Podcast #477

How to Have the Courage to Be Disliked

Having the courage to be disliked gives you personal power. It gives you the freedom to be yourself. It elevates your emotional maturity and it frees you from the cycle of overthinking from worrying what other people think. If you want to learn how to stop caring what people think, stop people pleasing, or stop overthinking about your social life, this coaching episode is for you. Get the full show notes at www.trishblackwell.com/477

In this episode, we’re coaching on

• The real truth about being disliked
• The 4 keystones to have courage to be disliked
• Tips to open you up to the risk of being disliked

REVIEW OF THE EPISODE:

The most helpful brain training program

-Kelsey Siss

This podcast came at the perfect time for me personally. I cannot recommend it enough and continue to tell all my friends (and counselor – had to give that a plug because I know you read these and are pro therapy!) about it as well, Trish, I’m your biggest cheerleader right now!

Having grown up in the church and worked in ministry for several years alongside my husband (before pursuing alternative careers) I am realizing how ill equipped and uniformed I was on what it meant to “take my thoughts captive.” That verse just always felt like a nice suggestion, certainly not something that was ever possible. 

Trish takes this verse and concept and through er podcast equips us with the tools and practies necessary to TRULY take our thoughts captive. Whether you consider yourself faith-based or not this is the most practical podcast I have ever listened to when it comes to training our brains. I believe for me personally it’s the faith aspect that’s helped it click in a whole new level for me spiritually. 

So grateful you’ve pursued this calling. I’m signing up for Patreon as well – I’m all ears on any advice Trish has to offer. The real deal. 

ANNOUNCEMENTS

January is a big month!

1. It’s the LAST month you can get into the College of Confidence for just $57. Our rates are going up, but you don’t ever have to pay more if you get in now. Plus, when you join this month, I’m gifting you my exclusive book of FAITH-BASED TRANSFORMATIONAL AFFIRMATIONS. This is only available this month.
2. Straighten Your Crown has gone on sale to celebrate the New Year! Get paperback copies of it for just $9.99 and Kindle copies for just $2.99. Go to www.trishblackwell.com/crown

STRAIGHTEN YOUR CROWN REVIEW:

“A beautifully written account of how profound and intimate God’s love is for us. Trish weaves her personal story with scripture in intricate detail. She impactfully draws the reader into her story and captures the reader’s heart with her words. This was a book I savored, so I could create time and space to soak in her words and personally process how God delights in me. A must-read!” -Ashtyn Circle

 

NEW VIP PATREON SUPPORTER!

NEW VIP SUPPORTER: Ashley Strand

Want to support the show? Go to www.trishblackwell.com/patreon

 

THE REAL TRUTH ABOUT BEING DISLIKED

So often we don’t pursue our real possibilities in life because we are trying to self-protect from the potential of other people not liking us.

Let’s get some things straight.

No matter who you are.

People will like you.

People will not like you.

Famous, forgettable, fat, skinny, rich, poor. 

Resisting reality makes us spin our wheels and miss out on life.

The reality is that people will not like you.

Decide to have the courage to be disliked.

It’s what you make it mean when you are disliked that really matters. 

What most people make it mean:

Something is wrong with me.

I can change something about how they are thinking about me.

I don’t belong.

I don’t matter. 

What you can choose to make it mean:

Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just not for them.

I don’t need them to love me.

We’re just not a great fit together but we can do life together.

Just because they don’t like mean doesn’t mean they don’t respect me.

They might not know me / might be prejudging me. 

Remember: people who are liked by everyone, often don’t stand for anything.

They are vanilla-  malleable – unremarkable.

To do remarkable things in your life, you must risk being disliked. 

To be okay being disliked, you have to have some foundational elements established.

The Courage to Be Disliked:

Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

Amazon link: https://amzn.to/3mhBpHR

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“The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness.”

Here are 3 lessons this book teaches:

1. It’s dangerous to believe that your past determines your future.
2. If you focus on what’s wrong with you, you might be looking for reasons to hate yourself on purpose.
3. Most of what we think of as competition is just made up and hurting our happiness.

 

THE 4 KEYSTONES OF DISLIKABILITY COURAGE

1. Like yourself.
2. Love people with compassion.
3. Learn to neutralize
4. Light where you are.

Know your worth.

Know other people’s expectations of you.

Know what real freedom is.

Quit running after fame.

Reframe competition and collaboration.

Be okay being different.

 

TIPS TO OPEN YOU UP TO THE RISK OF BEING DISLIKED 

1. Remember, it’s part of the human experience.
2. Embrace your anti-fragility.
3. Accept it as an opportunity to strengthen your brain and thoughts.
4. Practice deriving your self-worth from liking yourself, not from needing others to like you.
5. Risking it means you stand out and you stand for something. 
6. Decide to like yourself, and actively practice finding things to like.
7. Seek out others to connect with – the world is big and we get small-minded in our thoughts about what is available to us socially; we avoid the vulnerable / risk effort often involved for the deep connection and certainty of being liked that we crave ( refer back to #476 to get coached on why you give up too early before really even trying)
8. Assume that people like you (example of annoying phone calls or awkward / aloof moms) 

 

ANNOUNCEMENT: LAST CHANCE OPPORTUNITY

This is the LAST month you can join the COC for just $57.

Plus, join us and you’ll get access to everything we have going on this month:

 

SPONSORSHIP NOTE: FRESHBOOKS

This episode is brought to you by FreshBooks. There’s a lot to love about being your own boss, 

but trying to figure out your financials on your own isn’t one of those things. 

Luckily, there’s FreshBooks: The all-in-one accounting solution that’s built for business owners like you. FreshBooks takes all the not-so-fun parts of running a business—from building and tracking invoices, to organizing expenses, to managing online payments—and automates and simplifies them, saving you up to 11 hours a week in the process. 

FreshBooks has your back at tax time, too. With a ton of reports to choose from, you’ll know exactly where your business stands, and you can easily hand the keys over to your accountant so they can take over when it’s time to reconcile everything for the year. 

Try FreshBooks free for 30 days, no credit card required. Go to www.freshbooks.com/CONFIDENCE to get started today. And get more time back to build the business you love. 

 

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE

I first discovered Trisha‘s podcast a few years ago as I began my journey into personal development. To give a little background into my life- I grew up with a severely mentally ill mother and alcoholic father and life was difficult. I had picked up on some very unhealthy coping mechanisms to make it through which included emotional and binge eating. By the time I was 20, I had had several 50 pound plus weight losses. I was severely codependent and hated myself. About the time I graduated college I met somebody and we were married. After five years of marriage and  a three-month-old daughter – my then husband left for a woman he had met at work.

I spent several years feeling lost and alone. I was in my early 30’s, a single mom, and struggling big time when God began to heal me. He used faith to open doors in my life I didn’t think were  possible.  I met an amazing Christian man at church and we were married and had another daughter. 

Even with all of that,  I found that many old behavior/ thought patterns still haunted me. I still struggled with emotional eating, numbing, and codependency. I prayed for guidance and help to change the unhealthy patterns in my life. It was then that l discovered Trish’s podcast.

I soon joined the COC after discovering her podcast and God used Trish’s teaching to help reshape and reframe my dysfunctional thinking. Courses like How to Feel your Feelings and How To Stop People Pleasing along with her Monday mindset mantras in the COC were just what I needed to  transform and show up in life with joy and purpose. With Trish‘s encouragement, I got into therapy to heal old wounds and past trauma. I found a fantastic therapist and have been working with her for over a year now.

The COC has been a pivotal transformational healing tool God has used in my life. I adore Trish’s positive energy and the faith perspective she brings to her students.  About a year ago by made the mistake of letting my membership lapse. I then joined a different coaching group and did not find the same level of support as positivity that the COC has. I have since re-join the COC and am continuing my transformational work. It is so good to be back! The work I am doing in the COC has had a positive impact not only for myself but my transformation has caused a ripple affect for good in all areas of my life including my marriage, parenting, family relationships, friendships, work, my relationship with God, my self-esteem, and so much more. With the help of COC I show up every day fully alive and embracing the life God has given me. 

Thanks for all you do Trish, God is using you in big ways.

Melanie Wroboleski