BEING HAPPY WHERE YOU ARE AND NOT FEELING BEHIND
Being happy where you are is an internal decision that can change the course of your life and life-satisfaction. When you learn how to be happy where you’re at, you’re able to release the self-doubting thoughts that creep in suggesting to you that you’re behind or not enough. This podcast episode will help you learn how to rest well, live with joy, and bloom right now where you’re planted, all while still growing and expanding towards the goals that you have for your future. To get the full show notes, go to www.trishblackwell.com/396
In this episode of The Confidence Podcast we’re talking about:
- How to claim confidence for where you are, and stop feeling so behind.
- 10 mindset shifts and tiny habits to help you be happier now
- The small ways you can start to change your brain (which changes your life)
How to Stop Caring What People Think WebinarSave your spot at www.trishblackwell.com/stopcaring
Our most popular episodes here on The Confidence Podcast are always around the same topic: how to stop caring what people think. So, ya’ll, I’m going deeper on this topic than ever before.
What you’ll learn….
In this 20-minute webinar, you’ll learn how to stop getting distracted from your dreams and purpose because of what people *might* think about you.
When I finally learned let go of caring too much what other people *might think* the gateways of success opened! The tools I am going to teach you have allowed me to write 3 best-selling books, win the North Face Trail Marathon, build a solid 6-figure online coaching business, and reach millions of people around the world with encouragement
If you’re ready to push play on your purpose with confidence and freedom, then this webinar is for you. In class we’ll cover…
- The real issue and how to tackle it. You’ll learn how caring too much what people think is so destructive to our happiness and why we get trapped into this toxic pattern of thinking.
- The first 3 things you can do right now to change how you feel. You’ll learn 3 things you can start doing differently right away to get free from the restriction of caring what people think
- The easiest way to go after your purpose with total confidence. You’ll get advice on the exact next-steps to take to have more confidence and courage to go after your dreams without being distracted or delayed by comparison, overthinking or self-doubt.
REVIEW OF THE WEEK
This girl knows what she’s talking about! – 5 Stars!
by Sydnie Anne
New listener here! 🙂 Your positivity, genuine care about others and passion for what you talk about makes this podcast worth the listen in and of itself. What I love the most is that you talk about training your brain. It’s incredibly real for any skeptics out there! I’ve done it since I was a teenager after being diagnosed with a chronic illness and became quickly covered is psoriasis from head to toe. This past winter it was worse than its ever been before and my headspace got really dark and I was stuck there for a while. This podcast is helping me tap back into that mindset again and I’m excited to listen to all of them!
THOUGHTS TO GET YOU STARTED:
- Being behind isn’t possible. You simply are where you are.
- Feeling behind is a mindset you can choose to release.
- Our feelings are dictated by our thoughts (head, heart, hands) – do thinking, don’t let thinking do you.
- Being present is the antidote to drinking the “I’m behind” kool-aid.
- Believing that you are behind is simply lazy thinking.
- You are not behind, you are where God has placed you for now.
- Peace is a proactive state of an engaged thought life. Change your brian, change your life.
YOUR BRAIN IS THE START OF EVERYTHING
Change your brain, change your life.
When your brain works right, you work right.
When your brain has trouble, you have trouble in life.
Things you can do now (tiny habits) that have big changes in your brain health and function:
-Work on being your ideal weight
-Flood your mind with positive things
-Rest well and prioritize sleep
-Eat well and pay attention to your gut health
-Get around positive people and healthy people
-Train your thoughts (your thoughts don’t happen, they do)
FIRST OFF, BEHIND IN COMPARISON TO WHO?
We spiral and self-sabotage, or struggle with inner feelings of rejection, dejection or disappointment when we feel like we’re behind.
People feel behind in all sorts of ways:
-Relationships, marriage, kids-Career, education business growth, or reach of influence-Productivity, habits, structure, to-do’s (over-commitments)-Body, weight loss, fitness, achievements-Finances, things, trips, cars, clothes, material items -Mindset growth, confidence, emotional intelligence, etc.
FEELING BEHIND INTRO:
Feeling “behind” in life is a fatal trap that will land you into a pit of pressured- productivity, poverty thinking, and powerlessness. It’s important to note that “feeling behind” is a feeling. And though all feelings feel real, they aren’t all factually based. Feeling behind does not represent truth. Feelings are not always facts.
In this post, you’ll learn how to detox your attachment to feeling behind and instead how to step into being happy where you are at, as you confidently and enthusiastically look forward to where you are going.
Where to start when you’re feeling behind in life? To start, it’s important that you know that the process of training your thoughts (click here to learn how to do that) requires that you ask yourself whether a thought is a fact or a feeling. Most of the time, the things we feel and the anxieties that burden us are feelings, not facts.
There are a lot of reasons we can convince ourselves that we are behind in life. But being “behind” is not real. We are simply where we are.
If what you have always done isn’t actually working for you, it’s time to take an honest look and make the uncomfortable changes you’re avoiding. I certainly haven’t mastered this, but I’m working at it and am in a place of willingness to do it. In fact, I’m still bumbling along at a snail’s pace of successful progress, but since forward is a pace, I am learning to merely rejoice that I am going in the right direction.
Here are some small shifts I have made that have been instrumental in helping me detox the toxic thought that I am behind. It is my hope that you will experiment with them in your life as well. Oh, and this is not for the faint of heart or for those who want a quick fix. This is a slow burn, a marathon mindset, and a daily effort kind of thing.
The good news is that you are not alone in your efforts. I coach hundreds of women on these principles, helping them apply them to their daily lives in real, practical and personal ways. Sometimes it helps to know that you’re not the only one. You’re not weird and you’re not alone. (Click here to find out more about joining us for encouragement and support).
HOW TO NOT FEEL BEHIND: MINDSET SHIFTS
1. “This is where I’m supposed to be.“
I use this one often in my own self-talk. When I find my mind wandering with “what if’s” and “maybe I should’s,” I ground myself back into the present moment with this gentle reminder. I remind myself that “this is where I am supposed to be, and wherever I go tomorrow is where I will be then.”
You’ll find, as I have, that using this simple phrase will help you not waste the day thinking about tomorrow. Instead, you’ll be able to live the day today without feeling behind.
2. “I can’t wait to see where I’ll be tomorrow.”
This mindset thought is an expansion of the first one listed above. I use this once I am feeling peace about where I am at the moment. Keep in mind, it requires some measures of intentional release to let go of the thoughts that run through your mind, whispering to you that you’re not doing enough or about how nice it would be if you were “further along.” (Click here to find out more about how to manage your thoughts).
Once present, this mindset of gratitude will give you even more power to position your mindset to one that is persistent in its positivity. Moreover, it gives praise and thanks for where God is guiding you tomorrow, subsequently erasing any anxiety or worry thoughts you would have previously had.
3. “Why the rush? I choose to walk in peace and I refuse to rush through life.“
I ask myself this question all the time. Why the rush? Seriously, though. Why are we in such a rush? We rush through our days, we rush through our emails, we rush through our life timelines, desperate to get from one phase of life to another. Why the rush?
I have a personality that likes to do too much and to do it too quickly. A chronic go-getter, this phrase helps me remind myself that I am in recovery from a lifestyle of rushing, anxiety, and busyness.
4. “I embrace that ‘forward’ is a pace.”
It doesn’t matter how fast or slow you make progress on the goals in life that matter to you, just that you are moving forward. Forward, my friend is a pace. In fact, it is the only pace that matters. When you know that you are moving forward, you know you are going in the right direction, forward. It’s nearly impossible to feel “behind” if you confidently know that you are moving ahead.
To embrace this mindset it is imperative that you release your sense of time and learn how to wait well. Every season of life has waiting it in, the sooner we learn to wait well, the happier we will be.
5. “I choose to be extraordinarily content where I am today.”
Before you think this will contradict your drive and desire for growth – this statement does not mean you are settling. Instead, it means that you are proactively and intentionally grounding yourself with gratitude. This opens the door of being able to be present and to have peace.
The decision to be content with where you are is a decision that will free you from anxiety and pressure. The world pressures us to be discontent; deciding to find joy where you are is a radical way to live.
HOW TO NOT FEEL BEHIND: HABIT SHIFTS
1. The Structured Morning
A simple morning routine is a foundation for the pace – and the peace you feel – for the rest of the day. By setting aside 15-20 minutes at the beginning of the day to renew your mind and your body, you are in control for the rest of the day.
Stretch, do a quick workout, pray, journal, read your Bible, there is no right or wrong way to structure your morning routine. It’s just imperative that you do it. Figure out three to four things that will make you feel like you’re winning the day out the gate.
2. Champagne Moments Journal
Being motivated is good, but being so focused on where you want to go can sometimes robs you of the ability to see just how well you are doing and how you are growing. Enter the Champagne Moments Journal.
By tracking and taking note of your champagne moments, or wins of any size, you will start seeing just how much growth and progression you are making. The ability to see how we are growing gives us confidence and reassurance that we are in fact, going in the direction we are supposed to be. When we go, we grow. And, as long as we are growing, and going, we will feel a sense of satisfaction and confidence that are doing well and are not as “far behind” as we previously thought we were.
3. Convert Comparison into a Compliment
One of the most insidious ways we rob confidence from ourselves is by comparison. As Teddy Roosevelt famously stated, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Unfortunately, we live in a culture that encourages comparison and invites us into envy in every nook and cranny of our lives. Comparison will almost always leave us feeling less than, like we’re behind, and questioning whether or not we are doing enough. So, to counter this toxic trap, practice the habit of turning every comparison into a compliment.
It works like this. If you feel yourself comparing yourself to someone else, notice it, acknowledge to yourself that comparison will only make you feel miserable and will steal your joy – and then compliment that person in your mind. They look great and you wish you had their weight loss story? Great. Tell yourself that they are doing awesome and that you can do that too. Did your neighbors just upgrade their deck and buy two new cars, while you’re struggling just to pay your mortgage? Great. Tell yourself that they are thriving beautifully and that you’re happy for them, for they inspire you that better times will come for you too. The compliments you give out to others will eventually boomerang back to you in your subconscious mind.
4. Create Daily A/B/C Priorities
This habit is pure gold. Before you go to bed at night, take a look at your calendar and activities for the next day. Instead of creating a mega to-do list, which is bound to leave you feeling overwhelmed and directionless, identity 9 total priorities. You’ll pick 3 priorities to fall into the A category, 3 to fall into the B category, and 3 to round out the C category. When you wake up the next morning, tackle the A priority items first until completion before you work your way down the list into the B’s and C’s. In general, the A’s are the must-dos, the B’s are the would-be-nice-to-dos, and the C’s are the these-could-also-get-done-tomorrow-dos.
If you’re looking at your obligations and are unable to reduce the number down to 9 or less, then you need to do a schedule overhaul. This system forces you to take into consideration your overall wellness and balance. As you implement this A/B/C Priorities habit, you’ll notice an increase of productivity momentum and progress which will inevitably make you feel like you are moving forward (and not lagging behind).
5. Decide Daily to “Do Peace“
A peaceful life flows from a peaceful mind. It’s not the elite, the lucky, or those with “easy” lives that have peaceful minds. No, those who walk in peace have decided to do so. They do peace. Peace, though it is a state of living – a state of heart – is a thing that we either do or we don’t do. It’s a belief system that we either live in agreement with or we don’t.
I’ve learned that our culture goes against this belief system of peace. It tells me to do more, to be more, to achieve more, to look at others’ lives more (instead of my own) and it tells me that if I just work hard enough, I am skinny enough and rich enough, then one day I will be happy. I reject that system and those beliefs. They are simply untrue. Life is not measured in what we accrue or achieve, but in how we live and how we love.
The thing is, we have to choose to “do peace” daily because we are living daily in a world that is trying to convince us otherwise. This habit is a simple settling of your heart. It is something you can do in just a moment in the morning, and a moment at night. It helps you align your priorities, reduce the pressure of self-criticism, and have an eye for what really matters: living well and loving well.
LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:
Hi Trish! I’m listening to your #392 podcast today and I had to stop it to tell you how much I love it! You are so inspiring, and. knowledgable, and your messages are such a great combination of scientific background (our brains CAN create new pathways!!!) and spiritual hope. Love, love, love it, and very grateful for the calling you fulfil so beautifully and bless so many with it!
Mina Jensen, @minajensen
Ready to go to the next level, make today the day you officially become a student of training your thoughts. Join the College of Confidence and start changing your brain – change your thoughts, change your life. Get started at www.collegeofconfidence.com .