Podcast #378

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast

  • What is approval addiction and what does it look like?
  • 3 ways to break free from the patterns
  • Getting deep about approval – and how to have peace in being who you are without it

Approval addiction, or affirmation addiction, is rampant and a debilitating pattern to allow dominate in your heart. You don’t have to always be stuck in this addictive, often negative and powerless place. You can learn to be free from the need to earn approval, get permission or be affirmed by others to feel like you’re “enough.” Get the full show notes at



Love this podcast so far –  5 stars by _m4ggie

Her words are super encouraging and a delight to listen to

Ya’ll, in life, the best advice I was ever given, is to ask for what you want.

You only get in life what you have the courage to ask for.

So I am having the courage to ask you to leave me some love.


Addicted to approval, what does this mean?

It’s the belief that it’s possible to please everyone.

It creates a self-imposed prison

It’s both people-pleasing and performing to impress.

I was addicted to approval. What did it mean for me?

-Wanting to be liked by everyone

-Wanting to be the absolute best at anything I did

-Wanting to be favored by teachers and employers

-Wanting to be in all social groups

-Wanting to be as successful as possible

-Wanting to be stand out physically – and hiding when I didn’t feel that way

-Wanting to be built up by my parents in ways they weren’t wired to be

-Wanting to date only the most attractive and popular people

-Wanting to appear like I had it all together

-Wanting to create the image of a perfect life (being more interested in appearing to have a perfect life than living one)

Ways approval addiction can manifest: 

Lack of achievement

Lack of personal fulfillment

Low self-esteem

Reduced performance

Increased stress and anxiety

Increased pressure

Overcommitment of schedule

People pleasing

Examples of Types of Behaviors:

Changing your position because other people don’t agree or approve

Giving compliments to gain attention

Getting upset if someone disagrees with you

Agreeing when you don’t really agree

Losing your voice and not giving your true opinion

Doing what you don’t want to do because you can’t say no

Failing to complain or communicate over wrongdoing

Spreading or participating in gossip

Asking permission or waiting for someone to tell you that you are qualified

Consistently apologizing

Pretending to be an authority on everything


Today’s podcast episode is sponsored by Ariel Selwyn’s upcoming new book, Though the Mountains Be Shaken. 

You can find out more about Ariel and her work at:

You can find her book, Though the Mountains Be Shaken on Amazon or iTunes. COMING SOON FOR PRE-ORDER ON AMAZON. Check back for link to be updated!

What is the book about?

In Ariel’s words: Mine is a story of perseverance. For 10 years my family watched me struggle with pain, confusion, and symptoms without answers. All my dreams, plans and goals for my future seemed to crumble under an unexplained illness. I often cried out to God wondering, why me and became confused about my purpose. The many years that followed were tough, with endless treatments and tests, but I never gave up. I never stopped fighting to reach a level of normalcy again for me and my family and neither should you.


First, acknowledge the addictive behavior.

  1. Give yourself your own approval.
  2. You have already been approved by God.
  3. Ask for approval from people who are trustworthy.

Then, after those things, most importantly, TAKE ACTION.

There’s a reason I call my clients “action takers”.

If you can embody this forward momentum mindset, you will push past the barriers of needing permission or affirmation from others to move through yourself.


Insecure = in secure = not secure.

Disease = dis – ease = not at ease or peace.

Confidence is a deep feeling of security and safety.

What I blamed on disease and on a type of personality was actually just a lack of peace in my life. Peace was a misplaced value on what mattered and what didn’t – on what would bring me real fulfillment and what wouldn’t.


Where will you find your peace?

Does your relationship with pressure serve you or harm you?

What matters more, success or significance?

Will you stop partnering with a spirit of desperation, lack, and fear?


The Confidence Podcast is almost seven years old and in that time we’ve mobilized a movement of confidence across the world. It has been my greatest honor to have the privilege of being a voice of encouragement in your life. With hundreds of hours of free coaching available with just the click of an episode, The Confidence Podcast has sown confidence and courage into over 2 million people’s lives.

If you’re considering becoming a patron to the show,  I just want you to know that I couldn’t be more grateful for the investment you would be making into this message. Because of you, we are going to be able to reach more listeners, and one life by one life, help change the world into a more confident, caring and loving place. Your $5 support will not only help me cover the financial cost of producing the show (hosting fees, website costs, etc.) – and my time invested in creating it but also to reach more future listeners; not to mention that you’ll get those 2 bonus exclusive-to-patron-supporters monthly episodes.

You can get started at

The launch of Patreon Partners is a celebration of how our community has grown, and a way that we can offer our most loyal listeners a real community and extra resources for just pennies a day.

Therefore we want to make this Patreon Partner community as simple as possible while obviously providing significant value in return for your support. As such, we are offering one tier at a set support amount of $5. And for that patreon support, you get the following:

  • Biweekly bonus episodes that we’re calling our “Faith Take” Episodes. You’ll receive 2 bonus episodes per month, available only to patreon partners. These are going to be extended conversations from particular podcasts released that month, but with a more Biblical take and faith-based perspective to help you deepen your confidence in your walk with the Lord.
  • Weekly Episode Takeaway Cue Card, to help you carry that week’s most important coaching. These will be pretty wallpapers that you can use on your phone or in your social feed and you’ll have fun wondering what I consider to be the most important take away of each episode.
  • Supplement Resources, When Applicable. Here’s the deal, when you become a Patreon Partner of The Confidence Podcast, you’ll be a VIP in our book, and so you better believe that anytime we find resources and tools that are aligned with what we covered in a particular episode, you’ll hear about it and get exclusive access.

Final word: Asking you for money is something we take very seriously. We know it’s no small thing to commit your financial resources to something like a podcast and we deeply respect even your consideration of such a thing. But know that our commitment to you and this community is always to pursue a return on investment that greatly exceeds $5 each month.

Podcasts that Patrons will get this month?

  • How to See Yourself How God Sees You
  • How to Trust God’s Perfect Plan for You


Trish, my name is Perrine – I live in the UK, I am a full-time marketing director of a software company and have two young kids. Your podcast has been a huge help in getting me more confident and believing that God brought me here for a purpose. You make me strong and better. Thank you for existing and for fulfilling your purpose in the universe. You are a fantastic human being.

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