Podcast #439

How To Believe You’re Good Enough Even When You Keep Getting Rejected

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast and How to Believe You’re Good Enough we’re coaching on…
 
·       The sinking mud pit of “not good enough” and how to get out of it How to
·       How to reframe rejections and not personalize them but be powered by them
·       My favorite affirmations to deepen your belief grooves that you are good enough

 

THANK YOU: PATRONS

Just some special love and deep gratitude your way for how you support the show. You are a small and mighty group and each and every one of your contributions feels like a big, warm, wiggle hug. Thank you.
 
Want to be part of the people who help keep this show going? Consider becoming a patron. Just go to https://www.patreon.com/TheConfidencePodcast

 

REVIEW OF THE WEEK

Confident and Capable, 5-Stars by Emily C 🙂
 
Rewind about 9 months when my friend first introduced me to your podcast. I was an over apologizer. I would say sorry at EVERYTHING. My friends at one point would literally pinch me when I said it unnecessarily to try to get me to stop. (I didn’t even have the confidence to tell them to stop). To be fair, it would work temporarily but I always reverted back.
 
I would listen to your podcast occasionally and I really resonated with a lot of the things you were saying. It wasn’t until recently when things really started to click and I started to put more effort into myself. 
 
I’ve started allowing myself to take up space and have an opinion. I’m setting boundaries and speaking up for myself, and most importantly, I’m not apologizing for it.
 
In one of your more recent episodes you talked about going back to undo your laundry or untying your toes. I now try to take that little thought with me everywhere. I say to myself “respect yourself’ and set myself up for greatness. I’ve always loved making other people’s lives easier and now I valued myself enough to make my own life easier and greater.
 
I feel more respected and confident and I know that I am capable of hard things. This podcast has helped me achieve those things and I hope it find its way to those who need a reminder that it’s okay to take up space and be confident doing it. 
 
You’ve helped me change my life. I know there’s still work to do but I’m confident I can do it. Thank you. 

 

THE SINKING PIT OF “NOT GOOD ENOUGH”

Not being good enough is a belief that you’re flawed, mistaken, behind or constantly messing up. The overwhelm of how inferior you are to what you should be doing creates deep internal stress, personal disappointment and un-specifically identified shame, embarrassment or sadness. But you can figure out how to believe you’re good enough. It begins here.
 
It starts with a thought, and the thought snowballs more and more.
Typically that first thought is a comparative one. 
 
It’s worry that we aren’t what people were expecting, that we aren’t worthy of being remembered, that we disappointments because others can do something better or more efficiently than us. 
 
Always feeling like you’re the one who doesn’t belong or who can’t keep up.
Always in a state of self-pity, believing the story that everyone has it easier than you and that you have to work extra hard to just be whatever baseline of “enough” that you can manage.
 
You’re not good enough.
You’re not pretty enough.
You’re not smart enough.
You’re not successful enough.
You’re not funny enough.
You’re not engaging enough.
You’re not skinny enough.
You’re not doing enough. 
 
Even though it’s a desire on your part to feel good enough for yourself, the problem is that our measurement of “enough” is based and biased by external feedback and affirmation that we are seeking — feedback that is opinion based, which means fickle, fleeting and ever-changing.
 
I realized that this voice was growing in my life the more I tried to prove myself or look a certain way on the outside to people’s opinions. The more attached I got to trying to make people impressed with me, the more behind in life, and not good enough I felt.
 
 
Podcast Suggestions:
How to Be Your Own Validation Voice, Episode #433 www.trishblackwell.com/433

How Not to Care: Detaching From The Opinions of Other People, Episode #436, www.trishblackwell.com/436

 

HOW TO GET OUT OF THE PIT OF ‘NOT GOOD ENOUGH’

The shift started in me by a flip of the thought script.
Instead of trying to make people think that you’re great, just desire to be great. 
Instead of pursuing perfection, start pursuing excellence.
Instead of focusing on a goal line, go for a growth mind. 
 
Decide to climb out. 
1.     You don’t have to stay in this belief. You can break your agreement with it.
2.     Adopt a growth mindset. 
3.     Get serious about affirmations in your life. 
4.     Tell the negative committee that meets in your head to sit down and shut up. 
5.     You have permission to think you’re good enough.
 
 
I have nothing to lose.
I have nothing to prove.

 

THE SECRET TO REFRAMING REJECTION AND BELIEVING YOUR’RE GOOD ENOUGH

Instead of personalizing it, let it power you. 
 
We falsely believe that rejection is a detention. That it is a label everyone sees.
Impostor syndrome.
 
What no one told me because I became an entrepreneur is that I would have to massively fail in order to massively achieve.
 
What I didn’t know about sales, but I quickly learned is that rejection is essential. It’s part of the numbers game. The sooner we can learn to depersonalize rejection, the more quickly we will grow in life.
 
Sometimes too, y’all, we are rejected by things we don’t need to hold onto.
-Maybe that’s someone’s silence, or lack of interaction
-Maybe you just got ghosted
-Maybe you got teased, but then their opinion changed
-Maybe you just weren’t noticed 
 
I have let stranger’s opinions (bible teacher, akemi parker, a professor, cool guys that intimidated me) keep me from being good enough, when ultimately I didn’t know or like those people in the first place.

 

AFFIRMATIONS ON HOW TO BELIEVE YOU’RE GOOD ENOUGH:

1.     I am already where I want to be: loved, growing and grateful.
2.     I am thankful that my life is filled with wonderful things.
3.     I am a solution-maker. I am driven to see every problem as an opportunity for growth.
4.     My thoughts are positive, healthy and loving; these thoughts will create my life experiences to be the same.
5.     I am being transformed and I can grow into whomever and whatever I want. 
6.     I love and accept the person I am and I celebrate the person I am becoming. 
7.     I don’t need to compare myself to others; I am on my own journey.
8.     I have everything I need to be happy.
9.     I lack nothing, God will supply everything I need in my life, both the physical and the unseen. 
10.  I release everything that no longer serves me, including my old belief that I am not enough. 
11.  I am a living, breathing example of the kind of world I want to live in.
12.  I am on the right path. I am moving in the right direction.
13.  I am in the exact place I need to be to get to where I want to be.
14.  I am intentionally building a life brimming with joy, love and peace and that overflows my heart with fulfillment.
15.  I release the stories in my head and I forgive myself for believing everything my inner critic has ever said. 

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

My life changed forever the first time I invested in a mastermind coaching experience. To be honest, I was scared. The monthly cost was intimidating, and was almost the same cost as my mortgage, but I knew I wanted to take my life to the next level, so I jumped into the risk, promising myself to make the absolute most of my investment in myself. 
 
What they say about investing in yourself paying the highest return is true. The $30,000+ I spent on coaching over those first two years when I didn’t “have” that much extra money was like a mortgage on my future. 
 
If you are ready to experience the same type of change in your life, particularly if you are a high-achieving Christian woman who feels then the Done with Numb Mastermind is for you. 
 
It’s a mastermind for high achieving, faith-based women who are ready to kick overeating, overdrinking or over-scrolling to the curb and are ready to fully master feeling, processing and managing their emotions. I will help you create freedom and possibility in your life that you never knew was accessible.
 
You will work with Trish weekly for 6-months, and you won’t recognize yourself or your life in 6-months from now. Say goodbye to stress, exhaustion and that lack of fulfillment and hello to a spark of joy, magnetic purpose and the feeling of being full alive. 
 
Applications are due now. Go to www.trishblackwell.com/mastermind to look at the application and book an exploratory call with Trish to find out if the mastermind is the right investment for you. 

 

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE

Naromita
 
I came across your podcast on Pandora and it has been so empowering! I love to start my mornings with it and it’s also helping me since I am focusing on becoming a confidence and dating coach myself! And honestly I love how you are open about your faith while coaching since I was uncomfortable thinking I had to keep my coaching and faith separate, but you honestly inspired me and now I feel like I can be more open with my faith too! So thank you!