HOW TO STOP CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK

PODCAST #187

In this week’s episode of Confidence on the Go we’re chatting about:

• How to stop wasting so much emotional energy and effort worrying about and caring about what other people think about us
• 5 specific ways to start changing how you let people interfere with you living your best life yet and your full version of yourself – how to really live free as who you were created to be
• A powerful mantra to use when you find yourself sucked into the siphon of self-comparison and self-doubt that is birthed from worrying about what people think about you

Just a quick hello to all of my Keep the Faith listeners out there – thanks for being part of the community of contagious encouragement.

SPONSORSHIP NOTE:

I am proud to be an educator and consultant for Beautycounter, a B-Corp company on a mission to get safer products into the hands of everyone.   The lack of regulation in the personal care and cosmetic industry is astounding and it is harming our health in very serious ways. We need more voices to join up on our mission. If you want to put your passion to purpose while being generously compensated, then I would love to start a conversation with you about what it means to be involved in the #saferbeauty tribe that is Beautycounter. Join the movement of #betterbeauty and message me via email to make your voice really resonate for a cause. Shop for your own Beautycounter collection at www.beautycounter.com/trishblackwell

HOW TO CHANGE YOUR UNBALANCED PATTERNS:

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. –Steve Jobs

The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions. –Leonardo da Vinci

The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent, when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls. –Elizabeth Cady Stanton

(1). Realize that you have no control over what they think

(2). Reprioritize what matters to you

(3). Refine your definition of success and joy

CARING ABOUT WHAT WE CAN’T CONTROL GETS US NOWHERE

Makes us feel overwhelmed and helpless

Distracts us from being able to live well and in the present

Obsesses us on external success standards

Creates conflict in what we know to be true and what we live out to be true

Keeps us stagnant, never growing and always fearful and on edge internally

Misaligns where we get our acceptance and our value

5 WAYS TO START CHANGING AND FINDING FREEDOM:

(1). Explore yourself – figure out what you love and trust your interests, your personality, your likes, your gut and your understanding of yourself

(2). Adventure outside of your normal circle – it can be suffocating to stay in one’s routine and it subconsciously brainwashes us with a scarcity mindset to believe that we must be like those who are around us because that’s what and how we have to behave to be accepted. Exploring other cultures and places and social circles will free you to realize that in the abundance of people in the world – there is a place that you fit. You fit wherever you are – and though it may not always feel like it, there are plenty of people out there who get you.

(3). Figure out what it is you really want in life – how do you define success? It is something you can write down on paper or is it something, a feeling you feel in your heart?

(4). Uncork your goofy. Give yourself permission to be yourself – and to express yourself, however it is that feels most like you. Know that you will feel nervous and worried as you begin to step outside of this comfort zone, but do it anyway. The world needs you – not another replication of someone you think the world wants you to be – it doesn’t need your representative, it needs the real you. When you care about what other people think you are giving them your voice – stop handing over the greatest gift you have and take the narrative of your life back.

(5). Measure yourself up by your own mission statement or mantra or dash.   I often feel swept up by feelings of inadequacy and fear of not mattering enough in the lives of others, and the only way to break that overthinking and stagnant mentality is to go back to my own why statement for life. I want to live each day of my life loving others well – being the greatest reflection of Christ’s all-encompassing, all-accepting, all-powerful love in the world – and I have to remind myself daily as I step out as myself that that’s all I need to do. Just love. Just be. Just love and just be. If I do that I will measure up well – and that takes the pressure and the expectations off my shoulders, giving me freedom to not care what others think.

MANTRA FOR QUICK TURNAROUNDS:

Finally – remind yourself of the truth all the time. There’s a reason I created my business’ tagline to be B E Y O U, B E F R E E….it serves as a constant reminder to me of what I really believe to be true and of what really matters in life.

Also remember:

• Retrain your thinking patterns – stop overthinking and start being an action-taker
• Remove negativity and toxic people from your life.
• Decide to remove power from people’s opinions.
• Know that God’s opinion of you is that you are his perfect, loved child.
• Focus on the small things of living life – not on the thoughts of others about your life
• Smile when you do things outside of your comfort zone – it teaches your body that you are happy and confident and that you really aren’t intimidated or worried about what other people think
• Emulate confident people in your life and be thankful for the example they set for you – notice what it is you admire in how they find the freedom to be themselves and in how they don’t waste life or emotional energy distracting themselves by worrying about the opinions of others’.
• Take ownership of your emotions – note your fear, anxiety and worry and then exchange them with conscious emotional choices with your mind — and feel empowered by the fact that you have way more control in how you experience life than you have previously given yourself credit or opportunity

MANTRA:

I am who I am for a reason and I have specific purpose inside of me that can only be lived out when I trust myself to be how and who my Creator intended me to be … I do not care about – because I can not control – the opinions of others but rather I care about the opinion of my Creator. I am choosing to show up in life as my full self, because if I don’t, the story and purpose put inside of me will never come to fruition. I’m showing up today and I will show up tomorrow and I will keep showing up every day – all opinions, all distraction, all else aside – I will be faithful to show up for life.

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

MARLISA

Hey Trish! YOU. ARE. SUCH. AN. AMAZING. PERSON.    You have been such a HUGE encouragement to me the last few months!  I found your podcast the one day when I was feeling discouraged and knew i needed something positive to listen to.  I searched for confidence podcasts…and YOURS was the first one to come up and I have been listening to you ever since.  ‘How to get out of your own head’ was the very first one I ever listened too and it was so powerful to me.  Since then I anxiously await every Tuesday to listen to your podcast and have also went back and started listening to all your old podcasts!  I have also done your emerge experience and have your book insecurity detox.  I feel like sometimes you are just reading my mind and say exactly what I need to hear or put into words exactly what my heart is feeling.  Thanks for all the TRUTH you speak.

I will just tell you a bit of my story…I really struggle with self-hate and just zero confidence…I am 23 and married to a wonderful man for 3 years but for the 20 years of my life I lived at home, I dealt with an emotionally/verbally abusive mother who I feel pretty much destroyed me in those years I lived at home…

I was told things like…”you were never planned for”….”you’re so stupid at school and will never amount to anything”…”why can’t you be smart like your brother”…”you’re an embarrassment to the family”…these horrible things have been pounded into my mind for 20 years and I NOW know that they are no longer true…I AM valuable…but I just find it so hard to believe.  My husband has been so good with filling my mind with truth and is such a strong Christian…he is the first to love me and he shows me exactly what God’s love is by loving me in my ugliest times.

I am SOOO much happier since I am married and away from her and have been doing some bible studies and listening to your podcasts have helped me understand the situation and myself better.  The bottom line is…my mother is so extremely toxic and damaging to our marriage relationship and is definitely discouraging spiritually….our marriage is more amazing than I ever even imagined possible and I DONT want to lose that because of her so therefore we have boundaries….our church family seems to think we just need to get over it and have a good relationship with my family…because its not Christian to have strained relationships.  We have done our best to love but will not drop our boundaries…I just find it hard to completely give in to her and letting her continue to hurt me and be so verbally abusive.  I feel I have forgiven her but have a lot of things I am working through as a result of her and can’t put up with her toxic behavior….I’m just curious what your advice would be on how to deal with toxic/abusive family members….I have a lot of baggage to work through and it has been hard but I have been making progress…soooo on a happier note!!!

I want you to know Trish that because of you and your podcasts I have had a breakthrough with my disordered eating issue…from starving myself to eating tons of junk food I have found freedom from that and I am just so so grateful…and I can look in mirrors again…I seriously feel like a new person!!!  I prepare my food for the week and make sure my fridge is stocked full of good healthy food and oh I just feel sooooo much better and O feel like it has improved my self-worth so much… I am just so happy to have made this step and I feel like its for good!   …I wish I could find a mentor or someone to help work through maybe dealing with emotional abuse so if you have any suggestions I am open to them. I am loving all the motivation you give me and the truth you have put into my mind….it’s hard to completely change my thinking….I’m serious…I have never heard this stuff before!!! It’s so awesome to hear all this truth…keep preaching it girl!! You’re making a HUGE difference in this world and God put you right into my life at the right time and I am so sincerely grateful that He has used you to change my life!!!

Your such a beautiful person Trish!<3

xoxoxoxo

With love and deep gratitude,

Marlisa

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Are you stuck in “survival” mode but yearn for “thrival” mode and simply aren’t sure how to get from point A to point B?  Let me help coach your mindset to start seeing yourself for the creative contributor and influencer you are … let me help you emerge into the person you were created to be so that you can make the positive impact in this world you were created to make. Enroll in my 7-day online Emerge Experience for less than the cost of a cup of coffee per day and start thriving! Enroll now at >>> www.trishblackwell.com/emerge

Also, grab a copy of my free eBook, Building a Better Body Image >>> www.trishblackwell.com/freebook