HOW TO STOP LETTING “NOT GOOD ENOUGH” GET IN THE WAY OF YOUR DREAMS
In this episode of The Confidence Podcast we’re chatting about:
- 3 things we can do right now to stop feeling “not good enough”
- Re-translating your “not good enough” voice
- The power of permission to help you feel “good enough” right now
REVIEW OF THE WEEK:
This podcast is sponsored in part by my partnership with Beautycounter. Beautycounter has single-handedly transformed my relationship with my skin, with beauty and with my confidence in my self-care routine. More than that, Beautycounter is a company that puts health first and is a company who is making waves in the US and Canada at demanding that other companies do the same. Shop for your own Beautycounter and become a customer of mine (and yes, I love to love on my customers, so you’ll hear from me with overwhelming thanks!) at www.beautycounter.com/trishblackwell
WHY DO WE NOT FEEL “GOOD ENOUGH” AND 3 THINGS TO CHANGE RIGHT AWAY
The roots of deep inadequacy are pulled up by cleaning the soil where they are planted and gardening our minds accordingly.
We know that “not enough” is aggravated when we compare ourselves when we “feel behind” and when we overschedule life, but other than forcing habit change, how do you really modify your behavior and create real change?
We don’t feel “good enough” because we have lost sight on what matters to us. Instead of focusing in on creating meaning in our lives, we get pulled apart and stretched thin, spreading our focus and creating a major distraction.
Doing versus being
Earning versus living
Staying busy versus slowing down
- Slow down. Do less. Listen more.
- Keep a journal. Track your champagne moments.
- Prioritize. Simplify and know what matters to you.
RETRANSLATING YOUR ‘NOT GOOD ENOUGH’ INTERNAL VOICE
-you as a director
-you mistranslating something
The people you compare yourself to also struggle with not feeling enough. This is part of being human. No one is except. Those who get “past” it are those who have learned to rewire the cognitive misalignments that are dominating their automatic neurological response.
Your mind can be a very convincing liar. It’s playing the role you gave it. It gets stage time every day. Giving it a new role is going to feel as awkward and useless as trying to get a fish to climb a tree at first – but it won’t always feel that out of the body.
There is more right with you than wrong with you.
We need love the most when we feel like we deserve it the least. How can you love yourself? Can you zoom in on the truth that sometimes a hug, a twenty-second hug, fixes almost everything? How can you love yourself when you are spiraling down a “not good enough” drain? Can you take note of little things? Like leaving the cupcakes you are thinking about binging on in the car, outside, so they’re not around? Or like not pouring that glass of wine, that might lead to three more glasses and six hundred calories of chocolate and instead of going to take a warm shower and read a book in bed? Or maybe not scrolling through social media or texting that toxic person to make you feel less lonely when journaling and talking to God would make you feel more understood?
How does your inner-critic, your inner “not good enough” play out?
What does the voice sound like?
What does it make you do? (Hide, drink, eat, harm, be negative, get overwhelmed)
What does your inner critic say?
-I’m too emotional
-I’m a phony
-I’m a nerd
-I’m a Jesus-freak
-I’m not pretty
-I’m unoriginal with ideas
-I’m too happy
-I’m too friendly
What has the critic stolen from you?
-pride (the good kind)
Take the power back
You are the director – the voice.
You get to decide what gets aired and played out or not.
You can rewrite the script.
You can pull the actor / the voice.
You can analyze if the scene is going in the direction you had planned.
Decide which voice will have the leading role in your mind
Do you notice that the people who you spend time around are the people you become like?
I picked up a super southern accent in high school and college.
If you are serious about having a positive mind and mental atmosphere, then you have to be serious about what you are putting into it and around it.
Things I am mindful of:
-too much news
-too much social media
-too much tv
-too much music
-too much gossip or small talk with a negative slant
THE POWER OF PERMISSION TO HELP YOU FEEL ‘GOOD ENOUGH’ NOW
Instead of pressuring yourself to “do better” and forcing change, let’s take a different approach. A kinder approach.
One of the permission.
This is permission growth.
It fosters an environment that supports exploration, and new possibilities.
Permission is supportive and accepting.
It feels safe.
At the base of “not enough” is a fear that we are not safe.
What do you need to give yourself more permission to do or to be in your life?
Permission to shine, permission to set boundaries, permission to believe, permission to change, permission to be yourself, permission to be happy now?
Permission to “just be Trish Blackwell” changed everything for me.
LISTENER OF THE WEEK:
“I AM IN SEASON FOR A REASON” made me stop the car and bawled my eyes out!
Hi, Trish. I’m Anne. I’m 35 years old and the mom of 3 young girls (4, 2 and 14 weeks). I am also a new fan of yours and I can’t thank you enough for practically saving me. My relationship with my boyfriend and the father of our girls was really rough where families got pretty involved. He has narcissistic tendencies and controlling BUT since I’ve been binge-listening to your podcast, I have learned MY value, I have calmed down a lot, stopped blaming the world for everything that’s going wrong and genuinely starting to feel confident again. I went from suicidal due to home life and being chronically ill to walking tall! Biggest achievement: I was able to take our 4 (sassy) and 2-year-old (“honey badger”) to the grocery store by myself for the first time ever! Learning on how to be happier and confident releases much lighter energy from me that is so contagious in our home. Things are much easier. Thank YOU!
I am seeing the world in a different light and continuing to do so. I am praying to God that He guides me through this new and wonderful journey through you. Also, you explain things that even my mom brain can understand.
Thank you, Trish. You are not just speaking but you saved my life, my relationship is thriving and my children has a more engaged, confident and happier mom.
Thank you so much,
We dropped a new course at The College of Confidence yesterday. The course is priced at $197 but currently is only available for College members for now. And did you know, you can join the COC for as low as $20, and it’s cancel-at-anytime. I am committed to making personal development, life coaching and confidence coaching, available for all budgets.
The course description is:
This course will give you the tools you need to step out of the mindset of fear that shackles you to the pit-in-your-stomach feeling of “not being enough.” “Not enough” or “not doing enough” is fear-based. Fear drains you of energy, of hope, of feeling “enough,” and it leaves you stressed to the max. Confidence and faith will energize you, allowing you to live with an ease that fearful people never experience. This “Not Enough” Cleanse will detox your mind and life from this mindset that is keeping you from a life of peace, ease, joy, and satisfaction.
✓Giving Yourself Permission to Be Enough
✓Giving Your Inner Critic a New Role
✓Giving Yourself a Break
✓Giving Yourself Freedom