HOW TO BREAK NEGATIVE SELF-TALK PATTERNS
Negative self-talk can send us spiraling about ourselves, our lives, and our futures. Once the spiral starts it can feel hard to stop but doesn’t have to continue to keep you spinning in helplessness. This episode teaches strategies on how to effectively get out of the fog of mind drama, how to neutralize your brain when it feels overwhelmed with negativity, and how to anticipate and exit negativity spiraling so that it stops getting in the way of your growth, your goals, and your breakthroughs. Get the full show notes at www.trishblackwell.com/522
In this episode we’re talking about:
- Mind Drama and Negativity Spiraling
- How to Neutralize and Question Your Thoughts
- Affirmations to Speak Over Yourself as You Build Your Mental Boldness
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Jordynlee555 Best Gym Motivation!
I started listening to your podcast while working out. I’m relatively new to the fitness journey and having this podcast to listen to not only motivates me to get to the gym but also lends me the confidence to push myself harder when I do! I’m so grateful I found this podcast on my confidence journey.
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I have two 1:1 spots available for 2023 coaching. If you desire change in your life, have a big dream to achieve, or simply want to stretch your confidence and courage to go create the life of your dreams, whatever that might be, then coaching might be for you.
My 1:1 clients get crazy results.
They double their income.
They write books.
They walk the red carpet.
They pay off debt.
They get promoted beyond what they thought possible.
They break bad habits that have haunted them for years.
They grow their businesses.
They graduate med, law, and dental school with a vision and a plan.
They create non-profits.
They win cash prizes in athletic competitions.
They finally lose weight after years of trying on their own.
They define the dream life on their own terms.
In short, they become the highest next version of themselves.
To explore what accelerates your success and your belief in your ability to create anything you want in your life for your future, fill out an application at www.trishblackwell.com/coaching
Recent example –
My brain got lodged in a warped image – a sensitive point.
For 48 hours I was flooded with shame, disappointment, and discouragement.
In the past, at these times, I would binge or numb. But remember, binging and over-eating isn’t actually an overeating problem or a food problem, it’s an under-feeling problem.
Now I know how to feel – and it hurts. Sometimes it passes sooner than others.
At these times it doesn’t matter what you can logically tell yourself, or what others reassure you – if you don’t believe your own brain of your worth, it feels devastating and unsafe. The intensity of this cannot be underestimated. The thoughts I think about myself at these times are unspeakable and cruel.
And I allow myself to be sad as I notice them.
Neutralize What’s Happening:
You’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re not crazy.
Your brain is just doing what brains do, but on supercharge.
You don’t have to believe everything you think.
Notice What Action Results
Do you overeat? Do you overdrink?
Do you seek external validation?
Do you recoil and try to hide from the world?
Do you double down on the pain and indulge in comparison and scrolling?
Do you spiral into a pity party and focus on how hard your life is?
Learn to Question Your Thoughts:
The Tea Method
Become a watcher to your thoughts – an observer, not a judger.
Decide and Declare Freedom and Healing
You do not have to stay prisoner to the self-criticism that haunts you.
Fight for Your Thoughts:
- Sometimes this will be easy, other times it will be like a battle.
- Sometimes it takes 1 reframe for me, and sometimes 101 reframes.
- Sometimes I can find breakthroughs and light via one good reframe, journaling session, or affirmation, sometimes it takes an hour of a pen to paper, tears cried and prayers wept to the Lord as I seek understanding and fresh eyes.
- Don’t do this on your own. God is with you.
The more intense the fight, the deeper the groove of healing I seal up.
Affirmations for Mental Boldness:
Sickness is not my story, healing is.
God will use my struggle for good – to fortify me and to fortify others.
Every day my mind is being renewed and transformed.
My brain is different today than it was yesterday – I am on my way.
I am mentally strong and brave enough to battle every thought.
I have the power to neutralize a thought and talk back to it until it is properly replaced with truth that brings peace.
Develop from being a person who thinks a lot to becoming a person who thinks on purpose.
Over-thinking >>> Intentional thinking
*Surround yourself with people doing this work.
*Also, surround yourself with other people doing vision work – which is what we’ll be doing in December all month in the COC.
LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:
You're listening to the confidence podcast, your favorite coaching podcast oozing with motivation, inspiration, and confidence to help you boldly take action on your dreams. I'm your host, Trish Blackwell, internationally recognized Confidence Coach, Best Selling Author and founder of the College of Confidence, the most encouraging place on the internet. I teach go getters in life, how to take your thoughts captive, how to step out of the shadows of self doubt, and how to courageously step into their purpose. With competence. It's time to pump our competence muscles and train our thoughts, y'all. Let's get started. Hey, guys, it's Trish Blackwell, and you're listening to the confidence podcast. This is episode 522. And we're talking about how to break negative self talk patterns. Because negative self talk can send us spiraling down about ourselves, about our lives, and about our futures. Once the spiral starts, it can feel hard to stop but it doesn't have to continue to keep you spinning into helplessness. This episode is going to give you a teacher some strategies on how to effectively get out of the fog of mind drama, how to neutralize the brain when it feels overwhelmed with negativity, and how to anticipate an exit negativity spiraling so that when it stops getting in the way of your growth when it pops up and you guys this negativity, comments. Sometimes you see it coming. Sometimes it sweeps over you like a tsunami sometimes it's it's like a dark in the dark that you didn't see coming. And we have to be aware of our triggers to know where we have weaknesses. It's time for the your self talk to stop getting the wave your goals and your growth. And more importantly, your breakthroughs. Hey, guys, so look, I am a confidence coach, you know that you're listening to the confidence podcast, but y'all really a thought coach, because let's talk about the reason why I do what I do. It's because I suffered in silence for years, and felt like no one could help me or give me the tools to healing. The more it went on the more I felt disconnected from God them and I thought I would suffer my whole life. And it was easier than I thought it needed to be when I learned how to talk back to my thoughts. You know, for years, I just thought it a lot. I was a person who thought a lot I always was thinking I'm overthinking, thinking, thinking conceptualizing, thinking about how I'm feeling thinking about how I'm messing up thinking about discipline and beating myself up the cycle of beating yourself up of trying really hard, being disappointed. And the beating yourself up involves a lot of thinking. So I went I was struggling with some ebbs and flows where I was a confident person but have waves of massive insecurity and massive depression and massive anxiety, then competence. And then it was this one step forward two steps back concept. And in that time, I thought a lot. I did a lot of thinking. But what I didn't know was how to think on purpose. Now, I think on purpose. No, I think with intention, and I'm hoping that today's episode will give you some of the strategies to help you break the self talk patterns that are negative because it's we break patterns by having awareness of them and through intentional thought work. So we're going to talk in this episode about mind drama, negativity spiraling, how to neutralize and question your thoughts so that you can then think about what you think about, I actually guide you through that this is you guys, if you ever want to go deeper in your growth, and to learn how to go from somebody who overthinks to somebody who thinks about what they think about, well, then you have got to join us in the college confidence. That is where we take the work here on the podcast and go even deeper with it. And today we're also going to I'm going to close out with some of my favorite affirmations, to speak over yourself as you build your mental boldness. It is a mark of courage to talk back to yourself. Because these negativity patterns whether it's self criticism, it's overthinking, or feeling down about yourself and discouraged and I lived for years in a spirit of discouragement about myself about my life about my goals. I had big goals and on paper. I looked like a happy person. I looked like a high achieving person. But I was my spirit was discouraged all the time. And so in order to break these patterns, it's you've got to have some radical boldness in your spirit to declare that this is no longer how you will live. This isn't Longer What you will tolerate in your mind that your thoughts create your life, we are about to release a new course, in the College of confidence on the quality of your thoughts. As Marcus Aurelius said, the quality of your thoughts reflects the quality of your life quality thoughts lead to a quality life. And I have a whole course on that, that that we are about to release on exactly how to increase the quality of your thoughts how to do this work, but but it's the decision to say, I will no longer let allow negativity be my standard, I will no longer allow discouragement and overthinking and overwhelm and feeling stressed all the time to be my mental standard. I have the boldness to proclaim that change is happening. I have the faith to say that transformation is happening on the inside out, I have the the kindness to acknowledge that I may not be where I want to be but I am not where I have been. God is doing a work in me. And he goes that requires boldness. So affirmations the more we speak them out, the more we proclaim them, they become declarations. Declarations give you power, please do not forget the power of your words, guys. So
speaking of the college competence, here's a little I wasn't planning on mentioning this. But if you're listening now you have a couple days before Thanksgiving, two days actually. Go to college, your competence.com forward slash VIP. Let's culture confidence.com forward slash VIP. I'm doing a pre Black Friday sale that ends on Thanksgiving. It's not actually a sale because it's F R E E it is free get 14 days $0. In the COC you've got to sign up before the before Thanksgiving is over. So go to college competence.com/vip Hey, our review of the week is Jordan Lee 555 says best gym motivation. I started listening to your podcast while working out I'm relatively new to the fitness journey. And having this podcast listened to not only motivates me to get to the gym, but also lends me the confidence to push myself harder when I do. I'm so grateful I found this podcast on my confidence journey. Hey, and before we go into coaching Two other quick helpful resources, happy one, here's a statement happy almost Thanksgiving. I love it's my favorite holiday. I love it in look, we are a podcast that has reached over 170 countries. So I acknowledge that you might be listening from a country that doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving. But guess what you are my friend, you are my family, you are my brother, you are my sister. And therefore we share Thanksgiving together I am thankful for you. Thanksgiving here in the United States is an expression of gratitude of, of connection of, of unity. And I love that. So even if you're not American, you can celebrate with me just here. So I just want you to know. And I have an amazing new gratitude and prayer journal. I've got the link to it in the show notes. You can always find the show notes at the episode number. So Trish blackwell.com forward slash five two to go check it out on Amazon. It's my favorite new journal. It's a combination of gratitude and prayer. A daily journal, I love it. I'm confident that you will to one final announcement guys, I have two one on one spots available for 2023 coaching, if you desire change in your life, if you have a big dream to achieve or simply want to stretch your confidence and courage to go create the life of your dreams, whatever that might be, then coaching might be for you. Here's what I wanted. I I say this humbly, because it's not me doing this. It's it's my clients who take the coaching and put it into action. My one on one clients get crazy results. They double their income. Like for real testimonials. They double their income. They write books, they walk the red carpet, they pay off debt, they get promoted beyond what they thought was possible. They break bad habits that haunted them for years to grow their businesses. They graduate med law and dental schools with with vision with a plan with confidence without imposter syndrome. They create nonprofits, they win cash prizes and athletic competitions. They finally lose the weight after years and years of trying on their own. They define the dream life on their own terms. They set goals and they go achieve them. In short, they become the highest next version of themselves. So to explore what accelerating your success and your belief in your ability to create anything you want in your life in this next year. Go fill out an application at Trish blackwell.com forward slash coaching. Okay, now let's get into the coaching for today. Why was I so passionate about this topic today? Well, it's because my brain went into a negativity spiral and I have been working I want to be really transparent with you guys, I have been working on my, my mental capacity, my thought work, my, my inner dialogue, the the guarding my mind doing this coaching work for well over 10 years, it's been 12 years. And I share that, that I want you to know that when your brain goes into anxiety when your brain offers you narratives of, of negativity and, and self criticism that nothing has gone wrong. That is your brain being a brain, your brain being human. And so it's really important to me that I share with you even though I'm living my dream life massively confident, super overwhelmed with joy and like, I there's really not much I would change about my life. And I love it, I can't, and I can't wait to see what my life continues to become. Because I've got new goals and new bold things I'm going forward. But I still get negative, I still wake up with anxiety, I still have to do the work when it comes up. Now, those in the past when the negative spiral would come, it would persist for days, it would it would side rail me it would the emotion, I didn't know how to feel my feelings. And I would go and numb myself right with food or wine or TV. I avoided the emotions rather than feel them. And I and then it would be discouraged that I felt them and I felt like I had stepped, you know, 10 steps backwards on my journey. And the reality is that, that sideline me. Now these things happen. And as I teach you for you, they will as well. And the recovery time period of getting back and taking ownership of my thoughts again, through a place that feels good, that feels where I have control or neutrality or I have hope and optimism again, is such a smaller window. So here's my recent example. My brain got large lodged on a warped image. And for me, that's a sensitive point. So what you if you are new to the show, you might not know that my journey started with an eating disorder I was a very competitive athlete who struggled secretly with an eating disorder and major body dysmorphia, and binge eating and bulimia and you name it. And so I had a lot of insecurity about photos and pictures. And honestly, with my body dysmorphia, often I would see myself about 30 pounds heavier than it actually was. And until you've experienced that you're like that doesn't make sense. And then you see it and I have had done a lot of therapy work. And I've done a lot of coaching. And God has done a lot of healing in my mind and my brain where I'm so just overjoyed of this healing, I am healed from that. That doesn't mean I still don't get old thoughts that will come in Old, old tempting thoughts and old narratives old tapes that will play I see a bad picture. And that's what I look like how can I like, like old pictures a bad image of bad angle. And it could be spin the angle or the lighting or the way my legs were my shoulders are slightly because it's it wasn't how I actually looked just a bad picture. I would used to spiral for days. I had so much shame. I was embarrassed of myself. I had so much self hatred that will come up and so I have healed from that. But the other day, we my family and I were doing a photo shoot. And I got my friend should be my photographer friend just showed me very briefly a quick my it's my sister in law and her friend that do my photos. And my sister in law was sick. And so I was talking to her friend I said, Hey, let me see that one real quick. And y'all It was bad. It was so bad. It was so bad. I was like, Oh, no girl, come on.
I was like, you gotta change something here. And I did it, you know,
but we were in a rush. I didn't really get to look. And to be honest, the dress I'd picked was too big. I was a small I needed an extra small they didn't have it. I'm trying to make it work because it was a wrap dress. And my hair that was curled really nicely has started to fall it was it was just not great. And for 2448 hours, I was flooded with shame, disappointment, discouragement. I was I mean, you guys. I was so bummed I had this like pit in my stomach of like, oh, and all these negative thoughts. The negative self talk, every negative thing I ever said to myself, came back. Now in the past that these times I would binge or I would not myself. But remember binging and overeating isn't actually an overeating problem or food problem. It's an under feeling problem. And now that I know how to feel it hurts. And sometimes it passes sooner than then type. Sometimes it hurts and you feel it and I'm minutes later it passes and you move on your day. Sometimes it's 24 hours of just feeling crummy, but and every time I felt crummy and a thought came up that was negative I'd like yeah, but that's not true. Or yeah, but you know, I'm on my hormonal cycle right now and I'm pretty sure I'm not seeing myself accurately. So I don't trust my judgment right now. I started being a friend to myself talking back to myself. Hey, that wasn't a good picture. You're right, Trish, because the dress was too big. And your shoulders were slouched. Okay, and what's the big deal? What's the problem? And so remember, at these times, it doesn't matter sometimes what you can logically tell yourself or what others reassure, you know, you look good, the picture was fine, the bank, whatever, if you don't believe your own brain, or your worth, it feels devastating and unsafe. And the intensity of this or the intensity of a negative negativity spiral cannot be underestimated. The thoughts that I think about this time, like the thoughts that will come up when I'm in a true negativity spiral, are unspeakable, and cruel. And, and, and I allow myself to be sad now as I noticed them, and instead of in the past, I used to because I had the thought or the they must be true. Remember this friend, just because you think it does not mean it's true. And it's really empowering to notice and say, I'm just in a negativity spiral right now. What I don't need right now. My brain says a bunch of nonsense. This is no different than a child acting out and saying a whole bunch of nonsense, right? Like when one of my kids like you're the worst mom ever, because I made them wear a coat when it's 30 degrees. You know, like that. When kids say things in they're frustrated. They can say things. It doesn't mean it's true. I wish you weren't my mom, I wish I didn't have to wear coats. Nobody else is gonna wear a coat like, okay, I can hear that and go yep, it's still frosting outside or snowing. You're gonna put socks on and walk out the door with a coat. And they can tell me I mean, this is depends on on how the mornings going. But I've been told I wish you weren't my mom, I wish I had somebody else. I know that's not true. Right? Because then they blink they apologize later. They're attached to me like Velcro. But this is all over a sock, or, or so in the same way when your brain is throwing all this negativity because it feels it feels unsafe, or it's frustrated or it's inconvenient. Just be like, okay, hey, brain, see what you want. It's cool. So believe you right now, when you're back to being yourself. And when we're neutral again, let's talk about your coat. Let's talk about the socks. It's the same thing with the brain that whatever it's criticizing you over or being negative about. And notice that what is the story that you're believing? If even if the negative spiral is about their circumstances, maybe it's never going to change, nothing works for me. That's just not helpful to say, but your brain is going to offer it to you. So the next time your brain says, This isn't working, nothing's gonna work. I'm never gonna get a breakthrough that the man of my dreams doesn't exist. Say, Okay, okay, little drama there. We're overreacting. This might be exaggerated. But let it out. Let your let your brain word, vomit it all out. And then take a breath and go, Okay. And what do we really know, we really know that my effort always pays off. We really know that God changes people's lives all the time, circumstances always change. We know that anything is possible. We know that just because it because the diets I've tried in the past that haven't worked doesn't mean that this next one won't. I refuse to give up. That's what I know. Right? And so you want to allow yourself to let that inner toddler get out, throw a tantrum, do its thing. That's when you could speak back to it and remind yourself of what you have chosen to believe. Remind yourself of what you have chosen to think on purpose. And here's what I wanted to coach you through today. I wanted to first and foremost be really transparent with you that I am I love my body and my life and myself and my family and my children and my work and my my relationship with God more now and then ever in my entire life. And this scenario that I just gave you guys, it was like two weeks ago. That's a hit. And you will probably see these family photobook she looks great. Please know. My mind was just offering my mind was offering me some mind drama. So I just it's not it's a negativity spiral or its mind drama, is drama. I'm being dramatic and it will pass. And I don't have to believe the dramatization. I don't have to believe the catastrophizing than going on something in me is overreacting, I'm gonna let it breathe. And then I remind myself that I am safe. I'm going to remind myself that I'm loved. I'm going to remind myself that I'm on my way, whatever it is that you need to remind yourself that you were so fearful about in that spiral. That's where you come in and start being a friend to yourself. And I shared that so transparently with you so that you know that the work never stops. And that's not a problem. It's encouraging. I'm so excited that I have more growth to do here. I'm so excited. I'm really proud of how I was like, okay, Trish, you legitimately could have picked a better dress. And it really doesn't matter anyways, your smile is amazing. No one's gonna look at this photo as critically as you are, let it go. Right? That's good growth for me. And it's going to continue to get easier and easier as I continue to push myself right in any scenario. So I want you to know, I want to normalize what's happening when your brain goes into mind drama, or you have a negativity spiral. Because often what happens is we judge ourselves for being negative when you're like, but I'm being a positive person. But I'm an optimist. And I've been doing all this work and listening to these podcasts and doing the coaching and why am I still negative, and you're so negative, because we live in a world full of a lot of input. And you have a human brain. So it's not a problem. We just don't want to camp out there. So please don't judge yourself for when this happens. This is part of the brain being a brain, which to me was so freeing. So want you to neutralize what's happening, you're not alone. You're not broken. And you're not crazy. Your brain is just doing what brains do, but on supercharge. And in the same way, my brain is really good about being like kind of spiraling into negativity. It's also really good if I'm gonna play that suddenly, if I need to play the other side of the tape that, yeah, my brain goes, pendulum, I'm a black and white, I have the propensity to be very extreme in my thinking, which I've worked on neutrality on and balance. But let me also use that that sometimes can be an advantage. So right now, in that scenario, it went black and white. But you know what, I can also be black and white in my belief, and my belief of what is to come in my optimism and my radical faith in my boldness and how I reframe it. So you know, and the other thing is, we don't want to beat ourselves up for feeling these ways. Sometimes we're having a day where like, I just struggled to get my mind right today. Because if you don't know what it feels like to free your mind, to be a mess, you won't appreciate when your mind is when you've got this just masterful mindset for the day. Same way that we we don't know what peace is, unless we've really experienced what anxiety is. We don't know what deep joy is, unless we felt what it feels like to be alone or unhappy. And just remember this to neutralize what's happening. You don't have to believe everything you think. Now the other thing I want you to do is Next, notice what action results when you feel and you go into mind drama or negativity spiral. What is it that you do? Do you overeat? Do you over drink? Do you seek external validation? Do you recoil and try to hide from the world and put your sweatshirt on and your comfy clothes and cancel all your plans, do double down on the pain and then indulge in comparing and scrolling and make telling yourself stories about how everyone else's life is better than yours. And how there's so much cuter and they know how to do their makeup better. And they're this and they probably didn't go over eat like you did and what whatever it might be right? Or they probably got the job interview even though you didn't some that there's something wrong with you, right? We are so cruel to ourselves, guys. Or do you spiral into a pity party and focus on how hard your life is? It's amazing. It's amazing how easy that our brain go into pity party the other day. My daughter Ellie, who was seven was going up and down the stairs.
Honestly, to get ready for school she had she was getting she was doing her chores and getting paid to do her chores. But it involved her walking up and down the stairs three times. She looked at she's super athletic. She started having a pity party about how hard her life was that she would walk up and down the stairs and that she couldn't believe that I had to remind her about something she had run upstairs and that I wouldn't go get for her. And I said God, I sat her down. We talked about a great teaching opportunity. But really God's children are just a mirror to what we do as adults of oh my gosh, where am I having a pity party about having to walk up the stairs in my spacious house. Oh, woe is me. Right? And I was able to say Ellie, like what a gift that we have stairs in our house. And the more you feel sorry for yourself, the harder and heavier your legs feel, the harder and steeper those stairs feel to climb. And this is a really great metaphor for anything in life. And so when you can catch a pity party spiral, you've got to there's an old strategy I used to teach and I still love today when you find yourself feeling sorry for yourself, whether it's when you're having a pity party about starting your workout, that's a negative spiral or you're having a pity party about how we have five meetings back to back to today and usual feel like it's gonna be boring. Take a pen or pencil whatever is in front of you on your desk. And imagine that you've blown up some invisible balloons. Those are your pity party balloons because guess what, nobody cares. You're trying to throw a party for yourself and convince yourself how hard your day is and this inner martyr syndrome that spirals into negativity and then we dramatize everything and makes it even harder. And I just want you to take three breaths. You can give yourself a minute max To to go feel sorry for yourself right now, full permission and feel sorry for yourself and then list out yet and this stinks. And this is hard and I wish I didn't have to, and they don't get they don't have to get cool, get it all out and then breathe. And then take your pen or pencil and put like you actually do the physical act of this pretending you're popping the balloons with a pen above your head. So you're basically taking your hand, boom above your head and you're going to met like in in pop the invisible balloons to tell yourself to signify pity party is done. And start speaking back to yourself about how good your life is. How how you were proud of what you were creating what your future is better than your past. Stop telling me about your past. Talk to me about your future. And so critical we that we have to learn to question our thoughts. And there's a couple things that we can do to do that. It's one of the things I teach in the College of competence and my students is the team method. T is stands for that thought the thought field act cycle. But I like the metaphor of T better as if you're having you're slowing down, you're taking a cup of tea, a mug, and your thoughts lead your emotions lead to your actions. And you'll learn to quit that method and I can walk you through it when you join the College of confidence to how do we take a default tea and create a tea that we want? If you get handed a Earl Grey tea and you don't like Earl Grey, you want peppermint? How do we switch the tea so that your thoughts change, but your emotions change and therefore the actions that you take change? Another way that we learn to question our thoughts is through thought discipline. And honestly thought discipline is deciding that you're a person who's disciplined with their thoughts. I want to remind you, I'm the person who thought I'm so far gone in my thinking that nobody can help me. You see, I was an athlete that was told she can make the Olympics I was an athlete, who was told that she could be a professional. I was an athlete who, in running my marathons and training for triathlons. When I was in my 20s I was told you can go with let's continue this you will go pro. But then what happened is I started putting pressure on myself. I started overthinking. And then I remembered the times in college, when in my in my sport of swimming when I was putting pressure on myself and wide and make it as far as I as I could have and how the sports psychologist gave me advice, but it didn't work for me. And so my message my takeaway from that was not that maybe I needed a different sports psychologist, or maybe that I needed to go to more sessions with a sports psychologist, my thought my takeaway was I'm too broken for the sport psychologist to help. Which then carried on to when I was considering the pursuit of a professional career in, in endurance sports. Well, of course I fall apart in a race I can keep I vote no one, no one's been able to help me. And that's when for me that's when personal growth started. That's when I said okay, I'm so disciplined with my food. I'm so disciplined with my work on my sales projections. With the leadership that I had at the time I was overseeing a staff of 50 people. In my in my mid 20s. I am disciplined in my dreams, I am disciplined with my body tell me I need to get up to run 10 miles at 3am I will do it. Right, I am disciplined. Why am I not? Am I Am I not thinking about myself as a disciplined person of their mind? I just have to learn the discipline. I learned how to be disciplined with my body through practice, and a decision to be disciplined. I wanted to be an exceptional athlete, I saw the exceptional and great athletes did things other people were unwilling to do. They did the basics over and over and over with more focus and more discipline. And if I want to be a person who lives a great, amazing life, I needed I at that time I had to decide I'm going to be a person who's going to learn how to discipline their thoughts. And just the belief that I could learn how to discipline my thoughts gave me hope. Because if my thoughts felt like they were just wild, I was hotness, wild, wild west hot mess, you name it. Oh, nobody could help me. I still struggle with this. No, that that was all disempowering language that kept me stuck in that negative narrative. You have to decide. I'm a person who's learning how to discipline their mind. And then we do the work of disciplining the mind. You're doing it right now by listening to this podcast. You do it every time you open up your journal. If you're in the College of competence you do it every time you log into the member portal you show up for a live call you watch a replay you listen to our private podcast you submit a question to get coached on that is the thought discipline happening you do it every time you have a a negativity spiral or a mind drama scenario like I like I shared with you earlier in the episode and you talk back to yourself that is mental discipline. And every time you get more and more disciplined, you can see I am actually changing. And what we do here is we we become a watcher to our thoughts. One of the things that kept me stuck for years and negativity is that I was a judger of my thoughts. I judged myself and I just That's my thoughts. I judged myself for feeling away. I was critical of myself for what I was thinking versus just being observant. So now what I want to invite you into next time you have a thought, even a negative thought, rather than judging yourself, no, I shouldn't be thinking negatively. Or I shouldn't have this thought about this person. Just go hmm, there's a thought. Because thoughts are neutral. Be an observer of third party observer wouldn't isn't interesting. Isn't that interesting? That had been thought through I want to keep that thought. I don't want to let it pass. Because if you're not responsible for keeping it, you don't have to take ownership of it. I'm gonna let that pass and you imagine the wind blowing it out of your brain. It's just a cloud passing in the sky. But when we come a watcher to your thoughts, you have more power over them. You get to design your thoughts. You get to look at your mind and your thoughts like a beautiful tapestry artwork that you're putting together. A erasable artwork, right. It's time to decide and declare freedom and healing. You do not have to stay prisoner to the self criticism, or negativity that haunts you. I don't care if you've been raised in a negative family and you've had a pattern of negativity and negative talking for 15 years, 30 years, 45 years, it is never too late to change. I believe in miracles. I believe healing happens all the time. And I believe we were designed for freedom. I don't want to proclaim freedom over whatever bondage is holding you back today. Because it's all starts in the mind and the mind. The we have scientific evidence that the mind is constantly regenerating. There's neuroplasticity means there's constant change. And just because you've always thought a certain way does not mean that you can create new, powerful, strong neural pathways that create a completely different mental atmosphere. But to do this, we have to fight for our thoughts. And because sometimes this will be easy. Other times it will feel like a battle. Sometimes it might take for me it takes one reframe. One click reframe, for negative thought and like, it was easy sometimes, like the scenario I shared with you earlier, because it's a deeper wound. It took like 101 reframes 101 reminders. 101 times I was like, Girl, you're fine. It's all good. Sometimes I can find a breakthrough and light via one good reframe a good journaling, session and affirmation, a brain dump. And sometimes it takes an hour of pen to paper, tears cried, or prayers wept to the Lord as I seek understanding and fresh eyes. And here's the encouraging thing. Don't do this on your own. You don't have to do this on your own, do it with other people, surround yourself in a community or with a friend connect with somebody who does this, the COC is a great place to start with that. But also know that even if you are doing the solo goddess with you, I don't, I know that we have people of all faiths that listen to the show. And I love that.
And I just want you to know what I really believe is that God loves you. And He is with you. And he is for you. So remember this, the more intense of the fight, the deeper the groove of healing, I am sealing up. Right, these neural pathways, these old negative thoughts, the old anxious thoughts, old stories, those are deep grooves in your brain that just seems so natural, like I just can't help it. I just keep going back to that default thought. Okay, so I gotta fight deeper, I gotta fill in those deep tire tracks those deep mud grooves and keep building it up and filling them in more and more. It's healing that I'm sealing up as I create a new pathway for myself to think a new story, a new brain. So as we as we prepare to close I want to share some of these affirmations for mental boldness and just a couple everyone I'm wondering remember that the words you speak over yourself and ground yourself and about yourself mat to her. They matter tremendously. So this sickness is not my story. Healing is if you've ever felt mentally sick or you feel maybe you don't feel mentally ill or you struggled with mental illness, but you go anxiety or overthinking is not my story. Healing is whatever is holding you back making you feel broken, making you feel like you have a huge mental handicap to to feeling amazing in your brain. Sickness is not my story healing is here's another one God will use my struggle for good to fortified me and to fortify others. Every day my mind is being renewed and transformed. Every day. My mind is new. Here's another one I love. My brain is different today than it was yesterday. I am on my way. I love that. My brain is different today than it was yesterday. I am on my way I learned Do something yesterday that I needed that I now get to know today. Here's another one I am mentally strong and brave enough to battle every thought. I am mentally strong and brave enough to battle every thought. Every mind drama, every negative reduce take negativity spiral. Here's one that didn't write down. But I declare that I will not live my life in a spirit of discouragement, but rather of power and boldness. I won't be discouraged, I will fight to be encouraged, I will fight for my faith. I will fight to believe I will fight to find the good I have. Here's another one I have a power to I have the power to neutralize a thought and talk back into it until is properly replaced with truth that brings peace and goes just like a toddler. For those who have kids. This is definitely gonna resonate. There are times that I told my sweet little boy, oh man, he's he's five years old. And I think he talks. I'm a talker. He talked more than me. And guys, I can tell him Baker hey, I need to go do this. Do you hear him? And he keeps talking keeps on I'm like bigger. Go purchases way bigger. Go put your shoes away. Hey, Baker, go put your shoes away bigger. You put your shoes away. Then he does something and he goes the wrong way bigger. Go put your shoes away. And then he says something. He's trying to talk over me with a story. And like, hey, Bakey, Biggie. Pause. What are we supposed to be doing right now? And he goes, I forgot. And like, we're supposed to put our shoes away. Oh, right. Because even though I told him seven times, hey, Becky, go put your shoes away. Think go put your shoes with a big the color you want. But the closet. What do we do? Like, you know, I said it seven times. And he didn't hear me. Because he was so busy trying to tell me a story. Sometimes that's our brain. Sometimes our brains so busy that even if when you're talking back to it, even when you're trying to reframe it, even when you're trying to neutralize it, even when you're trying to correct it. It's like I said this 10 times, why don't I believe it yet? Your brains still busy. Stay patient with that mental toddler inside of your brain and go hey, maybe I need to get quiet. Let me pause. What are we supposed to be doing here? What do we want to believe? What's our next thing to do? Oh, right. Go put your shoes away, right. So don't be discouraged if you have to repeat yourself if you have to continue to talk back to your thought until it properly listens to you talk back and you have the power to neutralize a thought to talk back to it to fight against it until it is properly replaced with the truth that brings you peace. And I hope that overall if I vision for you guys as you think and take this information and we think about implementing it into your into your daily life, I want you to develop from being a person who thinks a lot to becoming a person who thinks on purpose. We're going from overthinking to intentional thinking we're going from thinking a lot to thinking with focus. And like I said there's no better way to do this than surround yourself with people doing this work. Surround yourself with other with people doing this vision work which is what we will be doing all of the month of December in the COC we're talking about goal setting and vivid vision. You gotta get in on this. And again, if you sign up now if you're listening live, you can get in for free, go to college competence.com forward slash V I P. Hey, I were listening to episode is Amy Ketchum. She said this, I recently found your book and podcast. And I'm obsessed. You are truly amazing. And helping me so much. I've needed this for such a long time. And now I have it. I'm also using it to work with my 14 year old on confidence. Thank you so much anything you thank you for reaching out for saying hi on Instagram to me, you guys on Instagram. I'm Trish underscore Blackwell. I love your feedback. I love knowing how you're applying it to your life, how you're sharing it with your family with your friends. It's massive. It's so massively encouraging to me. So if I've ever encouraged you, share the show with a friend encourage others with it. And I'll see you guys next week. Next week. We have an amazing episode coming up. I cannot wait to share it. I can promise you this. It's going to be good. Make sure hitting the Follow button. And I'll see you soon go out there today go be more of who God created you to be. Be you. Be free. If you loved today's episode of the Confidence podcast I invite you to check out the College of Confidence at www.collegeofconfidence.com the COC is where your next step is. The COC is where your next step is. In the COC we cultivate confidence create courage and spark change. It takes everything we do here on the podcast to the next level and our members get crazy life changing results. I'm so confident that you will find that the COC is the most encouraging place on the internet and that it will so wildly exceed your expectations that it comes with a money back guarantee hate joining is completely risk free. You owe it to your future self to take your growth to the next level by coaching with me in the COC. Join me today at www.collegeofconfidence.com
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