CONFIDENCE IMMERSION AND FAKING IT TILL YOU MAKE IT
In this episode, we explore the concept of “confidence immersion” and the power of “faking it until you make it” as a way to increase both our perceived and actual confidence levels. We discuss the science behind this approach and share personal anecdotes and expert insights on how to adopt a confident mindset and behavior, even in situations where we may not feel entirely sure of ourselves. From adopting confident body language to practicing positive self-talk, we provide practical tips for building confidence and projecting a confident image to those around us. Get the full show notes at www.trishblackwell.com/546
In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re covering:
- The difference of confidence immersion and faking it till you make it
- How to show up as you belong, even if you don’t feel like you do
- The magic that happens when you immerse yourself fully into what you are working to accomplish
REVIEW OF THE WEEK:
6 months from now you will have six months of excuses or six months of progress.
“If you want to be successful, you have to start acting like it.” – Unknown
“The more you act like the person you want to become, the more you become like that person.”
What is it?
-Like language immersion, going all in on something
-Starting before you’re ready
How to do it?
-Embrace being a beginner
-Be willing to be vulnerable
-Develop a positive, consistent, self-affirming voice
-Show up as if you belong
-Realize that no-one is actually paying attention
Faking it till you make it means to act as if you have the confidence, skills, or knowledge to succeed in a particular area, even if you don’t feel fully confident or competent yet. Here are some tips on how to do it:
- Practice visualization: Visualize yourself as the confident and successful person you want to be. See yourself speaking confidently, making decisions easily, and achieving your goals.
- Adopt a positive mindset: Surround yourself with positive affirmations, motivational quotes, and success stories. Focus on your strengths and past accomplishments rather than your weaknesses or failures.
- Learn from others: Observe and learn from successful people in your field. Study their habits, body language, and communication skills. Adopt these behaviors in your own life.
- Dress the part: Dress professionally and appropriately for your job or industry. When you look the part, you will feel more confident and others will perceive you as competent.
- Take small steps: Break down your goals into smaller, achievable steps. Each time you accomplish a step, it will boost your confidence and motivate you to keep going.
- Practice, practice, practice: The more you practice a skill or behavior, the more natural and confident you will become. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes; they are opportunities to learn and grow.
Remember that faking it until you make it is not about being dishonest or pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s about stepping outside of your comfort zone and pushing yourself to be your best self.
FAKING IT TILL YOU MAKE IT
You don’t really do this – you just tell yourself to start before you’re ready
This removes overthinking, procrastination, social anxiety, self-doubt and gets you into a place of massive action.
Once you activate massive action, and realize that you’re actually more capable and have more self-efficacy than you realized, then your self-trust sky-rockets, and you start tapping into real confidence.
The reason this is powerful is because it removes resistance.
-Resistance to perfect timing
-Resistance to perfect qualifications
-Resistance to feeling like it or feeling ready
Show up as if you belong.
-Decide that you belong.
-Act as if.
-Put yourself in places and belong.
-Show up as if you belong.
Get curious about how someone relaxed, comfortable, confident who knows they belong would act. Then do it.
DEVELOP THE POSITIVE, SELF-AFFIRMING VOICE
To benefit from these actions, you must learn to self-affirm and self encourage.
Pat yourself on the back from micro-micro-micro-wins.
- Decide who you are.
- Declare who you are.
- Remind yourself of who you are.
I’m goldmine Trish.
Everything I touch turns to gold.
(Tell story of intimidation of starting at Golds Gym – and how my self-talk changed everything).
LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:
Just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me recently with your podcast the past few weeks…
I was in a dark hole and struggled to climb out but with your wise words and encouragement I’ve managed to get back on top and keep going
Not very happy with Instagram; why have you not got a blue tick next to your account?
You’re the most verified I know lol
Your work is amazing, keep being you and making a change to people’s lives and minds!!
Thank you again…
#483: Self-Validation: The Art of Not Needing Other People to Tell You “Good Job”
You're listening to the confidence podcast, your favorite coaching podcast oozing with motivation, inspiration, and confidence to help you boldly take action on your dreams. On your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized Confidence Coach, Best Selling Author and founder of the College of Confidence, the most encouraging place on the internet. I teach go getters in life, how to take your thoughts captive, how to step out of the shadows of self doubt, and how to courageously step into their purpose. With confidence. It's time to pump our competence muscles, and train our thoughts, y'all. Let's get started. Hey there, it's Trish Blackwell and you're listening to the confidence podcast episode 546. Today's episode is confidence, immersion and faking it till you make it now you may not have heard of confidence immersion before, but I know you for sure have heard about faking it till you make it and I just think you might be curious about my take on it. Because you it's sort of two sides of the camp. People who think there's value to faking it till you make it and people who think there's not. And in this episode, you're going to hear my opinion, and how these concepts change my life, how they helped me scale my confidence. But you got to do it the way that I was called taught and coached which is what we're going to explore in today's episode. So in today's episode we are going to I'm going to tell you what confidence immersion is and how to use the power of faking it till you make it in the way that works as a way to increase your are perceived and actual levels of confidence it does both I'm going to give you some of the science behind this and give you some ways to implement that can incorporate into your life from adopting confident body language to practicing self talk. I'm going to give you some really practical tips this week on building confidence and projecting a confident image to those around you because when you do that it Boomer ENGs right back if you're new to the show I'm so I'm so glad you found us my name is Trish I specialize in firing people's potential up we're talking full kilter you walk away from the show and my goal and my prayer is that you are on fire for life that the any indifference any disillusion any low gear numbness that you felt towards your potential in life or where you are that you feel spark that you know that you were made with purpose and on purpose and that it's up to you to rise so you can stop the overthinking stop the self sabotaging Stop the Feeling sorry of yourself, stop the the procrastination or perfectionism and start actually thriving. Because there's a big world out there and the world needs you to be the biggest, boldest, bravest version of you. Guys, you were created to do something epic. And I'm going to keep cheering wildly from the stance until you believe it until you go run and run after it. Now along the way, this journey, there's discouragement. There's disillusionment, there's going to be derailment. But we do not stay in those places. This is your show to re encourage you each and every week. So if you're new welcome, if you're back, you're in the family, I'm so glad I get to be a voice in your life. You spend time each week working the muscle of confidence. It's just like going to the gym. We train in the gym to get better biceps and better ABS or glutes. Repetition doing the reps over and over is what gets people the bodies they want. Doing the reps over and over in your mind is what's gonna get you the mind and mindset that you want. And when you have the mindset that you want, you create the life that you want. So let's dive in or let's dive into the coaching before we do a quick review of the week. You guys your reviews bring me so much joy. You have no idea. I read each and every one of them. If you haven't yet written one I would be so grateful. So grateful. This is from see I think she said this so glad I found you. Hey, Trish. I've been listening to you since the beginning of 2023. I noticed I needed help with my mindset as a woman, a parent and a person. So I started to look up competence podcasts and your podcasts popped up. Your podcasts was one of the first I clicked on and now I look forward to hearing your voice every single week. And sometimes I restart the same episode throughout the week. Just to go back and re listening. Thank you for blessing our ears with your presence, your voice, your encouragement and your confidence. It's so good to hear women empowering women. I'm so glad I found you. One of the questions I wanted to ask you was what do you listen to on a daily basis and who do you go to for encouragement? And then my last question is what's on your music playlist? So I love these questions. Did you know you can leave questions in your reviews? I will always answer them. So let me answer the easy one. My playlist, y'all I have a wide range. My playlists for music includes worship music, so elevation, Maverick city, Bethel. I like an hour a day. That's the first thing my kids know that nothing gets put on in the house and after before 8am And then they can change what's playing on Alexa. So I always start my day with worship. And then throughout the day, it turns to hip hop and, and dance music and pop because I have an eight year old now who loves all things pop. But when I'm working out, I listened to just remixes DJ remixes of of, of dance music or hip hop, because it gets me gets me going. I'm a huge fan of John Legend and a huge fan of Shakira. So those are my go twos, who I listen to. On a daily basis. I always am reading a lot and listening a lot. I listen to a lot of resources in the coaching world. I'm reading and listening to a lot of other coaches and business leaders. I also listen every week to my favorite churches that aren't just my church churches that they're not in the location of where I am. So that is transformation church Elevation Church, I listened to Christine Caine, Lisa TerKeurst I listened to and get really fed by Lisa Harper. Other podcasts I like I like Joyce Meyers enjoying everyday radio. I like Brooke Thomas. Live out loud. I don't listen to all the episodes. I like. Oh goodness, I'm just kind of scroll through my stuff here. I listen to some French podcasts. Believe it or not, I like Jim quicks podcast, Christine Caine already mentioned, huge fan of her. And oh, well, Bob Goff and Todd Durkin. So there you go, those are my go twos. Oh, n Craig Groeschel leadership podcast. I love that one as well. One thing I will note is I am typically listening to two audiobooks at any given time. So I go through about 50, well, between 1580 audiobooks a year, so any if you if I'm working out I am either listening to replays of coaches and getting coached and or listening to these development, personal development podcasts I just mentioned, or a sermon or one of the audio books that I am working through, which are typically leadership, psychology based or professional and personal development based. Okay, I hope that answers the question. One quick announcement, and this is I'm just going to leave it at this. Six months from now, you will either have six months of excuses, or six months of progress. And if you want to be somebody who guarantees that you have six months of progress, I want to come I want to invite you to come and join us stop caring month is still happening in the college competence and you can still get in on it, you'll get access to the replays in the workbooks. And we still have like six other live workshops coming down the pipes, you get in at college a competence.com. And you don't have to do six months in the COC can do a month, come see why people say they wish to join sooner, they had no idea, the difference of just listening and then implementing and what we do the difference of what you're going to get here on the podcast versus in the college competence with me as implementation. Now we had a recent member who joined who said, I just didn't think I'd get any one on one or personal attention from you. And you would be surprised that we have hundreds of members on my live calls 20 Maybe 20 show up because it's just that's life. Now you can always pre submit a question if the timing doesn't work. But I share that simply because I want you to know, if you want personalized coaching, and you make the time to show up and you or you submit questions and you participate you will get coached by me you will be supported by me you are not just a number. Every person who is in my mentorship coaching program is important to me. And you are seen and you're supported, whether whatever level you want to be. And I'm so confident in this that you can that's why we have 100% 14 day money back guarantee. So take it don't take it from me Come see for yourself. Check it out College of confidence.com I want you to be able to say every month from here on out that it's been a month of progress.
And if you've had months where you've made excuses or you're starting to think about things but you're not taking action, then you haven't committed you're not you're still unwilling. You're still in the land of excuses. I want to shift you from the land of excuses to the land of progress. Okay, so let's let's talk let's coach let's coach. Let's talk about competence. Immersion, what is it well, like language immersion, it's going all in on something It's going all in on something. There are two anonymous quotes that say this, if you want to be successful, you have to start acting like it. The more you act, like the person you want to become, the more you become like that person. We work on this a lot in the COC of how do I become the person I've decided I want to be. If you don't choose who you want to be on purpose, you will default into being somebody you didn't intend to be. So it's critical that you decide who you want to be. And then start acting like the person you want to become. Because the more you do that, the more you're going to become like that person. And so, I was doing a lot of thinking and those of you who have listened to the show before you know, I'm passionate about language. Really what I do in coaching is I help people find better ways to think I teach you how to help substituting words can rewire your brain and change your life. The Power of Words, is it's beyond phenomenal. It's life changing. It's miraculous. And I never knew why I loved words. As a kid, I would read the dictionary when I breakfast. I have always been obsessed with words. I love words. I think they're beautiful. They dance on paper to me. And I was a linguist major I majored in French and minored in Spanish and dabbled in Italian and American Sign Language and a little bit of Chinese and Mandarin. And I've always been like, wow, I don't know why I love these words. And, and what what was my goal, my goal wasn't to go live in all these countries, but I couldn't resist the passion I had. And I do know this about language and language, acquiring a new language, in language acquisition, that you can make leaps and bounds more progress by immersing yourself in the language. That is why people go to different countries and immerse themselves. It's why you sink or swim and you figure out a way to get beyond your insecurities. You have to act as if you're ready before you feel ready and try things that you don't feel comfortable asking me for. But you are so desperate in need to communicate, to potentially ask directions to where the bathroom is, or ask again, can you you know, can you say that slower. So I know how much money you're asking for what I'm buying here at the sandwich shop, you are forced beyond caring what people think about you. And when you're immersed in a language acquisition. All that matters is learning that and going all in. And it's exhausting, and exhilarating and amazing. And it's how you acquire language faster. That's what we get to do with confidence. Now, how do you do it? Just decide, right now to go, I'm going into competence, immersion, meaning, I'm going to start before I'm ready. And I'm not going to give myself an option to back out. So one of the best things I did when I went to France for the first time when I was in college, I went with my best friend Melissa and we were on a study abroad program. We were 20 years old. And I can remember we were the big group of other college students and my friend and I made a pact to stay in French with one another. And guys, our French was bad, like, bad, bad. And we said you we were loud. When we were back in our hotel room, we were allowed to see we said we were allowed to be in English. But aside from that, on the train anywhere, we must have been a sight to see to 20 year old goofy Americans in bad French, talking to each other in French on this on the metro on these other places. I know people were probably why aren't these girls just talking in English to each other, they're clearly both American. But I loved it. And Melissa became we are still she's I just got off the FaceTime with her last night. We are best friends for life. Because we committed to this immersion. We both knew that we we needed to be committed. And we were willing to be frustrated and uncomfortable. And then we stayed in it. And you know what our mastery of French accelerated much more than the our peers that were on the trip with us. Because what happens when you go on a trip with a bunch of Americans in order to learn another language and you end up saying in English, because you're spending time doing all these other things with a bunch of Americans unless you're going to a fully an immersion school. And my point is, is this is this is what I want you to do. I want you to say it's okay. If I'm a little awkward, it's okay. If I have a bad accent. It's okay if I don't do this, right. I want you to embrace being a beginner, but be more proud of yourself for being fully committed. I'm not embarrassed about how bad we were. I'm really proud that we went all in. And in order to do that, you've got to say it's okay, if I look goofy. I gotta be willing to be vulnerable and not always have the answer. And you've got to be willing to develop a positive, consistent, self affirming voice. I can still remember that that month in Paris. We spent Even we were like, we'd like, oh, we were able to say to each other, I'll tell you later tonight, just to stay in French, because we knew we didn't have the vocabulary at the time. This is also pre cellphones, you can just quickly look up a word, where we were like, Okay, I'll tell you later tonight, and I can be very frustrated. But we would say to ourselves, hey, well done weren't going great. Look at us staying in French look at us being French. And so as you do any type of immersion experience, whether you want to immerse yourself into, into overcoming that impostor syndrome, or feeling at work, or you want to immerse yourself into being more assertive in your relationship, or you want to immerse yourself into showing up online with confidence to grow your business, even though you're terrified of being in front of the video, or being seen, or of all the haters that might comment and make, you know, or, or people who just might not even like, right, like your posts. If you're going into immersion, you've got to also say, with this comes my vulnerability will with this comes a lot of discomfort. But also, I am committed to having a positive, consistent, self affirming voice to myself, and you got to show up as you belong, is when you show up as you belong, you're going to realize that no one knows how hard it is for you to be acting as if you belong. They just assume you belong. Because why? Because most people aren't actually paying attention to you. And so I actually, I want to blend that the topic, your confidence, immersion, and faking it till you make it are the same thing. But I want you to know, I'm gonna call it confidence, immersion. Because thinking until you make it has a negative connotation that you're just pretending when you are immersing yourself in confidence. And you're immersing yourself in a scenario with the let's call it the superficial title of faking it to you're making it you're doing it the same way linguistically would be if you're going to another country to learn the language, you're doing it for mastery, you're doing it and saying, Well, here I am. So I kind of make the most of it. This is my opportunity. I can't wait till my French is better to then start showing up and speaking in French, I'm going to speak in French now even though it's not good enough yet, because when I am using it, it will get better. They get into your make, it's just pretending and then getting out. That's It's like It's like in and out it if you will competence immersion means to act as if you have the confidence the skills or the knowledge to succeed in any particular area that cares that is important to you, even if you don't feel fully confident or competent yet, I sometimes, you know this past winter of snowboarding I really stretched myself and I stretched myself in my parenting and for those of you who follow me on Instagram, which my IG is Trish underscore Blackwell, both my kids my five year old and seven year old at the time, both are really up leveled in their skill set. And a lot of that was just more time on the mountain. I drove a lot of this winter lot to Pennsylvania a lot this winter. And we took a great trip out to Vail and we also hired a snowboard coach. So between my time on the snow with them and a coach it was it was really game changing. And it leveled us up and it was like a mother's dream like my, my joy. My joy is snowboarding next to my two littles and like
I can't even I can't even put words I'm a words girl and I can't even put words to how much joy it brings me. And particularly there are a few times when we were out in Vail this past month. We're Baker, my five year old said, Oh, double black diamond, let's go. And I was like okay. And then we would get to like the cliff that it was like in the moguls in these type threes. And those two would launch themselves and here I am looking around that no other parents doing this with their kids. And honestly, confidence immersion. My kids had the comments they were doing it. But I in my brain my responsible for my brain said what kind of mom has lent her five year old going on this double black diamond and where's your husband? He was out doing his own thing. Maybe you should wait till you're well it was kind of just too late, the kids immersed themselves down this double black diamond. This was not just a once occurrence. This was a multiple times a day this would happen where I would go oh gosh, maybe we should have maybe we should have chosen another run guys. Maybe we should come over this way. And here's the thing, once you commit, you've got to sell your brain on the fact that you're committed. So we would go down this slope and I was like you we got this. My my positive self consistent, self affirming voice came in and I was like man, Mike, we are good. I am parenting like a boss here. If there's an emergency, this is what I'm gonna do. Oh, let's walk up dodge that tree. Let's get you out of that. That Treebank like, I it was great, but I had to immerse myself if I hadn't immerse myself into of course we belong on this. Of course we're fine. I would have gone down cautiously. I would have yelled at my kids the whole way. Right. I would have apologized every other adult that was on those things. Instead. We crushed it and we had fun Watching, it doesn't mean that maybe we could have waited a year to do those slopes, probably. But we also just immersed and went and mastered. And so when you do that, so once that happened the first day, I then started visualizing it for the next days. And that's the thing with confidence, immersion and faking it till you make it just go in. And then want you to see what would my most confident self do right now? How would I my most confident me show up? How would I carry myself? How do I stand? How do I What is my emotion, and then you and then you start walking it out, you take the steps, and you lean in. And when it comes to faking it till you make it, you don't actually do that. You just tell yourself that you're doing it, you tell yourself, it's okay. If I feel like I'm faking it, I'm not. I'm here to learn, I'm here to immerse I'm going all in what I like about this as you can, you can just because when you say Oh, I'm faking it till you make it, you feel like an imposter. And then you've then there's this fear that you're gonna get found out, that's not going to happen. Because you're not faking it. You're, you're just being brave, you're just, I want you to just tell yourself that you're going to start before you're ready, you're going to start leading before you feel ready, you're going to start your business before you feel ready, you're gonna start going down double black diamonds with your small children before you feel ready. Not maybe the best example. But you know, for the sake of humor today, I just when you just say it's okay that I don't feel ready. I am ready. Like remember, we deliver successful life, we don't rely on our feelings. Our feelings are not our dictators. They are indicators. And just because I feel something doesn't mean that it's fact it's okay that I feel not ready, it might not be true that I'm not ready. Regardless, one of the best ways to be ready and to master something is to do, the best way for me to be ready linguistically in the language is to be fully immersed in it. And it might be sloppy. And I might be rough. And I might have an accent when I start, but you know how I'm not going to have an accent by doing it over and over and over. And being willing to continue to immerse and stretch myself. Because when you immerse yourself, you're open to growth. When you figure to make it you're just trying to get through, we're not just trying to get through stuff, guys, we're trying to master stuff. And when you just go when you tell yourself, it's okay, I'm not supposed to feel ready. I'm just supposed to take action. I love this so much because it simplifies it in my brain. For me, it removes overthinking, it removes procrastination, it removes social anxiety, self doubt. And what it does is it puts you into a place of massive action. It takes all the questions out of it. And once you activate massive action and realize that you're actually more capable, and have more self efficacy than you've ever realized, that's when your self trust skyrockets. And when your self trust skyrockets, you start tapping into real confidence. Going back to my example of being 20, in France, when Melissa and I were staying in France, once we committed to that, and, and we had been good friends, we were on swim team together. And we had been good friends. But you know, your whole level of friendship changes when you become roommates when you travel internationally. And you go through an experience like this. And we when we committed to staying in French, even around her other American friends. And then after day two, where she's just stayed true to her word. I think that's the point, my whole friendship with her changed. Because the trust we had both said, Let's do this. And we're both the type of people who do what we say we're going to do. Well, I didn't know that about her until we really both did. What we said we were going to do, even though it wasn't convenient, even though we weren't good enough, even though it didn't always make sense. But we just did it. And that trust I believe me, we talked a mile a minute, once the end of the day and we were back in our hotel room, we could talk in English or be like, Okay, what I was trying to say to you was this, and what I really met you right, we were Miss conjugating things. We were using the wrong words, but we became better. And the trust that was built between the two of us because we stayed committed, we stayed immersed. Our trust of our friendship skyrocketed, and here I am. I'm turning 40 Next week, guys next week. So 20 plus years of friendship, built on trust. She's still one of most important people in my life. Now same thing thing that we know what trust with other humans does and how it skyrockets our relationships. It does the same with your relationship to yourself. When you build self self trust, your real confidence skyrockets, your relationship with yourself skyrockets. What I love about this once you start you activate massive action and you activate this commitment to immersion and just doing even if it doesn't always feel comfortable or convenient, or like you're sure of yourself. This is so powerful because it removes resistance. It removes the resistance to perfect timing resistance to Perfect qualifications, resistance to feeling like it or feeling ready, none of that matters. You're like, well, I made a commitment. I guess I'm doing it right. And so I just way we're going to do this the way you're going to immerse yourself whatever area of your life you're thinking about, whether it's professional, relational, or in your own business. This, I just want you to show up as if you belong. And how do we do that, first, decide that you belong, I belong. And then act as if. And then put yourself in places and belong. Put yourself where you think you belong, you don't belong, and show to yourself that you can belong anywhere you decide that you belong. I often say this, when I'm in a networking scenario, or getting ready to speak on stage, or walking in some place that super fancy dancy, and old money mindset thoughts come up, I'm like, I belong. I belong, I am here, and therefore I belong. But ask yourself, get curious about how someone relaxed, comfortable and confident, who knows they would act belongs, would belong, and then do that practice that. Now, I want to pause for a moment and make sure we include some coaching on how to develop the positive self affirming voice because I mentioned that such a core component of being proud of yourself viewed confidence, immersion, but don't encourage yourself along the way, chances are, you won't stay committed, having a positive self affirming voice is how you can learn to be able to keep going. Immersion doesn't mean a one day immersion is not going to do anything for you. It needs to be immersion after immersion after immersion, you have to continue showing up massively for yourself. And that is through this positive self affirming voice. So to benefit from these actions, you've got to do that you have to learn the art of Self encouragement. And self encouragement is a practice it's a new language that you're gonna learn to speak chances are you haven't mastered this language. Probability is you have the opposite language, you have a self critical voice. And in the same way, we're going to learn any other language the way I'm continuing to work on my French, the way I'm continue to work on my Spanish is through practice.
The more you practice a language, the better you become. Right? The more you speak the language out loud, the better accent becomes if you're mindful of in your in your imitating that you're listening to the the informing your ear around what's the proper native way to say something? And how can I practice that and being mindful where you're missing your mark? And allowing curiosity to get into your brain but having compassion for when you mispronounce something, and see that oh, okay. Oh, I see. So for me with a couple of words, in French, I will struggle sometimes with the pronunciation but my compassion for understanding why, which is typically because it's just a harder sound based on this than the English language, a specific different phrase. And I'm like, okay, it makes sense that this is harder for me to say correctly, no problem. Nothing's going wrong here. And so the more you practice a new language, and this is the new self affirming language, you're gonna learn, we have to immerse ourselves with it, which is why I think it's so critical that everyone has a very loud, positive coach in their life. Because you can start barring the coaches, self affirming voice for you, you hear that coach's voice over and over, and before you know it, that voice becomes your voice. So I need you to really pat yourself on the back from micro win to micro win. I mean, even for the micro micro micro wins, Melissa and I used to pat ourselves on the back at the end of the day for having stayed in, in French when it was something that we really wanted to see in English, like, be proud of yourself. And so when you're learning the self affirming voice, I want you to first decide who you are, to declare who you are. And the three remind yourself of who you are. And I'm pivoting here because we have a whole whole episode on how to be how to develop this voice. And that's episode 483. It's called self validation, the art of not needing others to tell you good job, I'll link that in the notes. It's episode 483. But if you can tell yourself good job, you're not going to need this external validation. And, and but in order to have a self affirming voice, you've got to go back to that one of those core pillars of competence that we teach here on the competence podcast, is that you got to know who you are. But this is the exciting thing you can decide who you want to be. So just decide who you are. You are a leader, declare who you are. Speak that over yourself. Remind yourself of who we are. Keep coming back to that over and over. No, no The story I want to tell here is that I learned how to do this practice to develop a positive, self affirming voice. After a really difficult period of my life. It was a really difficult period of my life. And I found myself at sort of waiting for the next season of my life, I thought I was waiting to go work and use my linguistics and the CIA, but the things they weren't, it wasn't panning out how I wanted. And I found myself in this unknown territory. And so that's how I stumbled into personal training, which is ultimately what brought me to coaching so I'm God's God's plans always so good. It's always so good. But here I was, as a brand new personal trainer still struggling with an eating disorder and some massive body image dysmorphia. I also had no clue how to sell anything I get thrown into I got hired by Gold's Gym. And I was massively intimidated. First off, we were opening the gym, and there were a lot of sales goals. I'd never had sales goals I had not known how to sell. And I had two amazing teachers and mentors in the business, one of whom I was massively intimidated by because I found him to be the most attractive man I'd ever seen to that point in my whole life. Sidenote, for those of you know, my story that happened to be the man I ended up being engaged to and who ultimately abused and hurt me, I didn't know that was gonna happen. But I just that's I was I was starstruck by this beautiful man, by the way, who holds no candle to my husband now. But you got to think in the mind of a 22 year old not knowing what she's doing. And 23 year old going, and, and wanting to not be embarrassed, but I also so desperately needed to make money and needed the job. And I was gonna sink or swim, they didn't do a ton of training, they just kind of threw me into the fire. And it happened to be I was doing a lot of reading I did a lot. I went home every night and just read, read, read and learn, learn learn. So I could figure out how to become a personal trainer, how to be good at what I was doing, what the heck I was doing. And I'll tell you the second week, I had like three consultations in a row. And I knocked them out of the park. I don't know what I did. But I sold 1000s of dollars in personal training in one day. And my one supervisor came up to me and he was like, everyone's talking about you. I was like, Oh no. Again, think about insecure trust. This is not trust that you're hearing now this is I don't know anything about myself Trish. And they were like you have a new nickname. And I said what do you mean? That go your gold mine your gold mine Trish? I was like, What's What does that mean? They're like everything you touch turns to gold girl we've ever seen people sell like this. You're the best you're about to break some sales records. And sure enough, I did. I hit sales goals. I knocked I hit every sales goal that ever was given. I tripled it. I hit sales records. I became a international sales presenter in the fitness industry I made I taught other trainers, a group of us sold millions and millions and millions of dollars of personal training in an area that's not supposed to be able to afford personal training for some somehow I fell into something I became good at and I don't think it's because I was good at sales or numbers. I really believe it's because Seamus Gordon said to me, your gold mine. Everything you touch turns to gold. I said What am I supposed to do with that easily? Tell yourself that every day and I kid you not guys, I change my passwords. My passwords became that gold mine trash, gold mine treasure gold mine trash, gold mine trash. And then I double down and started walking to the gym and same Goldmine trash. I decided who I was, then I would declare otherwise I told myself who I was. And then I reminded myself of who I was whenever you're anxious or insecure. I was like, I'm here to serve people. Everything I touch turns to gold. Everyone wants to work with me. And sure enough, then client after client, I had so many clients, I had to give clients to other trainers. But it all started with self taught and it's to develop the self affirming voice. You've got to encourage yourself along the way. You've got to remind yourself of who you are. You've got to cheer yourself on celebrate the little wins, but really declare I might not feel like I belong. I might not feel like I know what I'm doing. But I do know what I'm doing because I am Goldmine Trish I am. It's a little embarrassing to tell you what such I wish it was a cooler phrase. But it's the phrase that changed my life. I didn't know that I could call myself something cool. I didn't know I could just start saying I'm capable. Right? And start deciding where I was and declaring who I was becoming. And then you will see that I wasn't faking it till I made it. I was confident immersion mice immersing myself from the inside out from my brain. And that's where the shift happens. That's where the change happens. So I hope that you're I think I hope that we've given you a lot today. And I just really want your takeaway to be this. You're more ready than you think you are. And you're never going to ever feel ready enough. So just start, just start and remind yourself you belong you You were made for this. It doesn't have to be perfect. But you're going in, you're going in, you're going to act as if you do belong, you're act as if you know what you are doing because you are, that is the fastest way to learn how you do, you are doing now one thing to note when I shared what I was doing both in France, and in Gold's Gym, I was riding high on caffeine I showed up I was I remember driving myself to work and also getting ready for the day in the hotel before France before before we went out in Paris and just be like, Alright, here we go, I would pump myself up, I would talk myself up, I will have studied, you know, 45 minutes of French vocabulary that over the at that night or that morning to prepare myself for the day, or in the personal training scenario. I was reading books all night, I was getting ready waking up making sure I was getting my workout in my mind, right. So that I was growing in between the immersion, figuring to make as in and out, you're not even trying to grow competence, immersion is being fully committed, even if you don't feel ready, showing up how the confident version of you would feel. And you'll find that if even if you don't feel confident, you can be confident because you're telling your brain that you are confident, eventually the feeling of confidence will come. Because when you're showing up confident and you have your head eye and you're walking in, and you're you're you're acting as if you are competent, even if you don't 100% Feel it, other people will perceive you as confident. And when they perceive you as competent, they will treat you as confident. It's beautiful. This is what happens it boomerangs back to you. And when other people are treating you like you're confident, you realize that you're being confident. And that's what shifts you out of that. Not fully confident, into being fully confident. So the immersion is happening during the day during the process and then the mastery, asking yourself getting curious how can I be better? How can I learn what more what did I realize I needed to I need to double down on or have more mastery of that happens on your own afterwards. And in preparation for the next time you go and you immerse yourself. So get started. Stop delaying go take action. Mastery is more available to you than you think it is.
Guys, let's just close out with the listener of the episode today. Our listener is Charlotte. She says this Trish just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me recently with the podcast the last couple of weeks. I was in a dark hole and struggled to climb up but your wise words and encouragement I've managed to get back on top and keep going. I'm not very happy with Instagram. Why do you not have a blue tick next year account? You're the most verified person I know. lol your work is amazing keeping you and keep making a change in people's lives and minds. Thank you, Charlotte. And hey, Charlotte. Thank you, you know I have the option for the Instagram verified tick. I've just chosen not to get it. I'm really working on really living out what does it look like to not care what people think. So guys, if this show encouraged you share it with a friend. Write a review. Come to me on Instagram, anything. Just share more than anything, share it with a friend. Do you know that when people find the show, they're like, Wait, I didn't know this was a resource out there. It'd be one of the most loving getting things you can do today. Get ready for next week. Next week is a birthday extravaganza. Okay. It's a big deal to turn 40 And this episode that we have coming up is a big deal as well. I am going to share with you self talk that changed my life. I'm going to I'm going to tell you the difference of how I was thinking when I was 20 and the old thoughts that were keeping me stuck. And then the thoughts that have truly changed my life. Any of you who love some of my power phrases. This is an episode you absolutely cannot miss. So I'll see you there. Make sure you hit subscribe, and I'll see you here same place same time. Next week. Go out there today could be more of who God created you to be. takes courage takes bravery takes immersion takes willingness to start before you feel ready but do not despise small beginnings. Just start, start and you'll see just how far you can go. Be you. Be free. If you loved today's episode of the confidence podcast, I invite you to check out the College of Confidence at www.collegeofconfidence.com The COC is where your next step is. In the COC we cultivate confidence create courage and spark change. It takes everything we do here on the podcast to the next level and our members get crazy life changing results. I'm so confident that you will find that the COC is the most encouraging place on the internet and that it will so wildly exceed your expectations that it comes with a money back guarantee hate joining is completely risk free you owe it to your future self to take your growth to the next level by coaching with me In the COC. Join me today at www.collegeofconfidence.com.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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