Comparison is the thief of joy. –Teddy Roosevelt
In this episode we’ll be chatting about:
- How the mental act of comparison is one of the most insidiously toxic types of thinking in which h we can engage or allow ourselves to dabble
- My three best strategies on how to really overcome the habit of comparison thinking
- A mantra that will help put more joy back into your heart and will help you continue to build the fence to create a boundary to keep the comparison thief out.
THANK YOU TO:
WHY DO WE COMPARE OURSELVES SO MUCH?
We engage in comparison because we are approaching life from a fundamentally flawed viewpoint: that we are in competition with others and that we must use them to measure and evaluate ourselves. Our connection to the cult of comparison is fed by our belief that our value is based on what we do, not who we are.
Comparison is the by-product of criticism and self-judgment. Desperate to know we are enough, we judge ourselves and assess our value based off of how we see others are doing. Sometimes this leaves us feeling less than, other times we feel elevated and more than. Either outcome is dangerous.
Here’s the bottom line of comparison: it is the thief of joy.
Additionally, I was inspired to talk about comparison today because as a new mom, I have been introduced to a whole new world of comparison….how your kid is in comparison to other kids, to the developmental averages and to your hopes for them.
THREE WAYS TO OVERCOME COMPARISON:
Change your belief system.
You must train your thoughts to know that your value as a human being does not lie in what you have accomplished, in the number on the scale, in your success at the office or in the size of your car or house. Your value is in who you are; in who God created you to be. It has nothing to do with performance and everything to do with character.
This is a major mental overall – an entire cognitive reconstruction – and it will take time. Work to change your belief system by
Deciding that your current value-system is flawed and you want to change it
Meditating on the statement that you are enough because of who you are, not what you do
Journaling and writing about this concept, what it has meant to you in the past and what it will mean to you in the future; write about what kind of freedom this new belief system might bring you
Pray and talk to God, asking Him to overhaul the flawed thinking of your mind and asking Him to empower you to see yourself and your value from His eyes.
Actively pursue celebrating others
When we learn to celebrate and sincerely admire others, rather than looking to others as measuring markers, we can start to find freedom from the dangerously toxic cycle of self-judgment we put ourselves under.
Do this by:
- Being the first to say hello
- Being the friendliest and most generous neighbor on the block
- Being affirming and complimentary to others
- Being sincere in acknowledging someone else’s success
- Being actually interested (yes, actually listening) to what someone else is really saying
- Being involved in the lives of others in a way that builds them up and supports them
- Being confident in being yourself because you are the only you created…therefore, there is no need to compare or measure yourself…the only need is to recognize and celebrate others for their great qualities since their qualities do not diminish yours
Identify old thoughts / old habits of compassion for what they are
…in the same way that I have learned to call my old eating disorder thoughts what they are, “old eating disorder” thoughts, you too can learn to call comparison what it is: you old way of thinking.
Say to yourself:
“I am engaged in toxic comparison right now – and I no longer am a person who prescribes to comparison. No longer do I allow the wild bandit thoughts of comparison rule my mind anymore. My mind is not the Wild, Wild West, it is my domain and I have claim over what thoughts get to stay.”
Also, something I have learned recently thanks to some insight from a friend is the concept that we can consider our thoughts themselves differently. We can look at thoughts instead of through thoughts. It is such a simple statement, but presents us with a dramatic power shift in our approach and in our knowledge that we truly are in control of our thoughts and of our reaction to our thoughts.
Additionally, remind yourself WHY you are kicking comparison to the curb:
BECAUSE IT STEALS YOUR JOY.
Your inner dialogue could also go something like:
“I am comparing myself right now; I want joy in my life so I refuse to let myself entertain these thoughts anymore.”
LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:
Hi Trish! You probably can’t accept every friend request you get on your personal page, and I understand. I did “like” your other page so I can get quotes and updates! Your podcasts are truly changing my life. I stumbled across them when looking for some upbeat self-help podcasts. I just turned 40, and I am proud to say I have overcome so much negativity in my life and I am starting to live my dream and calling! I have been married to a wonderful man for 12 years. We both come from failed marriages, but we are happy to say we have learned from our past and our marriage is strong. He has a 15 year-old son who I adore. I have helped to raise him. I walked away from making a decent salary in construction to work for the Atlanta Humane Society. I always wanted to work in rescue, and I finally put on my big girl boots and followed my dream. I feel very fulfilled. I am working on some other personal goals, and your podcasts are like a daily devotion to me. I don’t want this to sound creepy at all, but I don’t know you, but I love you. You really care about people, and it comes through in your voice and your actions. Thank you for sharing your dreams, goals, and purpose with the world!
- The Confident Mom Podcast is soon-to-be-live! I will be hosting an awesome giveaway of Beautycounter products AND of my Emerge Experience that you will not want to miss out on … and the way to participate is going to be by subscribing to and reviewing the show. Stay posted for more information and details!
- Additionally, to go along with the launch of The Confident Mom Podcast I’m opening a new Facebook group called Confident Moms and invite you to join! It’s a private group to share and encourage one another in the beautiful and messy journey of motherhood. We are so surrounded by competition and comparing – and motherhood deserves better than that. We deserve better than that. We are called to walk with confidence and to pour love and encouragement out on other moms to do the same. The Confident Moms Facebook group is the place where we can share and connect to do just that!
This podcast is proudly brought to you by BEAUTYCOUNTER, the only personal care company committed information first, product second, transparency and performance. Their mission is to get safe products in the hands of everyone, because we all deserve better. BEAUTYCOUNTER is a company devoted to progress and to putting the truth back in beauty. Not only do I love their products and the positive change using them has made for wellness, but also I am proud to partner with them. Find out more about BEAUTYCOUNTER at www.trishblackwell.com/beautycounter.
If you are inspired to share this knowledge with others you can join forces with me as I partner with BEAUTYCOUNTER; contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org with any questions.
Be more of who you are. Be you. Be free.
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