BELIEVING WITH PERSEVERANCE WHEN YOUR GOAL FEELS OUT OF REACH
In our fast paced society, it’s all too easy to feel like we’re constantly falling behind. Whether it’s striving for the perfect body or working towards that corner office, it seems like we set unattainable goals for ourselves and then berate ourselves when we don’t reach them. But what if I told you that you could achieve anything you put your mind to? With perseverance and a positive attitude, you really can do anything. So don’t give up on your dreams; keep fighting for them no matter how hard they seem. This podcast episode will help you keep the belief going when the going gets tough. Get the full show notes atwww.trishblackwell.com/523
In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re talking about:
- Maintaining belief for long-periods of time
- Doubling down my encouragement when discouraged
- How to stay motivated – and kind to yourself, when things aren’t working out
REVIEW OF THE WEEK
When you’re driving and see a sign for your desired destination, your first reaction is probably excitement. You know you’re getting close! The closer you get, though, the more difficult it becomes to actually reach the goal. At some point along the way, doubt creeps in and discourages you from continuing onward. What if this is as far as you’ll ever get? Doubt can be a powerful force, but don’t let it prevent you from achieving your goals. With perseverance, anything is possible!
Inner power sentences / inner narratives to question:
It’s not working.
Everyone else has it easier.
Why can’t I figure this out.
It shouldn’t be this hard.
My progress is too slow.
I’ll always struggle with this.
I’ll never get there.
It doesn’t really even matter.
How to stay motivated and encourage yourself when you feel stuck
The missed opportunities of self-doubt
Why it’s normal to feel discouraged when pursuing a goal
What to do when your goal seems out of reach
Why it’s normal to feel discouraged when pursuing a goal
This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/confidencepod and get on your way to being your best self.
Sometimes I wish I just had an owner manual for life – and for parenting – but unfortunately, life doesn’t come with a user manual. So when it’s not working for you, it’s normal to feel stuck. Therapy can help you get unstuck. BetterHelp has connected over 3 million people with licensed therapists. It’s convenient, secure, and accessible anywhere — 100% online. The combination of therapy and coaching was life-changing for me, as you probably have read about in my latest book, Straighten Your Crown. Finding the right therapist and getting started can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t need to. With Betterhelp, just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist. If things aren’t clicking, you can easily switch to a new therapist anytime. It couldn’t be simpler. No waiting rooms. No traffic. No endless searching for the right therapist.
Get unstuck, with BetterHelp. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at Better Help dot com slash confidencepod. That’s better HELP—H – E – L – P—dot com slash confidencepod.
#482: How to Stop Giving Up On Yourself
#483: Self-Validation: The Art of Cheering Yourself On
#457: Giving Yourself Approval
LISTENER OF THE EPISODE
My name is Bongiwe Kakaza, I am a young woman from South Africa. I joined the COC this year in July and I have seen a significant change in my life, I have become more confident, have great hope for the future and it has helped me to grow as a person.
You're listening to the confidence podcast, your favorite coaching podcast oozing with motivation, inspiration, and confidence to help you boldly take action on your dreams. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized Confidence Coach, Best Selling Author and founder of the College of Confidence, the most encouraging place on the internet. I teach go getters in life, how to take your thoughts captive, how to step out of the shadows of self doubt, and how to courageously step into their purpose. With competence. It's time to pump our competence muscles and train our thoughts, y'all. Let's get started. Hey, guys, it's Trish Blackwell, and you're listening to the confidence podcast. This is Episode 523, where we're talking about believing with perseverance, when your goals feel out of reach, because there's going to be time, when you are discouraged. There's going to be times when your goals feel very like they're getting further away from you, the more effort you put in where you feel like it should be easier and you start doubting your potential or the possibility of what's ahead. And this episode is going to help. I want to teach you how to maintain belief for long periods of time how to double down on encouragement when you're discouraged how to stay motivated and kind to yourself when things aren't working out, quote unquote, like they're supposed to. So we got some really good content to go through today. But in general, just know this in our fast paced society, it's all too easy to feel like we're constantly falling behind. Whether it's striving for the perfect body or working towards that corner office. It seems that we set unattainable goals for ourselves, and then be rigid ourselves when we don't reach them. But first and foremost, let me correct that they are not unattainable goals. They're just goals that sometimes require more work than we originally think, is required. And so we or we think about a goal and we don't end pre emptive ly anticipate the challenges that will arise as a result. But what if I told you that you could achieve anything you put your mind to with perseverance and a positive attitude? You really, really can do anything. So I just even if you don't listen, listen past right now, please know this. Don't give up on your dreams. Keep fighting them for fighting for them, no matter how hard they seem. This podcast episode is going to help you to keep your belief going. When the going gets tough. Because what happens is when we are discouraged guys, we start telling ourselves a story and inner narratives that make us self question we self question our potential we self we question God's plan, we question our, our perseverance, capability, we question if we're going down the right path, if we have the talent for it, if we were made for it. And when you start questioning something, when you start doubting if you're able to do it, it is a it is a self fulfilling prophecy. You start creating what you believe and what you're thinking. So if you don't think you can do it, or you're doubting if you can, you will make that happen, it will be come true. Eventually what you think becomes what we say in the coaching world effective truth. So if you don't think that you can do it, you are going to find ways to get in your own way, and you won't be able to do it. If you sell, tell yourself this is too hard. It should be easier, it will feel even harder. And the effective truth that will become your reality is that it will be too hard. What you say to yourself is so critical. It is so so critical, my friends. And you might be saying things like, but I've been at it for so long Trish, but I'm not just starting. I've been at it for years, we have to be honest with ourselves as well. I was just talking to a client who said yep, Trish, I've been trying to lose weight for years. And I said I love you too much to allow you to lie to yourself, because you've tried for months, and then you given up and then you try again. And then you give up and then you've tried again and then right when it got hard you stopped. But to tell yourself well, I've been trying for years when really maybe you've been trying for months spread out over a series of years is more accurate. And I'm not saying that to to bully ourselves. But we sometimes tell ourselves I've been trying so hard. I've tried to help with this. I've tried every diet out there. You haven't like it. I just don't I refuse to believe that's true. There's so many diets and what works for somebody might work might not work for you and what doesn't work for somebody might work for you. But weight loss is an easy example to use as a overarching metaphor but that we realities, we do this in so many other areas, I've applied to all positions available. No, you haven't. Because we got to be honest with ourselves, we allow ourselves to spiral into self pity, based on the narrative that we are saying, in our lives. And so we start going, the doubt creeps in and discourages us from continuing onward with perseverance with consistency. And doubt can be a really powerful force. But I want to tell you today, you don't have to let it prevent you. From continuing, the doubt being part of the process is not a problem. Where there is belief there will also be dealt, I just need your belief and your faith to be louder than your doubt. And so even as you press on, and you think about your goals that you want to believe in, and the transformation that you're working towards, and the business growth that you're fighting for, or the marriage that you're, you're you're healing and learning to grow in, that you've got to tell yourself, this effort matters. I believe my effort matters, I believe in the compound effect that will be to come. Because remember, this guy's extraordinary changes, extraordinary things are done by doing the ordinary things with extraordinary consistency, doing the boring thing. And the goals and the things we need to persevere and only filler out of reach because we've we've we've almost glamorized how it should be we have this wall that should be easy. And I should have the winds what if it's not supposed to be? What is it supposed to be a struggle What if, in the struggle, there are lessons that you have to master to get to that, quote, unquote, next level. So before I get ahead of myself, that is what we're talking about today, you're gonna walk away from today's episode, knowing how to stick to your belief to hold your belief and to encourage yourself, to know that setting your mind having your mind right, believing on purpose, not just hoping that you believe in yourself that day, but choosing on purpose to believe in yourself, choosing on purpose to believe in the potential that God has breathed within you choosing a purpose to believe that there is good ahead of you. Choosing to believe on purpose that the best is yet to come and that your future doesn't dictate your past. That is where the power lies. Hey, guys, our review of the week is Ali Mandy, she says this an encouraging listen five stars. I've been listening to this podcast for about three years now and have enjoyed listening to Trish every week. The culture competence is her coaching program that is fun, easy to follow and work at your own pace. I've tried other coaching programs before and feel that feel more quote unquote, academic. And I prefer Tricia because I want to do it instead of feeling like I should give it a listen, sister. Thank you, thank you for leaving the review. Thank you to everybody who takes the time to leave a review. It is ridiculously encouraging to me. And more than anything, it helps us reach more people bring more people into the land of and will just have encouragement and camaraderie that is the confidence podcast because I hope that you feel in the show when you listen, that somebody gets you that you're not the only one with the thoughts that you have, that you do have tremendous potential and the dreams that you have, are able to be realized. And at the same time, you can both massively Believe in your future and struggle with doubt in the day to day. Totally okay, but let's talk about how to maintain beliefs, maintain beliefs for periods of long time. And when we do that, first with a couple things to do. I want you to decide to be a person who's has the values, perseverance, value, commitment, valuing focus. I want you to value the long journey, being somebody who has the character to maintain belief and keep believing even when the results don't come fast. Become a person decide and how do you become a person, you simply decide, decide to be a person who values delayed gratification. Because if you can do that you can do anything. This is how athletes become better. They do the boring things. They show up for hours and hours of practice and things at 5am and crazy workouts and working on drills until they're bored to tears just to be a little bit better there than their competitors for the payoff that might happen. Nine weeks, nine months or nine years from now, it's the same thing with any skill with any art form with any anything that you want to be great at. We've got to be willing to value that it's not just because something doesn't come naturally to you doesn't mean like the instant You're like an instant. You write your first piece of music and it's an you know, chart topper. It might take years of work for the natural talent you have as a company Who's or
to be recognizes some of you came out of nowhere, right? They always say, when they're like you're an overnight success, you're like most of the time when that happens, it's never true, like not most of them all the time, there's no such thing as an overnight success. It's just an overnight visibility to others. But you that person who's had the overnight success was working for years. And so we maintain belief for long periods of time by Re reminding ourselves that nothing worth doing. Doesn't take time, everything worth doing takes time, there's a germination period, there's a growth period, think about a baby, how long it has to be in womb, growing, forming, strengthening, being developed, we rush that you don't have a healthy birth, you don't have a healthy child. And so we we've got to believe in what we can't see happening when I was pregnant with my children. It was a it's a, it's a really crazy experience, because you know that you're growing a human being inside of you. And you just kind of feel tired. But you believe because you have sonograms and you can see your stomach growing and you feel the difference. You can look up oh, it's weak, whatever. And oh, cool. My body is working on the this baby's ears like you can see what is actually your what your body is creating yet I can't see it. I don't get to see I didn't get to see my body. And the and the DNA and all the all the science behind it the miracle of birth, I didn't get to see that being knit together my wound, and yet I believed it was happening. So but you know, nine months, I hope that baby's still there. No, I could see I knew that baby was still there being formed, growing, strengthening, developing. And so we want to point out that you are good at maintaining belief over long periods of time. When you know, it's supposed to take a certain amount of time. I think sometimes we lose belief because we think, Well, this should just be a three month goal. We make these idealistic circumstances. And then we don't allow for the real actuality of how long something takes. So if I believed that my the birth process should have taken three months, I would have lost some belief at month four when I had five more months to go. And that's just what I wanted to give you kind of a ridiculous example. So that you can start saying wait a second, maybe I am giving up on myself too long, because I've expected it should come faster. Right, or I wasn't ready for the detour. Sometimes there's detours in life. Sometimes a four hour drive on in your car takes us six and a half hours. Because there's traffic because there's an accident because there's construction, there's a detour. The same thing goes for your goals, there are going to be detours on the destination of your dreams. That doesn't mean that you're not on the right route. The detour doesn't mean you failed. It doesn't mean you missed an opportunity. It just means there was a detour. There was something to be seen elsewhere. And that you're still moving forward friends if you are moving, you are moving forward. It's one of my my favorite stories to tell from when I ran the Chicago Marathon. Oh gosh, it was three years ago now and it's a great podcast episode i'll try to link it into the show notes. I can't remember off the top of my head what episode number it is, but that forward is a pace. I was on the struggle bus at this marathon and I was going I was trying to run a sub three hour marathon and I was on pace on pace on pace till I wasn't until I hit the wall and at that point I had a lot of judgment coming in it's just like mile 21 And there was still quite a ways to go and I was in the pain cave guys. It was one of those days where you were like why do I run I'm never going to run again in my life this is it last race ever Never will I ever run again. It was so awful. But really I had been great up until mile 20 I was crushing it holding the pace I was on my way to my goal and then my body just it didn't work and I was in this like pain cave depths of despair crying as I ran so disappointed and I will always remember this bystander there was a bystander who was cheering they had a big a big Gosh poster board and on it said forward is a pace and I had been criticizing myself for the last 10 minutes about losing my pace I was doing mental gymnastics mathematical gymnastics about okay if I can keep this pace up and then this then my family time is gonna be this and then I was so concerned and so attached to my worth and that day being worth anything based on my pace and this stranger literally stepped out it's funny that I think they could tell I was struggling they stepped out onto the course a little bit right and when you're cheering for marathon runners or runners, these tend to stay on the sidewalks this person stepped out, made sure I saw that sign. And it changed me forward as a pace forward at my seven or 645 run pace is a pace forward at my at that time, like nine and a half minute pace was a pace. without judgment forward. If I was moving forward, I was holding a pace. And I want you to remember that for yourself here. If you are moving forward, you are holding a pace. And what that did the end of the story is that that person, that person's words of encouragement, that person's reframe to me, at the perfect time, was so generous and so helpful, that it changed my entire rest of that day that it didn't change my pace. But it changed by building enjoy the journey, and to get to the finish line and across it. And when I crossed it, to be proud of myself, even though getting to that finish line took quote unquote, longer than it was supposed to that day. I'm immensely proud of myself in that race because of that reframe. And so we stay, we maintain periods of belief for a long time by not being surprised that it's hard. We can't expect things to be perfect. And also, when you go for long periods of time, and and like I said in that in that marathon example, I believed in myself that whole time I was holding belief, maintain belief. And then I lost hope. And I had massive doubt and massive criticism. But then I, I pivoted, I came back to a place of belief. So I wanted, I just want to normalize the fact that you can believe wholeheartedly in your goal and also go but it kind of is this realistic? Hey, can I really do this? You know, is is it? Am I being like, little ridiculous in these goals? Yeah, you should, you're supposed to feel the whole nonsense of it all, both massive belief and some self doubt. The end of the day, I just need your belief to be louder, the voice of belief to be louder than the voice of doubt, I need to take a quick break. To let you know that this episode is sponsored by better help. Give online therapy a email@example.com Ford slash confidence pod and get on your way to being your best self. Sometimes you guys I wish I had an owner's manual for life, exact thing of what to do step by step and especially for parenting. But unfortunately, life doesn't come with a user manual. So when it's not working for you, it's normal to feel stuck. therapy can help you get unstuck. And it was one of the significant things that helped me in my journey of getting my life on the way to the life that I wanted to live better health has connected over 3 million people with licensed therapists. It's convenient, secure and accessible anywhere 100% online. The combination of therapy and coaching, as I said, was life changing for me.
And I know this firsthand, finding the right therapist and getting started can feel overwhelming. But the good news is that with better help, it doesn't need to all you need to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist. And the good news is if things aren't clicking, you can easily switch to a new therapist at any time. It really couldn't be simpler. No waiting rooms and no traffic, no endless searching for the right therapist. get unstuck with better help learn more and save 10% off your first month because you are listener of the podcast go to better help.com/confidence pod that's better help H elp.com/confidence pod. And you might say okay, well, literally Trish how Okay, well, this is what we teach in the College of competence. I'm gonna teach you very briefly right here, I'd love to go more in depth with you, of course in this COC. But the method for maintaining belief is being aware of your thoughts. You've got to know you know, belief we go I feel like I believe in myself, you sort of have a feeling you don't necessarily always think it. As I teach in with my students, we have our we have our T or T method. It's T stands for thoughts, emotions and actions. And so your emotion of belief or actions that believe when you take actions, where you believe in yourself, those actions are so much easier to implement and show up, you show up such a different energy than when you show up with self doubt or hesitation. So we always want to show up on the thing we're pursuing with belief. But you go well, how do I feel like I believe in myself? Well, you need to think thoughts that will create that belief. So first, we start with awareness of what are the thoughts that I'm thinking about the thing that matters the most to me? Am I thinking this is going to be really hard? Well, that's probably gonna cause some doubt. Or is it you can take the same concept of this is going to be hard and I am really good at doing hard things. I have been well trained, I am well able to do hard things. It's all about how you choose to think on purpose. But we maintain belief by investigating our belief and how do we investigate our belief? We investigate our thoughts. You've got to know what is it I'm thinking about those goal, and what is it, I'm thinking about myself. Now what is going to be the most helpful thought, for me to think that's going to create belief, the emotion of belief that I can continue to create. So I, when I think about the growth of my business and my desire, I have a burning desire, I feel like I just my purpose in life is to inspire and reach hundreds of millions of people. That's a big number, it scares me. And sometimes I believe, and I'm like, I got it, God's gonna just just blow on my podcast. And we'll 10x and listeners and people are gonna be encouraged, and their lives are gonna change and other can change lives around them, they're gonna, I just have this belief that there are hundreds of millions of people, living lives that are kind of on neutral, and that they have the capacity for lives that are alive, lives that are vibrant lives that have purpose, that they're not just drifting in life anymore, but they have purpose and drive and fire within themselves and the confidence to go share that with the world and speak out and do what God created them to do in this world, that they stop just getting through life and to start living on purpose. And sometimes, because I wake up, and I can go through my day, and I'm like, I'm doing it, every little thing that I do is, is adding up to making a difference in these people's lives that I'm I'm doing the work, this is paying off it and then there's days where I feel discouraged. And I'm like, huh, this will never happen. Nobody has that. Nobody cares what you say, Trish. And then what I do is when I feel that doubt I go, I'm not staying here. I used to feel guilty that I had these waves of doubt. I don't want you to feel guilty. When I stopped feeling guilty. I stopped camping out there. See the guilt and the judgment keeps you there. Instead, I just said, Oh, interesting, my brain is scared. Because why? Really, if I go to a place of doubt, when I'm afraid I can't do it. But when I realized it's not me doing it, I get to Beckett's partner with the God who created everything. This is a God given vision is not all on me. My job is to be disciplined, and faithful to believe in what I cannot yet see. And to show up and do the little things over and over and over believing that my words matter believing that even if I've helped out, God has made me who I'm meant to be given me the experience. I've meant to have the perspective that I'm meant to have. And I share it and that is it. The job is to show up and be faithful and continue and continue and continue. And you know what it works. If I've looked at how my business and my reaches, has grown over the last five years, it's working. Now when I have doubt, which problems often I'm like, Yeah, but what if it stops working and then like no evidence to date is that if I maintain the belief, it continues to work. Because if I've maintained the belief, I don't stop doing what I know I need to do to make the differences that I want to make on the goals that matter to me. When we lose belief, we spiral into self pity feeling sorry for ourselves, inactivity, procrastination, and numbing, buffering, whether you're scrolling on social watching too much Netflix, saying it doesn't matter. So you just refuse to be distracted by the doubt. And the doubt won't derail you. So we'll want to normalize doubt is going to come. And I want you to feel it. We don't want to resist the fact that you feel the doubt, acknowledge it. Get curious about it. Ask yourself, what's the thought that's creating the doubt? What's the fear that's driving this? And then speak back to it. Decide you're not camping out there? You're not setting up your tent, you're not making that the narrative? You're not drinking the Kool Aid, you're not going to buy it and stay there. You're gonna say interesting. So I'm scared today. How do I show up anyway? Right. It's amazing what happens when you take action beyond the doubt we even take action to talk back to your doubt and your fear. And remind yourself I know, I don't feel like it's working right now. But I proclaim that it is. I know, I feel discouraged. Like I'm hitting a plateau in this goal that really matters to me, but I know that my words have power and my words and thoughts lead to the emotions and actions that I take. And I will keep getting going. If I want to be a person who preserves, perseveres, who keeps going, no matter what I will keep going and I'm going to say even though it doesn't feel like this is going you're on proclaiming that it is I will not give up. Even when I feel like giving up feelings pass it is not the truth for me it is not what I want. That is not what I was created to do or to be I will not sit back in life and let life happen and live in a world in a life of regret. I will show up I will be brave, I will be courageous. And I'm gonna go give it a go. I'm gonna give it a go when I don't feel like it. I'm gonna keep leaving, even though I have doubts sometimes. And when you have the doubt and you're like, I want to show up anyways, that's when we go to Power statements. That's when you decide to just have these and I work on my on this with my students and my clients. Deciding what is it that I need to think what are the thoughts, what are the statements? What are the power statements of affirmations of proclamations, a couple sentences that you can write down to remind yourself I was made for this. Or even something as simple as people like me do things like this. This is working, I am on my way. I am all about the journey and the story, say something just to reap to pivot. And that's what when you're feeling discouraged, the way I double down on encouraging myself is one I encouraged myself by listening to people who encouraged me, and surrounding myself with people who speak life and truth and mentors and coaches who build me up. And then I also encourage myself by going back into my journals, and into my notes and reminding myself of my vision of why it matters to me, of why I feel called to make myself uncomfortable and go ahead to go after this crazy vision to to make the world a massively better, more encouraged more life giving more alive place. By just reawakening the spark of confidence within people. I believe that with confidence and courage, you can do anything. I just want to blow on that fire fanned the flames in people's hearts. And so to encourage myself when I'm discouraged when I see Instagram likes and go, Why does that person have more than me and nobody cares? It doesn't go all I remind myself one all that's vanity metrics. It doesn't mean just because someone hasn't liked it doesn't mean they didn't see it, and they weren't encouraged by it. You've got to think beyond what we can see. And I go back to one of the ways I encouraged myself when discouraged is that I've decided to be a person who absolutely does the most with what I've been given. And I've been given a vision, and I'm going to stay determined to show up for it. Even when it's not comfortable even when it's not convenient. Even when I don't feel it gets working, I'm gonna double down. And rather than relying on affirmation from others, I am going to learn how to affirm myself how to self validate scroll back in some of our previous podcast episodes, we have some episodes on how to validate yourself how to build yourself up, I'll include those, one of them is Episode 483, self validation. Also, Episode 482 is how to stop giving up on yourself. But one of the most game changing things for me was learning how to build myself up learning how to validate myself, because if you can learn how to encourage yourself when you are discouraged, you will always have courage. If we look at those two words, encouragement, and discouragement, courage is at the center. And courage means every time you shop for courage, every time you're facing a fear, every time that you choose courage, that means there's something that's uncomfortable, there's a discomfort, that, that there's COURAGE is your willingness to feel discomfort.
If you're gonna have the courage to go pursue your goals, I want you to know, if you want success, you're signing up for discomfort. I think we think like oh, no, it's supposed to be easy. And I'm supposed to be comfortable. Not at all. So let me share a couple of ways, a couple sentences in our narratives, I want you to question I want you to be on guard for I want you to identify as toxic and ones that you need to tackle. And this is what I have said, and this is what my clients sometimes say. But I've been at it for so long. It's not working. Everyone else has it easier, or it's comes easier to other people. Maybe I'm not talented enough? Why can't I figure this out? When somebody's gonna just give me a break. It shouldn't be this hard. My Progress is too slow. I keep messing up. I'll always struggle with this. I'll never get there, it doesn't really matter. And you guys, we got to talk back to it. We got to talk about don't let those be the final sentences. Don't let those be the power sentences that that speak your your life. You've got to decide the power of believing yourself is to decide to not give up on yourself and then to know how to talk back to yourself. And the way we make that the louder voice the voice of belief versus the voice of doubt is we learn how to talk to ourselves. I want to when you hear yourself with some of these toxic statements, these these statements of resignation of discouragement. I just want you to know that I want you to visualize your best friend somebody you have massive belief in and just go What if you heard me say that? You'd be like Trish. I'm gonna give you a minute. And then I'm gonna talk to you straight ain't true. You are on your way. It's hard for everyone. There's no timeline, like we've got to learn how to be a friend back to ourself and say and speak truth and this is the power of journaling. I think there's and this is what I teach in the college competence. It's what I have in the journaling processes that I Teach, they'll learn how to write down what exactly is it that I'm thinking that's making me feel so discouraged? And how can I talk back to it? How can I have dialogue? How can I gain the power? How can I make that voice louder? Because when we the the power of believing in yourself is figuring out what are the doubts and fears that keep popping up about whether or not I can actually achieve this goal? And what do I want to do with them? How do I want to deal with them? They don't, there, there are going to be doubts, and there will be fear. And there will be obstacles along the way, you have to in advance, decide how do I want to show up? How do I want to believe in them. And this is why it is critical to work with a coach. This is why it's critical sort of to surround yourself with other people who've decided to maximize maximize their lives, not just get through their lives. It's so critical to surround yourself with people who have also decided I will not give up. If you look at great athletic teams, the teams that have legacies, the teams that you know change history, or in the record books are the ones that together have unified and that they have a common value of grit, they will not give up, they will not stop believing, they will not worry when the other teams head they know they're still time they know that anything can happen. They know that some of the best stories are the comeback stories. But if you don't have a team that is strong in that, you see teams fall apart, you've got to decide to be a team with herself. And then I'm going to really highly encourage you to be around other people who will do that for you as well. The culture confidence is a great place to go easy place to be, you might actually have another team of women maybe, or men have a Bible study or a local group of neighbors that you get together with find your people, surround yourself with them. And make sure these are people who also committed to their own goals, and that you are mutually encouraging one another, and refusing to allow one another to give up. i You can be in your spouse I saw I mean, I really personally believe we should multiple people in our lives community. But I can tell you firsthand, my husband has been really critical for me. Because when I get discouraged, guys hope you know this about me, I feel I feel when I'm happy. I'm like it, I'm euphoric. And when I'm sad, it's low, low, low, low. So when I'm discouraged, it's dark. It's like, I'm not sure if I want to leave my house. And it's much better now in the last because I've started doing the thought work in the last 10 years, I'd say I see significant massive change in the last five years. And the way I'm able to do off actually everything I'm teaching you today. And so my lows aren't as low. But when they were really low, and my husband I started dating and when we first were married, he would be like stop choosing to be discouraged, I would be so mad. I was like I'm not choosing to be discouraged. I am because this is not working. And this isn't working in and I'm doing this and I'm so disappointed myself. And I would just list it out as if it was all fact. And he would always question it. I don't know if that's the full story. And I remember feeling so frustrated and also so grateful that somebody loved me enough to say I refuse to let you settle here, I refuse to see you not give yourself credit for the good that you're doing for the for the way you are showing up for the transformation that you're making for the change in the growth you have had. He was like you, but you are proactively choosing to feel sorry for yourself right now you are choosing discouragement. So we win in that and then I would beat myself up. And this is why I wanted to get to that point and give you that example is when you are discouraged or you're struggling or you think about past times when maybe you think about a goal. And maybe you've started it feels like you've been working at it for years. But if you're honest with yourself, it's been a couple months, and then it didn't get enough traction or you didn't get the momentum you wanted. So you gave up and then something sparks your interest again, three months later, you try again, it's kind of like you've always been on and off, on and off, on and off working on this goal or this breakthrough. And you might have judgment for yourself for that, like I had a lot of judgment for why things took me so long. And this is where I want to invite you to have self compassion. I want you to practice self compassion during tough times. Which means expect problems, anticipate setbacks, and know that you're signing up for the full range of emotions, boredom, discouragement, blindness, all the things. And when you think about like the times that it was tough and you was really dark in the discouragement or you were you were drinking the doubt, have compassion for the version of you that believed it to be true. Like I think about my past self where I was, I stagnated for a good number of years. Now on paper, because I'm a natural high achiever on paper you'd like she's crushing it. I wasn't happening reach my potential. I was doing things that were safe and applauded by the world and very successful but It's safe. And pardon me grieves that I wasted some of that timeframe. A part of me what at what the what keeps me from staying stuck there is remembering who that version of Trish was. That version of Trish didn't know how to feel her feelings. She didn't know how to talk back to her thoughts. She didn't know anything of what I just talked about for the last half hour. And so it makes sense that I stayed in the self criticism and self self disappointment, the self hatred, like, that just makes sense. Now, it's different. I could have compassion for that version of Trish who didn't know any better compassion for that version of Trish, who was stuck in the overthinking and the binging and the and the the self inflicted over exercising and the fear of others opinions all that I just that version of Trish didn't have the tools yet. I didn't have the mental yet I hadn't experienced coaching yet. I hadn't been humble enough to truly be on my knees and ask God for the help that I needed. So I can have compassion for that. And now we can have expectant passion, compassion, for the tough times ahead expects that you're going to struggle sometimes and have compassion for that version of yourself in the future. And go but and we get to that pre decide how we want to show up. And so I, I just want you to know today that The kinder you are to yourself in this whole process, the more fun you will have. One of the best ways to believe a goal is actually in reach is how I want you to ask yourself, How can I make this fun? How can I make this more simple? Because honestly, when we go after goals, first we want to be easy. And then we like then we also then overcomplicated. What if it was fun? What if it was fun to grow? what it was? What if it was fun to be challenged? What it was fun to have a setback, a detour, a pivot and go? Alright, how can we make this a good story? How can this be different? How can this be good for me? How good is this for my good? And for my benefit? My fortification? How can this call me up to the highest version of myself so I become someone who was on fire for life on fire for my purpose, on fire for the perseverance required and the courage to be willing to feel discomfort to be willing to have the faith. I just love. I love the Bible. I love how God loves and feel so worshipped by people who have faith. There's faith involved in the pursuit of any goal because you are believing you can do something you have never yet done. Embrace that there's a lot of unknowns and that's good. Faith is believing and what we cannot yet see.
But believe and know for a fact. It's there, it's available and you're on your way. I hope this is encouraging guys, I hope that you go check out college confidence.com Because if if you're interested in your goals, your vision, having making the next year, the best year of your life where you stop giving up on yourself or stop overcomplicating or stop spiraling or stagnating or stop allowing yourself to just maybe like me, you were successful, but you know, you were made for more. We are going deep on that content and that coaching and those topics in the college or competence this month that and of course December and January of the COC are absolutely indispensable. I really urge you, even if you've been thinking about joining us make the time for this, you are worth the investment. Hands down, hands down. Because your dreams matter. Your Dreams matter. Your voice matter matters. Your impact matters. So check it out at www.collegeofconfidence.com Hey, our listeners episode. We'll close that with that. It is Bangui she says hey Trish, my name is Bungie, I'm a young woman from South Africa. I joined the COC this year in July and I've seen a significant change in my life. I've become more confident. I have great hope for the future and it has helped me grow as a person. Thank you, Blanca we um so I just I love that you're in South Africa. I can't wait to come south africa sometime. Maybe we'll have a sushi gathering there. You guys it is amazing. What happens when you hear this what what you want to implement and you do the work and Bungie you're doing the work. And I'm so excited to see the influence you're gonna have in the young women that you're influencing in South Africa and beyond. Guys go out there today to be more of who God created you to be. Persevere, keep on keeping on. Keep boldly, radically believing and deciding to be a person of radical faith, radical belief, radical action. You are a world changer. You are a difference maker. Go out there be you. Be free. If you loved today's episode of the Confidence podcast I invite you to check out the College of Confidence at www.collegeofconfidence.com the COC is where your next step is. In the COC we cultivate confidence create courage and spark change. It takes everything we do here on the podcast to the next level, and our members get crazy, life changing results. I'm so confident that you will find that the COC is the most encouraging place on the internet, and that it will so wildly exceed your expectations that it comes with a money back guarantee hate joining is completely risk free. You owe it to your future self to take your growth to the next level by coaching with me in the COC. Join me today at www.collegeofconfidence.com
Sign up to receive email updates
Enter your name and email address below and I'll send you periodic updates about the podcast.