PERFECTIONISM VS. EXCELLENCE
In this episode we’ll be chatting about:
- The difference between perfectionistic thinking and excellent thinking
- How you can really overcome perfectionism and why you should
- My top three strategies on where to get started on this anti-perfectionism journey
To you for being you!
Thank you to everyone who has shared this podcast show and thank you to everyone of you who considers yourself a “Be More-er”…someone committed to being more of who you are.
WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT PERFECTIONISM
- Because I’ve given you strategies in past episodes on being in “recovery” for perfectionism and I know those episodes have resonated with many of you so I want it’s a topic where a large majority of you out there can relate and want more resources for positive growth
- Because I recently learned some incredible insight on how a simple shift in what word I focus on can change my thinking and can give me more freedom to really live
- Because I created a new free tool that I want to make sure you all get your hands on today so that you can proactively punch perfectionistic thinking in the face along with me!
DEFINITION OF PERFECTIONISM:
Definitions of perfectionism include:
- the refusal to accept anything short of the standard of perfection
- a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable
- the ability to live perfectly
- the relentless striving of extremely high and unattainable standards
- judging your self-worth according to your ability to strive for such unrelenting and ever-changing standards
DEFINITION OF EXCELLENCE:
Definitions of excellence include:
the pursuit of being outstanding
the state of exceling
the quality of greatness
the act of pursuing your very best
RESULTS OF PERFECTIONISTIC THINKING:
Black and white thinking
Inability to ever live up to standards
Feelings of fear about taking on something new out of fear of failure
Belief of never being _______ enough
Focus on what you do / achieve for worth
RESULTS OF EXCELLENCE-ORIENTED THINKING:
Ability to celebrate positive growth and progress
Skill of being able to live in the present moment
Balance in thinking
Ability to live in the grey
Belief in being ______ enough
Focus on who you are for worth
I thought perfectionism was in my blood and hardwired in my personality; I feared that I would never be able to live with a different, more relaxed mentality. Furthermore, since as a perfectionist I found comfort in black and white thinking I struggled to understand how I could possibly be successful, worthwhile or even happy if I abandoned my mindset.
MY PAST PURSUIT OF PERFECTIONISM INCLUDED:
My pursuit of perfectionism manifested itself seamlessly into practically every area of my life:
- I wanted to be the perfect
- I wanted to be the perfect, most coachable athlete.
- I wanted to be able to swim the perfect
- I wanted to make every swim practice and effort to be a perfect swimmer
- I wanted to perfect my stroke technique
- I wanted to be the perfect friend, never allowing anyone to be disappointed by me
- I wanted to be the perfect student, easy to teach and enjoyable to have in the classroom
- I wanted to have perfect grades
- I wanted to have the perfect body, so boys would like me and think I was pretty
- I wanted to be the perfect girlfriend so I would never experience rejection
- I wanted to have the perfect relationship, so others would be jealous
- I wanted to be the perfect employee so I would get more raises and have more opportunity
- I wanted to be the perfect woman – appearing to be able to “do it all” without challenge or stress so that others would think I had the perfect life
To break free from perfectionism we must break free from the pendulum swing of black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking, a concept simple to state but so very challenging to live out if one has never known anything otherwise. Over the years I have been proactively pursuing recovery from perfectionism, yet, at my very nature, find myself falling back into old thought patterns, because, well, they’re comfortable, and what is comfortable feels safe. Most recently someone proposed a new strategy to me that I believe can change and catapult the recovery process completely through a mere substitution of focus.
HOW A PERFECTIONISTIC MINDSET DESTROYS YOUR CONFIDENCE:
- You believe the lie that you are never good enough.
- You buy into the exhausting rat race of having to do more and more and more.
- You internalize that your worth / value is based on what you do instead of on who you are.
- You hesitate to start anything new or pursuit a dream out of fear of not being perfect or good enough.
QUESTION FOR YOUR PERSONAL REFLECTION:
What would happen if we pursued excellence instead of perfection?
OVERCOMING PERFECTIONISTIC THINKING STRATEGIES FOR IMMEDIATE ACTION:
It’s time to throw the punches back. Throw a punch at the lie of perfectionism – and give yourself some grace today. Snap your crutch in half. Throw the comfort of the pursuit of perfectionism out of your emotional arsenal for life and start to shift your mind to a new way of thinking. Here are three practical strategies you can employ today to punch perfectionism back:
OVERCOMING PERFECTIONISTIC THINKING STRATEGY #1:
Download your free copy of the Punch Out Perfectionism one-page worksheet at www.trishblackwell.com/perfectionismworksheet Again, that download is totally free, and is a tool I recommend you start using today: get it at www.trishblackwell.com/perfectionismworksheet
The simple act of completing this daily worksheet will set you up to really punch out perfectionistic thinking in your brain. The worksheet will take you no more than two minutes to complete each morning and serves as a very simple tool that you can use to actively engage your mind to choose excellence.
The Punch Out Perfectionism worksheet is a necessary discipline for those who really are committed to overcoming the toxic, detrimental and life-stealing qualities of perfectionistic thinking because so often our thinking is so deeply engrained that we need to actively fight against it. Our perfectionistic thinking was not birthed overnight, nor will the freedom we can find from it come overnight.
OVERCOMING PERFECTIONISTIC THINKING STRATEGY #2:
Dwell on excellence.
The second strategy that really works is to spend time intentionally dwelling on excellence. As in the words of Paul to the Philippians, “think on whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8)
Consider the following open-ended statements:
Pursuing excellence in my health means __________________________
Pursuing excellence in my relationships means ______________________
Pursuing excellence in my purpose means _________________________
Pursuing excellence in my finances means _________________________
Pursuing excellence in my nutrition means _________________________
Pursuing excellence in my fitness means ___________________________
Pursuing excellence in my balance of life means ______________________
Pursuing excellence in my role as a parent means _____________________
Pursuing excellence in my role as a partner means _____________________
Pursuing excellence in the pursuit of my legacy means __________________
Again, the definition of excellence is the “pursuit of being outstanding,” and the definition of perfectionism is “the refusal to accept anything short of the standard of perfection.” The definitions are pretty clear. You are at a crossroads in your thought life and the direction you choose to continue along in your journey is up to you. Will you cling to perfectionism or will you embrace excellence?
OVERCOMING PERFECTIONISTIC THINKING STRATEGY #3:
Get accountability in your pursuit of excellence.
Get an accountability partner to support you on your new commitment – this can be either an accountability coach, a counselor or even a friend who wants to walk the journey for themselves alongside you. The key is to have someone who knows about your new intentions and who also believes in the freedom that is available to those who can break free from perfectionistic tendencies.
LISTENER OF THE EPISODE:
Jeremy (from Periscope!)
Hello Ms. Blackwell,
I would like to start by saying that I am a long time listener to your podcast and have personally benefitted from the knowledge and skills that I have learned. I also have been catching your Periscopes. I really enjoy them and value them as a teaching and reinforcing tool. You have been a constant source of encouragement for me and I am honored that I could return the sentiment in my own small way! I look forward to hearing from you on periscope or podcast soon!
Download the Punch Out Perfectionism Worksheet: www.trishblackwell.com/perfectionismworksheet
Follow me on Periscope, @trainerTRISH and share my ‘scope with your friends!
Give yourself the gift of Emerge. Go for a week without buying coffee out and inside have your coffee at home with me. Each day for seven days you’ll spend some quality time with me (just 15 minutes needed) intended to help you emerge and grow into more of who you are meant to be. The Emerge Experience will help give you the courage to face your fears and to stand up the little voices in your head that are your own worst enemy.
- I have three open spaces for accountability coaching – do something decisive today and start taking action on your life…start really living and let me walk alongside you as you do! If you are looking for an accountability coach, I have space to take on three new clients. Go to http://www.trishblackwell.com/accountability-coaching/or email me if you are interested in more information.
- Another way to practice decisiveness is to take action on doing that thing, signing up for that race or program, or writing that thank you card to that person you have lost touch with … stop everything you are doing and decide to do that thing right now, today, as soon as this episode is done.
Be more of who you are. Be you. Be free.
SHOW NOTES: IF YOU WANT TO BE FEATURED AS LISTENER OF THE EPISODE ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SHARE YOUR STORY WITH ME!
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Email – trish at trishblackwell.com
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