WHY IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT PEOPLE THINK – 10 REASONS & HOW TO BELIEVE THEM
It’s critical to learn the skill of knowing how to stop caring what people think, especially in the modern, constantly connected world that we live in. Everyone experiences fear and anxiety over being judged by others, but there are ways to overcome it. By following the 10 principles discussed in this episode and practically applying them to our lives, we can become more comfortable with ourselves and be more confident and independent in our pursuits! Most importantly, we can stop living in constant fear of what others will think and instead focus on living life according to our own principles
In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re coaching on:
- 10 reasons why it doesn’t matter what people think … and then how to believe those reasons
- The pillars of confidence and how to use them to help you stop caring what people think
- What freedom from other’s opinions really gives you — you have to know what you’re working towards to drive and motivate yourself enough to go through the discomfort of change
CHANGING THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD WEEK!
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By the end of the week you will:
-Reset the atmosphere of your brain
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-Have a plan to manage your mindset masterfully
You will feel and think differently on Friday than you did when you started the challenge on Monday, guaranteed.
You will feel empowered and like you finally can take control of your thoughts.
You will feel unstoppable about what this means for your future.
You can and should think even bigger.
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REVIEW OF THE WEEK:
KNOW WHAT MATTERS, AND WHAT DOESN’T
The pursuit of caring what people think is an act of prioritizing and celebrating the wrong thing / wrong objective.
Being popular and liked doesn’t make you happier, doesn’t create more opportunity (intentional social skills and networking does, and having the courage to ASK for what you want does), it doesn’t give you better or more deep friendships.
Ask yourself WHY you care what people think and then you will be on your way to breaking free from the chains of over-caring.
WHY IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT PEOPLE THINK
Their opinion has no bearing or impact on your life
It’s a misplacement of responsibility.
1. You are not responsible for other people’s happiness.
You are not responsible for making other people happy. You are responsible for your own happiness. Other people are responsible for their own happiness. If you are trying to make other people happy, you will likely be unhappy yourself.
2. You are not responsible for other people’s opinions.
Other people’s opinions are just that – their opinions. They are not facts. They are not the truth. They are simply someone else’s thoughts and feelings. You are not responsible for what other people think or feel.
3. You are not responsible for other people’s choices.
Other people make their own choices. You cannot control what they do or how they act. You can only control your own choices.
4. You cannot please everyone all the time.
It is impossible to please everyone all the time. There will always be someone who is unhappy with what you do or say. That is okay! You cannot and should not try to please everyone all the time.
5. You are not responsible for other people’s feelings.
Just like you’re not responsible for their opinions, you’re also not responsible for their feelings. People are capable of managing their own emotions and they don’t need you to do it for them.
6. You are not responsible for other people’s success or failure.
Whether someone succeeds or fails is up to them, not you. You can help them out and give them advice, but ultimately, it’s up to them to see the results through.
7. You cannot control how others react to you.
You cannot control how others react to you or what they think about you. All you can do is control your own actions and words.
8. What others think of you is none of your business!
What others think of you is none of your business! Their opinion of you does not have to become your reality.
9 .You are worthy and deserving, no matter what anyone else thinks or says!
No matter what anyone else thinks or says, you are worthy and deserving! Believe in yourself and know that you are enough just as you are
10. You are not responsible for other people’s problems.
Just because someone has a problem doesn’t mean that it’s your responsibility to fix it. Unless they specifically ask you for help, it’s up to them to deal with their own problems in their own way
THE PILLARS OF CONFIDENCE
Know who you are.
Know what you want.
Know that you matter.
Know that your future is bigger than your past
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BREAK YOUR OVER ATTACHMENT TO OPINIONS:
Freedom to do the things that light you up
Stops you from over-apologizing
Restores your emotional energy
Creates more margin for personal responsibility in your life.
Opens the potential you have to carve your own path
Forces you to create your own opinions and preferences
In conclusion, it is important to remind ourselves that we should all strive to stop caring what people think. Everyone has worth and knows what’s best for them. Remembering these 10 principles are key in this journey: prioritize yourself; have a positive mindset; say no to the haters; practice self-care; be mindful of your impact on others; know the importance of your opinion; chase your dreams, learn from mistakes and don’t worry about perfection; find your truth and speak it honestly; ignore comparison and accept imperfection. With these lessons under our belt, we can begin to free ourselves from the tethers of caring too much about other’s thoughts.
LISTENER OF THE EPISODE
OTHER EPISODES ON NOT CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK:
#419: Stop Caring What People Think – 2020 Update
#361: 15 Ways to Stop Caring What People Think
#322: Stop Caring What Your Friends Think
#262: 5 Simple Ways to Stop Caring What Other People Think
#187: How to Stop Caring What People Think
You're listening to the confidence podcast, your favorite coaching podcast oozing with motivation, inspiration, and confidence to help you boldly take action on your dreams. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized Confidence Coach, Best Selling Author and founder of the College of Confidence, the most encouraging place on the internet. I teach go getters in life, how to take your thoughts captive, how to step out of the shadows of self doubt, and how to courageously step into their purpose. With competence. It's time to pump our competence muscles and train our thoughts, y'all. Let's get started
Hey, there, it's Trish Blackwell, and you're listening to the confidence Podcast, episode 536. We're talking in coaching today on why it doesn't matter what people think, and 10 reasons why but more than just the 10 reasons why, how to believe them. I know you already know that it doesn't matter what people think I know that you already have been working on detoxing people pleasing, and not being so tough on yourself. But it's getting yourself to believe what you know to be true that people are not thinking about you as much as you think they are not judging you as fiercely as huge as yourself. And that it really doesn't matter, we can stop being distracted by what everyone else is saying. So it's really critical to learn the skill of knowing how to stop caring what people think, especially in this modern consumer, constantly consistently connected world that we live in everyone experiences fear, and anxiety or being judged by others. That's part of being human. But there are ways to overcome it. And so my goal is that as you follow these principles, you can learn about what we're talking about the 10 reasons to believe that to help you let go these 10 principles to help you let go of caring what people think. And you learn to apply the concepts to your life, that you can become more comfortable being yourself being confident and into being independent in your pursuit. When that happens, guys, you get to stop living in constant fear of what other people think they approve of you what they where you are in comparison to them, you just get to start living life on purpose, with purpose according to your own principles that you value. So I'm going to be coaching today on 10 reasons why it doesn't matter what people think. And obviously, more importantly, not just the reasons but how to believe them. I'm going to be teaching you the pillars of confidence and how to use them to help you stop really caring what people think. And then I want to also pause and we're going to spend just a couple moments talking about what is it? Why should you do this work, what freedom from others people's opinions really gives you. And you have to know because in order to do this work, because this is it's simple. Just because it's simple doesn't mean it's easy. So you have to go and dive deeper and do the work to that's going to drive you and motivate you enough to go through the discomfort of change. So buckle up guys, our episodes that are on how to stop caring what people think are our most downloaded episodes. At the end of the show. I'm also going to share with you guys if this is a topic in your life you are ready to work on. We have Gosh, let me see I went through my archives 12345 Very similar podcast episodes. On this topic. I'm going to give you all of them at the end of the show. So you as soon as you're done, you can continue to repeat and the concept here and go even deeper. Remember this mastery comes from repetition with repetition comes revelation.
And on that note, I have a few just very brief announcements before we get started we have coming up in March. If you are already a college confidence member, this is included in your membership. If you are not though, we are inviting you to take a five day coaching challenge with us in one week from March 6 to march 20. On Monday through Friday, you will learn how to change the voice in your head. It's called Changing the voice in your head week. It is a challenge week by the end of the week, you will reset the atmosphere of your brain, detox perfectionistic thinking, detox overwhelmed thinking learn how to detox yourself critical thinking and then have a plan to manage your mind masterfully. You will feel and think differently on Friday. Then when you started the challenge on Monday and that is guaranteed. What we're going to be doing on Monday, we're going to I'm going to teach you how to create control on your thoughts. On Tuesday I'm going to teach you how to detox that self critical voice on Wednesday. We're diving deep on how to perish the perfectionistic voice. On Thursday we're going to be talking about outlawing the overwhelm voice. And on Friday we're talking about leveling up your thinking how to really take your thinking and level up your thinking
because when you level up your thinking you level up your experience of life and your capabilities and your possibilities. Now, this is as you if you're listening live, it's February 28, we have a bonus Enrollment Opportunity happening. If you sign up and register by March 1, the first you will still be only a week ahead before we start, here's a couple of bonuses you get three bonuses when you go and sign up today and register today, which you can do at Trish blackwell.com forward slash voice week.
And bonus number one, you get free access to the college competence. The sooner you sign up, the more days a bonus access you have everything I've created in the last five years within the college a confidence container, which is immense. Gates, sooner you sign up, the sooner you get free access. Number two, I'm giving away a copy of my audiobooks straight and your crown audiobook when you joined by a sign up by March 1, you get my audiobook and the emerg experience which is my seven day mindset reset, those are overt combined, the bonuses are over $250. Again, the bonuses expire and they disappear if you sign up after March 1. So if you're listening before March 1, go now go to Trish blackwell.com forward slash voice week, because
there is no risk come into this week of coaching with me. And if it does not transform the way you think if the tools don't help you see how you can change the the your narrative and the inner narrative and the narrative of your life. We are so happy we believe in the so much that we offer money back guarantee. If you don't feel different on Friday than you did on Monday, let my team know. And we will refund you your registration costs. So I'm super excited. It's gonna be an amazing week, you're gonna change your thinking in just one week.
One final note, we always have a waiting list. I have a waiting list for clients. And it just opened up. We just opened up I have two clients I was working with who put reach their goals which means if you've been thinking about working one on one, if you've been thinking about really investing in your future in yourself and becoming the fullest, most vibrant, most alive, happiest, most capable version of you. That is the work I do in my one on one coaching. This spot won't last long. Go to Trish blackwell.com Ford slash coaching to read testimonials read about the process, fill in an application and if if it is, if you fill out an application
would happy I'd be happy to jump on zoom with you to help you explore if coaching is right for you. Before we go into our coaching one final thing, our review of the week, I just gotta say thank you this person said this hatred. I'm a college student who has struggled with my self confidence and self esteem my whole life. The impact you have had on my confidence is absolutely incredible. I love how articulate you are and your positivity always reinvigorates me, I can feel you helping me achieve my dreams I have sometimes felt so far away from I feel that for the first time in my life, I'm developing healthy habits that lead to the self awareness and consistency This growth has made me feel so much more confident. Also, I never experienced a life coach that connects himself with God like you do. And even though I'm of a different faith, I'm Muslim. I love how you relate your beliefs and religious values. Because of this, I make it a priority to be part of the college of competence and listen to either the podcast or something in the culture competence daily and funny enough to prove what an avid listener is supportive of you I am I listened to your podcast for a good portion of my entire eight hour drive from Michigan to Virginia. Home Michigan home to Virginia because I can't get enough. Thanks. Again. Sorry for the long message. Love your trash. Well, I don't know if you know this, but I live in Virginia. So here's a shout out to some Virginia love. And my fellow listeners who are in Virginia. You guys are my super family. You I call you my super family because we are actual neighbors. But what a review, and I just appreciate that feedback. I'm proud of the work you're doing good work, sister. I'm so happy you're part of the college competence family as well. Okay, let's coach on letting go of what people think.
And here's the first thing it needs before I go into the 10 core tenets I wanted to coach on. I need you to know what matters and what doesn't. Because what you think matters and what you value when you want to make something mean it's what matters. And the pursuit of caring what people think is simply an act of prioritizing and celebrating the what we could say a misaligned objective.
Okay, so I'll give you a small example My sweet little boy Baker who is five years old and just full of life. The other day we were walking in, I was cleaning out the garage and you know he found a random coin
On this point, let me see if you think I'm enthusiastic. You have seen nothing until you've seen Baker in person. He was exuberance. He found a coin and he was like Mama Mama, I caught 20. And it was Eagles Irish money. It was European something and he said, I found $20 of Irish money, right? Because he's been we've taken them. We travel with them. He's been to Ireland. He just said, Oh, this is not a US coin. I knew that he knew enough to know this is different. And he goes like 20 Irish dollars. I was like, Oh my gosh, really? Show me.
And what do you found was a 20? P. Coin, a 20 cent coin? I said no. And he was dancing around about the 20 bucks. He thought he found. And you know, again, he's five.
And I said, that's a baby. That's, that's not that's 20 cents. It's not $20. And he went, Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 20 said his celebration of 20 cents over $20 was 10 times what he was excited about for the dollars. Because to him. He didn't know what was more valuable. And when you don't, I just thought I was laughing to myself as I thought what a brilliant example, that when you don't know what you want, or why you want it, you will celebrate the wrong things. Bigger was celebrating 20 cents. He thought I was giving him good news of Sorry, sorry, bro, you didn't use a $20 bill. It's not a $20 coin. That's 20 cents, but he doesn't know the value of money. He doesn't know what he actually wants. And what's what's what would you prioritize over the other, the same thing happens to us.
You see, we think being popular and being liked is going to make us happier. But it doesn't, you know, being popular and being liked, which is really the core premise of why we want other people to like us why we care what people think we want to fit in yet we want to be special and stand out that that duality that we struggle with is, is the truth is though, being popular, being well liked having more friends doesn't necessarily create more opportunity.
And it doesn't give you better or more deep friendships. It doesn't make you happier. Our happiness comes from our thoughts, not from circumstances of how many people like us or don't like us, the way the way we think you might even argue, yeah, but if I'm more popular, more doors will open. And that's not necessarily either, I want you to know that opportunity comes. I believe when God opens doors, I believe my opportunities come when when God opens invisible doors when God puts favor in my life when God just blesses my path. But it also comes from intentional social skills and networking that you create on purpose that you train within yourself, and the truth and the belief to know that I that you matter, that your contribution to any social group matters or that your capability to become excellent at a career path matters. So the opportunity doesn't come from somebody finding favour with you, or from your colleagues liking you or your boss liking you. The opportunity for your career advancement comes from your commitment, to be a person of excellence you to be a person who sees value themselves and who was continually offering more value to the world.
And also, opportunities don't come from popularity, they come from having the courage to ask for what you want. So I need you to ask yourself, first and foremost, why do you care what people think?
And whose opinion are you most worried about? Sometimes it's our peers. Sometimes it's our parents.
Once you know your why, why is it and I even just pause right now? Why do I care what people think.
And you might find some areas of your life you don't care. And I want you to know, if you have evidence that you can do it in one area of your life, then you have evidence that you can do it elsewhere. We can apply the same principles.
But once you know why you care what people think then you're going to be on your way to breaking free from the chains of over caring. You've got to know what carrying too much has taken from you.
I do a lot of work in this in the College of competence with my members. What has something that you're doing? What has it stolen from you, because if we don't know what it has taken from us, we aren't motivated enough to take back for me caring too much what people thought took joy from me. It took my my freedom to be myself for me.
It took a lot of opportunity for me. It tiptoed I played small, took some of my dreams for me. Right and then i Then I decided no more, right? Because if you care what people think you're going to be cautious if you care what people think you're going to color in the lines. If you care what people think you want to get to do what most people do and you're going to
creat an average find life. But the fact that you're listening to this tells me you know, your mate for more,
tells me that you have massive potential within you, tells me that you have dreams that are stirring in your heart.
But to do those follow those to you have to do something different than most people are doing. And they might judge you, they might have thoughts about it. And that I need you to say to yourself, and if they do, that's okay. You guys, there are so many people who judge the people who are living lives, but they are keyboard warriors, watching people who are in the arena of life, putting themselves out there going after, after things living proactively, and they are, they can, they can say whatever they want, I have no regard for someone until they are in it themselves doing it. I don't care about your opinion of what I'm doing and how I'm putting myself out there unless you are also exposing yourself and putting your your yourself emotionally at risk. And growing. I get a lot of feedback from people or how you save a lot of fear of what are people going to think. And I realized I was putting value in the opinions of other people whose opinions I don't actually even value.
But it still was afraid of a negative comment. And so you got to ask yourself, why? What would a negative comment me? What would it mean? If somebody disagrees with the way I raised my family? What would it mean? If someone is offended by my faith? What am I making it me?
What would it mean, if somebody thinks that I'm awkward, or they don't like my style? You guys, I want to remind you, you've heard me and you'll hear this if you listen to the other podcast episodes on how to stop caring what people think. But on average that the average person has between 60 to 80,000 thoughts per day, that's thoughts, full sentences per day.
Think about this. If you have one thought even if you have a thought about somebody else, you have an opinion, it is one random maybe two, three thoughts out of your 60 or 80,000. And the rest of the day, that also gets lumped into my thought that I need to update my password for my my bank account that I also I tell you guys, I saw the cutest box walking across my front yard today. I'm thinking about paying for a travel insurance,
sending my mom a birthday present, making sure I order my daughter's birthday cake later this week, like and then maybe have a passing thought about somebody else. It is so watered down. And yet we're so afraid of that passing thought, I want you to remember the context of how many thoughts you have in a day. And even if someone is thinking about you, and it's not good, it's still so watered down. It's so minimal. It's one out of potentially 80,000 thoughts they've had that day, they don't care. It's not going to stay there. And the same way I like it's cool that I saw Fox in my front yard today. And the fact that I can remember what happened just an hour ago is pretty extraordinary. Because my brain is has so many other thoughts, the same thing, let people have thoughts about you.
Doesn't matter, their thoughts that pass they're like clouds in the sky that just pass. So let's talk about the 10 ways that it doesn't matter what people think why it really doesn't matter. And we're alluding to this, but just to repeat for clarity, their opinion, anyone else's thoughts or opinion,
have no bearing or impact on your life.
It's really what's happening some misplacement of responsibility, your responsibility of of what determines your value or your thoughts about yourself, not someone else's thoughts about you.
Though, a couple of things I want you to remember. Number one, you are not responsible for other people's happiness. You're not responsible for making other people happy, you're responsible for your own happiness. Other people are responsible for their own happiness. So if you're trying to make other people happy, you will likely be unhappy yourself. You see, we start caring what people think even I got caught in that cycle of wanting my certain people close to me if I could just do these things more than they will be happy. And it wasn't as interesting. I wasn't overly attached to what they thought about me, but I was over attached to what was going on in their brain. How can I make them happier? How can I? How can I be a better daughter? How can I be a better blank fill in the blank? How can I make them happier? And not enough to drive you crazy you cannot control what anyone else thinks you're not responsible for their thoughts they are. Number two, you're not responsible for other people's opinions. Other people's opinions are just that their opinions. They are not facts. They are not the truth. They are simply someone else's thoughts and feelings and you're not responsible for what they think or feel. And if you want freedom from caring what people think to put this into application for your own life.
You've got to be willing to let people be wrong about you.
So I sometimes being so extroverted, being so friendly being so high energy, I can sometimes get emotionally depleted quickly and I used to have a lot of pressure on myself on the when I was low energy that people might feel like I'm rude or they might disconnect
did and I had to be okay. Okay with if a random passerby thinks that I'm closed off that that's they're entitled to that opinion
because the opinions wrong and maybe in the moment I was but that's not the overall identity of who I am. I'm a friendly, energetic, loving, curious engaging person and sometimes I'm not
and that person can have a thought about me and doesn't
mean anything about who I actually am. Let people be wrong about you, because their thoughts are just opinions not necessarily facts. Number three, you're not responsible for other people's choices. Other people make their own choices you cannot control what they do or how they act you can only control your own choices we start caring about what will if I could have done this differently than they would have chosen that their choices or their choices. And we spent a lot of time trying to understand well why was I invited? Why was I not invited? Why did they say that on purpose? And did they choose to exclude me? Or maybe it's a child and you're trying to direct like okay the choices that they're making like that's just a we're emotionally depleting ourself
but trying to take responsibility for other people's choices whatever those choices are. Number four, you cannot please everyone all the time it is impossible to please everyone. There will always be someone who is unhappy with what you say or do and who will disagree and that is okay. You cannot you should not try to please people all the time. You got to ask yourself Why Am I pleasing people because I want to be liked but what if it's okay just to be liked and because you like yourself that that in itself is enough? It was a great example is I mean you look at the Superbowl I didn't even watch the halftime show. I didn't watch the Superbowl but I know enough about it to know there are a lot of people liked Brianna's performance and a lot of people who didn't, you would look at someone else I can think I can look at a great athlete, a great performer, a great author. And I think I can say this book changed my life. This thought leader, Trent turned my life around this sermon moved my soul and you might listen to the same thing and go Yeah, it was okay.
So it's just entertain that it's okay for some people to think you are amazing. And for some people to not like you.
There's nothing wrong with you. That is just across the board, human nature.
Number five, you're not responsible for other people's feelings. This one's hard. Because we we grew we were raised many of us were raised with the narrative Oh, you hurt my feelings, being you hurt my feelings. No, that person did not hurt my feelings. I have thoughts about what they did that I've chosen to think on something that perpetuates a negative feeling is it just like you're not responsible for their opinions, you're also not responsible for their feelings, people are capable of managing their own emotions, and they don't need you to do it for them. Sometimes we jump through hoops, trying to trying to get people that we know and love to feel a certain way about us so that they can feel better or that we feel good about how they might feel about us. It is just a it's like this, never ending hamster wheel. And if you just realize that we the only thing I'm responsible for are my own thoughts, my own feelings, and my own actions. That is where I can focus. Number six, you are not responsible for other people's success or failures. Whether they succeed or fail is up to you is not up to you. It's up to them.
You've got to let people create their own results in their life. And I think sometimes if you're a leader, or you're on a team, we over personalize what people think about how we're helping how we're contributing. And ultimately, it's not all the world weight of the world is not on your shoulders.
Seven thing to know about your relationship with others you cannot control how others react to you.
All you can do going back to this narrative is is your own thoughts, your own words to yourself, your own actions and that those your your thoughts create your feelings. There are going to be people who react openly to you and people who rejects you.
You can be the most popular the most personable the most perfect person and there are going to be people who don't like you. It is out of your control how others react to you might think I'm too quiet for them. I'm too much for them. I'm too loud and Okay. For some people, I'm too happy.
That's okay if someone reacts negatively to my energy and to my personality.
Because I have that experience with other people and I don't not like that person. I just go oh that person's not for me.
So that's a way you can apply that number eight to remember what others think about you is none of your business. That is one of the best things one of my my core mentors in my life Kim to cut taught me that
What'd you think about me know my business? Of course, I want to know I want you to write reviews. I want you to write just to money. I want you to tell me Trish, we are work matters. But really, what your opinion is of me is not my business.
Oh, happy to hear the feedback. The algorithms gonna if you want to help me grow the show and reach and encourage more people please write the reviews please let me know what what resonates with you what doesn't what what topics you'd like to see more but but in general, it's just simply not my business.
They're your anyone's opinion of you does not have to be your reality. This was really helpful for me when I was training in triathlons. And I put a lot of pressure on myself and I had
a training partner Molly, who was so mentally fierce, and she could see the pressure I was putting on myself. And she could see I was distracted about where I was because I would, I would be out of the water first, because I'm a swimmer. I go into the bike and I would start putting pressure on myself on the bike. My bike was my week is portion of my triathlon. And I would catch up on a run. And I she saw me I remember being at this transition point on one race where she could see that I was, I was over breathing, I was my heart rate was high. And she, we were passing each other and she went, Hey, Trish, I was like, why are you good, she could see the pressure I was putting on myself. And as a good friend, and good teammate. She said, nobody cares. She could see I was being distracted by thinking about what other people thought about me. Because in my mind, when I'm racing, I'm thinking, oh, there goes that girl who was in first place. Now she's not in first place anymore. Now she's in sixth poor thing. And Molly could see that. That's what I'm thinking. But really, the freeing thing is to be able to say to myself, nobody cares. Nobody's thinking about me. Nobody's thinking, Oh, that girl was in first what happened? And if they are, who cares? What they think about how I'm doing in that race at that moment doesn't matter. And let's translate this, apply this to your race of life, right.
The ninth thing I want you to know is that you are worthy and deserving no matter what else anyone says. Why? Because the God who created everything, decided that the world needed a you.
And so when you're worried about what people think I need you to know, God thinks I'm a masterpiece. When you're worried about if you're liked, or if you've offended people, you just go i, God has given me the ability to connect with others, I belong, I belong.
We start talking back to that unworthy voice. And then finally, the 10 thing I need you to remember why it really doesn't matter what people think. Because you are not responsible for other people's problems. Because just because someone has a problem doesn't mean it's your responsibility, fix it, they, we often start worrying what people might think. And we start integrating ourselves and other people's problems. And we people please, and we try to we, we sort of overdo we overlook other people's lives, and we under live our own, we spend way too much time in other people's brains, it's time to spend time in your own brain, that how do you do that you do that by listening to the podcast like this, you do that by by creating some really, really disciplined structure of journaling and doing your thought work management, joining the college competence, that kind of work is where this is done.
But in order, I want to transition here and teach you a new concept I've been teaching.
And that is the pillars of confidence. Because when you know, there's four pillars of confidence, and when you have these dialed in, when someone doesn't like you, when someone has something to say, when you get a little bit sidetracked back into people pleasing or worried about whether that mom and that friend group likes you, or if you've were awkward or worried in any capacity, what people might think
the pillars of competence come in when you know who you are, you know what you want, you know that you matter. And you know that your future is bigger than your past anything is possible.
And I want I want you to say that I know when you know who you are that in and of itself. Each of these categories, you could spend months disciplining yourself and going deeper on and I do this with my clients and I do this with the COC members know who you are. When you know who you are, and you know what you want. And you know that you matter. You can know that your future is bigger than your past. So a little somebody's commenting on your on your present doesn't bother you. Somebody's commenting on who you are and your preferences or your personality. You don't care. This is why and I'll give you a really tangible example the other day, like kids did their first rail Jam, which is a snowboarding you know, terrain park thing where it was really, really awesome was little little kids competition. It was an amazing experience. But there was one point where it was a little bit disorganized. To the point it was dangerous. There were a bunch of kids kind of like landing on other kids and the there was there were a lot of people and so the staff wasn't able to sort of create structure. And as a mom who's super outgoing and gifted in leadership, I was like oh gosh
Trish, you got to step in. And I was like, I was looking around going, I don't know anybody here. I'm gonna embarrass my kids. What are these parents gonna think of me? Here was a girl and bright pink who she thinks she is. And then I watched for two minutes, it was a little chaotic. And then I finally let Trish and you know who you are your leader. Trish, you know who you are. You organize Trish, you know, you're you're competent. I just, and then I went, and my brain was saying, but what if those people think you're like a pushy Mom, I don't want you doesn't matter what people think I know who I am. And I stepped in. And I was like, Okay, folks, we're doing a line over here and a line over here and line over here for this feature. And I recruited other parent volunteers, and I talked to the staff and I sort of just integrated myself, because that's who I am. That's my personality. And the whole time, my brain was saying, Oh, maybe you've overstepped, but I saw that there was a need. And I know what I wanted. I wanted every kid there to have an amazing experience in this competition. So I decided this is why I am I was wired to step in and lead I'm going to do it.
Even if somebody doesn't like me, I'm going to do it. Well, it turns out after the fact 10 People came up and said, Thank you for being the person who stepped in. They the the resort, we were in comping my lunch, because they were like, Hey, we were so helpful. Thank you so much. And the only reason I stepped in, and I was able to silence the voice in my head that said, Oh, no, what are people going to think, was that
I said, Trish, this is who you are. We do this, we do this. We're enthusiastic, we're positive, we're energetic. We're doers to be a doer. So that's another way to lean in. And so please know that it's not a problem that you have the thoughts that say, oh, no, what are people going to think? The question is, are you going to listen to those thoughts or not? And when you don't know those thoughts, that's when beautiful things happen. So when you break, here's what I want, I'm really excited for you to do this work. When you break your over attachment to people's opinions. It's going to reduce your overthinking. It's going to free you from from some of the people pleasing pathologies that you're engaged in. It's going to give you freedom to the things that light you up. There's nothing better than like when you feel like no, no, like, I'm the person who steps in and does this when I just stepped in and was myself at that real gym. I was freeing. I felt like the real me. And I really was able to stop caring what the random bystander who wasn't doing anything might have thought about me. It also stops you from over apologizing when you free yourself from people's opinions. You stop over apologizing, you stop taking over responsibility for other people's lives. And what happens is, in doing this, you create more margin for your own personal responsibility in your life. Also, when you do this work, guys, and you as you implement and take action, it stops it restores your emotional energy, it opens the potential that you have to carve your own path. If you want to live a life that God created you live that you the purpose to live out the fullest purpose. You got to let go of what bystanders are going to say. You were called to do extraordinary things. So you might have some naysayers. Okay, so what let's not let that hold us back from doing the work in the world you were created to do I also like that when you stop caring what people think is it really forces you to create your own opinions and preferences whether this is your preferences and your style, your opinions about politics, but you really start going oh eight What if I was courageous enough to disagree? What if I was courageous enough to really wear the style of clothes that I liked not the ones I think I'm quote unquote supposed to wear at my age.
Everything changes my friends, I want to I want to let you know that we have something exciting happening March 3 in the culture competence I'm doing an entire live coaching session on how to stop caring it's stopped caring reframe workshop, where I want you to bring Where do you feel most the most people pleasing, you bring an area of your life where you feel stuck, and you and I will unpack it together you do have to be part of the college of confidence to do this or you can just sign up for our voice week challenge and if you sign up today, you'll be able to access this course on this live workshop on Friday March 3 as well. Again, you can sign up for the College of Confidence at www.collegeofconfidence.com Or for voice week at www.trishblackwell.com/voiceweek. We also I also just created an amazing worksheet to help you detox very specific situations where you find yourself caring too much so that is been released to our College of Confidence members I would love to get that in your hands when you become a member or when you just join us for voice week. So I'm excited about that what we've got coming up let's close out with our listener the episode and then of course I want to share those episodes I promise that will drive this point home even more for you our listeners episode is Emma she said this Hey Trish, I have to thank you I started listening to your podcast last year towards the end of the year and set goals are on
My confidence and courage. As I dealt with a cancer diagnosis and all that goes with it. I made a decision to show up for the life. For me to live the life I want and stop caring what people think of me or what I think they think of me. Today I attended your live broadcast. In the College confidence when I saw there almost there were more people that are almost hung up, but I logged on anyways, I told myself I could keep showing up. And this when you were talking about an adventure, I was loving it. The adventure started with me staying on the call. And it was so timely for my growth and my goals from your podcast, and I did give myself the gift of the college competence. I am challenging my brain more, stepping out more instead of staying in my comfort zone. And I am proud of me for the first time thanks, tons em, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. You are an example of what is possible. When you choose courage. When you say I'm done holding back because of what people might think of me or I think you nailed it. What I think they think of me, when really, it doesn't matter. What matters is what do I do with the hand of life with the gift of life that I have been given? Are you guys to jam out more on this on this topic? I want you to go and listen to episode 186 That is our core classic one on how to stop caring what people think. Then you've got episode 262 five simple ways to stop caring what people think 320 To stop caring what your friends think. 361 15 ways to stop caring what people think and then for 19 stop caring what people think 2020 update. So that's it episode 186 262 322-360-1410 all those links are in our show notes which you can access at www.trishblackwell.com/536 . No, go get yourself signed up for voice week. I can't wait to have you there. It's gonna be an amazing transformational week that changes the way you think in just one week. Guaranteed. Go to www.trishblackwell.com/voiceweek. I'll see you guys there have an amazing blessed vibrant beautiful we go out there today you will be more of who you are gonna be more of who God created you to be. Be you.
Be free. If you loved today's episode of The confidence podcast, I invite you to check out the College of Confidence at www.collegeofconfidence.com. The COC is where your next step is. In the COC we cultivate confidence create courage and spark change. It takes everything we do here on the podcast to the next level and our members get crazy life changing results. I'm so confident that you will find that the COC is the most encouraging place on the internet and that it will so wildly exceed your expectations that it comes with a money back guarantee hate joining is completely risk free you owe it to your future self to take your growth to the next level by coaching with me in the COC. Join me today at www.collegeofconfidence.com.
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