Podcast #436

How Not To Care: Detaching From People’s Opinions of You

Learning how not to care too much about what people think is possible, when you learn how to master your mindset and train your thoughts. This podcast episode will teach you how to detach from people’s opinions of you, how to be free from all of the “what if’s” that keep us looped into playing small with our lives, and the side effects of being a people pleaser or simply trying to be liked by everyone. Get the full show notes at www.trishblackwell.com/436

 

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast we’re talking about: 

  • Why we care so much and what it’s doing to us
  • How to not care: 15 things to remember
  • 5 mindset shifts to help you detach from other people’s opinions 

 

REVIEW OF THE WEEK: 

Equipped and Prepared to Thrive, 5-Stars by MotherofGrace

Trish’s work has helped me in so many ways to clean up my stinkin’ thinkin’. I am now lighter and less anxious because of the tools I have learned through her podcast and YouTube videos. 

I am a big fan of using her methods of parenting my negative thoughts. It is so simple and massively effective. 

Thank you, Trish, for all of the wisdom you bring! You are a blessing! 

 

THE OVERCARING LOOP

I am someone who cares a lot. Inherently, that’s a good thing. But it can be unhealthy too.

I had to learn how to not care, especially how to not care about what people thought of me. Detaching yourself from other people’s opinions can be hard, because chances are, you’re like me and have trained for brain for years, if not decades, to attach your worth, acceptance and security to these opinions.

My swim coaches used to try to get me to stop caring so much by telling me to just not care. They also told me I tried to hard, and to just “try to stop trying so hard.” Ya’ll. I found myself in a loop that I couldn’t get out of.  

“Trying to stop trying.”

“Keep caring, but don’t care too much.”

It felt like I was trying to solve a riddle that had no answer. But then I figured out a new way to approach it: I had to learn to stop holding on so tightly to the false sense of control I got from all the caring and all the trying. And ya’ll, it works.

You deserve the freedom that comes from the tools I share on this podcast episode. I can’t wait to hear what you think!

 

WHY WE CARE SO MUCH AND WHAT IT’S DOING TO US

  1. Raised conformists.
  2. The traditional path seems the safest.
  3. We’re tribal and need people.
  4. We’ve attributed too much power to others.
  5. We haven’t taken the time to be our own validation voice (#433)
  6. Conflict scares us
  7. Weird is twisted

Maybe you don’t resonate with being a people pleaser, but maybe it’s simply manifested differently, through wanting to be cool – to be influential, to be well-liked, to be included, to be powerful, to be a leader, to be popular.

It boxes us in. It labels us. It makes us beat ourselves up. It incites the voice of self-criticism. 

I used to be the queen of beating myself up. Self-critical? Perfectionist? Yep. But I would just word it differently, like “Oh, I’m just tough on myself,” and I thought it was okay, but it wasn’t. 

To be honest, it was such a daily part of my life and in how I thought about myself and the world that I didn’t think there was any other way.  

I was happy on the outside, but anxious, disappointed and always stressed on the inside. Beating yourself up all the time bruises you from the inside out. You can’t always see the wounds, but they are there and they handicap you in a painful way.

It leads to overthinking, impersonation, playing small, tip-toing, self-doubt and the jerk-brain.

Haven’t listened to episode #433, How to Be Your Own Validation Voice? Click here to listen:

www.trishblackwell.com/433

 

HOW TO NOT CARE SO MUCH

  1. Remember no one is thinking about you as much as you think they are.
  2. Remember that everyone is weird. 
  3. Remember that controlling opinions is like catching the wind.
  4. Remember how to give yourself perspective (will this matter in 5/5/5?)
  5. Remember who’s opinion really matters.
  6. Remember that your viewpoint is limited (and sometimes twisted)
  7. Remember that small minds gossip 
  8. Remember that you are loved and that you matter
  9. Remember that everyone poops (don’t let people intimidate you) 
  10. Remember that your goal is growth, not perfection
  11. Remember to celebrate your champagne moments and notice what you do well
  12. Remember that it’s okay to not know everything or be perfectly put together
  13. Remember that you have nothing to lose and nothing to prove
  14. Remember that choosing a happy heart creates freedom / optimism matters in the way you are able to enjoy your life and in how your life plays out (Proverbs 15:15)
  15. Remember that gratitude is a superpower and everything can be reframed

Proverbs 15:15

For the despondent, every day brings trouble; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast. 

 

HOW TO DETACH FROM OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS 

These 5 affirmations will help you detach from other people’s opinions …

  1. I love being myself and when I am most myself, the quality people I want in my life are most deeply drawn to me. 
  2. I embrace today with lightness and joy for the freedom I have to be myself, to pursue the things that make my heart come alive and to lead with authenticity in my life. I love not being chained or distracted by the burden of caring too much what people think; instead, I now have energy to just love people and love being myself at the same time.
  3. I release any attachment to people’s opinions that have ruled in my heart or my mind and I give myself full permission to be who God made me to be. I am strong and courageous and I love going all in on my life without fear or concern about what anyone else might think.
  4. I am loved. I am worthy. I belong. I have purpose. I have nothing to prove.
  5. I celebrate the limitless possibilities I have and I am so grateful that I am no longer restricted by the barriers of people’s opinions, of traditional paths, or of limited thinking. I can truly create anything I want in my life and I praise God for the courage, purpose and impact He is growing within me. 

 

Want more work on customizing affirmation work in your life? 

Check out my YouTube channel (www.youtube.com/trishblackwell) for some coaching videos on that or join the College of Confidence to get access to my How to Write Effective Affirmations Workshop. Just go to www.collegeofconfidence.com to get started. 

 

OTHER EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

27 Ways to Stop Being a People Pleaser, #421

www.trishblackwell.com/421

What Will “They” Say: #423

http://ww.trishblackwell.com/423

 

ANNOUNCEMENT:

 

You can learn how to make your brain work for you, not against you. And that’s exactly what I’ll be teaching in my upcoming mastermind, Done with Numb.

 

DONE WITH NUMB MASTERMIND

READY TO CHANGE HABITS? CHECK OUT MY NEW MASTERMIND:

Applications are open.

 

Who is Done with Numb for?

You do more than most people but you never feel like you’re doing enough.

You always feel like you should be doing more, but there’s not enough time.

You are told by others that you’re great, but you still see where you need to improve.

You know you have something great to give the world, but you just don’t know where to start. 

____________

Break the chains of decade-long patterns and redesign your life’s potential. 

The Done with Numb Coaching Progression Includes: 

  1. All-or-Nothing Cleanse and Perfectionism Detox
  2. Simplifying Stress, Reducing Busyness, Creating More Time
  3. Striving and Proving Yourself
  4. Anxiety Management (future anxiety, achievement anxiety)
  5. Broken Belief Systems and the Superhero Complex 
  6. Mastering Your Mindset

We’ll go deep into understanding your triggers, your habits, and your thought patterns, deconstructing them completely. 

Then, on fresh foundation, we will reconstruct your cognitive baseline and belief systems. 

This will give you the power to rewire how you see yourself, how you engage in life, and how you thrive on a day-to-day basis. 

 

Does this really work? What if change isn’t possible for me?

Yes. When you change your thoughts, you change your life. You’re probably exceptional at how you think in almost all areas of your life, except for a few, which are the ones we’ll tackle together. 

You’ll learn how to change your thoughts about yourself, about your behaviors and about what life can look like for you. 

 

Will this really help me stop my self-sabotaging behaviors?

Yes. This mastermind is uniquely focused on making sure you find complete freedom from whatever self-sabotaging habits are keeping you stuck.

Whatever your go-to numbing habits are (binge or overeating, overdrinking, over-shopping, over-scrolling/comparing, etc.), this mastermind is committed to freedom. 

 

How do I know this is different than anything else I’ve tried?

This coaching experience isn’t about will-power or self-discipline, but approaches your self-sabotage entirely differently than ever before. You will learn to think differently,

Increase your self-concept, self-respect and self-trust, and therefore follow-through differently than ever before for yourself. 

 

What qualifies Trish to effectively teach this?

Trish was stuck and isolated in self-sabotage for over 20 years. As a high-achieving Christian woman, it was easy to hide, making the shame and shackles of the self-sabotage even heavier.

Over the past 8 years, Trish has deeply explored the multiple cognitive and spiritual shifts needed to be done with numb. She has a proven method that works and she is passionate about setting women free 

from their perceived inadequacies. It is her mission to bring her sisters in Christ alive in joy, freedom, abundance and worth again, forgetting what is behind and capable of standing firm in their faith. 

 

How many people will be in the mastermind?

Your group will be hand selected and capped at 10 women.

This is a safe place where high-achievers can feel understood and supported.

 

Is there a money-back guarantee? 

No. Investing in the future you want always involves risk. You have Trish’s commitment to make the 24 weeks of coaching you receive absolutely extraordinary, hyper-focused and deeply effective. 

The cost of doing this 1:1 with Trish would be $12,000, which is why the mastermind rate is a no-brainer investment. 

 

Can I make payments instead of one payment?  

Yes, of course. The cost of the program is either 1 payment of $7,500 or 6 monthly payments of $1,500. 

The link to get started is: www.trishblackwell.com/mastermind

 

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

Trish, 

I feel like I’ve been composing this email in my head for a few days now. It’s finally time for me to get it out.

October is a difficult month for me. Especially today, the 11th. Seven years ago my mom passed away from breast cancer. One year ago we found out that me son had passed away in utero. I have been depressed since my mom passed away and severely depressed since last year. Last month I reached out and asked for help because I didn’t know if I would be able to survive the coming October. I have two beautiful girls and I need to be here for them. My doctor referred me to a therapist and phycologist. After talking with the phycologist she said I also had low self-esteem issues. My first thought was nope, that’s not me. So afterwards I did some googling, and sure enough she was right. I did have some self- esteem issues, but I had always labeled it as my insecurities, or lack of confidence, not skilled in certain areas, etc. I came across your podcast and was hooked. I’ve been binge listening for the past month starting around episode 140 or so. I know it’s early, but I already filled out my guidebook. My word for 2021 is confident. I know it’s basic, but that’s were I need to start. The other day I was journaling and wrote “today I showed up” and I thought ‘Trish would be so proud of me.’  I am so proud of how much I’ve grown this past month. My mom was my biggest cheerleader, so for 7 years I haven’t felt like I’ve had someone cheering me on, and I didn’t realize how dark things had gotten. So thank you for being you, and cheering us all on. 

Katie Betsill

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