HOW TO STOP BEING SO SELF-CRITICAL

Podcast #366

Being self-critical can block you from having authentic and life-giving self-confidence. You don’t have to suffocate under the self-imposed pressure of self-criticism any long. Being self-critical is a learned behavior and often a passed-down thought pattern. This episode will help you begin to unravel the toxic wiring in your mindset that is making you suffer and stagnate from self-criticism. 

In this episode of The Confidence Podcast we’re chatting about:

• There are three toxic moves that are suffocating you: comparison, distraction, and busyness
• Reestablish what you are living for and get clarity.
• Harness the tenants of a recovering perfectionist and be radically kind to yourself

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REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

Amazing Life Changing Podcast – 5 Stars

by GolfGirly23

I absolutely love this podcast!!! I just happened to stumble upon Trish’s podcast the other day and I’m so thankful that I did! This podcast truly has been life-changing. I have learned so much in just the short amount of time that I have been listening! I have been able to take what I have learned and apply it to my life. I have never listened to a podcast that has had such an impact on my life! I knew I was a perfectionist but I didn’t realize the crippling effect that it had on my life until now. I also love that Trish incorporates faith-based episodes. It’s always so good to have the lies that the enemy wants us to believe covered in God’s truth! Trish thank you for opening your heart and sharing it with the world, and for speaking God’s word over the enemy’s lies. You are amazing and I am so glad that I found your podcast! Much love and blessing from a new fan! Sincerely, thank you!

REWIRING THE SELF-CRITICAL MINDSET

Identify first where the self-criticism comes from.

-A critical voice in your life? Was there a primary one or multiple ones?

-What does your self-critical voice say?

-What is the pressure you feel and why does it stem from being self-critical?

-I have a critical voice in my life – and I have to realign boundaries and expectations around them; I’ve learned that I will never get the praise or approval I crave from the person, so I have to let go. What do you need to let go of? 

You are not a victim of your thoughts.

You are the driver of your thoughts.

You are not a victim to the thoughts or expectations of others.

You are the decider of who’s voice matters. 

“Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” 

-Louise L. Hay, You Can Heal Your Life

“Our reaction to self-criticism is more important than the self-criticism itself. Paying attention to our reactions is very important because the only thing we have control over is how we react.” 

–Yong Kang Chan, The Disbelief Habit: How to Use Doubt to Make Peace with Your Inner Critic

“Self-criticism, on the other hand, is anathema to self-compassion. Once we learn to stop judging ourselves, we can look upon our lesser talents with compassion.” 

–Karen Rinaldi, It’s Great to Suck at Something: The Unexpected Joy of Wiping Out and What It Can Teach Us About Patience, Resilience, and the Stuff that Really Matters

Comparison is toxic.

-We each have certain amounts of talent, some more, some less.

-We are responsible for what we have been given. Not that of others.

-Free yourself by being a good steward

Distraction will keep you dead.

-Busyness keeps us stagnant

-We spin our wheels and lose sight of what actually matters

-When you don’t know what matters you will chase the wind

Busyness is having a timeline on your own accord.

-God’s plan is bigger and better than yours.

-Trust His timing and His development of you

-Celebrate the disciplines He’s unveiling to you – where there is discipline there is freedom

-Listen to episode #364 on how hurrying hurts you – literal hurrying in life and hurrying on your own timeline according to what you think is right 

WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?

What is it that you are living for?

The praise of man or the applause of God?

The climbing of a corporate ladder or increase of likes, or impact that changes lives?

The increase of a bank account or the flow of generosity through your family?

Being productive and pretty or being full of life, welcoming, available and warm? 

If you haven’t already, do the DASH exercise. 

Or, if you want to go deeper, we have multiple courses in the College of Confidence that will help you answer this question.

For me, when I started personal development, I knew only one thing:

that I wanted to kick the “status quo” in the teeth.

That was my starting point. What is yours? From there, once you decide upon one, you can push and stretch yourself. Challenge what you have otherwise never questioned. 

RECOVERING PERFECTIONISM:

The tenants of recovering perfectionism

Be radically kind.

Be unusually present.

Walk in the land of milk and honey – don’t labor in the wilderness. 

Listen to our episodes on perfectionism:

Perfectionism? How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy. Episode #363

The Perfectionism Cure, Episode #353

Why Perfectionism Prevents You From Being Confident, Episode #335

The Lies of Perfectionism, with Petra Kolber, Episode #197

Ecclesiastes 4:4

Then I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors. but this, too, is meaningless – like chasing the wind.

Ecclesiastes 5:10 

Those who love money will never have enough. How meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness!

Don’t chase the wrong things in life, don’t chase the wind.

How foolish to go after perfectionism – no wonder why the more pressure we put on ourselves, the more we crumble – pressure and perfectionism is foolish. 

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

Jacquelyn Mullen. Thank you, sister, for your subtle encouragement and for sharing the show. 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

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