Podcast #433

How To Be Your Own  Validation Voice

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast we’re talking about: 

Today we’ll be coaching on…

• Why what “they” think doesn’t matter and how to stop depending on outside affirmation
• Resisting fear and rewiring the critical voice default you’ve programmed into yourself 
• 10 Ways to practice your voice of self-validation

 

REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

 

Inspirational by liqerish
 
For the lonest time I wanted to write a review. I want to talk about what you’ve done for my daughters life. Because you have inspired her and pushed her to move forward with your voice. This review is not so much about me but it is about the positive impact you’ve had on my family. I appreciate the spiritual take on this podcast and how you share with us about God, and encouraging us not to give up and follow our dreams. Thank you for encouraging my daughter. Giving her strength to go out in the world and follow her dreams. You’ve changed my life too. By watching my daughter grow, it’s given me strength to let go of hard things. I’ve always felt I wanted to be a good role model as a mother and after hearing what you’ve gone through it’s empowered me to improve on myself. Thank you. 

 

OUTSIDE AFFIRMATION WEARS OFF

Real confidence is having an identity separate from outside affirmation. 
 
Words of affirmation are like little jewels. When I get a compliment, or unexpected word of encouragement from someone, it feels like I’m rich inside.
 
I thrive on outside affirmation, and always have. I’m a natural coachable athlete, teacher’s pet, people pleaser, you name it, if it involved making people I admired proud, I was into it. 
 
The problem is that when all on my confidence was built on what others said about me, my confidence became about what I did, and people’s opinions -instead of- being about who I am and my own opinion of myself. 
 
Real confidence is built from the inside out, not the outside in. 
 
If you are over attached to people-pleasing or getting your confidence from others instead of from within yourself, then it’s time to get coaching. Check out my coaching page at www.trishblackwell.com/coaching to get on my coaching waiting list, or hop right into the College of Confidence at www.collegeofconfidence.com to get started with group coaching today.

 

RESISTING FEAR AND REPROGRAMMING THE CRITICAL VOICE DEFAULT

Decide if your life will be grounded on fear or on faith.

Critical thoughts are fear based.

• What if I’m not good enough?
• What if no one really likes me?
• What if this passion project doesn’t make a difference?
• What if I’ll always be alone?
• What if I keep breaking my promises to myself?

No life that is amazing is built on fear. 

Resist fear by:

1. Declaring war against it
2. Being like Finn – always be looking for that squirrel
3. Do one thing every day that scares you – show yourself that you’re the boss of your fear
4. Build faith around you: make it your goal today to make someone else’s day better. 
5. Dare to dream about positive what if’s

Make room only for belief in your life. Don’t entertain or party with fear.

Reprogram the critical voice by:

1. Paying attention to your thought work
2. Taking ownership of your responsibility to manage your thoughts (re: #432)
3. Be annoyingly positive and encouraging in response
4. Practice patience – you’re in this for the long haul. A reset takes time, and tedium. 

 

SPONSORSHIP NOTE: BETTERHELP

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How to Be Your Own Validation Voice When You’re Not Feeling Enough

We get enough rejection from others in life – isn’t that why we’re afraid of what people think of us? We’re afraid of rejection? 

Not validating yourself, and that constant critical self-voice is self-rejection.

It’s okay to validate yourself.
This is not vain.
This is not self-righteous.
This is not cocky.
This is solid, humble self-confidence.
It is owning who you are and the life you are building. 

Decide to accept yourself. Invite yourself into being loved. 

1. Develop your inner encourager voice by encouraging others.
2. Practice self-coaching.
3. Write out daily affirmations that are believable and that sweep you into your future self
4. Know what matters to you – have a definition of success. 
5. Keep your focus simple: what makes a successful day to you? 
6. Remember you design your life on purpose, great lives don’t happen on accident: step into a place of ownership.
7. Be okay with mind drama; don’t run away from it, talk back to it
8. When feeling helpless, take action on something
9. Work with someone who will help you remember just how far you have come
10. Know that everything you do comes from a place of fear or from a place of faith / personal power. Which place do you want to build your life from?

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

We just did an amazing workshop coaching session in the College of Confidence on this, 

If you  jump into the College of Confidence today you’ll be just in time for the replay of the live workshop and coaching event “21 Ways to Love Yourself: A Workshop on How to Really Feel Like You’re Doing Enough.” 

It’s a must-attend for anyone who puts pressure on themselves and struggles with toxic internal self-talk. 

This is literally designed for those of us who are prone to only seeing what we’re doing wrong, instead of what we’re doing rightand for my perfectionists who are ready to stop feeling burnout and exhausted all the time.

The workshop will help you

• identify where you need to slow down in your daily life, and how to do that in a practical, realistic way so that you can ultimately get more done in less time
• switch out self-critical thoughts for self-coaching thoughts with structure and efficiency 
• come to a place where you are proud of you for being you, not necessarily for what you look like or how much you got accomplished on any particular day

Then, you’ll be feeling less stress and more confidence in no time! 

Are you getting excited? 

Click here to enroll in the College of Confidence and you’ll get an invite to this live workshop (which will also be recorded for you). I can’t wait to see you there!

Cheering you on,
Trish


3-Part Audio Workshop: Break the Cycle 

Attention high-achievers – I’m talking about my recovering perfectionists, go-getters, type-As – you have a dream life, but you don’t feel like you’re living the dream, right? On paper, you have it all. But at night, you feel anxiety bubble up within you. 

You might silence the anxiety with food, or wine, or online retail therapy; and it’s a habit, a cycle of self-sabotage you feel stuck in and ashamed of. You know you want to change what you’re doing, but you’ve tried to stop before and you just don’t know how to break the cycle.

Listen, I’ve been there. It’s the high-achievers shame-sabotage cycle and it’s a doozy. I wasted years trying to willpower my way to change. It didn’t work and I only felt more inadequate, more of an achievement imposter. 

To break the cycle you have to change the way you think, and in doing so, you’ll disrupt the way you act. And that’s where I come in. 

I’ve created a new 3-Part Audio Workshop for you, called Break the Cycle. It’s a private workshop delivered via RSS feed for you, meaning it’s appear right in your podcast app of choice. You have to register to get access, and it is of course, completely free. 

Go to www.trishblackwell.com/breakthecyle that www.trishblackwell.com/breakthecycle to get started. 

 

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

Camille Richards 
 
Thanks to YOU Trish for all the wisdom you share through The Confidence Podcast. I can’t tell you how much it’s helped me during this pandemic. I was initially a bit afraid to sign up because it’s a tough time financially (I’m a recent law school graduate and have been job hunting since the start of the year…), but from the moment I did it I knew I’d made the right choice. I love that you’re framing everything with reference to scripture! Looking forward to tuning in for more inspiration and encouragement. Wishing you a happy rest of the day.