How to Stop Putting Pressure On Yourself

Podcast #407

 

Putting pressure on yourself doesn’t work. In fact, it’s a surefire way to wreck your confidence, spiral in overthinking, and lose your joy to comparison and jealousy. Putting pressure on yourself is a false prophet that we have convinced ourselves will lead us to the success crave. But maybe our definition of success is skewed? Maybe there is a way to live free from the pressure, the guilt, the anxiety, the comparison, the feeling behind, and feeling inadequate?  This podcast episode will dive into exactly that and more. Get the full show notes at www.trishblackwell.com/407

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast we’re talking about:

  • Why we put pressure on ourselves in the first place, and why it’s not just not working, but reverse working
  • The connection between pressure and guilt
  • 5 things you can do today to start shifting the internal conversation in your mind

 

REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

One Step at at Time – 5 Stars

Miss E Room 135


Trish1 I am a teacher and thoroughly enjoy the luxury of having summers off. However, as much as I look forward to summer break I always find myself in a weird place as it forces me to process my emotions and face myself. That began as reading my Bible daily and lifting weights consistently. Early on in June I stumbled upon your podcast and am SO THANKFUL for it. I binge listened to the first couple of weeks and now have made the College of Confidence and Tuesday podcast part of my weekly routine. I often say Amen girl! Am feeling so uplifted as I hear your words! 

 

WHY WE PUT PRESSURE ON OURSELVES IN THE FIRST PLACE

We think we aren’t motivated if we don’t.

We think we’re behind or not enough.

We think our feelings dictate ours lives, not vice versa.


We aren’t doing the thought work we need.

We aren’t making time to think and journal and be coached.

We aren’t stretching our belief systems to believe in change. 

Ultimately, we are in a constant state of dissatisfaction. 

How do you know if you’re putting too much pressure on yourself?

-you wake with anxiety

-you let your failures or fears keep you from trying

-you don’t think you’re good enough

-you feel stressed out all the time.

-you have unrealistic expectations

-you always want more or feel like you should do more

 -you can’t relax 

-you think your life will be better when you just achieve the next thing

 

WHY DOES THE PRESSURE NOT WORK?

It chokes our confidence. 

It directs us to chase the wrong definition of success.

It subconsciously communicates to us that we aren’t naturally motivated – we don’t trust ourselves.

It speaks more of pessimism than of optimism. 

It makes us feel like we’re behind where we should be. 

 

HOW DOES IT ACTUALLY REVERSE-WORK?

It tarnishes the real definition of success – and our ability to live life well.Success is not found in achievement or accumulation – not even in status. Success is a state of the soul. It is the pursuit of living life, with all you have been given, faithfully and fully. 


Pressure pinches the flow of our best life. 


(Think about pinching a hose). 

 

THE CONNECTION BETWEEN PRESSURE AND GUILT

 
 
 
Guilt drives us to dark places of shame and stuckness.
 
For me, with pressure, there was an innate message to myself that I had to go all in all the time otherwise I would fail or drift off course. The drifting scared me because I didn’t trust myself. Therefore, the more pressure I put on myself, the more dramatic it felt when I didn’t do things perfectly.
 
Pressure communicates an unspoken expectation of perfection. 
 
So, when I wasn’t perfect, the tsunami of guilt swept me up. 
 
Now, when I’m pressuring myself to be beyond where I am at the moment, these help:
  • Delight and distraction contradict one another. 
  • What’s the rush, I’m not in a hurry?
  • God, I trust you with my pace and my place. 

 

5 THINGS TO DO TODAY TO START SHIFTING THE INTERNAL CONVERSATIONS IN YOUR MIND

1. Get a grip on what is realistic and what isn’t. 

2. Stop listening to others. 

3. Be present and slow down; live is to be lived, not sped through. New pace of life.

4. Think like an optimist, not a pessimist (most people are afraid to think this way) 

5. Accept that you are a work in progress – and life is an adventure, with God in control. 

 

MENTIONED IN THE SHOW:
4 Positive Ways to Deal with Disappointment:

 
How to Stop Caring What People Think FREE Webinar:
 
To Hell with the Hustle, Jeff Bethke
 
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, by John Mark Comer

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Open coaching slot. If you are ready to take the way you think seriously, then I would love to help you think with more confidence, courage and clarity.  Email me at trish@trishblackwell.com if you are ready to invest in really creating change in your life. 


Our College of Confidence has a new course, and it’s called Turning Your Trials into Triumphs. If you are looking for budget-friendly life coaching and a contagiously encouraging community, then look no further than the College of Confidence. Enroll today at www.collegeofconfidence.com and you’ll get instant access to our new course … where you’ll learn step-by-step how to create a comeback in your life. 

 

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

Hi Trish,
I apologize in advance for the long email, I just have to share this with you because you struck a deep cord!

Every time I listen I think ‘we should be friends’! You speak to my heart girl! Your talks are so bang on! Well, this morning I was listening to episode 301….and I gotta be honest, I also have a love for true crime podcasts (talk about opposites eh, but I’m speaking my truth!) so this morning I ALMOST put on Canadian True Crime, but I heard God speak to me, he told me to listen to yours again (like I said, I listen every day!) and after some debate, I decided I should listen to God (LOL), and I put on episode 301. WELL NO WONDER….you were speaking to ME!

 
I mean c’mon! Your podcasts all speak to me, but this one…it was THE ONE. The way you shared your story, I could even feel the angst that you didn’t feel comfortable sharing but were going to do it anyways. Trish, I applaud you! That takes guts and I want you to know that it was worth it! For me, your story, your examples really resonated. The fear of what others will think, right from your formative years, the people pleasing desire because of the fear pit in your stomach that someone might not like you, talk about you, think negative things, misperceive you, etc…I totally get that! 


I’ve struggled with that for years! I grew up in an atheist household but going to a Catholic school (don’t ask!), raised by a perfectionist mother who believe 99% was not good enough, 100% was the only option. There was no room in our lives for love (she was cold!), for the squishy stuff and hugs, kind words, etc. And you’d best believe everyone thinks we’re perfect or else! 


So I chased perfection in every way-sports, school, looks, fashion-and I nailed it! But when I didn’t…catastrophe! I also chased love and affection in all the wrong places (men) from a very young age. I also was sexually assaulted and still deal with triggers from PTSD. I went through a failed marriage in my 20s to an abusive alcoholic. I didn’t believe in God. In fact, I made fun of people who did. I was THE most NON-believer I knew! I was broken, damaged and neglected.


Then I met my husband 8  years ago.
Boy did things change.


His mom was on her death bed (brain cancer) and she told me about Jesus. She rocked my world. So did God. Who knew what I was chasing all along was God?! He was right there and I didn’t see Him! I now have the most incredible family and life. I’m so incredibly blessed!


I wish I could tell you that the heavens opened up, I was saved and it’s been an easy walk (that’s what I thought would happen!). NOPE! In fact, life got harder on the inside. Real hard. I struggle constantly-am I enough? Am I a good mom? Good wife? Good boss? Good friend? I start believing I am, I trust God, I believe, (like you say, I take 2 steps forward…) then BAM, 4 steps back! And I mean 4 steps because then in addition to my doubt, add the sense of failure yet again-now I’m a bad christian too?!! 


Well guess what?! 


I started listening to your podcast. Now every day I’m reminded, I’m human, I make mistakes, but I AM enough. I might know it, I might be able to tell myself without your podcast, but I’m telling you: I’ve tried for years and can’t seem to remember to be easy on myself. Now I hear you telling me every day and it’s working. I mean ‘big picture’ working! I mean my family is better, my perspective is better, my attitude is better, etc. 


I can’t thank you enough! God has put on my heart for a while now to share my story, the same way you shared yours. I’ve always been afraid of what people would think. Now I’m starting to consider it as an actionable item! Let’s say I’m “warm” to the idea! That for me is a big step!

Before I go, I want to make a request…I know a lot of your programming is geared towards entrepreneurs (which is great!), I am in a senior manager position in government (so the opposite of entrepreneur LOL), I am young for my role compared to my peers, I have a fairly large group of staff who report to me and I have to make some pretty big decisions often. I love it, I love responsibility and autonomy but I struggle with second guessing my decisions. The voices in my head say I’m not qualified. I know (like most bosses) my staff are pleasant with me but don’t always agree with my direction. I tell myself (and most of the time believe it) that I’m ok with that. Sometimes though, it bugs me. That old me of wanting everyone’s approval comes out and I start to feel threatened, like I have to prove myself. I hate that feeling. How do I own being a boss in the corporate world? How do I get rid of the feeling that I’m 10 years old, uninformed and not qualified for my job?

Once again, Trish, I love ya! You rock and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Keep being authentic, keep your line straight, you’re making a difference in this world! 
xo

Stacey Bain

To listen to the episode Stacey mentioned, 33 Practical Ways to Stop Worrying What People Think About You, click here: https://www.trishblackwell.com/301-2/

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