Podcast #506

 

REJECTION AND NOT FITTING IN

 

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re talking about: 

• Rejection and Not Fitting In – What to do about
• How to reframe rejection and move confidently through it
• Why rejection can be a gift that you use for massive growth and increased happiness

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BABY BOY – BAKER IS 5! 

 

REVIEW OF THE WEEK – ABOUT THE COC

I can’t believe the success I’m already getting from being in this group for less than a month! 

Thankful for COC helping me with my self-love and boundary setting already.

-Victoria

 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

“Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection. Success, popularity, and power can indeed present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions. The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody.” … [My dark side says,] I am no good… I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved.” Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.” 

― Henri J.M. Nouwen

 

LET’S TALK ABOUT REJECTION

Relationship rejection – broken hearts.

Social rejection – feeling unincluded, unwanted, uncool, or like an outsider.

Family rejection – black sheep, mean siblings, given up, mistreated

School rejection – not accepted, feel marginalized

Job/opportunity rejection – impostor syndrome, fear of stagnation 

Self-rejection – disappointment and disillusionment with the self 

Note – for social rejection we often cast “projected rejection”.

Be careful not to indulge in rejection when rejection isn’t even happening. 

Also, let’s set some things straight.

Rejection is normal.

It’s part of the human experience.

It means less about you than you think it does.

People naturally group, and exclude.

Opportunities are abundant, but some are going to be closed to you.

 

REJECTION REFRAMES

Rejection doesn’t always mean what we think it does.

Sometimes it’s not about us at all.

Sometimes it is about us but it’s divine protection and direction. 

Sometimes it is an opening, not an ending.

Sometimes it is an invitation into faith and an exit from self

Sometimes it is an opportunity to try again.

Sometimes it is meant to intentionally build our resilience.

Sometimes it is to thicken our skin and de-personalize circumstances

Sometimes it is to protect us from something that was not right for us.

Sometimes it is a “not now” instead of a “no”. 

Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway.” -ER

“Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn’t have the power to say yes.” -ER

 

SELF REJECTION

“Be confident, not certain.”

Signs of self-rejection:

Always comparing yourself to others

Self-isolation

Adjusting goals or not committing to them fully

Creating smaller goals or not going for big dreams because of unworthiness

Letting others choose your path in life / make big life choices for you

Indecision and second-guessing 

Ignoring your gut feeling and your instincts

Over-apologizing

Know how amazing you are. 

Embrace your feelings

Practice self-trust.

 

FITTING IN / NOT FITTING IN

You decide if you belong – not others.

What does it mean to fit in?

Or to not fit in?

I have decided that I want to be different.

I don’t want to be average.

Sometimes that feels good.

Sometimes it doesn’t feel good. 

“You not only have a right to be an individual. You have a responsibility.” -ER.

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.-Eleanor Roosevelt

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.  – ER.

 

Rejection is a good thing because:

It thickens your skin

It reminds you that you can self-validate

It forces you to manage your thoughts

It deepens your resilience

It teaches you about yourself

It develops your people skills

It opens up new self-reflective questions 

It teaches you how to have your own back 

 

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

I just felt like I have to reach out and tell you how thankful I am for the opportunity to try the college of confidence.

I have listened to your podcast for about five years now. You have 100% changed my life and you have helped to transform my confidence. Thank you so much for this amazing experience!

Love,

Kelsey