WHY BEATING YOURSELF UP DOESN’T WORK AND HOW TO CHANGE

PODCAST #277

In this episode of#TheConfidencePodcastwe are chatting about:

• Why we beat ourselves up in the first place
• How to stop the silly madness of the self-sabotage that this cycle creates
• The step-by-step process of letting go of self-criticism

As always, a quick hello to all of my Keep the Faith listeners, thanks for being a part of this extended community of contagious encouragement.

SPONSORSHIP NOTE:

I am proud to bring this podcast to you in part thanks to my partnership with Beautycounter. Beautycounter is more than just a company I believe in, it is the only company I trust fully for myself and my family.  Beautycounter has brought a new level of health to my household, reduced our toxic exposure, and increased my self-care routine and how beautiful and clean my skin is. I can honestly say that I feel more beautifully me, thanks to Beautycounter.

Oh, and we are more than just a beauty company. We are a movement. We are on a mission to get safer products into the hands of everyone. We work because we can’t stand by idly as harmful chemicals cause our loved ones to get sick, struggle with fertility, and give birth to children with significant health issues. We work towards cleaner beauty everywhere because this is personal to all of us.

Shop for your own Beautycounter collection at www.beautycounter.com/trishblackwell

WHY WE BEAT OURSELVES UP IN THE FIRST PLACE

We beat ourselves up because of a variety of false, self-limiting beliefs:

-that we need to be perfect

-that we have to prove our worth

-that it’s not okay to make mistakes

-that we need to know everything (instead of to learn)

-that everyone but us has “it” all figured out

-that the highlight reels on social media are people’s real lives

-that we are holding onto toxic parts of our upbringing

-that we need to earn our place in this world

-that our voice doesn’t matter unless it’s a certain, conformed way

-that we can’t trust ourselves

-that we will be “found out” as imposters

-that we aren’t really loveable

-that we need to be doing “better” than we are

-that when we are perfect then we can be happy

{I beat myself up over everything – anything that wasn’t perfect, social awkwardness, how I looked, the fact that I had shameful eating secrets, imposter syndrome, my weight, my hair, my personality, my quirkiness, my interests, my family / my parents, my poor decisions, you name it, I found a way to shame myself over it. And shame is silencing. It reinforces the falsehood that you don’t matter – and it makes you want to hide.}

HOW TO STOP THE SELF-SABOTAGE THAT COMES WITH SELF-CRITICISM

Get angry about bullies in the world – and then be honest about who you have been to yourself (a bully – and that’s just not cool or okay!)

Realize that negative motivation doesn’t work long-term for anyone. It puts us into a box of fear instead of setting us free to flow and thrive.

Make a list of how “beating yourself up” has actually helped you. Now make a list of how it has harmed you, discouraged you, derailed you, put you into an all-or-nothing loop of behavior, or made you feel less than / unworthy / unprepared for life.

{For me, I realized that I was making life – and my goals – way harder than it needed to be. Way more stressful, way more challenging, way more pressured. I changed because I got desperate – I figured, what did I have to lose?}

THE STEP-BY-STEP PROCESS OF LETTING GO OF SELF-CRITICISM:

1. Give yourself permission to change.
2. Acknowledge that what you’ve done isn’t working.
3. Ask for help.
4. Get support and accountability.
5. Keep a Champagne Moments Journal.
6. Take responsibility for taking more action.
7. Realize that people don’t care as much as you think they do.
8. Get obsessed with kindness, all around.
9. Ground yourself in gratitude.
10. Build others up and build yourself up. (there’s an abundance to go around!)

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

If you struggle with your image in the mirror, or if you feel like you’re constantly itching within your own skin, pulling at your clothes or wishing you were a different size, shape or body type than you are, then you need to stop everything you’re doing and jump into The College of Confidence for the month of July 2018.  Our entire month of coaching is dedicated to body confidence and how to eat to feel more alive, lean and healthy in your skin. It takes just two minutes to enroll, and $47 spent on yourself this month might be the turning point in your relationship with food and with your body for the rest of your life. Don’t miss this > www.trishblackwell.com/college

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

Hi Trish,

I’ve been thinking about sending you this for a the past few weeks or so now, but haven’t really sat down to take the time and put thought to it until now. I just wanted to say thank you for this content this month- it has all really helped me gain some self perspective and really take a hard look at how I handle my insecurities (or in some cases don’t handle them). You don’t even have to respond to this- I just wanted to let you know how much I needed to hear what you have been saying.

I saw what you posted about this morning about all of the battles you’ve been facing with pink eye, Ellie’s lice, Bakers foot and mouth, the refrigerator, your technology, etc….. the list always seems to keep going. We had the same thing happen to us- we recently moved to a better location and better neighborhood, which of course is ideal. Until you factor in that there was no hot water, the washer and dryer didn’t work, the bed frame literally broke in the move so we were sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor, our furniture was delayed in delivery so we were sitting in lawn chairs inside, the fridge stopped working etc. all the time we’re going to work and school.

I just watched the video you posted from two weeks ago about using discouragement to move forward and to fuel you. This honestly changed my whole headspace and I can promise you will change my next week. Looking back, I just ignored all the stress and energy from all the moving things and tried to chug along in school. Fortunately, my grades did not fall, but my confidence and self-care took a plummet. And I mean plummet. But your video helped see that it wasn’t really everything else that was doing this to me, it was my avoiding the issue of dealing with the stress and not engaging in self-care. Once I really sat down today and journaled through that video, asking and answering some questions, you really helped me see that I am adequate and capable and have everything I already needed. I just needed more courage- which I can do by labeling correctly and deciding if my thoughts are true or not.

Again- I want to say you don’t even have to respond to all this, I just wanted to let you know what a difference you are making in my improvement journey and how much I needed your words. I hope things are going better for you! I love listening from the sidelines about your France/Birthday trip and all your adventures.

May you have a peaceful week,
Sunny

PS- actually the one thing I would like some advice on, or at least a reference to some of your earlier podcasts, is HOW to stop comparing yourself to others. I know I need to, just not sure what steps to take in order to do so. Again, THANK YOU!