Podcast #459

How to Be More Assertive

Assertive confidence will open doors in life you didn’t know were accessible to you. But how do you learn how to be the type of assertive that will be well received instead of the type of assertive that comes off pushy, demanding or bossy? You’ll find out exactly how to do just that in this episode of The Confidence Podcast.

 

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast we’re talking about:

The relationship between fear, people pleasing, perfectionism and lack of assertivenessThe skill of being assertive, and how to learn it in a natural way for youWhy we aren’t assertive enough, and what you’re missing out on because of it (why you should want to be more assertive!)10 ways to practice the skill of being more assertive

 

OH MY GOSH. IN PERSON COACHING AGAIN.

My time with the NC State Wolfpack Women Swimmers & Divers and Wolfpack Women Gymnasts was absolutely incredible.
 
It’s been a week since I was with these rockstars from @packswimdive and @wolfpackgymanstics, and I’m still absolutely BUZZING with excitement about the season these women have ahead of them.
 
These ladies are some of the top athletes in the country, and in the world.  And last week then gave me their full focus, their total buy-in and their hearts for over 12 HOURS of workshop time with me. It was epic.
 
I have a ridiculous amount of confidence in what this year holds for these swimmers, divers and gymnasts. They are more mentally primed and deeply confident in the belief of their future success — I can’t wait to watch them wow themselves this year and exceed even their own expectations.
 
Thank you Wolfpack Women for the privilege of being your mindset coach and confidence coach. Here’s to an amazing year ahead!!!
 
In these workshop weekends I teach athletes how to use the power of words to their advantage to become better athletes, better teams and better individuals. In my workshops we work to unify the mind and body to work in perfect symmetry, ensuring that physical talent and training is also matched by mental resilience and a desire for mental excellence. If you and your team want to rise up to your highest potential, I would be privilege to work with you. DM me to see if I would be a good fit for your organization.

 

REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

AMAZINGGG – 5 Stars, CWiphone
This podcast is not just for helping your confidence, but has helped me get to know myself better and understand my subconscious better! Psychology is so interesting to me, and Trish does a great job of including psychology into her motivation. I absolutely love this podcast!!!

 

HUGE ASK: MY BOOK RELEASES IN 3 DAYS!!!!

My book releases in 3 days!!! Eekkkk!

Will you help support it’s success?

Here’s how you can help.

1. Preorder a copy. (www.trishblackwell.com/preorder)
2. Purchase a copy or two for friends.
3. Write a review on September 10th.
4. Write a review.
5. Write a review.

 

WHERE DO YOU WANT MORE ASSERTIVENESS?

Delegation at work.
Distribution of work in the home.
Boundaries with people in your life.
Freedom from feeling like a burden, demanding, inconvenience.
Assertiveness to be yourself unapologetically.
Time management with your family (asking for what you want and need)
Self-care prioritization with yourself.
Saying no to people.
 
 
Passive – Sure! I’d love to help.
Aggressive – I’m tired of helping, sorry, you’re going to have to do this by yourself.
Assertive – I’m not going to be able to help at this time.

 

WHY YOU AREN’T ASSERTIVE

Fear of what people think.
People pleasing.
Perfectionism.
 
Have you ever thought these things…
 
I don’t want to be a burden.
I don’t want to bother them.
I don’t want to seem too demanding.
I don’t want to inconvenience anyone.
I don’t want to be an imposition.
I don’t want to embarrass myself.
 
When you don’t show up with confident assertiveness, you can end up…
 
Resentful
Blaming
Doing too much
Doing what you don’t want
Accommodating everyone else
Missing out
Paying more
Being taken advantage of
Misunderstood

 

WHAT LACK OF ASSERTIVENESS IS MAKING YOU MISS OUT ON

Opportunities.
Friendships.
Your best you (having your own back)
What you want.
Connection.
Respect.
Peace about your job.

 

SPONSORSHIP NOTE: BETTERHELP

Is there something interfering with your happiness? Have you been wanting to start counseling, but not know where to look or start? 

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What I love about it the most is that you can send a message to your counselor at anytime. You’ll get timely and thoughtful responses plus you can schedule weekly video or phone session.  

Betterhelp makes it easy and free to change counselors if needed. It’s more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.

Their licensed professional counselors specialize in depression, anxiety, stress, relationships, sleeping, trauma, anger, family conflict, grief, and self-esteem. I want you to start living a happier life today. As a listener, you’ll get 10% off your first month by visiting www.betterhelp.com/confidencepod

 

WHY ASSERTIVENESS ROCKS AND WILL TRANSFORM YOUR CONFIDENCE

Assertive people ask for what they want.

Assertive people engage other people and create community.

Assertive people feel heard.

Assertive people show up for themselves.

Assertive people appear more confident.

Assertive people neutralize the mind drama (it’s always worth an ask)

Assertive people aren’t worried about what people think

 

HOW TO BE MORE ASSSERTIVE

1. Practice in little ways
2. Study and pay attention to the nuances of body language to win people over
3. Read Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People
4. Speak simply and directly (don’t beat around the bush)
5. Have a list of go-to phrases to transition you
6. Be honest and authentic
7. Eliminate the need to over-explain and have your own back.
8. Plan your response ahead of time for sticky situations
9. Practice managing your emotions – don’t let guilt or fear get in the way.
10. Use breathing to your benefit

Believe in your worth and your right to speak up.

Stop trying to do it all and be a hero.

Refuse to do any more pity parties for something you put on yourself.

Start small. Speak up.

Here are a few starter phrases on assertive starts for boundaries

1. “Let me get back to you on that.”
2. “I need to check my calendar.”
3. “I have a schedule conflict.”
4. “I won’t be able to, I have plans.”

Starter phrases for assertiveness in general:

Hey, do you think it would be a problem if I ….

Hi there, do you mind if I go ahead and …

Gosh, do you think you can look into this for me? I so appreciate your willingness to help….

 

HOW TO USE BREATHING TO GIVE YOURSELF COURAGE

Find a quiet place to sit or stand.

Inhale deeply through your nose.

Hold your breath and count to 5.

Slowly release your breath by exhaling through your nose.

Breathing will calm the brain and body – you’ll feel more grounded and it will be easier to come back to your intentions.

 

HOW TO BE MORE LIKED, THE MASTERCLASS

Wednesday, September 15th at 6PM EST.

That pressure you wake up with? It’s the same one that sang you to sleep last night.

It’s the voice that you’re not doing enough.

You’re behind.

You’ve got to do better.

You’re not liked enough.

Be more disciplined. More organized. More decisive.

And it’s exhausting.

It leaves you on empty.

You don’t have to keep going through your day on fumes.

You don’t have to keep pressuring yourself to do more.

You don’t have to keep feeling overwhelmed by your inbox.

You don’t have to keep overthinking your job and worrying that you aren’t good enough.

I want to teach you a better way to feel.

I want to teach you how to trust that people like you and that being you is enough.

And it all starts with changing how you think about yourself, and what you think that people think about you.

Join me for FREE for a LIVE MASTERCLASS this coming week, on September 15th.

I’ll be coaching you on HOW TO BE MORE LIKED.

And it’s going to be good.

Get your FREE spot at www.trishblackwell.com/beliked

This is for-real LIVE, so make sure you set aside time to make it.

 

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

Aisha Nilsson

I found your IG because of your podcast, which is amazing! Even though I live in the middle-of-nowhere Canada, I’ve got big dreams (to be a wedding planner in Amsterdam) and your podcast has been helping me doubt my doubts and get into a better more hopefu