How to Be Okay with People Not Liking You

Podcast #406

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re talking about:

• The fact that you are indeed likable, even when you feel like the odd-ball out or an only awkward one
• The reasons behind why we like some people and not others, and vice versa
• How to be okay with people not liking you —- and what to do about it

REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

Trish Blackwell is inspiring – 5 Stars

by HessMart

I can’t believe it took me so long to find Trish Blackwell. I’ve struggled my whole life with self-confidence, I’m 45-years old. I am learning so many tips from her. She’s teaching me how to love myself. I have a very strong Christian faith and she sprinkles in the word of God but doesn’t overdo it. Even if you’re not a Christian, you will adore her and will feel more confidence from the first podcast you listen to.

MOST PEOPLE LIKE YOU

First, let it be said that probably most people you know like you.

And then there are those people who you don’t think like you, who really are just having a bad day or need a smile or an attitude shift. (Example – receptionist at new pediatrician, cold to me, irritated and short … but with kindness, she became kind. – we’ve got to be patient and extend grace to people — we never know what’s really going on where we can’t see). 

The other percentage of people who maybe aren’t overly “nice” to you are sometimes just:

-distracted

-busy

-self-focused

-anxious

-insecure

We often misinterpret people’s distraction as a reaction and rating on who we are in their eyes. 

Finally, there’s the group of people that we self-assume don’t like us. The people we feel different from that we convince ourselves that because of our differences we don’t have commonalities. And this of course, couldn’t be further from the true.

But – a note on being different.

We all feel different.

And it’s a weird feeling – it creates a deep state of internal tension.

But, friend, please know, this is quite universal.

It doesn’t mean you’re weird. It means that you need to attribute new value to the word and descriptor “different.” 

Side note: in 2020 a lot of us are being different – each interpreting our situations, our priorities and our goals through mixed information. It feels awful, but embrace that place. I’m learning the spiritual gift of accepting being on the outside – on the fringe – on being different because it is forcing me to be okay with people not liking my decisions, potentially judging me or talking about me behind my back, or the like. It’s okay to do life differently. 

In fact, being different inspires me. I don’t want to live like the world: stressed, behind, anxious, insecure, chaotic and seeking whatever next high will fill my soul.  I want a hurry-free life. I want a slow life. I want a deep life. 

I work with my entrepreneurs on this – lifestyle choices that are different are okay — like having boundaries with your hours, taking a day of complete rest —- let people have their opinion and you stick to yours. 

PEOPLE LIKING OR NOT LIKING YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

What people think about you is none of your business.

What is your business?

-Your thoughts

-Your decisions

-Your actions

-Your purpose

-Your kindness

-Your showing up in this world

No one likes a busybody or nosey neighbor. So why do we think it’s okay to be like that internally, even if we’re the only ones who know it?

The more I’ve studied confidence, and the more I feel secure as my relationship with God deepens, the more I am coming to understand that if I live my life in a way that everyone likes me, then I am doing something wrong. It means that I’m not standing for anything – that I waver and cater to every opinion – that I’m building my life upon the sand, not upon a firm foundation.

Think about someone you know who tries to have everyone like them. Do you like them? Sure. But would you want to go deep with them and become their best friend? Maybe not. The people I know like this feel shallow and their lack of sharing opinions or having preferences makes me question them and want to keep them at arms length. 

If I am going to live the life and share the message of hope that I feel God has called me to be faithful in doing, then I will offend some people. 

I will turn off some people.

I will be too happy and cheerful for some people.

I will talk about Jesus too much for some people.

I will be too pretty or not pretty enough for some people.

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IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE LIKED

Let go of the utopian vision that you like everyone and everyone likes you. 

Statistically speaking, 10% of people are just not meant to be best friends.

That doesn’t mean that you can’t be kind to them, work with them, or get along with them – it’s okay that everyone isn’t your favorite person, and vice versa. 

People’s opinion of you does not matter.

Even if they are your boss.

Even if they are a gatekeeper.

Think creatively – one person will not keep you back, no matter how influential they are. 

My life goal:

tough skin, soft heart.

Tough skin: People will hurt me, and I will unnecessarily personalize people not liking me as hurt. We need to live with tough skins because we know that other people don’t change our value, our love from God or our place in this world.

Soft heart: I refuse to live jaded, cynical, or distrusting. I want love to seep out from every crevice of my life, and I am not of the authority to pretend to judge who deserves my love and openness and who doesn’t, because we all need love. 

UNDERSTAND THE REASONS

There are a lot of reasons – and though they’re not our business, it could be ….

You remind them of someone, they are jealous, differences, political opinions, style differences, interests and hobbies, energy levels, the list goes on and on. 

WHAT TO DO WHEN PEOPLE DON’T LIKE YOU

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE: