Podcast #363

Always aiming for perfection might be the one thing that is keeping you from the results you want in life. What exactly is a perfectionist though, and how do you know if you struggle with perfectionism or not? This episode will reveal 10 signs to help you determine if you are a perfectionist and will coach you with 7 tips to stop letting perfection stop you. If you struggle with getting in your own way, or with being your own worst enemy, then this podcast episode is for you. Listen to the full show notes at www.trishblackwell.com/363 

In this podcast episode of The Confidence Podcast we’re talking about:

• What perfection mindset really is and how to know if you are perfectionist or not
  
• How to stop being your own worst enemy and stop the cycle of perfection (and what being your own worst enemy actually looks like)
  
• A major shift I’m making to the Confidence Podcast … plus my newest course that will mobilize a new level of freedom and confidence in your life if you are someone who struggles with perfectionism

REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

Just Subscribe Already – 5 Stars!, by Legz79

I’ve been binge-listening to Trish’s podcast for over a year now. Even though I have different spiritual beliefs, her insight and messages are for all individuals looking for some guidance and courage to live a more fulfilling life! Her energy is contagious and she breaks things down into manageable changes you can incorporate into each day . Life’s a journey and I’m ready to step it up in my 40s with Trish cheering me on! Trish, thanks for being a rockstar confidence coach!

PERFECTIONIST? PERFECTIONISM, WHAT IT IS?

Definition of perfectionism:

Perfectionism, in psychology, is a personality trait characterized by a person’s striving for flawlessness and setting high-performance standards, accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfectionism_(psychology))

Is perfectionism a mental disorder?

Perfectionism is a risk factor for obsessive-compulsive disorder, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, eating disorders, social anxiety, social phobia, body dysmorphic disorder, workaholism, self-harm, substance abuse, and clinical depression as well as physical problems like chronic stress, and heart disease. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfectionism_(psychology)

According to Psychology Today: 

Perfectionism is a trait that makes life an endless report card on accomplishments or looks. A fast and enduring track to unhappiness, it is often accompanied by depression and eating disorders. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/perfectionism) 

WHAT ARE SOME OF THE SIGNS OF BEING A PERFECTIONIST?

1. You never feel like you’re doing enough.

2. You strive for high-achievement, and unless it’s the best you feel like you failed. (A+ versus A)

3. You cannot accept and celebrate your success.

4. You don’t allow yourself any mistakes (and punish yourself for the ones you make)

5. You put on a facade of everything being okay because you are really afraid of people’s judgment.

6. You stick to what you know and avoid challenges or uncomfortable situations where you might not be the best.

7. You procrastinate and struggle with getting things done on time. 

8. You believe your likeability is linked to your performance or achievements or looks

9. You feel unsatisfied with life, like you’re chasing a finish line that is constantly moving

10. You are hypercritical of yourself. 

SPONSORSHIP NOTE:

Fab Fit Fun Box 

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My FabFitFun box gets delivered right to my door, so no more wasted time searching for my new favorite thing – the team at FabFitFun already knows what’s trending and, plus I get to customize my subscription so I get exactly the items that I know I’ll like and use. Time saved means more time with my kids, and that’s the biggest win I could ask for in my book. Once a season you just visit their website and start customizing your own box. For example, would you rather have the Unhide faux fur blanket or the Rebecca Minkoff beanie set? In just a few minutes,  you’ll have curated your perfect box, ready to be shipped to your doorstep for your very own unboxing moment. 

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I’m pretty obsessed with my winter box that just came and you can bet that you’ll see me Rebecca Minkoff beanie set all over my social media, it’s so cute. Get yourself the Winter Box, I promise you won’t be disappointed.

Just go to www.fabfitfun.com and use coupon code “TRISH” for $10 off your first box. 

WHAT DOES BEING YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY LOOK LIKE?

You don’t challenge yourself to grow.

You put things off.

You play small.

You make excuses.

You spend more time punishing yourself than encouraging yourself. 

You have sloppy habits that you don’t change.

You don’t know how to say no to others.

You look for approval from others rather than giving it to yourself.

You give yourself anxiety because you value what other people might think over what you need to do.

You create unrealistic demands of yourself and set yourself up for constant failure.

You identify with your feelings as being who you are, not just something. you are feeling. (I am sad vs. I am experiencing sadness).

You refuse to accept yourself because you think that means that you’re giving up on wanting more for yourself. 

You want more self-control but you refuse to change your habits.

You know having a coach would help you, but you’re too embarrassed to seem like you don’t have it all together. 

You value the comfort of not trying more than the discomfort of vulnerability.

HOW TO STOP BEING YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY?

Realize that it’s time to unlearn what you have taught yourself.

Time off isn’t time wasted. 

Growth is better than perfection.

You are loved because of who you are, not being of what you do.

The world is moved, not by people who are impressive, but by people who make an impression. 

Prioritizing your self-care and being present gives your life and voice power.

You can choose peace over pressure.

Life doesn’t have to be stressful; stress is a choice. 

1. Create a line-in-the-sand moment.

2. Celebrate the little things.

3. Choose joy.

4. Concentrate on what living beautifully means.

5. Cultivate relationships. 

6. Curate confidence and courage

7. Contemplate and slow down – your calling is birthed out of wisdom, not busyness. 

A CONFIDENT MOMENT WITH GOD:

Confidence is only temporal if your confidence is based on things we can control.  The lie of the world is that we can achieve our own sense of confidence in ourselves through achievement or admiration. And while we are certainly wired to pursue excellence , if that is the only thing we pursue, we will be left feeling empty after the initial glory fades.

Yes, I want you to have self-confidence, and I believe in an innate, God-given sense of self that we can experience and walk in when we are fully at peace in who He created us to be, and we are pursuing a calling that involves serving others. The danger is when our confidence is temporal – based on grades, on income, on achievements, on our body shape or on our popularity. Those things will fade. And if we aren’t careful, if our confidence is foundationally based on what we do and where we fit into the world, instead of based on who we are as a child of God, then it will tarnish. It will crumble. 

Soul Confidence for Your Week:

The striving you engage in takes you away from God’s grace. God delights in you, He’s not out to get you – he’s not after your perfection, he’s simply after your heart. 

Philippians 1:6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Psalm 23:1-3 The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.

ANNOUNCEMENTS: 

I’m currently working on a new course, an extensive and in-depth course on how to break from perfectionism. The course will be available exclusively for members of The College of Confidence. If you struggle with self-pressure, self-criticism, obsession with achievement and performance or perfectionism of any type, then you absolutely need to get into the College of Confidence today so that you can be part of this perfectionism cleanse. You can get started at www.collegeofconfidence.com

The College of Confidence, learn to create a life you love.  Lessons in confidence you can use to think happier, live healthier and do big things with your life. 

Also, if there’s just one thing you do to improve your life, journal. Journaling doesn’t have to be overwhelming. I’ve got you covered and will hold your hand for seven days straight as I share with you my best journaling practices with my Freedom Journal. Get started and download your Freedom Journal for FREE at https://trishblackwell.lpages.co/toxic-thought-21-day-journal/

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE: 

Hi Trish, First of all, I want you to know that I have a daughter named Trisha who changed her name to Trish when she got married. So there’s that fun fact. What stage am I currently living in? I’m in the where the heck have you been all my life stage? I don’t set goals. Too much pressure. If I don’t make them I feel like a failure. When I asked my husband if I could sign up he was extremely hesitant to give the ok for me to do this. So he’s not exactly confident about me doing this. He’s type “A” I’m type “Z” so I get it.  He’s got confidence in spades so it’s kind of hard for him to understand why I even need it. I actually prayed that God would help me “figure out my ish” So the funny story is my daughter Trish bought me an Alexa and she told me that Alexa does more than play music, she plays podcasts. So I said “Alexa play inspirational podcast” She gave me Oprah. NOPE I said “Christian podcast” and you popped on! (It’s important to me that you are Christian based!)  Anyway I was so intrigued! I’ve listened to several podcasts, I’m like “this cat reads my mind!”! Haha, I listened and took notes. But then I couldn’t get Alexa to give me your podcast again so crept on you and found you on Facebook and then found your podcast and figured out how to subscribe all by myself! Haha So there ya have it! I’m intimidated, scared, anxious and excited all at the same time!  So let’s do this! ; ) Blessings, Linda Koster