PERFECTIONISM BE GONE

EPISODE #175

In this week’s episode of Confidence on the Go, we’re chatting about:

• How to use the The Recovering Perfectionist Manifesto to really start shedding the skin of perfectionism you hide from the world from your mind and thought patterns
• The toxic and paralyzing side-effects of perfectionism and how to recognize if they are manifesting in your life
• The difference between striving for confidence and excellence in being who you were created to be versus striving to be perfect to be who you think you are supposed to be

Just a quick hello to all of my Keep the Faith listeners out there – thanks for being part of the community of contagious encouragement.

SPONSORSHIP NOTE:

I am proud to be an educator and consultant for Beautycounter, a B-Corp company on a mission to get safer products into the hands of everyone.   The lack of regulation in the personal care and cosmetic industry is astounding and it is harming our health in very serious ways. We need more voices to join up on our mission. If you want to put your passion to purpose while being generously compensated, then I would love to start a conversation with you about what it means to be involved in the #saferbeauty tribe that is Beautycounter. Join the movement of #betterbeauty and message me via email to make your voice really resonate for a cause.

PERFECTIONISM BE GONE

The purpose of this episode is to help you safely remove almost any stagnating problem and to restore yourself to your original condition – the condition of confidence in being who you were created and intended to be.

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it.”

― Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”

― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

“Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”

― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

“Healthy striving is self-focused: “How can I improve?” Perfectionism is other-focused: “What will they think?”

― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

WHAT IS THE RECOVERING PERFECTIONIST MANIFESTO:

I have put together a manifesto for you, and it’s one that you can use to start your journey of recovery from the binding and limiting shackles of perfectionism.

Here are the words of the manifesto:

• I am a recovering perfectionist and will no longer use perfectionism as my crutch.
• I have a strong sense of self and know that I am adaptable to whatever comes my way.
• I refuse to expect myself to unrealistically “do it all”. Instead I will focus on what I can do and on what I am passionate about doing and I will do those things with excellence.
• I accept and embrace failure as a key element of every success I will ever have.
• I am committed to training my mind and to choosing thoughts that bring life to me.
• I believe that I am capable of doing anything that I set my mind to.
• I do not fear failure, but instead I see it as part of the struggle that is necessary for my personal growth and development.
• I am not defined by my past, but rather, refined by it.
• I willingly and enthusiastically step outside of my comfort zone on a daily basis.
• I am confident, I am capable , I can be the best version of me through self-compassion, kindness, focus and boldness.

TOXIC AND PARALYZING IMPACT OF PERFECTIONISM:

1. Highly correlated with depression, anxiety, shame and guilt.
2. Procrastination
3. Skewed view of reality
4. Deep-seated unhappiness
5. Disregard for your health
6. Obsession with control
7. High levels of pressure to succeed

Perfectionism tends to have two components: a positive side, including things like setting high standards for themselves; and a negative side, which involves more deleterious factors, such as having doubts and concerns over mistakes and feeling pressure from others to be perfect. -Live Science : http://www.livescience.com/6724-dark-side-perfectionism-revealed.html

Ways perfectionism manifested itself in my life:

>Disappointment over an A-

>Convinced myself I had to be a great student to be cared about by my teachers

>Inability to relax – always thinking about what I could or should be doing

>Constant self-judgment and self-criticism

>Never happy with myself

>Fearful I wasn’t worthy of love unless I was perfect

>Convinced myself that my family problems would be fixed if I was perfect

>False understanding of reality – warped goals

>Too much pressure caused psychological blockades in my athletic performance

>Insecurity in my skin, always feeling like other people were judging my body

>Distanced myself from any real relationships – deemed myself unworthy of love

>Second-guessed anything or any reason people wanted to be around me

>Punished myself harshly for mistakes, struggled with grace and self-love

>Unable to be present because I was also past-focused or future-focused

>Separated me from my true self and from an ability to be truly happy

>The number one thing that has helped me kick perfectionism is to focus on LOVE because I know that love transcends all things and that perfectionism promotes fear, something manufactured, something unattainable, something striving to be impressive, rather than to make an impression … and if I really want to matter in life, then I should want to make an impression, an impression of love.

>Perfectionism is isolating – it drives others away from you because it convinces them that they are not good enough; strive to be different, strive to build others up

>Perfectionism robs us of confidence because it tells us that we are never good enough and will never be able to rest or breath until we are ___________. Confidence says that we are beautiful and valuable and worthy as we are today.

HAVE CONFIDENCE IN BEING WHO YOU WERE MADE TO BE:

Confidence in being me (and not in being perfect means to me that) / (what does it mean for you?)

I drink too much coffee.

I like to go to bed at 9PM.

I prefer everything to pink or purple.

I am a massive action-taker and hate procrastination.

I like glitter eyeshadow.

I feel most at home with my fingers on a keyboard.

I love photography and seeing the world as art.

I need words of affirmation.
I thrive off physical touch and hugs.

I can sometimes be overly enthusiastic

I love truth.

I think I can do any sport and I want to try everything.

I love to run – it is my daily therapy.

I am a journaling nerd.

I love the study of psychology and of personality.

I sometimes talk too much.

I have a very tender and sensitive heart.

I am obsessed with helping others be the best version of themselves.

I consider the dictionary one of my best friends.

I am extremely extroverted, but I love my alone time too.

I enjoy learning and growing and strive to live out more congruency in all I do.

I thrive off the feeling of working hard.

I remind myself routinely that God made me exactly how He intended me to be.

If I am questioning God’s work, then what does that say about what I think about God?

WHAT’S THE TICKET TO FREEDOM?

KNOWING THAT YOU ARE ENOUGH IS THE TICKET TO FREEDOM FROM PERFECTIONISTIC THINKING.  You are who God made you to be.

Strive for confidence in being YOU, not in being perfect, but rather in being CONFIDENCE in who you were CREATED TO BE.

THERE ARE 5 ATTRIBUTES OF A CONFIDENT PERSON:

1. They believe in themselves
2. They take risks toward their dreams
3. They look people in the eye and say “HI” first
4. They don’t worry about what others might think of them
5. They stand up for what’s right no matter what

MORE POSTS ON RECOVERING FROM PERFECTIONISM:

Also, because, as your confidence coach, I am committed to providing you with as much value and as many helpful resources as possible each and every week, I went back through the archives of my website and created a list of relevant blog posts on finding freedom and recovery from perfectionism and I have them listed out right here:

The Anti-Perfectionism Quest: http://www.trishblackwell.com/the-anti-perfectionism-quest/

Perfectionism vs. Excellence: http://www.trishblackwell.com/122/

Punching Out Perfectionism: http://www.trishblackwell.com/punching-out-perfectionism/

The Problem with Perfectionism: http://www.trishblackwell.com/the-problem-with-perfectionism/

LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:

Hi Trish,

I have been thinking of you since gave your session at the conference and then when we spoke after.  I was gushing how fantastic it was and then you asked for specific feedback and I blanked.  I was astounded I blanked given the profound impact your presentation had on me.  The part when you related the story of standing in front of your mom in your bra top, so completely vulnerable and desperate for acceptance -“am I enough?”…it was so incredibly powerful.  I could feel myself, my sons, my husband, my best boy and girl friends, my students, my team, all of them at one point asking “am I enough?” and desperately hoping that in that moment, I was able to respond like your mom and assure them that they are more than enough, that anyone would be lucky to have them.  Even when I reflect on it now, I am filled with emotion.  Thank you, thank you, Trish, for sharing your story, your work and your inspiration.

Kindest regards,

Allyson

Allyson Friesen

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

There are so many people who want to do big things with their lives – who know that they were created for more than what they are currently doing, yet, who, despite their deep desire for change, find themselves waiting for the perfect time or perfect circumstances to step up and make change. It’s time to stop the waiting and start the living.

In his book, You.Are.The.One, Kute Blackson writes about the power of “giving up waiting.” He writes: “How we wait reveals how we live life. We often think, Oh, I’m just waiting. What does it matter? But it actually reveals how we live life itself. When you give up waiting, you can actually start living life now as it really is.”

Kute Blackson is right: it’s time to stop waiting and instead to start living.

I want to help you do just that: start living. I want to help you get off the sidelines of life. I want to help you Breakout from whatever it is holding you back and I want to do that by inviting you to enroll in my upcoming session of my signature program, Breakout. Breakout is a 30-day, intense personal development program done virtually with me as your personal coach…and it’s only for people serious about making positive changes in their mindset and in their lives.

Breakout is for you if:

You are ready to launch your dream lifestyle or business

You are ready to have the courage to start writing that book

You are ready to find freedom from toxic habits

You are ready to love the skin you’re in instead of constantly criticizing yourself

You are ready to stop self-sabotaging your success

You are ready to have better quality relationships

You are ready to have more confidence in social situations

You are ready to create high-level habits for yourself

You are ready for accountability to help you rise to success

You are ready to dig deep and find your purpose and passion

You are ready to stop with the excuses and start taking action on life

You are ready to face your fears

You are ready to learn how to believe in yourself

You are ready to finally feel confident in who you are

You are ready to be coached and loved on for who you are

Since I give my Breakout students my absolute focus for the entire month, I’m limited to just 10 motivated students. Grab your spot today and get ready to make the month of September the month you stop waiting for life and instead start living it.

Enroll at www.trishblackwell.com/breakout

I can’t wait to personally coach you!

This Breakout session launches Sunday, September 4th and it won’t be offered again until 2017! Snag your spot right now >>> www.trishblackwell.com/breakout