Podcast #526

 

LETTING GO OF TRYING TO MAKE EVERYONE LIKE YOU

Wanting to make everyone like you could be standing in the way of reaching your fullest potential. Being accepted and respected by others can create an empowering sense of validation – but at what cost? It’s time to recognize that trying to make everyone like you can become counterproductive when not managed properly; it takes away our power and essential self-focus required for success.  In this podcast, we’ll talk about how letting go of striving for popularity will benefit not only your peace of mind but also help create stronger relationships with those around you. 

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re coaching on:

• How to Stop Caring What People Think About You
• Understanding What’s Normal and How to Talk Your Brain Through Over-thinking
• 5 Things to Stop Doing Immediately 

REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

UNDERSTAND WHAT’S NORMAL

“The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness.”Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

 

Some people will like you, some won’t. There’s no way around that.

It’s taste, it’s preference, and often, there’s absolutely no explanation.

 

I love peppermint. Like. Obsessed. (Tell story about Bob’s Sweet Peppermint Sticks)

And when I find out that someone doesn’t like peppermint, my brain can’t wrap its head around the concept.

 

I don’t like potatoes. Like, at all. Not a healthy thing, just a taste thing. I’ll never be tempted by french fries and especially not by mashed potatoes.

 

Some people like peaches, and some people don’t. 

 

Think about someone that you don’t particularly like.

How often do you think about them? Is your dislike negative or is it neutral? 

Does it really mean that you don’t like the person, or that you don’t enjoy them as much as some other people?  Take note of how little importance your thoughts and feelings about someone really has on your life – and use this to encourage ourself. 

 

Your brain will want to be liked by others. This is our primitive brain on super-charge. It wants to be part of the crowd – and it thinks that being excluded creates a compromise to survival. Then it did, now it doesn’t. 

5 THINGS TO STOP DOING IMMEDIATELY

Stop people-pleasing

Stop indulging in the made-up stories in your mind.

Stop assuming that you’re the only one who thinks about these things

Stop pretending to be someone that you’re not

Stop replaying every conversation and circumstance 

“The reason that so many people don’t really feel happy while they’re building up their success in the eyes of society is that they are living in competition.” -Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

-Popularity is not a competition.

-You don’t need everyone to like you.

-It’s impossible to have everyone like you.

UNDERSTAND WHY WE OVER-ATTACH TO CARING IF PEOPLE LIKE YOU

We make it mean more than it does.

We never learn how to accept ourselves when we depend on it from others.

We become like a ragdoll to their whims – and get addicted to the drama of it. 

We haven’t reassured ourselves that we are safe and okay

We think that we need people to like us – we actually need to learn to like ourselves

We allow the perceived “rejection” of someone not liking us create strong negative emotions that feel over-powering … we get defensive, we get critical, we get jealous, we get obsessed with people pleasing

UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS IF SOMEONE DOESN’T LIKE YOU

-It doesn’t mean anything. 

-They simply don’t think about you.

-Does it matter if they like you? Why? Why not? 

(if it’s a professor, I would argue that it still doesn’t matter.

UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT TO DO

Identify a time when you haven’t cared what someone thought about you.

-The other soccer team you played against

-The opinion of your mom when she disagreed with your style

-The mean kids who were mean to everyone 

-The lazy employees you managed who you knew complained about you behind your back

-The students you competed against with grades 

Practice having the courage to be disliked.

• For me, I tap into this with power statements like:

“I like me, and it’s okay if they don’t.”

“They might just not like peppermint – that’s their loss.”

“I am in my lane of life – if someone doesn’t like my lane, they can switch lanes.”

“They probably don’t think about me – or have an opinion – I’m just neutral and that’s ok.”

“I like being myself and I like people who are themselves.” 

RESOURCES TO CONTINUE THE CONVO

My free masterclass: How to Stop Caring What People Think

www.trishblackwell.com/freeclass

Episode #516: Being Different From Others

Episode #477: The Courage to Be Disliked 

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

Melissa Dickinson

Hi Trish! I hope you are well. I listen to you here in the UK and your light shines all the way across the Atlantic. It feels like every time I listen to your new podcast episode you have been reading my mind and it relates to my struggles. I had been through a difficult time with menopause and had last all direction but with your podcast and by using a therapist, I have come out of th4 other side and started a menopause business.