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You're listening to the confidence podcast, your favorite coaching podcast oozing with motivation, inspiration, and confidence to help you boldly take action on your dreams. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized Confidence Coach, Best Selling Author and founder of the College of Confidence, the most encouraging place on the internet. I teach go getters in life, how to take your thoughts captive, how to step out of the shadows of self doubt, and how to courageously step into their purpose. With competence. It's time to pump our competence muscles and train our thoughts, y'all. Let's get started. Hey, there, it's Trish Blackwell, and you're listening to the confidence podcast. This is episode 538. And whatever brought you here to this show, whether it's your first time or your 530 day time, I'm so so happy you're here, especially because what we're talking about today is how to be a happier and more successful person. Because let's talk about it. That's really what we want. We're gonna explore strategies today and insights to help you become happier today. Not tomorrow, not when you lose five pounds, not when you make your first $5,000 in your business today, and how to feel more successful. Before you even achieve those successes. I just want your identity to have a shift. Remember that one of the core foundational principles of competence is to know who you are, you get to decide who you are and who you are becoming. And it how you identify effects so much of that. And even if you just start identifying as a happy person, start identifying as a successful person and then shutting down every thought that's going to come up and back it up and give you well not yet. Or we're you know, but not in comparison to blah, blah, blah, you guys, if you stop the thought and just start claiming it. This is not name and claim it it sounds like it. But if you just start guarding your mind as if it's your full time job because it is it's your responsibility to clean your thoughts. It's your responsibility to realize that your your brain is the most brilliant machine talked about, we're impressed with AI technology. I know your brain run circles around that, y'all but we have to lean in. And we have to do our due diligence to take care of something to take ownership for and responsibility of our thoughts. And you know my story if you've been listening, if you haven't you, I used to think I was just a lost cause my thoughts were all over the place. So much so that I didn't think therapists could help me, the sports psychologist can help me. I literally thought, well, I guess I'm always going to struggle, I'm always going to suffer. And I gotta tell you that if I can change my thoughts you can. Now I was happy on the outside but on the inside, desperately unhappy. I want you to know that whatever the language is in your brain, you can change it. And if you haven't yet listened to last week's episode, the voice in your head, how to change it, how to be happier, how to make it more powerful and positive. Go back and listen to that episode. You can get it by scrolling back, and the podcast app you're listening to or go to Trish blackwell.com forward slash 537. But today, we're going to talk about really hard how to start feeling happier right now. And if you are new to the show, I just want to introduce myself. My name is Trish i i help women who put too much pressure on themselves. Learn how to stop overthinking, stop self sabotaging, stop comparing and start thriving. My clients and my students learn how to lose confidence and create unwavering belief in their wildest dreams, all while having more fun living with more joy and creating more impact in the world they were created to make by learning how to think better. We do this work by thinking about what we think about so you're in a good place. If you want to feel happier if you want to feel more confident if you want to feel more successful. So what we're talking about in this episode is creating your own luck and your own happiness. Because let's face it, it's well it's March 14 When this comes out. It's St Patrick's Day week what my family and I do my husband's family is Irish. I actually both of us are sides of our families have Irish descent, and we are a big fans of St. Patrick's Day and we do it we call it lucky to be us stay and Ellie my daughter and I and Baker and my husband we alternate years so one years the boys year one years the girls year we alternate and so this year Ellie and I it's our responsibility to make the boys feel lucky that they're in our family though we'll buy them a couple things. We'll make a fun lunch or dinner for them. And then next year, they do it to us so it's just a fun thing. So it's a fun week for us. But it really brings up the the idea I think a lot of us get tripped up on that happiness is just for the lucky. So, in a week that we're talking about luck, let's talk about creating your own luck. Because your luck is not luck doesn't exist. Luck is the result of your thoughts. So we're going to create our own luck and our own happiness. And I want to talk a little bit about happiness responsibility. And then finally, I want to create a conversation today as we close about how to create secure confidence in believing in your success potential, and your happiness potential. Now, what do I mean by that? I think so often, we don't allow ourselves to be happy to really enjoy the progress of success, because we're so worried that the other shoe is going to drop or that it's not secure. We're so secure in our insecurity and in the uncertainty I want to teach you that you can also create security in your own thoughts. Okay, before we dive in the coaching I want to read our review of the week this is from Bob poopy pants Bob, you have the best handle name handle ever love it? You said just found this one and love it. So I guess a shout out to you. Thank you for just finding the show and taking the time to already write a review. That means a lot to me and helps more people find the show. Here's what Bob poopy pants said. I just came across this podcast about three weeks ago and have found it so helpful already. Every single time I finished an episode I already feel better, lighter and happier. As a teenager in high school, this is incredibly helpful especially since this is the time you start questioning your self confidence. The most thank you so much Trish, I hope you know that what you're doing is incredibly beautiful Bob poopy pants, I am cheering for

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you. High School. It's hard. I'm really proud of the work you're doing. And you're setting yourself up for an incredible future just by listening so please share this with your friends. You guys if you are moved or by this by this any of these episodes if you like Bob poopy send him Bob poopy pants says, Every time you finish an episode you feel better, lighter and happier, please for that episode to a friend. And let's spread the love. Speaking of happiness, this is just a little heads up next week, March 20/23 24th. We have a happiness challenging habit challenge happening in the COC. That is the College of competence that is my monthly membership mentorship program, where I'm going to teach you how to apply what we cover here on the podcast into your real life. So in this happiness challenge, we're going to be doing identifying happiness blockers, identifying happiness creators, giving ourselves permission for happiness, practicing happiness, writing out happiness, deciding to be happy ahead of time, and describing the happiness of our future. It's, I'm excited, I am so stoked. And the only way to get into this challenge is to be a member of the college confidence and just transparently, you can just come and join for a month and then cancel, it's risk free, it is canceled at any time. This happiness challenge is going to be off the charts for members only. So go to college confidence.com/join. To get in again, we start next week. So if you want to take your hobby to the next level, this is the great next step. Okay, let's coach, let's coach. One of the first things to being a happier more successful person is to decide that you are going to be I want you to stop feeling almost happy now why do we stop ourselves from happiness, I think that we're so used to being unhappy or so used to that in between that we're afraid of the the other shoe is going to drop and now there have been times when the other shoe drops. But I want you to realize that life is gonna be 5050 There's gonna be things in life that are good and things that are bad, and but you can still be happy along the way. Just because something could go wrong doesn't mean your happiness has to be taken from it. That's what we're going to. In the happiness challenge happening in the COC, we're gonna talk about happiness blockers, and even silent happiness blockers. I'm gonna have a worksheet for that, as we do some happiness spot coaching. But honestly, it sounds so ridiculous. I think we look at people who are really happy and have incredible lives. And we think must be nice. And I want you to instead think that's available to me as well. Every time you get jealous of someone else. I want you to say thank you for being an example to me what's possible, I want you to realize that that you are decided to doing the hard mental work of happiness. Because it's not it's not just some people are lucky it's they have done the work to find a way to create happiness in their brain to realize that their happiness isn't attached to their income or their weight or the they've just decided to enjoy life. You can just decide to enjoy life and that even if you enjoy life, and you're afraid the other shoe is gonna drop you know that you're capable and that God is with you and that whatever happens and shifts, you're also going to be okay I think sometimes we were happiness resistant because we're so afraid to enjoy Our lives because then what if something goes wrong along the way, in a news break, like, there are going to be things that go wrong. And you can still have an incredible life as you do. And you can still be massively happy, and have hard things happening at the same time. It's not an either or it's a both. And I have a couple of quotes on happiness I wanted to share with you as, as we prime our brains to kind of receive a new approach to happiness. Steve memorably said, this happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with it, excuse me, them, there's not just gonna be one problem, you're gonna have lots. Happiness isn't the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them. Jim Rohn said, happiness is not something you postpone for the future, it's something you design for the present. I spent years in the in the false mindset of once I lose a certain amount of weight, once I do this, then I can be happy once I graduate college, then I can be happy once I get a good job, then guys, don't get in that type. Don't get in that hamster wheel. Happiness is not something that gets postponed you either decide for it now or never. Walt Disney said this. Happiness is a state of mind. It's just according to the way you look at things you guys perspective is everything, which is why I'm so passionate about the type of coaching we do here. And the coaching that I do with my one on one clients and the coaching we do in the College of confidence. The other thing is this. And these are two unknown quotes, I'm gonna I'm gonna read you anonymous quotes. But happiness is not something that someone else can take, can give you or take from you. It's something you have to create for yourself. And this is freeing to know, I think sometimes we want other people we want a relationship to make us happy. We want someone who's signing our paycheck to make us happy, someone to build us up and give us words of affirmation to make us happy, or we're afraid that someone's gonna be unhappy with us and they're there, they're gonna take our happiness, because none of that can happen. Remember, the T cycle, the T technique that I teach you your thoughts, create your emotions, create your actions, that's our acronym te A. And if happiness is the emotion, your happiness is not coming from people or circumstance, it's coming from your T, your thought, thoughts. So you create happiness, the emotion of happiness by the thoughts, you think. Here's another anonymous quote, you are responsible for your own happiness. If you expect others to make you happy, you will always be disappointed. And vice versa, guys, if you expect that you can make other people happy, you will always be disappointed, believe me, I spent my childhood trying to make people happy. And I was always disappointed. And I blamed myself. I felt defeated because I couldn't. And then Ralph Morstan says this happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy. And so you choose to be happy. You literally can just decide to be happy today. So let's talk about how to do that. You can just decide you're lucky today. Did you know that? How do you do that you take action, luck comes often comes to those who take action towards their goals instead of waiting for opportunities to come to you take initiative and go create your own opportunities by putting yourself out there and pursuing your goals with determination. And being proud of yourself along the way. Happiness comes in progress in progress in progression, not in the final destination. And and to be open to that is so so critical. The more gratitude your practice skies. When you grow, cultivate a mindset of gratitude and positivity, which is one of the core tenants of what I coach on in the COC, you will start seeing opportunities in every situation and so when even when things don't go according to plan, you can still be happy. And you start you find that what you focus on grows, what you what you focus on and what you feed becomes what comes alive and we focus on the good and your life you attract more positivity you increase your chances of creating more luck. Did you know that happy people create more results in their life because people are drawn to them? People are drawn to happiness. Some people aren't. I'm too happy for some people. Because sometimes your happiness might reveal to somebody else. The wallowing in their own happiness they're doing that's on them. Don't downplay your happiness and your joy or your positivity. Because you're trying to protect somebody else's feelings. Remember, we can't make anyone feel anything their feelings come from their thoughts. So in order to create your own happiness, you've got to one know that you're the one that's responsible for it then you've got to start saying okay, if I'm responsible for my happiness, I've got to stop playing the blame game. Am I victimizing myself? Am I am I am I do I even know what happiness means to me. Have you written down what your happy life looks like? And I want to if you haven't yet I would. I would sit down and say what is a happy beautiful life looks like to me? Every didn't answer give yourself the opportunity to wrestle and find an answer, but taking time to reflect on what happiness means to you and I do manifesting the things that bring you joy and fulfillment will help you create a personalized plan to create happiness in your life and to actually prioritize it. I have done this work. I know, I've done journaling for hours over the years on what makes my soul sing. What makes me come alive? What makes me feel just massively happy. The little things in the big things and now that I know what what, what are what happiness contributors are, I can practice happiness habits, that then create more of those again, this is a lot of what we're going to be doing in this happiness challenge. But first, you have to start with going What? What brings me joy, what makes my soul sing what is happiness, and then cultivate positive habits around that your positive habits your daily routine, such as written gratitude, our journaling, process, exercising spending time in nature, having productive pauses, which really is just a fancy word for saying doing nothing intentionally, because I know most of you out there are productivity queens, you're always doing always overstretching yourself and not resting right there, when you are getting enough sleep. Did you know getting enough sleep can make you a happier person. And we have more control over sleep than we think we do. Even if you have a newborn, even if you've got a million things going on. Even if you have anxiety right now, there's so many things you can do to to even add 30 minutes of sleep or add in an app, you'd be amazed if you start instead of feeling overwhelmed. Or like you don't have an answer to ask yourself, What can I do differently.

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And you know, happiness often gets stolen from us, we give away our happiness by wanting others opinions to build us up versus knowing how to build ourselves up. We also get so wrapped up in the past and worried about the future that our happiness gets swept out from right under our feet, one of the critical ways to create more happiness is to be present. And even if you just have to remind yourself be here. Now, I often tell myself, Trish be here, this is what you're supposed to be doing. Because right now, transparently, I'm supposed to go for a run when I'm done recording and then I need to go to Ellie's swim practice. And then there's a book fair got to pick up bigger and then everybody's excited about the book fair. And then I got to figure out what dinner is. And I'm already starting to get ahead of myself. And yet you know what makes me happy. Being here in the microphone, enjoying a run when it's time to run yet I can sometimes even lose the present by thinking about what I want to do for my run. Instead, just scope Trish be here now. Say that to yourself, use your name. Learn to be a friend yourself that will increase your happiness. Another core way to create more happiness is to surround yourself with happy people with positive people, people who uplift you and support you. And even if you don't have those people in your life, you can find those people online. How do I know that because the college confidence is there. Because you could curate your social feed to only be positive. Because being around positive like minded individuals can help you maintain a positive mindset and create more happiness in your life. And then going back to knowing what you brings you joy, it's really critical. You pursue your passions, things that make you feel fulfilled, you're doing what you love, you can increase your sense of purpose and create more happiness in your life. And you might not even unknowingly be doing this. You might be thinking, believing the lie of scarcity of time scarcity that you don't have time for your for your hobbies or your careers, but listen or your passions. Guys, it might only be a 10 minute thing. But if it brings you happiness, the 10 minutes, maybe you'd like to do it for an hour, but only have 10 minutes, something is better than nothing. You know Valerie Burton Nelly said this happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy, there's going to be stress in life, but it's your choice to whether you let it affect you or not. And this is really critical. When I finally started taking responsibility for my own happiness. I wasn't waiting for a man to make me happy. I wasn't waiting for my scale to make me happy, my bank account to make me happy. My parents being happy to make me happy. When I just realized my happiness, the nature of my brain, my whole experience of life literally is just my choice. And I took ownership. When you take ownership, you take responsibility for when I took when my husband I got our dog, our sweet Finnegan Irish terrier. We took ownership of immense we took responsibility for we we took on the vet bills we took on making sure he gets fed and walked in, has has a place to sleep we we took full responsibility of him and his life. The same thing for you with your brain. You take ownership of your own happiness and you know it's not someone else's responsibility to provide those things from you. When you do that. You have the power to control your thoughts, your emotions, your actions. And that's where you start being powerful in your life. When you take ownership of your happiness and your ability to change your thoughts, change your emotions and take action. You can then have confidence this is where we're going to bridge the gap between happiness and success friends, if you know that I can change my thoughts I can do I can have emotions on purpose, and I can be a person who shows up for myself takes action no matter what, then inevitably, I can be successful at anything I do. Because I can think the right way, I can create the right emotions about it, and I can take action. And when I'm discouraged, I'm gonna think the right thoughts to create the right emotions, to make me persevere, to continue to take action to take action until I get results. And when I get results, I'm creating success. So this is how we can create a secure identity of even before you experience the success whether it's in business or in weight loss, or in dating somebody that I already know, I'm a successful person before the success happens, because I know that I can choose my thoughts. I can create and curate emotions that are powerful. And I am a person who is able to take action no matter what. And you might be thinking good for you, Trish, well, hey, I don't know how to do that stuff. Well, I can tell you, we have hours of coaching and training in the college incompetence on each one of these things on exactly how to do that on how to create your emotions on purpose, how to take action, no matter what and how to choose your thoughts on purpose, get rid of the ones that don't help you and use an intentionally and create new ones that will. And that is how we know that we can create, you can feel happy about yourself by just simply identifying as a happy, successful person. It's very much like my one of my running coaches, I believe I've told the story before but I used to race marathons, and I haven't run a marathon in a couple years. But I was training for trying to go a sub 310 marathon. Really, ideally, the big goal would be a sub three hour marathon and that's about a six I'm I'm going to estimate 656 45 marathon. I think it's a 650 pace for 26 miles. Now my current best that I've run is a 314. And that was like a 713 pace. And so here's what I want to tell you. I know that if I reprioritize racing a marathon, and I commit to the goal of breaking a sub three hours, I actually believe that I'm already successful. I believe that I'm a sub three hour marathon runner now have I done it? No, that doesn't mean that I don't believe I'm already capable. I want you to hang with me here. I believe I'm capable, because I had an amazing coach named Debbie Bernardi, who said, without a shadow of a doubt, you are physically capable of this. I know you I know your training ethic. I know your body. I've seen your workouts, I know your pace. I know your sub three hour marathon. And I was like, Yeah, but Debbie, I haven't read that yet. She goes doesn't matter. I know what you're capable of. I know what's in you. The same thing. This is how we're going to think about ourselves as a success. Just because you haven't made the $100,000 in your business doesn't mean you're not $100,000 business entrepreneur, it's already you're just on the way. Whatever you're defining as successes, maybe your successes, this is a breakthrough from a bad habit, some self sabotage, just because it's still, you're still weeding out some of the remnants doesn't mean you aren't already successful. You just have to believe with unshakable doubt that you are successful. I am creating a million dollar business. And I'm not there yet. But I believe that I'm already there. I'm identifying as a million dollar business owner. I'm already saying I'm the same way. I'm a sub three hour. Now this is not delusional. I'm going based on facts and what and growth and progress and kind of trajectory and prioritization, but I know that I am a sub three hour marathon runner, I can't wait till the day that I do it. And maybe I won't ever do it. Maybe I'll get to a 305. Who cares? I believe I'm a successful runner. I don't need I used to feel the pressure of like, it doesn't really count until I've really done it. No, no, that's called delaying happiness, delaying success, I want to give you permission to feel happy and to feel proud of yourself and to feel successful. Before you cross that finish line. You get to feel like a success before you even quote unquote, are a success, because it's just a decision. And these are just your thoughts in yourself about yourself. Isn't that cool? Isn't that so cool? So what is it that keeps us from happiness? Well, we think other people contributed to it. We think it's connected to circumstances, we think we need to make other people happy. We think it's too good to be true. So we have this happiness, scarcity happening, and we think we don't have a control over it or time to work on it. None of those are true. Happiness starts in your thoughts. So to give you security and confidence in your happiness, and your happiness potential and your success potential, I want you to as we've already said, identify as a happy person, identify as a successful person. And I would challenge you to take pen and paper out and have definitions for yourself for what that means to you. But then here's the key. Spend time envisioning yourself as both as a happy person as a successful person. What does that look like? And a happy person doesn't mean that you're going to be you know, if you're an introvert that you're super extroverted, what does it really look like when you've been happy? How does it express itself? What does your life feel like? What does it look like the more descriptive you it is, the more time you spend, the more real it becomes to you. I'm identify as a happy, flexible person that frees me from this past identity to inflexibility and anxiety that I had when you identify as I identify as a successful businesswoman. Now that takes me to a place of I have certain goals I haven't met yet, but you know, what, I, when I identify as a successful businesswoman, I'm like, you know, I can figure all this out, I can't wait to see what happens. Whereas if I don't, if my identity is like, Well, I really hope I can be successful. I hope this works. I'm like grasping for straws. And I'm showing up in an energy that's really self doubting. And then I then I create your thoughts create the results that you end up creating. Whatever you think is possible is, so you've got to spend time thinking about you this future you and we're at what I like to call the college confidence, your 2.0 Self, spend time also dismantling your happiness blockers. And we're going to do more work on this and happiness challenge for those of you who are college confidence members. And again, if you're not go join today, go to www.collegeofconfidence.com/join. But your happiness blockers interestingly enough, I made two lists. And you can check this out in the show notes. The list for for happiness blockers is the exact same as the list for success blockers. You want to hear them comparison, scarcity, mindset, time, lack, misaligned priorities, mismanaged thoughts, unclear identity, and no clear goals.

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We can overcome all of those my friends by simply saying, I am, I have within me the capacity for happiness, I have within me the capacity for success.

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And I'm just going to believe it and start showing up for it. And how do you create more success in your life? You

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take massive action, how do you take massive action? You stay in a mental and emotional state where of belief and potential and encouragement and possibility and optimist optimism and, and perseverance and how do you stay in that emotional state? You think the thoughts that create those emotions, it's so so available to you. And even if you start with simply saying, as an affirmation for the day today, I will be happy today there's so much to celebrate and give God praise for and you'll be challenged. One of the most challenging things was when I started I mean I was catastrophizing a lot my life, I had to challenge that has started taking ownership and responsibility for some of the negativity that I was perpetuating in my own life. So I hope this has you inspired I hope ready to take action. I hope you're ready to decide to be somebody who radiates happiness, someone who radiates success. Even if you're if it's not where you want to be yet but you feel successful today in the pursuit of the success you're achieving. Because you know, what can we you can be happy with. You can be happy with yourself, being somebody who grows if you are growing every day, that's a lot to be happy about. If you are on your way, if you've moved forward a little bit you are on your way, Success is a journey, not a destination. Your thoughts are everything. Your thoughts are everything. I hope you join me in the happiness challenge next week, so we can go a little bit more in depth in that again, that's all happening in the COC get started a culture competence.com forward slash join hate current COC members. Just to remind you so we're going to identify happiness blockers we're going to identify happiness creators in your own life, we're going to do permission for happiness, practice happiness, right out happiness, work on the process of being happy ahead of time, and then describing this happy life we're creating and that you're gonna get all that info via email if you are already a member. Okay, we're gonna highlight our listener of the episode and it is Linda. She says this thanks so much Trish for these much needed reminders. So receiving the reminders and a time that's hard for my family has helped so much. So Lynn is on my email list. She says I'm happy to report though my weight is now 152 pounds down from 231 pounds. Keep up the great work. I look forward to continuing my journey with you, Linda, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for seeing that you could create change in your life for showing up and doing the work. Be proud of yourself. Give yourself permission to be happy to feel successful because my friend, you are a success. Guys. Have an amazing day. Have an amazing week. share this episode with a friend and I'll see you guys next week here on the confidence podcast or many of you this week live in college of confidence. Go out there today. Go be more of who God created you to be Be you. Be free. If you loved today's episode of The confidence podcast, I invite you to check out the College of confidence at www.collegeofconfidence.com. The COC is where your next step is. In the COC we cultivate confidence create courage and spark change. It takes everything we do here on the podcast to the next level, and our members get crazy life changing results. I'm so confident that you will find that the COC is the most encouraging place on the internet, and that it will so wildly exceed your expectations that it comes with a money back guarantee. Hey, joining is completely risk free you owe it to your future self to take your growth to the next level by coaching with me in the COC. Join me today at www.collegeofconfidence.com