Forgiving Self-Destructive Behavior

Podcast #413

Forgiving self-destructive behavior keeps many people stuck in confusion and conflict. If you’ve spent a huge portion of your life stuck in self-sabotage, self-destructive or unhealthy patterns of thought or behavior, then this episode is for you. In it we’re going to explore how to forgive yourself for being so harmful, for making poor decisions and wasting time. Forgiveness is the balm that will soothe your heart and give your mind the brain space it craves to walk and think with more confidence. 

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’ll be talking about:

  1. Why it’s so hard to forgive ourselves when we don’t struggle as much in forgiving others
  2. 13 things you can do to start letting go and forgiving yourself for harmful things you’ve done
  3. The next steps to take in rebuilding your self-trust and self-compassion

Do you love the show? We’ve love for you to become an official supporter of The Confidence Podcast by becoming a Patron. We have 17 bonus episodes ready for you to unlock, all for just $5. Go to to get started. 



Look, if you want to like yourself, give yourself and edge of confidence by understanding where you are in the 5 Stages of Confidence. If you’ve never heard my coaching on this before, now’s the time to jump in. I’m re-offering my 5-star rated webinar on How to Have More Confidence. In it you’ll learn the 5 Stages of Confidence, the Confidence Formula, and how to get from one stage of confidence to the next.

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Best confidence podcast. Hands down.

Skrwzvh, 5 stars.

A month or so ago my friend watched a guy strut by with a posture and confidence that made her stop and say, “If I had his confidence I could rule the world.” And I stopped and thought, “That’s an opportunity for me. Why the heck not me?” I strive to be an inspiration and role model to my two young children and to be the person I deserve to be to be myself. This podcast has really opened my eyes and my mind and is helping me become stronger and more confidence everyday. I am so grateful to have stumbled upon your coaching and look forward to growing with you more. Thank you so much and please keep it up! 



Self-forgiveness is not letting yourself off the hook, or being easy on yourself. 

It’s understanding that unforgiveness doesn’t help, and holding onto things hurts your psyche. 

Guilt is a long-term decision to feel miserable for a long time. And there are deep consequences. You’ll be miserable, and you’ll attract other miserable people. 

Difficulty forgiving also leads to heart attacks, high blood pressure and depression. 

What types of self-destructive behavior can be hard to forgive?

Any type that you have wanted to be free from – some examples of which are: over eating, over drinking, binging, compulsive shopping, gambling, scrolling, cutting, compulsive exercising, control, perfectionism, procrastination, smoking, toxic relationship patterns


Take ownership of your mistake. 

Articulate how you feel. 

Identify the hurt

Understand what you want (peace) 

Recognize unrealistic expectations 

Stop living on replay mode

Apologize to yourself or your body

Put things into perspective

Allow God in 

Replace guilt with gratitude 

Renew your mind

Do a new thing (repent, change behavior, etc.)

Rest and trust. 

Unbelief makes it hard for us to forgive ourselves.

-we believe in forgiveness for others

-we believe that God forgives in theory

-so why can’t we forgive ourselves


…while also still maintaining and nurturing positive behavior change. 

We’re trying to do it on our own strength

In other words, we enter into the “Promised Land” by fully embracing God’s grace. We find “rest” when we really believe that all our sins have been washed away. This, we’d suggest, is exactly what your friends mean when they suggest that you need to “forgive yourself.”

“I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.” -Psalm 34:5 



Episode #394

Your Own Worst Critic? Here’s How to Stop.

Episode #377

Not Good Enough: How to Get the Feeling Out of Your Head.

Episode #363

Perfection? How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy


If you’ve ever struggled with wanting to know who you are and how to actually like yourself, you won’t want to miss this episode. We’ll be talking about exactly that: how to like yourself. 

Did you know that confidence is simple? If you follow The Confidence Formula in the way we teach in the COC, then it’s as easy as (1). slowing down, (2). simplifying and (3) strategizing … all of which we do right alongside you in the COC. We’re thick into the Back-to-Basics Challenge, implementing the Confidence Formula in the College of Confidence and it’s not too late to join us. It’s back to school, back to basics … something we all need. 

I’ll be coaching you through the following categories, for a full week at a time.


Weight loss




Being Yourself

This is exclusively for students in the College of Confidence. It’s time for you to join us.

Click here to become official so that you don’t miss out on these next 6-weeks of the transformational coaching, community and challenge.


Additionally, I’m deep behind the scenes right now preparing a brand new multi-module course and coaching experience on How to Teach Girls Confidence. It will be released in the College of Confidence in November … which means that now is the perfect time to enroll.

Confidence is a mental skill set that can be developed and nurtured at any age. It is never too early and never too late to teach confidence to someone – wherever someone is in their confidence journey that is the perfect place to start. Confidence is a life-long adventure and exploration, and the more the skill is strengthened, the more courageously the person will be able to show up in life. This course will equip you with the tools to categorically teach confidence to girls and women of any age and at any stages. The modules start with a general overview of how to teach confidence, in the module Confidence Fundamentals for Teaching. Then, you’ll learn more specifically how to dial in your confidence coaching in the other modules, learning how to teach Confidence in Identity, Confidence in Ability, Confidence in Intellect, Confidence in Athletics and Confidence in Personality. This is the course is a launchpad for you to confidently and effectively boost and support confidence growth the girls and women in your life, while growing your own confidence as well.



Kim Smith: 

I have been wanting to email you forever, but just wasn’t sure what to say.  You truly have been a life changer for me in the past two plus years.  I am a divorced mom of three kids and had a very controlling ex-husband.  He now tries to control me through my children, but I am not going to let him.  After the divorce, I jumped into the dating scene WAY to fast and have some horrible relationships, but also made me grow as a person.  That being said, I couldn’t be the confident person I am today without you in my life.  I could go on for hours about how you have helped me in my personal life and my work life.  I truly want to thank you for doing your podcasts because they have helped me through life.  I recently joined a group called Toastmasters which I am hoping will help me with my speaking skills and my leadership skills.  I am a supervisor of my friends, which were also my peers and now I am their boss.  This is one aspect in my life where you have helped me build the confident with myself and I am trying to become the leader that helps my entire team (friends, peers) grow.  I am in the second part of presenting a speech in my Toastmasters group.  I have decided to do the 4-6 minute speech on confident and want you to know that you will be a huge part of the speech.  I am in the beginning stages of the speech which will be a PowerPoint presentation so would like to share it with you when I have it complete.  I can’t truly thank you enough for what you have done for my life and the way I look and handle situations.  My confident has become stronger because of you. 

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