THE GUIDE TO MORE CONFIDENT RELATIONSHIPS
In this week of The Confidence Podcast we are chatting about:
- How to stop being jealous and insecure about your partner
- How to trust the nice things your partner says about you
- How to have confidence in the future relationships you will have
This week’s podcast is brought to you by my partnership with Beautycounter. Look, I love all things clean – clean thinking, clean living, clean eating and clean beauty. I’m sure you’re seeing my favorite clean beauty brand all over the news … we were literally the top Googled beauty trend of 2018 and we are truly effecting change through beauty. If you haven’t fallen in love with Beautycounter yet, you’re the one missing out. Shop for safer beauty and let me love on you a little as a customer … you can place your order at www.beautycounter.com/trishblackwell
REVIEW OF THE WEEK:
“My minds software update”
Hello Trish, I started listening to your podcast about 2 months ago. At first, I was drowning so much in self-doubt I felt I couldn’t even listen because “I wasn’t ready yet.” I now binge listen to your podcasts and often go through the notes online on the daily. I like to think of my time listening to you as my minds software update. Just as my iPhone needs updates often, so does my mind. I think that I pushed the “update later” button a few million-time s and now I am in a mass update and growing mode. I want to, of course, say thank you so much for all the work you do and how open and honest you are. I continue to learn every day and am working on many aspects of my mind and confidence thanks to your podcast. I wanted to tell you that the mean girl in my mind is now getting bullied by the confident and kind woman I am becoming. Thank you so much. Be you. Be free. -Jennifer Gil
OK, JEALOUS AND INSECURE?
Confession, y’all. I have struggled with jealousy in my relationships. Not in the way you might anticipate, but let’s face it, jealousy is jealousy. It doesn’t serve us and it steals from our souls. Whether you are jealous and nervous about your partner looking elsewhere or you are jealous because you are throwing a pity party for yourself about how your life looks versus how he does (raising my hand here), jealousy is toxic.
Jealousy is an indicator that you don’t see your relationship through the lens of confidence … as what it is: a life-giving, confident partnership. Not a competition, not a tit-for-tat, not a threat to you.
For me, I’ve had to pop my pity party balloons. How? Communicating. Working through what I’m really upset about. Asking for more help. Getting honest about what I need from Brandon. Resisting with all my power and might allowing the weed of resentment to build between us.
For other types of jealousy – get your story right. Set people up, and set your heart up, to have to give people the benefit of the doubt. This will not come naturally, but if you want the relationships in your life to be life-giving and soul building, then this is a core component to what all relationships need.
WHAT SEEDS ARE YOU SOWING
Questions I ask myself in my marriage:
How am I being present?
Am I pursuing my husband now as I did when I first met him?
What would happen if I gave Brandon the benefit of the doubt?
Does what I am doing sow seeds of a lifelong legacy?
How is God using our union for the greater good?
HOW TO TRUST THE NICE THINGS AND BELIEVE THEM?
Chances are, if you’re like me, you are like “compliment-resistant.” Or, at least I used to be. I thought my parents, friends, relationships, coaches all said nice things to me because they “were supposed to.”
Because my past relationships include domestic violence, abuse, assault and general negative toxicity, I was very broken when I met my husband. He had to step through a lot of emotional landmines. And I had to learn to trust that what he said was true.
That when he said I was beautiful and attractive, he meant it.
Speak to the person you love as the person they are becoming. As the person, you see, not the person they’ve been.
Tools that have breathed life into my marriage:
Withholdings Concept – Les and Leslie Parrot
Fight fair and honestly.
Keep a short account of offenses.
Ask yourself how to love the person more.
HOW TO HAVE CONFIDENCE ABOUT FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS YOU WILL HAVE
This applies to the current relationship you’re in now, as well as any future ones you might have. It also applies to your friendships, family members, parenting and social connection.
Stop limiting yourself to the person you used to be.
-Selfish, prideful, self-centered, insecure, jealous, gossipy, negative, etc.
Start speaking to the person you are becoming and take note of what life and love you bring to the relationships you have with others.
-Be the most encouraging person you know. Detox your pride and focus more on what you can give, rather than on what you can get.
Celebrate your commitment to hard work.
-Relationships take work, effort, attention, nurturing, hard conversations, vulnerability,…but you can do hard things, and chances are, you might beat yourself up about a lot in life, but often one thing you do know is that you have a great work ethic. Knowing that you are this type of person can give you a tremendous amount of confidence in your relationships … you are in this for the long haul and are willing to do the work, and so you will thrive and garnish wisdom and blessing as you go.
LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:
I am so grateful I found you! You have saved my life! I listen to you every day. I just started listening to the episode on relationships. I”m in a wonderful relationship for almost a year, but due to my insecurities and not feeling good enough, I have come so close to self-sabotaging it. I am always anxious he will leave me and either find someone new or go back to his ex-girlfriend. Every day I have listened to you I have become more confidence.
In episode #313 we go deep about relationships and how to trust them, covering the following …
- Creating relationships in your life that give you confidence and that you trust
- The danger of “small offenses” in the relationships in your life
- How to grow the relationships that matter to you, and move on from the ones that don’
Next week we’re diving into “people pleasing” and you don’t want to miss it. Make sure you are subscribed to the show. Then I’ll just pop up into your pocket when a new show drops … as Jennifer Gil said, it’ll be your little reminder to mentally update your confidence software.
HOW TO HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE – FREE MASTERCLASS
If this week’s coaching resonated with you, then you’re going to want to be more focused and proactive about your personal growth through a progression of the confidence stages. Learn what stage of confidence you are actually in, and then how to get to the next stage so that getting to where you want to be and to how you want to feel doesn’t feel overwhelming.