Podcast #455

Still Caring Too Much, Even Though You “Know Better?”

You “know better” to care so much what other people think about you, but you’re still feeling stuck in the people-pleasing, perfectionistic, desire-to-be-liked thought loop? This podcast episode is for you! Get the full show notes at www.trishblackwell.com/455

 

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re talking about:

• Exactly how to get out of the thought loop that is keeping you stuck
• 7 critical things to remember to help you break this sloppy thought pattern
• How to find the place of mental power where “you can help it”

 

SPECIAL INVITE

Join us for the How to Stop Buffering Workshop
Thursday, August 12
Sign up for free at www.trishblackwell.com/buffering

 

ANNOUNCEMENT

I’ll keep the story short.
I wanted to be a cool mom, so I hopped on my 4-year-old son’s skateboard.
Insert cartoon image of someone flailing while slipping on a banana peel.
And voila.
I have a broken foot.
For someone who loves to run, and runs between 35-55 miles per week, not being able to walk without pain, let alone run, is an adjustment.
But a good one.
I love the challenge of it.
I love that God is inviting me into rest.
I love that it’s going to be a mental challenge, and I’m not going to back down from it.
Remember, it’s the challenges in our lives that make us into the people we become.
That setback?
If you look at it the right way, it’s a beautiful thing.
It’s just the right thing that you’ve need to give you growth in an area you wouldn’t have gotten otherwise.
And so, this month, I rest.
Which is a-okay with me, because behind the scenes here, I’m having an amazing month, with my foot elevated on my desk as I work.
My newest book, Straighten Your Crown releases soon.
Have you pre-ordered your copy yet?
Don’t forget that, when you do, you’ll get a free audiobook copy.
And, if you preorder 3+ copies, it gets even better.
Anyone who preorders 3+ copies will get an invite to my upcoming live VIP Workshop on WORTHINESS .You’re not going to want to miss this.
Just click here to preorder. >>> www.trishblackwell.com/preorder

 

REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

NEVER disappointed on a Tuesday!!!
-Ashmccoy1234
 
I have been listening to Trish for a few months now.  This time last year I was in a completely different head space. Trying to “get my life together” so my weeks were scattered with good habits and good intentioned but swamped with bad and destructive choices/habits. I was so in my head – I could not get out of my negative thoughts and feelings for the life of me. Trish has taught me it’s not about the actions that go into “getting my life together” but the thought work behind the actions. One of my favorite lines taken from the show:
 
“Your mind is your most valuable real estate and you decide what you build on it.”
 
 I didn’t realize I actually had control of what comes in and what goes out until I started listening to Trish. When I actually started training my brain I realized she was right: it is ALL in your head, and thank God for that because I have the power! I am not a victim!
 
God has without a doubt used her in the process of my mental healing (Also we are enneagram wing sisters, I’m a 4w4 and she’s a 3w4 so that’s cool). Thank you so much, Trish!

 

HOW TO GET OUT OF THE “CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK” THOUGHT LOOP

Techniques:
Specify the exact thought loop and the exit ramp.
Give people permission to think differently than you do.
Assume the best.

You can pick any thought, take power back.
Go for a net positive result, instead of net negative.

Since we don’t know what people are thinking, we can choose to think whatever we want to think. Those people who have RBF’s? I used to be convinced they hated me. Now I like to assume they are just waiting for me to be friendly to them. I assume they admire my happiness, not that they’re bothered by it, and even if they’re bothered by it, I am okay with them not being okay with me.

Some Thought Replacement Suggestions When In the Loop:
I am okay with someone not being okay with me.
I am worthy and I belong no matter what I “feel” about the other people around me.
I like me and it’s okay if other people don’t.
I don’t need everyone to agree with me to be loved or to matter.
I am okay, thanks Brain, no one is thinking about me as much as I think they are.
I will not be distracted from living my own life, I’m free from this worry.
I no longer am concerned about other people’s thoughts – I have enough thoughts of my own to manage, cultivate and bring to life.

 

SPONSORSHIP NOTE: BETTERHELP

Is there something interfering with your happiness? Have you been wanting to start counseling, but not know where to look or start? 
 
BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. You get to connect in a safe and private online environment – it’s so convenient, and of course confidential. Once you sign up you can start communicating in under 24-hours. Y’all, this isn’t self-help, this is professional counseling.
 
What I love about it the most is that you can send a message to your counselor at anytime. You’ll get timely and thoughtful responses plus you can schedule weekly video or phone session.  
 
Betterhelp makes it easy and free to change counselors if needed. It’s more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.
 
Their licensed professional counselors specialize in depression, anxiety, stress, relationships, sleeping, trauma, anger, family conflict, grief, and self-esteem. I want you to start living a happier life today. As a listener, you’ll get 10% off your first month by visiting www.betterhelp.com/confidencepod

 

7 CRITICAL THINGS TO REMEMBER TO STOP CARING

1. Get out of other people’s thoughts.
2. Be honest about what you can control, and what you can’t
3. Focus your energy on something that’s net positive, not net negative.
4. Assume that people are thinking good things
5. Some people just don’t like strawberries, no matter how you dress them up.
6. The harder you try, the less you you’ll be.
7. Your thoughts create your results.

 

YOU CAN HELP IT: HERE’S HOW

Saying “I can’t help it” puts you into the place of a victim. It’s learned and self-proclaimed helplessness and it will keep you feeling like this is happening to you, instead of recognizing that you are choosing to think and allow this thought pattern and behavior in your life.

1. Take ownership of your thoughts.
2. Know what’s slopping thinking and what’s not.
3. Be brave enough to understand the emotions below the surface.
4. Stop blaming your mismanaged mind for your mismanaged (and put off) life
5. Do it anyways: take action, repeat the thought you want to keep and be brave

 

OTHER EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

27 Ways to Stop Being a People Pleaser, #421
www.trishblackwell.com/421

What Will “They” Say: #423
www.trishblackwellk.com/423

How Not to Care: Detaching from Other People’s Opinions, #436
www.trishblackwell.com/436

When I first got a coach I was nervous. 

I didn’t think I was worth the money.

I was afraid of spending money on life coaching, and mentorship.
But I’m so glad I did.

I can pinpoint the decision to get coached as the turnaround point of my life.

After that is when I started really believing in myself.

After that is when I started dreaming big again.

After that is when I started loving my body and feeling joyful in life.

Coaching changed everything for me, and it will do the same for you.

And I made it even more affordable than it ever was for me.

I spent $30,000 to change my life with coaching.

You can spend just $57.

Your $57 will get you access to my courses, my workshops, my brain and my live personalized coaching, so that I can help you shortcut your way to the breakthroughs that you most deeply desire in your life.

And remember, it’s okay to be a little nervous to spend money on yourself.

Just remember: you’re worth it.

An investment in yourself pays the highest dividends. 

Plus the College of Confidence is risk-free, it comes with a 14-day money-back guarantee. You have nothing to lose here, and a future of happiness and limitlessness to gain!

Click here to start coaching with me >>> www.collegeofconfidence.com

 

JOIN OUR BOOK SQUAD

Want to help others feel worthy and loved?
 
Ready to Help Awaken Self-Worth in Others?
 
Let’s do this together.
 
I need your help to awaken our sisters in this world to their self-worth, their purpose and the truth about just how much God loves them.
 
STRAIGHTEN YOUR CROWN is a book that breathes confidence, worth and power into the heart of the reader, helping them rediscover their identity as a daughter of God. It is a book that has the power to change your life and your relationship with the God who delights in you.
 
As part of the Book Squad you’ll receive exclusive emails and promotional resources, and access to pre-released content. You’ll also get tagged when we post a shareable quote or inspiration from the book, and we invite you to support and share the ones that inspire you. 
 
Hit the link in my bio to join the squad or go to www.trishblackwell.com/booksquad
 

 

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your podcasts. 
 
I want you to know that I am grateful beyond belief for your podcasts. They are uplifting and inspiring and frankly are the driving force in making me feel like this change is something I CAN DO and feel good about. I’ve used your coaching every day since starting to listen and your words resonate with me on a level that I can’t even describe. It’s like I’ve been waiting my whole life for you. 
 
Thank you 
-Sarah F-