The problem with perfectionism is that the longer that you dwell in your pursuit of perfectionism, the more insidiously insecurities will birth within you and hinder you from moving forward towards the life that you’re meant to live.
THE PROBLEM WITH PERFECTIONISM
(1). It Defeats Your Initiative
-If you wait for perfect conditions you will never get anything done
-We often don’t open or allow ourselves to be loved or consider ourselves loveable until we reach a certain level of perfection, which ultimately never happens
-Not only does it defeat initiative, it makes completion a moving finish line.
The longer that you dwell in your pursuit of perfectionism, the more insecurities will birth within you and hinder you from moving forward towards the life that you’re meant to live.
(2). It Damages Your Relationships
-When we are harsh on ourselves, we inevitably are harsh on others
-The way we treat ourselves is noticed by others, and it signals them to be on guard
-Perfectionism makes us self-focused, and selfish; it is difficult to really love others, and I mean really love them properly if we are so self-consumed in our own crap.
(3). It Destroys Your Happiness.
-You nag yourself constantly, which is a bummer
-Additionally to that, people don’t like nags, so you end up making it difficult to like yourself, and if you don’t like yourself, how can you ever expect to be happy? How can you ever expect to see yourself for all of the wonderful gifts that you do have?
-Motiving yourself by reminding yourself about what is WRONG with you will not work. That is shame motivation.
-Brene Brown, author of I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame (Buy your own copy by clicking here: I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough”), offers incredible insight on the dangers of perfectionism. Below are the Brene Brown quotes shared in today’s episode:
We spend an extraordinary amount of time and energy tackling the surface issues, which rarely results in meaningful, lasting change. When we dig past the surface, we find that shame is often what drives us to hate our bodies, fear rejection, stop taking risks or hide the experiences and parts of our lives that we fear others might judge. This same dynamic applies to feeling attacked as a mother or feeling too stupid or uneducated to voice our opinions.
We weren’t born craving perfect bodies. We weren’t born afraid to tell our stories. We weren’t born with a fear of getting too old to feel valuable. We weren’t born with a Pottery Barn catalog in one hand and heartbreaking debt in the other. Shame comes from outside of us – from the messages and expectations of our culture. What comes from the inside of us is a very human need to belong, to relate.
Shame unravels our connection to others. In fact, I often refer to shame as the fear of disconnection – the fear of being perceived as flawed and unworthy of acceptance or belonging.
Shame works like the zoom lens on a camera. When we are feeling shame, the camera is zoomed in tight and all we see is our flawed selves, alone and struggling. We think to ourselves, “I’m the only one. Something is wrong with me. I am alone.”
When we are in shame, we just see our own struggle. As we zoom out, we start to see others engaged in similar struggles. When we pull completely back, we start to see an even bigger picture – how political, economic and social forces shape our personal experiences. Contextualizing is the key to making the same connection.
When we begin to blame and hate our bodies for failing to live up to our expectations, we start splitting ourselves into parts and move away from our wholeness – our authentic selves.
When we give ourselves permission to be imperfect, when we find self-worth despite our imperfections, when we build connection networks that affirm and value us as imperfect beings, we are much more capable of change.
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