HOW TO BE FREE FROM PEOPLE PLEASING

Podcast 324

In this week of The Confidence Podcast we are chatting about:

• The chains of people pleasing, what their weight is actually doing in our lives
• The deeper spiritual meaning we teach ourselves when we people please 
• 10 tips to help you stop people-pleasing

REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

AbbieWright101

Trish, I need to praise God for you and thank you for your obedience. I have been listening for a few months now, binging at least once a week and praying during each show that God would make all the things that you talk about true in my life. I am working hard to grow my business with my 8-month-old son and a husband who works full time and goes to school part-time, and the need for personal growth is huge! You are relatable and make all of these topics easy to manage and totally doable! Thank you and one day soon, I hope to join the College of Confidence. Your hard work has made so much possible within me and I can’t even express the level of respect and appreciation I have for you! Thank you!!!

WHAT IS PEOPLE PLEASING REALLY ANYWAYS?

10 signs that you’re a people pleaser, from Psychology Today >>> https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201708/10-signs-youre-people-pleaser

1. You pretend to agree with everyone.
2. You feel responsible for how other people feel.
3. You apologize often.
4. You feel burdened by the things you have to do.

5. You can’t say no.
6. You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.
7. You act like the people around you.
8. You need praise to feel good.
9. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.
10. You don’t admit when your feelings are hurt.

You may think being a people pleaser makes you a “good” person and is perhaps even a generous or loving way to be.  Nope.  It’s selfish to be a people pleaser.  Why? Because being attached to pleasing others is really about you.  You are the one who wants to be liked. You are the one who does not want to upset anyone.  You are the one who wants to look good for others. You are the one who is not okay with other people’s reactions. You are the one protecting yourself from confrontation.  And you are the one who is choosing to withhold expressing who you TRULY are. And by doing all of those things, you are keeping Yourself, your Light and your Love from the world – and that is selfish.

Remember this: what other people think of you is none of your business.

Obsessing about how to please others or be liked is a misuse of your energy.

From the HuffingtonPost:

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-being-a-people-pleaser-is-selfish_b_598fc39de4b0caa1687a60d0?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAALqDY2XAR7yjKeg6OAeH2Z5V66LwTXlFjweTIfjYIxOURKXiKtIjBrxNhaeU-VybSojpUGw2SHsInFJmfckcj037QXtR4CtpHv8JmCm32Hp4ibI2arNiEZBailOHbst5JgAuT14f0ZXFbX-vTHw-2QQXxZrdVISaXb2VcHJMpU-a

WHAT IS THE DEEPER SPIRITUAL MEANING?

When we step into people pleasing, we step out of balance. We step into an over-focus on trying to control what we can’t. We are giving ourselves over to be a slave to opinions. We are giving other people the power to rule our lives, rather than God.

When we prescribe to people pleasing, we sign up for our value to be based on what other people say, think or pay us. We lose our worth in being the human being we were created to be, and are worth get tied up in what we do, versus who we are.

When we are afraid to contradict or upset people, then deep down that means that we are fearful that if people knew us for the real us, they wouldn’t like us. We convince ourselves through people pleasing that the reason people like us is because we are easy to get along with.  I’m all for being easy-going and a team player in life, but if you people please, in many ways you talk out of both sides of your mouth and fail to stand for anything. You get blown around as easily as the wind, and allow other people to tell you who you are, versus being who you are. Eventually, with enough rinse, wash, a repeat of this, we forget who we are and have to start all over in our personal identity self-discovery.

SPONSORSHIP NOTE:

I have to come clean with you all. One thing I would never talk about publicly because I worried about what people thought of me, was the personal parts of my health care. I’m over that, which is why I wanted to tell you about my newest obsession, the 100% natural brand, LOLA.  LOLA is a female-founded company offering a line of organic cotton tampons, pads, liners and all-natural cleansing wipes.No toxins, mystery fibers, or doubts about what’s going in your body. LOLA products are all gynecologist-approved and hypoallergenic. Major brands use a mix of synthetic ingredients in their products including rayon and polyester.

Their feminine care products may also be treated with harsh chemical cleansing agents, fragrance, and dyes; I can’t believe I used such harsh chemicals inside my body for so many years, and I am so glad I have found an alternative solution. Plus, LOLA products come in a simple, customizable subscription. LOLA will deliver exactly what you need, exactly when you need it. I personally love how my monthly supply is delivered right to my door, in beautiful, clean packaging, might I add, which makes life as a busy mompreneur just a little bit easier for me.

For 40% off all subscriptions, visit mylola.com and enter <CONFIDENCE> when you subscribe.

10 TIPS TO HELP YOU STOP PEOPLE PLEASING

1. Learn to give yourself internal validation.
2. Declare yourself in recovery from your “pleasing” addiction.
3. Work to understand your deeper value as a human.
4. Know your personal goals for your life – keep your priorities simple.
5. Stop apologizing.
6. Get off the busy bus.
7. Develop your internal courage to speak up and practice saying what you want.
8. Start being more decisive.
9. Practice asking for what you want.
10. Release yourself from the pressure to perform for toxic people.

ANNOUNCEMENTS: 

HOW TO HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE – FREE MASTERCLASS 

If this week’s coaching resonated with you, then you’re going to want to be more focused and proactive about your personal growth through a progression of the confidence stages. Learn what stage of confidence you are actually in, and then how to get to the next stage so that getting to where you want to be and to how you want to feel doesn’t feel overwhelming.

TRISHBLACKWELL.COM/FREECLASS

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

Mire.Milly

I recently discovered your podcast and I heard all episodes within a week! Thank you for your work and for sharing it with the world.