet to come. I know that I am loved. I know that I am beautiful. And I know now that I don't need to compare or compete with any one else. And all those things that I know the shift of what I know to what I didn't know came because of the self talk that shifted. And now let's just pause for a moment this show is sponsored today by BetterHelp. I just want to remind you that it's easy to get caught up in what everyone else needs to see from you and to never take a moment to think about what you need from your self, especially at this time of year. Therapy can give you the tools to find more balance in your life, so you can keep supporting others without leaving yourself behind. therapy was transformative for me to bridge the gap between this 25 and 30 year old self that I'm referring to. And the 40 year old me now I cannot praise and support therapy enough. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. All you do to get started is fill out a brief questionnaire you get matched with a licensed therapist. And you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Find more balance with better help visit better health.com/competence pod today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help hvlp.com/confidence pod. Okay, so back to the coaching when you decide that you're going to shift your self talk. You're essentially making the decision I'm going to have a more powerful mind and I'm going to learn how to master my mind. Because if I don't master my mind, my mind will master me. I am the director Have my thoughts. And to become a better director, I simply need to practice. And we start by asking ourselves, what language do you want to speak? And if you currently were to be having coffee with me, and I said, so what is your internal language? What is the current self talk? If I, if I had to call it a language, what would it be? If we're talking in terms of actual language, right, I could say Do you speak French? Do you speak Italian? You speak Spanish? And you would say yes, no, I speak this. This is you know, I grew up speaking this. Now, let's talk about what mental language you want to speak and what are you currently speaking, because the mental language I used to speak was one of an uncertainty.
The ones I suggest that you lean into, I want to invite you to put your own word to it. But do you want to speak the language of an overcomer? The language of a winner, the language of a leader, the language of possibility, see here, instead of seeing problems, do you want to see possibilities instead of dreaming with with weakness and loose ideas? You want to dream with decision? And declare what you will do? Do you want to speak to have the language of a declarer of somebody who is proclaims? And leads out? Do you want a language of an action taker? Do you want to have the language of a believer of the language of a victor? Do you want to have a language of a child of God. And when you are mastering a language, especially an internal language, practice first with yourself. And then fix your mind on the language, get obsessed with it, master it. And remind yourself when you're doing this when you're really discipline yourself and shifting from one language to another in your internal self talk. Because this is the thing, there's no us no accountability here, unless you're actually coaching. If you're in the culture competence, there's accountability. If you're coaching with me, of course, there's accountability. But if you are working this on your own, the accountability comes from you. Most people aren't going to know if you're doing this work or not. And one of the things I want to encourage you to remind to know that the disciplines you choose to dedicate yourself to are going to be exactly what differentiate the future of your life, from the present, that you are experiencing. So remind yourself when you decide what you want, what kind of brain you want to have, what kind of self talk you want to have, what kind of thinker you want to be what kind of life you want to live, that is going to take discipline, it's going to take a willingness to do things differently than perhaps you've ever done. And when you lean into these new habits, I would just, I would encourage you to find three to five little micro habits, little ways that you can become 1% more dialed into your thoughts, right. And, and if you think about this 1% By the way, there's 14 140 minutes in a day, one person of the day is 14 minutes to transform your life, it might just take 14 minutes a day. But you're gonna have to do things that are uncomfortable, do things that are different. And when doing these things, I want you to remind yourself that you are different and you are becoming different. And so you will follow through on your habits in ways that are different than quote unquote most people. And the story that I want to tell you here is that when I went to watch this last week, I love my my friend Melissa and I love firefight lane. We watched an episode we text each other. And I was my husband was working out he likes to work out at night. So we put we could put the kids to bed he goes to the gym, and twice a week I have this hour of TV to myself and it's so delightful. And then so I was watching an episode of Firefly lane. And of course they lead you on this suspenseful amazing, like cliffhanger to get you to watch the next episode. And I came super close. I'm always close to going Oh, but I also know that I'm massively discipline a momentum routine. And my last 30 minutes last 90 minutes of my night. And it's structured and for many years I struggled with my nighttime routine and ice and I floundered in areas of my personal life and in my professional life because of that. So I know the importance of my discipline in this area to become the person and to stand in congruence with the self talk that I have about the who I am the life I am creating. And so when I am activating a habit of discipline that's keeping my self talk and my mind sharp I fixed my mind on my priorities that I have, which my priorities at night are to surpass my eight hour sleep goal. Daily and to read for 45 minutes per night for, for pleasure for growth for connection with the Lord for for wisdom and mastery of words and peace of mind at night, I want to be different. And so I do things that other people are unknowingly unwilling to do. Because I actually started this when this happened this weekend, I started watching the next episode, I realized most people would just keep continuing and I pride myself on not allowing myself to do what most people would do. And I invite you into that space too. And it takes discipline, but you got to know what you're disciplining yourself for. Because the payoff is massive. The payoff is the disciplines I've activated in my life in my mental wellness, and in the guarding of my thoughts, and the reframing of my brain. And the prioritization of reading good things, and continuing to lean into a growth mindset have made the transformation my ability to stay in this very powerful place of self talk that has changed my life. And these disciplines, I didn't do these disciplines before, which is why my self talk would sometimes be good and sometimes be bad, and sometimes be good. And sometimes we bad. Because if you want to make changes in your life, but you haven't done them yet, you're deluding yourself, you don't actually want us to change. Now, I've been there. I was there for years and a couple areas of my life. You're just thinking about it, you're thinking about the change. Now, here's where the magic happens. When you decide you actually want something, you start being willing to do whatever it takes. And friends, it's time to shift from thinking about actually wanting and committing. And then from wanting and committing to being willing to do what is required of you for the change you want. This is how we change our lives. And as we lean into this concept of mastering a new internal language I want to there was a clip that my amazing COC student or Nisha sent me, she pulled an old video that I had called the language of an overcomer. And as I read the script here, I was referring back to what it takes to master language through language immersion. And what I love about languages is that language is alive. You there are always new words in even in your native language. There are always new words to to learn to use to employ new colloquialisms when you have new catchphrases. It's vibrant, and it's exciting. If you love words, and you love language, it's exciting because the more you continue to be in it, the more you continue to learn it, the more you get to play with words. And it is the same if you choose whatever language you want to master in yourself talk the language of a leader, the language of a leader, the language of an achiever, the language of an overcomer. So stay in it, stay immersed in it, stay open and curious and excited because it's no different than the language mastering the language that is spoken in the in the giving yourself life in the language of positive thinking, the language of powerful thinking, the language of achievement, the language of believing in yourself. It's fun and exciting. And it's an opportunity for you to play with words. I really believe the more you play with words, the more powerful your words become. You know, one of the things we do in the College of competence is we work together as a community on reframes and on affirmations and, and power phrases. We do these all week every week. And often my feedback from my students and my members is Trish like why I love how you phrase it. And my and sometimes they use that against themselves and get discouraged that there's don't sound as eloquent or a distinct. And sometimes they're inspired. And I want to invite you to be inspired because the only reason that my words have become more powerful, and that my phrasing of things can sink deeply is because I have spent time playing with words. I've spent 1000s of days with my pen and a journal just a couple minutes at a time saying okay, how can I phrase this in a way that I can use to empower myself talk today? What have I need to hear that I can tell myself today? And I promise you the more you do that, the more powerful your words will become. I need to re emphasize what I told you at the beginning about myself. I was a kid who's the sports psychologist said no words unless we can't help you. I was a kid who every athletic coach ever said said you're an Olympic level you're world class level you should be pro at this board this board in this sport and they kept saying ah you just overthink stop thinking when somebody's gonna help your brain nobody can help me. I was also a kid who did Have a lot of confidence in my storytelling who went to speech therapy in elementary school? Who'd a lot of reasons not to think that I wouldn't be a person who's sitting in front of a microphone today. Because I have powerful words. And I say that because if I can have powerful words, I feel like I'm the least likely person to have those.
You can too. Here are some power thoughts to close out for today. And then we'll do our listener of the week. And again, I want to invite you I really hope you take me up come spend two weeks when we come coach me Come see what the differences of what we do in the culture competence to take this and you might be thinking, I'm already busy. Trish, we have a private podcast, where everything streams, we have a forum where when you're in line, you can send me a question we are actually created for the busy person. And you'd be amazed at how easy it is to integrate just 14 minutes a day of your life. 14 minutes, every every other day into getting coached and how that will change your life and change your self talk. So you're a couple power thoughts I just want to leave you with. I'm going to pause after I say them. So that you can say it. Say it in your mind say it out loud. Let's go. I have a powerful mind. I have a disciplined mind. I have a beautiful mind. I have a beautiful mind. I want to pause right there. You know I fell in love my husband, one because he's very handsome, very handsome. I is six foot two, six foot three strong, dark, handsome, love that. But I really fell in love with his mind. He was the first person I said, I loved the way he thought I loved the way he be interested in he would remember in his storytelling, and I was in love with his mind. And being able to tell him you have a beautiful mind was the first time I actually then asked myself, my gosh, I wonder if I have a beautiful mind. I wonder if I want to say that about myself and I leaned into it, I invite you to do the same. I am linguistically brave. Now you might be like Trish, I have no interest in language. But I need you to be linguistically brave because I need you to believe that you can change the language you're currently speaking internally to yourself and make a better language, a more effective and more powerful language. I'm living and writing an extraordinary story with my life. That one's longer. I'm gonna say it again. I am living and writing an extraordinary story with my life.
I take massive ownership of my thoughts. And then one more last one for you before we close out.
And it's long, so I'll read it twice. Everything that has led me here was part of what I needed. I have all that I need right now. To move forward with confidence to where I want to go. Everything that has led me here was part of what I needed. I have all that I need right now to move forward with confidence to where I want to go. Okay, guys, let's look at that with our listener. The episode is Amy Lavelle. Oh my goodness, this girl is in the COC and Wowzer Well, that's how she starts this. This coming out. She says Wowza I've been suffering in my corporate job for years. But the last nine months have been awful. It's tough, thankless and underpaid that takes all my sanity away, and happiness with the help of the COC. I've decided to leave time for a reset year I get my 30 day work. Notice yesterday and I'll get my apartment. Notice on Saturday, I'm going to pack my life up, put it in a van head home to the family for the summer, and then spend the winter traveling. And then she continues on another post another day. I made the choice to move back so I can pursue my passions, the things that make me happy. So here I am in the middle of my four day drive from Florida to Massachusetts, sitting in a cafe in Charleston absolutely high on life. I'm literally just sitting here drinking coffee and walking around the city. And I couldn't be happier. I'm so glad to have found the confidence to pick me and put me first I have Trish and the COC to thank for that. Amy, you have you to thank for that. I'm so proud of you for the work you're doing and for your willingness to say I'm going to live a life that sets my heart a fire I'm going to live a life that tells a story really much go to hate everything that's led me here is what I needed. And now I have everything I need to move forward. It incompetence to where I want to go. And I don't have to know exactly where I want to go, but I know I'm going to figure it out along the way you are living and breathing. Somebody who has massive self trust, you trust yourself, you trust your resources and you know you're pursuing your passions and you'll be able to activate them. And it's gonna take courage and it's gonna take some failure, and you're but you're designing and deciding on the life you want for yourself and not settling for anything less. And because I know and I'm coaching you in the COC, I know that you are doing the work to reframe your thoughts to double down on your language to be somebody who's self talk is powerful, and you are obviously doing it. I'm so proud. I'm so proud. I'm shouting You out here and I'm just girl. The best is yet to come. 100% The best is yet to come guys. Your best is yet to come Come experience coaching with us in the college competence. Again, it's for you only have five days to sign up for this it's a it's a one and done. As George Blackwell my amazing father says if you snooze, you lose so don't lose out on this come coach with me for free. This ends May 30 May 21 2023 Go to www.trishblackwell.com/40th. And if you want to send me some birthday love I am somebody who loves some birthday love. My Instagram is trish_blackwell. My Facebook is Trish Blackwell Coaching com send me the love tomorrow may 17. I'm excited for what is ahead the best is yet to come. Go out there today to be more of who God created you to be. Be you. Be free. If you loved today's episode of the confidence podcast, I invite you to check out the College of Confidence at www.collegeofconfidence.com. The COC is where your next step is. In the COC we cultivate confidence create courage and spark change. It takes everything we do here on the podcast to the next level and our members get crazy life changing results. I'm so confident that you will find that the COC is the most encouraging place on the internet and that it will so wildly exceed your expectations that it comes with a money back guarantee. Hey, joining is completely risk free you owe it to your future self to take your growth to the next level by coaching with me in the COC. Join me today at www.collegeofconfidence.com
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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