27 Ways To Stop Being a People Pleaser

Podcast #421

Trying to please others puts you on a hamster wheel of inadequacy, powerlessness and in insecurity. People pleasing makes us co-dependent and cautious with how we appear to others. It makes us addicts to caring what people think and keeps us stuck in a life of stagnant averageness – average happiness, average success, average relationships. You were made for more. This podcast episode will give you 27 ways to confidently start breaking the chains of people pleasing that is holding you back from all that God has for you. Stop being a people pleaser today. Get the full show notes at www.trishblackwell.com/421

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast we’re talking about:

1. What is people pleasing, and are you doing it?
2. Why is people pleasing toxic anyways?
3. Why it’s important to stop being a people pleaser
4. 20 ways to stop being a people pleaser

Hello! 5-Stars, by Cocoa282133

Hey Trish! My name is Courtney. I just wanted to let you know, you’ve made a difference in my life. My life has been a roller coaster. I was a single mom at the age of just 16. I was married by 21. Divorced by 24. I didn’t have ANY confidence in myself at that point in my life. One day I was searching podcasts and I feel like God led me to yours. When I say your podcast has CHANGED my life, I truly mean it. It’s been really hard to date someone after being cheated on the whole time in my marriage. I had a lot of trust issues and just insecurities. Your podcast has helped me so much more than I could ever thank you for. God bless. 

 

 

YOUTUBE, COME BE FRIENDS

Hang out with me on YouTube at www.youtube.com/trishblackwell.

Recent videos released include:

How to Use Radical Gratitude to Alleviate Anxiety

Reduce Your Unhappiness at Work

Create an Effective Journaling Habit

Believing that You Actually Can

How to Detox Your Mind

Strengthening Your Self-Esteem

Break Up with People Pleasing

 

THANK YOU: PATRONS

Just some special love and deep gratitude your way for how you support the show. You are a small and mighty group and each and every one of your contributions feels like a big, warm, wiggle hug. Thank you.

Want to be part of the people who help keep this show going? Consider becoming a patron. Just go to https://www.patreon.com/TheConfidencePodcast

 

WHAT IS PEOPLE PLEASING AND ARE YOU ONE?

People pleasing goes beyond simple kindness.

It’s based off a low opinion of yourself. 

It’s a need for others to like you.

• It’s hard for you to say no.
• You over-apologize, for everything.
• You’re quick to agree and agreeability is a value. 
• You struggle with authenticity. 
• You’re an over-giver.
• You don’t have any free time – because you give all of yours away. 

 

WHY IS PEOPLE PLEASING TOXIC?

Because it’s rooted in caring too much what people think.

It’s a belief system that thinks – if I can just make people happy, then I will be happy because I will belong, I will be important and I will be enough.

It makes our happiness contingent on someone else’s happiness.

We become victims to other people’s whims and decisions.  This is why it is important to stop being a people pleaser today.

(Need more coaching on letting go of what people think? Check out episodes #419 and #187 of The Confidence Podcast.)

Negative Emotional Results Experienced: 

-frustration and resentment

-feel taken advantage of 

-relationships that don’t satisfy

-stress and burnout

-identity of worthlessness or contingent on results/achievement

-fear of being left out or not belonging 

-past trauma

Rooted in Origins Of:

-self-esteem issues

-fear of rejection

-false control focus

-damaged self-concept

-misplaced belonging

 

SPONSORSHIP NOTE: BETTERHELP

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Their licensed professional counselors specialize in depression, anxiety, stress, relationships, sleeping, trauma, anger, family conflict, grief, and self-esteem. I want you to start living a happier life today. As a listener, you’ll get 10% off your first month by visiting BetterHelp dot com slash confidencepod

www.betterhelp.com/confidencepod

 

WAYS TO STOP BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER

1. Realize you have a choice to stop people pleasing.
2. Set your priorities: learn to ask yourself what you actually want
3. Practice with small “no’s” 
4. Get bold with your “no’s” 
5. Practice putting yourself first.
6. Show kindness when you really mean it — and call yourself out for when you are fake
7. Learn to set boundaries 
8. Prioritize self-trust, self-listening and authenticity.
9. Practice using your voice. 
10. Consider the value of conflict.
11. Consider the value of being disagreeable. 
12. Use time limits.
13. Practice expressing your own opinions and preferences.
14. Intentionally stall /  add delay (let me get back to you) 
15. You are not responsible to solve everyone’s problems / don’t enable others. 
16. Pay attention to manipulation. (Consider if you’re being manipulated) 
17. Say no with conviction. 
18. There’s always a cost. 
19. You don’t need to explain.
20. Create a mantra. 
21. Don’t list out excuses or explanations. 
22. Remember: people are responsible for their own happiness.
23. Allow yourself to be yourself. 
24. Practice the pillars of confidence: journaling, affirmation, gratitude, action
25. Get in the habit of self-coaching conversations 
26. Let go of the guilt
27. Take ownership of your bigger purpose

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

If this episode resonated with you, we have a new course that just released in the College of Confidence that just dropped – and it’s on this, just more in-depth: How to Stop People Pleasing.

Get instant access when you enroll as a member at www.collegeofconfidence.com

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LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

You are going to get so sick of hearing from me – I had to just tell you one other thing that has been going so well ever since I started listening to your Podcast… 

I have been feeling a lot of overwhelm lately, with running my business, having little kids, and just managing life and general! Everything good, just a lot going on. Your episodes recently on overwhelm and feeling like you have too much to do were there at the perfect time!

I have trained my thoughts this week to say “it’s OK that you are overwhelmed, just one step at a time!” I have been getting everything done and not feeling overwhelmed!

So just another thank you for this amazing work you are doing.

Jill Shroyer