NOT GOOD ENOUGH: HOW TO GET THE FEELING OUT OF YOUR HEAD

Podcast #377

Feeling not good enough doesn’t have to be how you walk through life. Feelings of inadequacy can deeply disrupt our lives and keep us from our full potential. Not feeling good enough will rob you of peace and fill you with anxiety. This episode of The Confidence Podcast will teach you a new way to think, and how to detox those “not good enough” thoughts in the first place.

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast, we’re chatting about:

• Why we feel so not good enough – and how it is so pervasive in our minds
• The system of our beliefs is broken, but the fix is just a slight shift
• How to change how you think when you think thoughts of inadequacy

REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

Love Trish – 5 Stars. by hugs71618

I love your podcast soooo much! You are my sunshine on the bad and not so bad days. Just listening to your voice with the words you speak makes me feel so good inside. There is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! Thank you Trish!

> NEW FREE MASTERCLASS 

Because of popular demand, I’ve put together a new online masterclass to help you dive even deeper into these concepts. It goes live today —> save your spot now at www.trishblackwell.com/framework

… even if you can’t make it live, I’ll be sending out a replay that you won’t want to miss.

You’ll learn the framework of being confident in being yourself.

SO WHY DO WE FEEL THIS WAY? SO “NOT GOOD ENOUGH”?

-FIRST, SOME FACTS ABOUT THE “NOT GOOD ENOUGH” EPIDEMIC – CULTURE CONTRIBUTES

Comparison.

Competition.

Scarcity.

Media marketing.

Filtered online lives.

Loneliness.

Worship of success and productivity.

Busyness.

According to Business Insider, Fitness is a 100 Billion Dollar Worldwide Industry

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_in_the_United_States

And Beauty is a $532 Billion Industry

https://www.businessinsider.com/beauty-multibillion-industry-trends-future-2019-7

The suicide rate increased 33 percent from 1999 through 2017, from 10.5 to 14 suicides per 100,000 people (NCHS Data Brief No. 330, November 2018)

https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/03/trends-suicide

Suicide: 1 person dies every 40 seconds.

https://www.who.int/news-room/detail/09-09-2019-suicide-one-person-dies-every-40-seconds

In the United States. In 2017, there were 47,173 recorded suicides

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_in_the_United_States

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, shared in a speech that no matter how charmed her life looks, every day she falls short of what she had hoped to accomplish. Then she has to consciously stop her brain from beating herself up for her shortcomings.

She ended by telling us to “Let go of the knife you are holding at your throat, the knife of shame, blame, fear and remorse.”

There was a long, deathly silence as her words hit home.

“Be kind to yourself,” she implored, “especially now. You must give yourself unconditional self-friendship.”

(https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wander-woman/201312/how-feel-good-enough)

There is a Loneliness Epidemic 

https://www.forbes.com/sites/neilhowe/2019/05/03/millennials-and-the-loneliness-epidemic/#355208a27676

The Economist/KFF findings add to a wave of recent research showing high levels of loneliness. A recent Cigna survey revealed that nearly half of Americans always or sometimes feel alone (46%) or left out (47%). Fully 54% said they always or sometimes feel that no one knows them well.

Loneliness isn’t just a U.S. phenomenon. In a nationwide survey released in October from the BBC, a third of Britons said that they often or very often feel lonely. Nearly half of Britons over 65 consider the television or a pet their main source of company. In Japan, there are more than half a million people under 40 who haven’t left their house or interacted with anyone for at least six months. In Canada, the share of solo households is now 28%. Across the European Union, it’s 34%.

Scientists have long known that loneliness is emotionally painful and can lead to psychiatric disorders like depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, and even hallucinatory delirium. But only recently have they recognized how destructive it is to the body. In 2015, researchers at UCLA discovered that social isolation triggers cellular changes that result in chronic inflammation, predisposing the lonely to serious physical conditions like heart disease, stroke, metastatic cancer, and Alzheimer’s disease. One 2015 analysis, which pooled data from 70 studies following 3.4 million people over seven years, found that lonely individuals had a 26% higher risk of dying. This figure rose to 32% if they lived alone.

WE USE THE WRONG MEASURING DATA

We are looking to be seen, to be noticed, to matter – and we’re doing it for likes, for applause, for security in whatever financial numbers or weight numbers that make us feel safe.

But that’s building your life upon the sand.

And it will crumble.

There is no finish line, and you will inevitably feel the exhaustion of always working hard, hard, hard but never quite feeling like it’s ever enough.

Change your priorities.

(And identify the voices that have compelled you to drive deepen the striving in your life — for me it was a false sense of thinking I could control my mom’s happiness, and that if I did everything right, and impressive, then she would never be disappointed. But we are not responsible for other people’s feelings – they are).

Build your house, your values, your goals upon a rock of a foundation.

WE DON’T REALLY BELIEVE WE ARE LOVED.

• When you know you are loved, you can let go of performance and striving.
• Doing your best becomes enough.
• You aren’t afraid to connect with others because you know you already belong.
• Peace reigns in your heart because you are already seen.
• What you feed will grow: will you feed love or will you feed fear?

Right now my kids are on a mommy phase – like, as in, they’re obsessed with me. And, for as good as that can make a girl feel, my personal space in life has been completely obliterated. Somehow every night they sneak into my bed and I wake up to two small children sprawled across my face. My husband’s side of the bed? Untouched. He’s sprawled out and as much as I encourage the kids to cuddle him, they’re just not interested.

For a while this phase was fun. But then the fighting began. Everything is a competition for my affection. And I don’t know the last time you saw a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old duke it out, but I see it every day, multiple times a day, and it’s exhausting.

It doesn’t matter how many times I try to reason with them that my love won’t run dry, they cry harder for my full affection. They push one another, they do little dances to win my attention, they try to earn the most “stars” for doing chores and being the biggest help (which, hey, there’s always an upside to every type of drama, right?) — they believe that I don’t have enough love for both of them.

The funny thing about the whole situation is that they are acting how I lived most of my life. I pushed my way to the top of the corporate ladder, I did everything I could to be the best, I was determined to stand out — all because fundamentally I wanted to make sure I was seen and that I was loved.

And the whole time it was wasted energy, much like with my kids. For God didn’t just always see me, he looked upon me – as He does you – with excessive kindness. It didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do, what I achieved or didn’t, how skinny I was or wasn’t, I had all I needed. We already have everything we are looking for – you don’t have to keep pushing, you can just bask in the enoughness that God offers.

PATREON PARTNERS:

https://www.patreon.com/TheConfidencePodcast

The Confidence Podcast is almost seven years old and in that time we’ve mobilized a movement of confidence across the world. It has been my greatest honor to have the privilege of being a voice of encouragement in your life. With hundreds of hours of free coaching available with just the click of an episode, The Confidence Podcast has sown confidence and courage into over 2 million people’s lives.

If you’re considering becoming a patron to the show,  I just want you to know that I couldn’t be more grateful for the investment you would be making into this message. Because of you, we are going to be able to reach more listeners, and one life by one life, help change the world into a more confident, caring and loving place. Your $5 support will not only help me cover the financial cost of producing the show (hosting fees, website costs, etc.) – and my time invested in creating it but also to reach more future listeners; not to mention that you’ll get those 2 bonus exclusive-to-patron-supporters monthly episodes.

You can get started at www.patreon.com/TheConfidencePodcast

The launch of Patreon Partners is a celebration of how our community has grown, and a way that we can offer our most loyal listeners a real community and extra resources for just pennies a day.

Therefore we want to make this Patreon Partner community as simple as possible while obviously providing significant value in return for your support. As such, we are offering one tier at a set support amount of $5. And for that patreon support, you get the following:

• Biweekly bonus episodes that we’re calling our “Faith Take” Episodes. You’ll receive 2 bonus episodes per month, available only to patreon partners. These are going to be extended conversations from particular podcasts released that month, but with a more Biblical take and faith-based perspective to help you deepen your confidence in your walk with the Lord.
• Weekly Episode Takeaway Cue Card, to help you carry that week’s most important coaching. These will be pretty wallpapers that you can use on your phone or in your social feed and you’ll have fun wondering what I consider to be the most important take away of each episode.
• Supplement Resources, When Applicable. Here’s the deal, when you become a Patreon Partner of The Confidence Podcast, you’ll be a VIP in our book, and so you better believe that anytime we find resources and tools that are aligned with what we covered in a particular episode, you’ll hear about it and get exclusive access.

Final word: Asking you for money is something we take very seriously. We know it’s no small thing to commit your financial resources to something like a podcast and we deeply respect even your consideration of such a thing. But know that our commitment to you and this community is always to pursue a return on investment that greatly exceeds $5 each month.

Podcasts that Patrons will get this month?

• How to See Yourself How God Sees You
• How to Trust God’s Perfect Plan for You

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

Marepaden

Thank you for your podcasts – I stumbled upon it by searching for the meaning of ‘confidence’ while in an intense didactic medical program. Now, one year later, I am listening to your podcasts more and more frequently during a transition period and trying relationships each night as I work or fall asleep. I wake up bringing my attention to some of the gems of thought – especially to chase who we are becoming over success. Seek God’s peace … thank you for allowing the warmth of God’s love and the power of His truth to be used through you.