HOW TO HANDLE THE SUPER-MOM
There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.
~ Jill Churchill
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LET’S GET INTO THE CONFIDENT CONTENT:
Comparison is the thief of joy. –Teddy Roosevelt
This episode isn’t just about the supermom – or what I like to refer to as supermom syndrome – we’re actually going to devote an entire episode to that topic alone. What we are talking about today is the disease of comparison.
WHY DO WE COMPARE OURSELVES SO MUCH?
We engage in comparison because we are approaching life from a fundamentally flawed viewpoint: that we are in competition with others and that we must use them to measure and evaluate ourselves. Our connection to the cult of comparison is fed by our belief that our value is based on what we do, not who we are.
Comparison is the by-product of criticism and self-judgment. Desperate to know we are enough, we judge ourselves and assess our value based off of how we see others are doing. Sometimes this leaves us feeling less than, other times we feel elevated and more than. Either outcome is dangerous.
THREE WAYS TO OVERCOME COMPARISON:
1. Change your belief system.
You must train your thoughts to know that your value as a human being does not lie in what you have accomplished, in the number on the scale, in your success at the office or in the size of your car or house. Your value is in who you are; in who God created you to be. It has nothing to do with performance and everything to do with character.
This is a major mental overall – an entire cognitive reconstruction – and it will take time. Work to change your belief system by
Deciding that your current value-system is flawed and you want to change it
Meditating on the statement that you are enough because of who you are, not what you do
Journaling and writing about this concept, what it has meant to you in the past and what it will mean to you in the future; write about what kind of freedom this new belief system might bring you
Pray and talk to God, asking Him to overhaul the flawed thinking of your mind and asking Him to empower you to see yourself and your value from His eyes.
2. Actively pursue celebrating others
When we learn to celebrate and sincerely admire others, rather than looking to others as measuring markers, we can start to find freedom from the dangerously toxic cycle of self-judgment we put ourselves under.
Do this by:
- Being the first to say hello
- Being the friendliest and most generous neighbor on the block
- Being affirming and complimentary to others
- Being sincere in acknowledging someone else’s success
- Being actually interested (yes, actually listening) to what someone else is really saying
- Being involved in the lives of others in a way that builds them up and supports them
- Being confident in being yourself because you are the only you created…therefore, there is no need to compare or measure yourself…the only need is to recognize and celebrate others for their great qualities since their qualities do not diminish yours
3. Identify old thoughts / old habits of compassion for what they are
…in the same way that I have learned to call my old eating disorder thoughts what they are, “old eating disorder” thoughts, you too can learn to call comparison what it is: you old way of thinking.
Say to yourself:
“I am engaged in toxic comparison right now – and I no longer am a person who prescribes to comparison. No longer do I allow the wild bandit thoughts of comparison rule my mind anymore. My mind is not the Wild, Wild West, it is my domain and I have claim over what thoughts get to stay.”
Also, something I have learned recently thanks to some insight from a friend is the concept that we can consider our thoughts themselves differently. We can look at thoughts instead of through thoughts. It is such a simple statement, but presents us with a dramatic power shift in our approach and in our knowledge that we truly are in control of our thoughts and of our reaction to our thoughts.
Additionally, remind yourself WHY you are kicking comparison to the curb:
BECAUSE IT STEALS YOUR JOY.
Your inner dialogue could also go something like:
“I am comparing myself right now; I want joy in my life so I refuse to let myself entertain these thoughts anymore.”
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Now go out there and be more of who you are, be you, be free, be the confident mom that you are meant to be.