GROWING YOUR IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS WITH MORE CONFIDENCE

Podcast #313

This week on The Confidence Podcast, we’re chatting about:

• Creating relationships in your life that give you confidence and that you trust
• The danger of “small offenses” in the relationships in your life
• How to grow the relationships that matter to you, and move on from the ones that don’t

REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

thanks, Trish 🙂

I randomly found this podcast while struggling with the public speaking portion of my job. Trish has been very helpful professionally and personally … insightful, and worth a listen if you’re looking for something but not sure what. She helps me compartmentalize my thoughts and have tools that help me with self-love and forward progress in my life.

CREATING THE IDEAL RELATIONSHIPS IN YOUR LIFE 

You have a relationship with everything and everyone.

the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.

Relationships are the foundation of a meaningful life. 

In a 2010 review of 148 studies, researchers found that social relationships improve lifespans. People in healthy long-term relationships are 50% less likely to die prematurely than people without them.

Types of relationships:

Familial, friendship, amorous, neighborly, acquaintances

We were created for connection.

Connection demands communication.

(Communication is the key to life – Tim Kelley, Davidson College) 

What do relationships give us:

A sense of safety

A support network

A feeling of purpose

Longevity

Healthier and more balanced emotions

Healthy relationships bring compassion to that relationship space, which helps us regulate our emotions, calm our primal alarm systems and promote longer periods of health.

In healthy relationships, people learn that they can safely manage worries, fears, hopes and dreams.  This capacity builds intimacy, closeness, and a sense of security that has a far-reaching impact.

(from Pro Psych Central) 

Good relationships appear to protect our brains. “Being in a securely attached relationship is protective in your 80s. Those people’s memories stay sharper longer,” says Dr. Waldinger  (Harvard Review)

According to Blue Zones (Dan Buettner), optimize your face to face relationships to optimize your health and your longevity.

While diet, exercise, and overall health all seem like they’d be the best predictors of how long you’ll live, Julianne Holt-Lundstad at Brigham Young University found that the following are three important predictors of longevity:

1. Drinking/smoking habits: Are you a moderate drinker? Do you or don’t you smoke? Did you quit?
2. Close relationships: These are your closest friends, the people you can call on a bad day, the friends you know will support you in bad times.
3. Social integration: These are the interactions with people as you move through your day and includes both strong and weak bonds. It could be the coffee barista you see on your daily commute, the postman, or the woman behind you in line at the grocery store.

The face-to-face interactions you have on a daily basis are one of the strongest predictors of how long you’ll live.

For the record – I used to be awful at relationships. I grew up in a family with constant fighting. I was homeschooled. I was a highly gifted athlete – which made me a loner. I had friends, but I didn’t have a lot of practice. Boarding school helped, but then I had toxic relationships.  It’s never too late to get better at relationships … and we do so with an open heart, vulnerable spirit and a deep desire to connect to others and to allow ourselves to be known and loved.

Now – I  love relationships because they make me slow down.

Relationships are not “productive.”

I can’t check the box. I can’t earn them. I have to live them.

KEEP YOUR ACCOUNTS SHORT AND BOUNDARIES STRONG

The biggest thing that breaks up relationships is keeping long accounts of small offenses.

The secret to strong relationships is short accounts.

Be determined to not let small offenses steal connection from you.

GROWING RELATIONSHIPS + MOVING ON FROM EXPIRED ONES 

Relationships matter.

Some are toxic and weigh heavy on us, and others need to be revived and nurtured back to life.

You want to grow in your relationships?

Prioritize the ones you have that matter most

Put time into developing the ones that you want to create or to have

Put yourself out there and be the friendly, loving, active communicator

Create time to be together, not exist alongside one another

Engage in shared experiences and adventures

You want to move beyond some negative relationships?

Forgive those who hurt you – the more you hold onto unforgiveness, the more of your life they steal from you.

Refuse to accept the role of a victim – you are victorious and in growth

What has always been does not have to always be

The way someone treated you in the past does not define you or label you

Some seasons of life bring out different seasons of friends

You want to have peace about the relationships in your life?

Give thanks – for all things

Be deliberate with your time.

Get generous with your words and actions.

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

The College of Confidence is your simple way to confidently show up in your life with more courage. Create authentic traction towards your goals, silence the self-doubt that is keeping you back, and to tap into your purpose so you can make the difference in this world that God created you to make with our cancel-at-anytime membership. This is faith-based life-coaching in a personalized, supportive and affordable way.

Build your confidence in the truth that you are “enough” and are “doing enough.” The College of Confidence will help you manage your mindset and to step into the potential that God created you to live out.

I truly believe that by joining The College of Confidence, your life will be better. That’s why I unapologetically invite you each and every week to join us. Trust me, there’s a reason I believe in what we are doing together as a community. Don’t you think it might be time for you to check it out for yourself?

Get started now at www.collegeofconfidence.com

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE

I am not sure if you will see this or not, but I was wondering if you have done or could do an episode about confidence in relationships? I find that is something I have a lot of trouble with. I doubt myself, I think that the person I am with is out of my league or that they are going to lose interest in me, even though they have done nothing to make me think this, I know it is all in my head. Perhaps you have tips on how to stop these thoughts from occurring?

Thanks so much!

Meghan