HOW TO ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT
Podcast #393

Asking for what you want is a confidence skill that can transform every element of your life. Learning how to ask for what you want can be a key tool. The more you practice this 4-step process, you more proficient you will be at asking. Most people don’t know how to ask for what they want because they don’t know what they want and because they don’t feel capable or courageous enough to ask. In this podcast episode you’ll learn the framework you need to start feeling confident enough to courageously start asking for what you really want in life. Get the full show notes at www.trishblackwell.com/393

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast we’re talking about:

Why we chicken out when we want to ask for what we want
How to figure out what you actually want anyways
4 steps to start asking for what you want

REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

Perfect balance of faith + self-help
by LeahRKole

For those of us with inner demons that try to sabotage our potential, Trish is the voice and guide that cuts through all the lies and recenters you in truth. Thank you, Trish, for your unique perspective in all areas of confidence, success, sports + fitness, female leadership, and living the vibrant abundant life we were all made for. I have so appreciated your vulnerability and your confidence – especially in speaking about faith and the hope of heaven. It’s hard to find speakers and coaches who walk the tightrope between self-help and Christian faith and you do that so incredibly well! If you need a pick-me-up or a life-makeover, Trish is your gal!

If you want to achieve greatness, stop asking for permission!

The first step to getting what you want is to have the courage to get rid of what you don’t. -Zig Ziglar

Go for it now, the future is promised to no one. -Wayne Dyer

I’m a big believer that life changes as much as you want it to. -Martin Freeman

Not getting what you want either means you don’t want it enough, or you’ve been dealing too long with the price you have to pay. -Rudyard Kipling

The most effective way to do it, is to do it. -Amelia Earhart

You can’t just sit there and wait for people to give you that golden dream. You have to go out there and make it happen for yourself! -Diana Ross

The world needs dreams and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do! -Sarah Ban Breathnach

The great secret of getting what you want from life is to know what you want and to believe you can have it. -Norman Vincent Peale

You only get in life what you have the courage to ask for.

We don’t get what we deserve.
We get what we design.

Confidence is at the root of being able to get what you want in life, in your relationships, in your career, and in your opportunities.

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN WAITING FOR TO HAPPEN?

Are you waiting for permission?
Are you waiting to be called out?
Are you waiting to be ready?
Are you waiting for someone to tell you you’re enough?
Are you waiting for the right time?
Are you waiting for “other reasons?”

Other reasons …
-I’m not supposed to ask
-Who I to think
-Why would they discount that for me
-Does that opportunity even exist
-What if they think I’m pushy
-Will I come off arrogant or ungrateful

Maybe you want to ask for a raise, an opportunity, for a chance, for a mentor, for a discount, for help, for support, for chocolate milk for breakfast … you will only get it if you dare to ask for it.

Maybe it feels too hard, or you feel lazy, or you’ve convinced yourself that your “woe-is-me” storyline is just too strong…whatever it might be, you are only ensuring that nothing happens.

STEP ONE:
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT?

Most people don’t know what they want because they are so afraid of being disappointed that they won’t even give themselves permission to think of all of their possibilities and potential.
Be emotionally and creatively brave with yourself as you answer this question:

What is it that I actually want?
What is it that will increase my happiness?
What is it that will make me feel deeply rooted and significantly progressing?

STEP TWO:
WHAT ARE YOU NOT ASKING FOR AND SIMPLY WAITING AND HOPING FOR?

Do some soul-reflecting and figure out what you have thought wasn’t available to you that might actually be. (Could be a dating relationship, friendship, opportunity, job, raise, etc.)

STEP THREE:
ASK.

You will literally never know unless you ask.
Ask for more than what you want and are comfortable with asking for – shoot for the stars.

STEP FOUR:
RELEASE EXPECTATIONS

Depersonalize the potential of the “no”
Embrace every “no” as a way to get the next “yes” you need
Remember that statistically speaking, all opportunity is a numbers game

CHALLENGE:

Pick something that you have been afraid to ask for and go for it. Go all in. Remember how to ask for what you want. If you can’t think of something, ask for a discount on something you’ve been wanting. Be bold enough to be okay to receive a no.

Examples:
-Ask someone to write you a testimonial
-Ask someone for their recipe
-Ask someone to send you a small gift
-Ask someone for a discount
-Ask someone for help
-Ask someone for an opportunity
-Ask someone for advice

GO NEXT LEVEL WITH YOUR ASK

If this episode has particularly resonated with you, you’ll want to go fully in-depth with our newest course in the College of Confidence. You’ll get access to four full coaching videos and accompanying worksheets, plus, perhaps more importantly, community conversation and personal support from me around pushing you to start asking for more in your life.

Get started today and become an official student of mine at www.collegeofconfidence.com

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

Hi, Trish! Thanks for the follow request. I have to tell you that I listened to your podcast for the first time last week after desperately searching “confidence” in the Apple podcasts. I loved every minute of it and found myself listening to another episode immediately afterwards. I struggle with confidence! I heard that women gain their confidence in their 30s, so I was disappointed when I didn’t magically become confident overnight when I turned 30 this month 🤣 Anyway, I did something simple but completely out of character for me this past Friday. I listened to your podcast to muster up some courage to apply for a job that I kept telling myself I wasn’t good enough for, emailed the leader of the position, and also forwarded the email to my boss letting her know that I applied (it’s for the same company, but different department and higher role). You really helped me out this week, and I hope that this can give you some sort of encouragement to keep doing what you’re doing! -Meg